coupleRecently, a documentary made its way into my Gmail inbox. Frustrated: Black American Men in Brazil expounds on a piece published a few years ago in Essence about Black men finding in Brazil what they “can’t” in North America: love, or a more easily manageable version of it.

It’s the same story about black men taking issue with black women, who are:

a) too feisty for their own good
b) too fixated on income
c) not catering enough

Most notably, this doc carries a presumption that educated Black men who don’t like Black women is normal. Uh-uh.

I’m black with two degrees.  Many in my circle are highly educated. My friends who aren’t “educated” have businesses and nice incomes. All regularly dating, some married to, melanated women.

None of us have an issue with dating outside, per se, but there aren’t any discussions of the “black women are a pain, I need to see what they’re talmbout” variety. So why is this bill of goods sold to the world?

The crave for a docile, sexually fulfilling woman is a common sticking point for men in a world where entitlement runs rampant. This extends down into the lens of many black men who haven’t learned to stop ratifying the ideals of Western patriarchy.

(When I say patriarchy, I’m specifically referring to the notion of men being entitled to certain treatment. Men are leaders, hunters, gatherers. We’re the gods of the land. Get behind us and serve.)

Don’t have to be a Mensa candidate to poke holes at that logic, yet that’s a pervasive sentiment.

Women seek security? And that’s a problem? Good for them. A woman wanting to be taken care of is no less superficial than a man wanting his sexual needs fulfilled. According to Abraham Maslow, both needs are physiological and on the same level.

Wah-wah. Black women don’t treat us right…so we gotta go to Brazil because they play nicer.

This evinces more about black men than anything it could about black women. Brazilian women aren’t the problem or the solution. To many American men, they serve as a band-aid to a deeper ill. The cultural war continues to play out through the media, as if this issue rests only within black relationships. Men from all races in the U.S. go to Brazil or other countries for the pleasurable company of women. Not just black men.

Of course, women can be shallow in their preferences as well. But I also know plenty of high-powered women who treat their men — who earn less than them — like royalty. It’s a dangerous game to take one narrative and apply it as the default. There are many relationships where women are breadwinners and the relationships are smooth. These aren’t the stories that appear in the dominant media narrative.

Stories like those are essentially un-American. There are Founding Fathers. Founding Mothers are nowhere to be found. In the macro sense, the successful family unit of the woman as primary guap collector is counter-cultural, an anachronism of a distant ideal that has no place in contemporary life. The Matriarch is lauded as much as the man next to her is emasculated.

The documentary rehashes much of the same dichotomous Black women vs. Black men clash, but it also talks about the familial values of Americans. Some may see it as an invitation to explore Brazil or keep their men from going to Brazil. Others may see it as yet another chink in the Black male armor.

The bellyaching from both sides isn’t necessary…if the goal is to seek answers. Stereotypes get so much play because of its ease of assimilation. They are devoid of nuance, leading to knee-deep reasoning and a perpetuation of the same fatigued debates. Every stereotype contains a glimmer of truth; that doesn’t mean every stereotype is the truth.

Comment boards across the Interwebs are replete with us bickering and finger pointing and chest thumping. I don’t find nearly as much intra-racial relationship quibbling from other ethnicities in the digital space. That, to me, speaks the loudest of volumes.

  • Smilez_920

    There’s more money and promo in the negative than the positive it seems in our community . I mean even on this site, relationship articles that come from a negative view point get more hits/ views than the articles that actually talk about positive relationships.

    As long as black male and female bloggers and ” relationship” experts can make money off of the ” ain’t no good _____” or some other negative sales tactic to sale books, articles etc… They will.

    And a lot of people agree with these stereotypes not by experience but by association.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    divide and conquer will work until WE see through it…

  • J. Nicole

    Yea, that made me stumble through the rest of the article….

    Regarding the post, I’m sure this sentiment of “Black women being too much to handle” exists somewhere, but I have yet to meet someone who actually feels that way. I’m convinced those men who do are internet trolls, men who quote rap lyrics all day, refers to all women as b*tches, and has some self esteem issues, etc. Clearly, they would never make a good companian in the 1st place, so let them go to Brazil where they’ll most likely attract a sex worker and get to see what good old racism really is out there.

  • Shamontiel (@Maroonsista)

    I see these articles complaining about black women, but like another user (J. Nicole) said I don’t meet men who will refuse to date black women. As much as I hear about black men dating elsewhere, I don’t actually know one who does. I think the ones who do just get a lot of publicity or are usually well-known people (ex. Terrell Owens). Quite honestly I think people should be able to date whoever they want to date. I can’t give in to the energy of men who don’t want to date someone who looks like me. I wrote an article once called “Tough Love Letter to Black Women Who Hate when Black Men” and it basically said, “Stop putting in so much energy worrying about someone who doesn’t want you and focus on those who do.” It’s counterproductive to worry about why someone who will never want you does NOT want you. It’s spilled milk.

    But on the other hand, I do recall seeing a four-part image on Facebook. It was of Phylicia Rashad, some porn star named Pinky, Florida Evans and Eva Mendes. The image was talking about how you needed to act like Phylicia, have sex like Pinky, be loyal like Florida BUT LOOK LIKE EVA. What threw me off was the person who sent it was married for several years to someone who looked more like Fantasia so I commented on it and said that Phylicia Rashad was as beautiful if not more as Eva Mendes. I got no problem on that but it kinda blew me that someone who was married to a black woman and dated a black woman after all these years would then post an image of how a woman should look like someone HE DIDN’T EVEN DATE.

  • Nina

    I’m so glad to see an article touching on this documentary. I watched it this weekend and was left feeling utterly disheartened by the comments made by the women and men interviewed. I feel like we are trading the transformative nature of real love and committed relationships for the trappings of an uncaring, capitalist society – and more than that we’re attacking and hurting each other in the process. It’s just sad…

  • Pat

    I remember that article published in Essence. Just like then, I still think men gravitate to Brazil because of easy access.

    Pretty much the same within the states, I think some black men want a woman who is catering—but isn’t worth being catered to. If that is the case, those men will complain. When in reality, it is an imbalanced relationship (a form of selfishness, not truth).

    As far as being too feisty – depending on a man’s preference, a feisty woman is alluring. I do agree men and women both can be too fixated on income. At the same time, I think if you don’t consider what a man or woman is able to bring to the table, it is a disservice to yourself in the end.

    “…I also know plenty of high-powered women who treat their men — who earn less than them — like royalty” – I think a high level of respect for their SO was already present before an intimate love relationship was developed.

  • Curls&Swirls

    I just went to YouTube to watch…and I just can’t. The guy who posted this video BlackDoom77 is attacking every black woman that disagrees with his views… Who hurt him?!? Damn. So sad.

  • Sasha

    So I went to watch the video and granted I’m only about 15 minutes in but I just am confused as to who these hyper-aggressive, domineering and emasculating women these “men” are speaking of/ encounter….the women in this video seem pretty nice and what they’re saying is not unreasonable. I too think the men are making sense with what they’re saying….I just don’t like how they’re speaking in generalizations.

    All this to say if you have to travel overseas to find “love” because can’t find a suitable partner in a country full of millions of people then the problem is likely you, that goes for both men and women.

  • Bgirl

    Ya know. I think the problem is that some men are listening to all these statistics on how many women there are to men (especially good men to women) and they have developed a sense of entitlement that they can have any woman they want and treat her any way they want because she should be lucky that she even have a man to begin with. Then they get out here and find women who aren’t desperate and demand respect and then they get up in arms and go on and on about how Black women are too independent, too feisty, or insert other dumb stereotype. My Brother is 26 (as much as I love him) didn’t graduate high school, has never held down a job longer than 3 months, and does not have a car. He dates a White girl (who worships the ground he walks on despite him treating her very badly) and have the nerve to say that Black women expect too much. It it wasn’t so sad, it would be funny. At some point, people have to realize that they are the common denominator in their failed relationships and shunning a whole race of women in favor of “others” is not going to fix the problems/issues that runs deep within you.

  • Skye

    It’s just the ones who are angry with not so good luck are the loudest ones. While those who are happy are silent particularly notice this among men. Even men who are in good, quality relationships nod in little agreement with their bitter buddies and don’t share the happiness of their relationships. Also, I don’t think it’s abw stopping brothers for going to Brazil that’s a whole other agenda lol come on please.

  • pinklipstick227

    I see too many documentaries about black hurt and not enough about black love.

  • Guest1234

    Black women need to just stop. Stop giving a hoot and paying attention to these morons. These idiot guys can do whatever they want. My issue is: Why do women have to internalize everyone else’s issues? Why do we have to care?

    What the heck do I care if some random ass dudes I don’t even know like to frequent south american prostitutes? Why is the onus on us to care, identify our role in some dude’s pathology, and try to “fix” ourselves to be worthy of him? Is that plum ridiculous to anyone else?

    I vote for no more articles about the nonsensical whining of some anonymous Internet dude bitching about black women this, or black women that. Would you feel compelled to respond if someone posted a video called, I shoot up heroin because of the black boogeywoman…..blah blah blah….? Please stop caring, black women. It isn’t worth the time or the effort to respond to this kind of stupidity. Keep on steppin’. Please, for the love of all that is Holy, stop giving this kind of stuff energy. You’ll be amazed at how quickly it stops when they find out that noone’s listening.

  • Pseudonym

    I came across an article about this “phenomenon” years ago except the black men were going to DR. First, they are in the MINORITY. This is a very rare occurrence. Second, they are not going to Brazil, DR, etc. to find love, they’re going to developing countries (though Brazil is not developing, per se, the lower social status of its black population keeps them in developing conditions) and hooking up with lower-class (socioeconomically) women who will do anything for that golden ticket to the US. Huge difference. They’re not marrying upper middle class black women from these countries with education, money, or any kind of status, they’re marrying the poor ones who have nothing to lose and everything to gain with stars in their eyes for the man’s USA citizenship status.

    If I were poor and living in dilapidation and some man from the States offered to whisk me away, I’d play that role as well. I do not blame those women for their hustle. That’s how all these US soldiers got their Thai, Vietnamese, Korean, etc. wives. US citizenship is that golden ticket. First, you play the role and get the American man to marry you. Then, if you’re lucky, you may find love with him as well. If it works, it works, but let’s not pretend that the order is the other way around.

  • stef

    two observations

    1.Tell you friends to stop emailing you links from worldstar

    2. so African patriarchy doesn’t exist , or Asian, or Indian which all have the philosophy that Men are leaders, hunters, gatherer who the gods of the land. Get behind us and serve?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    and who is it that controls what we will get to see?

  • Skye

    Exactly if all black women weren’t negative stereotypes there would still be a portion of black men going to Brazil. Let’s be for real those Brazilian women were first hyped up from white men then the rappers starting showcasing them now black men here. If they were truly looking for down to earth black women to marry they would have went to West Africa so any black women watching this documentary you are severely wasting your time because they have an agenda already and you are an excuse/fault of it please.

  • UrbanRomanceEIC

    “who these hyper-aggressive, domineering and emasculating women these “men” are speaking of/ encounter…”

    Answer: Their mothers

  • The Commnet

    Glad this was the first comment I read. I sooo agree with you. Why should we HAVE to INTERNALIZE ALL the BS hurled @ us???

    And when you don’t…you free yourself up to a whole new world of opportunity cause you too busy learning and growing.

    If the issued needs to be explored…show it to black men…cause I surely don’t give 2 chits.

  • Kim

    WHo ever he is, he is a deeply troubled soul. I just don’t understand why any black woman would want to be with someone like that.

  • Kim

    This right here> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!

  • tish

    i won’t comment on the recycled “black women are [insert disparaging term here].

    i will however comment on how somehow brothers are finding “love” in brazil among women who don’t even speak english. i’d laugh if the premise wasn’t so damn trite.

    love? naw…i think many have just watched too many brazillian porn flicks and think they will get the curvy, long-haired, bronzed cutie with the apple-bootie who will take it up the *cough*…

    …and never complain about any-fucking-thing…primarily because she doesn’t speak english.


    also, realize that the moments homie leaves, his “honey-dip” will be at the club waiting for the next plane of suckas….um….eligible black men to fall in love with.


    a married chocolate chick, who speaks english, knows the hustle of “brazil”, and have never had a problem dating black men.

  • Sasha

    I couldn’t agree more. Now that I’m done watching the documentary, this pretty much sums up the attitude I got from these men or what they’re really going there for. One of the men in the group made a comment about being able to go to the beach and just hug up on a girl and she’ll respond positively whereas “sistas in the States would be like ahhhh get off of me”. DUH I don’t know you from Adam, Eve or Steve, why the hell would I want some stranger hugging up on me in a bikini. They’re not going into the universities or middle class neighborhoods looking for “love”, they’re going into the bars/ clubs for “sex”. Which is fine, that’s their business but just be honest with it. Don’t spend an hour talking about “women talking about their roles” and xyz when you’re going to a developing country exploting the underclass and sleeping with desperate women looking for a come up. And again I would like to reiterate that throughout the articles, all the women were calmly expressing how they felt, what they want and look for in a partner, no aggression involved, blaming or accusations about what Black men do or don’t do while it seemed like the men involved in the documentary just wanted something to stroke their penis….especially that pompous guy sitting at the restaurant table.

    Oh and the absolute best part- none of the three women at the end mentioned a single thing about finding LOVE with any of these American men. They talked about how much fun they had at clubs, restaurants, on the beach, etc….although they neglected sex it was implied. All of this to say I’m glad I have very limited interactions with men of their mindset. This whole phenomenon is really disturbing.

  • Whiteprivilegeterminated

    Why is it that websites which claim to cater to the specific needs of some segment of the black community always seem to have the same content?

    No matter what demographic they say they’re catering to the diet served is always the same diet of re-cycled relationships topics in which blacks are goaded and baited to tear each other apart.

    That to me suggests some kind psychological bombardment and that I think, is another front on which war is being waged against blacks.

  • leelah


  • YES!


    “Please stop caring, black women. It isn’t worth the time or the effort to respond to this kind of stupidity. Keep on steppin’. Please, for the love of all that is Holy, stop giving this kind of stuff energy” — I love, love this statement!

  • Rebecca

    Maybe because he settled for his wife, but really wanted a non black woman. Women settle for men all the time.

  • Sasha

    Okay but none of them said anything about their mothers. I watched the whole thing and rewound some parts that I found curious but I’m pretty sure none of the men mentioned their mothers or spoke of the type of women they were. They spoke in general about Black American women. Additionally even if their mothers were this way, why would it matter since they’re not dating their mothers?

  • Kacey

    What these men who are traveling to Brazil and the Dominican Republic are failing to acknowledge to themselves is the fact that the women they are dealing with in those countries treat them the way they do because they are being PAID to. These guys are sex tourists who are hooking-up with prostitutes. Their logic doesn’t allow them to make the connection that these woman are treating them like kings because they are poor and desperate and want American dollars. Of course they’ll be the women of your dreams…for the right price (or, in some cases, for a green card)! It always baffles me that these guys can’t figure this out – instead they use it as weapon to beat black women over the head with and serve as yet another example of why were are unworthy.

  • Marketing Gimmicks

    Hmmm… I’m scratching my head at this topic because there’s certainly an undercurrent that isn’t being addressed here. It’s the mother of mother of taboos but how some black mothers treated their sons growing up would make a great topic of exploration. *Cough* That’s your cue Clutch *Cough*

    There are many black men who have been damaged, broken, rejected, abandoned by their mothers that grow into bitter, resentful *ssholes. White, black…it doesn’t matter.

    As a matter of fact the next time you date someone instead of asking him if he loves his mother…ask him how his mother TREATED him his answer will reveal whether your future with him is promising. As for those brothers that rant on YouTube about the “no goodness of black women” I’d be curious to know how their mothers treated them….no it isn’t an excuse but these men who rant come with a history…those rants although may seem personal aren’t personal…they are really speaking from a broken and shattered place…

    How your parents treated you growing up really determines your capacity to love and this transcends race. This is a topic that’s never discussed in the black community because being a black mother can sometimes be viewed as being the holy grail of momma standards. But if we’re honest there are many sisters who have failed at being mothers and this in turn has damaged MANY black men (and women!!!)

    We’re talking drug addicted, alcohol addicted, undiagnosed mentally ill women who had babies they neglected due to their own consumption with their own pain. This is the real sh*t we need to be talking about!

    Now if a minute amount of black men are paying Brazilian women with “great figures” to be laid then how does that equate to =love or better than American Black Women? If you paying for butt…well…your paying for butt. Big whoop but that ain’t love.

    Any black man who tosses black women under the bus as a whole is clearly emotionally undercooked. I’m married to a wonderful black man who loves the sh*t out of his mother…and he treats me the same way…with loads of love.

    It’s certainly perplexing and confusing pretzel logic but quite honestly we as black women need not take the actions of some black men personal. The taboo of taboo is really the topic of some black men and their projection of SHAME. They are often acting out of deep hurt from the woman who raised them.

  • Purple Rain

    I’ve actually recently met some Black men who refuse to date inter racially and ONLY date Black women. I know, shocking right?

  • omfg

    those women in brazil these men (of all races) are dealing with are usually poor and uneducated. THEY HAVE FEW CHOICES and so will do whatever you want because they hope you will take them away from their situation or least give them money.

    the women in brazil who are educated and middle income would more than likely be no more welcoming than any other american woman. why? because THEY HAVE CHOICES.

    these men are too stupid (and needing of their ego to be caressed) to see how much they are being played by these women.

    i knew a white man who found a woman in the philippines and brought her and her daughter to the u.s. she was incredibly passive and willing to do whatever she could (including live in a one-bedroom apt in arizona with her 10 year old daughter and a white man she hardly knew) to get out of the philippines.

    why? because it was better than living in the philippines.

    i also find it so bizarre how men so desperately want someone to stroke their ego. they want gratitude from a woman just for being men. they don’t want to earn or win anyone’s love or affection.

    weak, damaged men go to places like brazil and the philippines for “love.”

  • P

    I have non-black female friends who treat their boyfriends/husbands like crap, and pretty much expect them to do *everything* (work, get up to take care of crying kids, clean the house etc). And their men don’t even really complain, they just do it. Why is it that when a black woman just demands the basics, a man that works and takes care of his family, she is domineering and gold digging? It’s ridiculous the entitlement and privilege that SOME black men think they have, that black women should just be happy they’re around. Step into the real world!

  • Val


    I agree, it is a case of divide and conquer. We really are not taught about how this country has done everything possible to divide Black men and women for the last 4 centuries.

    Some of us refuse to understand that we have a different history than other Americans. They love to blame every problem on Black folks and absolve others who had a big part in creating the problem.

    The first step to solving any problem is to know when and why the problem began. To try to solve a problem based upon having no knowledge of the history of it is futile.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    i call it the system of white supremacy…

  • apple

    oh they can go fuck themselves! if your so happy why can’t you just be happy? why you have to dedicate a whole documentary of your whining about your past when you loveee your future so much?

  • D.T.

    This comment was everything! This is something people are most definitely NOT talking about. Men and women that speak so negatively about the opposite sex reek of mother/father issues. I really don’t get mad when I see black men going off about black women because I know there is a deeper issue going on with MOST of them.

    You have a lot of emotionally unstable and abusive (both verbally and physically) mothers raising children. This results in the child growing up with displaced angered, feelings of rejection and unworthiness along with social anxiety. Of course this cant be discussed in a civic manner because the “strong single mothers” will cry foul and bring up the absent father. I’m like yeah the father was absent and probably a deadbeat but we’re not talking about him right now. This is about you and how YOUR decisions and treatment negatively affected your child.

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed mothers yell at their children and call them bad, lazy, trifling, etc… over some of the most asinine reasons. There are a lot of adults walking around angry and upset because they were emotionally neglected and verbally abused.

  • Ms. Roz


  • jamesfrmphilly

    FWIW – i have lived in amsterdam and in paris. it was big fun. partied hard.

    i returned HOME to philly. why? because i wanted some of that REAL stuff.

    yes, roses do have thorns. so what? i have got all i can handle and MORE from american black women. i ain’t going no where.

    brothers want to go, let them go. you don’t want no weak stuff no how. if it gets to the point where there ain’t enough brothers to go around, i’ll come out of retirement and help out.

  • au napptural

    I knew there would be a piece on this! And Mr. Clay, you did an excellent job of breaking it down, with the exception of one thing: you said these guys went looking for love. I watched that “documentary” last night and all those dudes were single. The one who moved to Brazil 30 years ago, single. The one who has been 19 times, single. The one who swore he only dealt with Brazilian women, single. These men want to lay around and play around, the same as they did in the US. They want someone to get excited about serving them, but only for the short term. No commitment, no nothing except a few American dollars to show for it.

    More generally, I read the article the movie rebutted. The article was the TRUTH. These men are sex tourists. What else can you call a man who travels mainly to hook up and pays for the privilege? More to the point, these men go abroad and become complete hypocrites. For example, a lot of the guys complained AA women were too materialistic and only cared about how much their partner brought to the table. Then the camnera goes to the Brazilian women who say the black men come down and take them dancing every night, to dinner, pay for everything. They want to flash the American dollars to get these Brazilian women, but in the states they are mad b/c if someone judges them by their money or lack of it. The truth is they are mad they aren’t the highest status men in the US, so they go somewhere where they are. But what slayed me was a guy saying in Brazil he isn’t treated well on the basis of money, he was treated well simply for being a man. If only women in the US did that. Wow. So first, he’s delusional, but that statement encapsulates the minds of men like that. They don’t want to be judged or have to meet any standards. Instead based on having a penis, the world should fall at his feet. In a sense, I felt sorry for that one guy, b/c what he meant was black men in the US are almost never going to be the big Kahuna. Even if you are Bill Cosby or someone, taxis still won’t stop for you, the police will harass you, etc. So it is easier to go somewhere else and pay for the illusion of acceptance. But don’t blame your issues on black women.

  • Treece

    Hallelooo and yaymen to this one!! Thumbs up high girl

  • Treece

    Yes Lawd! If they want to go to Brazil and look like a bunch of idiots when Doc tells them they have the Herps, so be it. Good luck to ya bruh and I hope all that works out!

  • au napptural

    James, I disagree. This isn’t Hollywood. This black man went out and got together with his friends to make this sad, sad film. He wanted to give black women a great big F*&$ you. It’s not always the white man’s fault. Yes the system of white supremacy is divisive. Yes, we have issues stemming from our treatment in this country. But grown people are responsible for their own actions. We aren’t drones. This man knew exactly what he was doing and why.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “grown people are responsible for their own actions”

    do brainwashed individuals have free will?

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    What these black male sex tourists better hope is, that they are paying for sex with actual women. Surgery sex changes and otherwise are muy cheap in Brazil.

  • Stanley

    I don’t know.

  • Skye

    Hmm you bought an interesting point. Men overall don’t mind being used for the money as long as their top dogs they don’t care. It’s not about the money but being number 1.

  • Treece

    I watched approximately 5 minutes of this mess and realized that it was all the same malarkey I’ve heard before; complaining and belly aching about Black women with thier money and thier education….blah, blah, blah. I refuse. I refuse to listen to it anymore because it’s garbage. Like the author said, with any stereotype there may be a kernel or truth. But that is just one kernel in a whole “silo of corn”, if you will. What Black men choose to believe about Black women as a whole (having never been to other parts of the US or in the next city/town over from the one they live in even) based on the experiences of a few are just ridiculous. Not all Black women think or believe the things that the two women in the documentary do. That’s thier preference. I know Black women (relatives, friends, acquaintances) that don’t believe the same things as they do and these women are college educated with relatively high salaries.

    Also, lets not pretend like Black men are the only ones who have foreigners waiting on them hand and foot….I have been to Mexico, Jamaica, Dominican Republic, and Aruba and have gotten a proposal in every one of those countries. A laughable proposal, but an offer no less. “Please baby stay here with me”, “marry me, I treat you better than American men”, “I love you woman, why don’t you stay here with me and have my babies”…..LoL, no joke. I have had friends who have been to Europe and the same things happened to her. Especially in Italy. So honestly, we could expose a lot and make a few documentaries ourselves about how men in other countries know how to treat Black women and “what the hell is wrong with Black men?”. But again it is faulty logic to maintain that “all ______(insert your race/gender combo here) are _____” no matter what.

    Everybody has something that not everyone else will like, regardless of race. Running to Brazil to find a woman because Black American women are “faulty” is just crazy and I want to know who these men think they are fooling with this BS?? We all know the real reason you go to Brazil of all places to find a “good woman”. Just don’t mess around and bring any little microscopic Brazilian “friends” back with ya when you get tired of the language barrier between you and your new love….

  • DebNBrooklyn

    White males traveling to underdeveloped countries for sex with poor women and girls has long been an aggression called “sex tourism.”

    The fact that any number of black males are willing to jump on the exploit -Black- women across- the -globe bandwagon speaks to the global condition of Black females, often at the hands of “our own” men. There’s no difference in concern for an unprotected North American Black woman or a South American Black woman or a continental African Black woman.

  • Bgirl

    Exactly! Either we are crucified for dating these so-called thugs or called gold-diggers for expecting a man to be bringing something to the table. Sir(s) when did wanting a man to have a job and be doing something with his life become gold-digging?? O___o Why are other races allowed demand this & Black women are forbidden to do so?

  • Nubiahbella

    Some funny facts

    Black men (successful ones) in Brazil don’t marry Black Women there

    They (black Brazilians) want Black Americans US citizenship, money etc.. (not all of them but a big majority)

    If they could choose 9 out of 10 they would marry a rich White American, Brazilian etc… man

  • Bgirl

    Right! Mess around with Carmen only to find out she was born Carlos. And isnt HIV/AIDS running rampant over there as much or more than in the US?

  • Kam

    I watched the doc months ago and thought pretty much the same thing. They all seemed confused in what they really wanted and the movie sent mixed messages. Honestly it just seemed like the men wanted an excuse for just having fun with pretty women and not looking creepy. If they’re not marrying these girls then why don’t they just say they like Brazilian women because they’re pretty instead of tearing Black American women in the process? I mean, it’s not a shame to like pretty women.

  • binks

    “At some point, people have to realize that they are the common denominator in their failed relationships and shunning a whole race of women in favor of “others” is not going to fix the problems/issues that runs deep within you.”

    BINGO! And that is the thing people don’t want to objectively view themselves but rather pass the blame on others because it is easier to lash out than self-reflect and work on yourself. As you stated with the example with your brother him dating out didn’t FIX his problems or better him as a person but continued a cycle but just with a nonblack woman. These guys (and some women regardless of race/ethnicity) are just playing the same game with different backgrounds but now they are spreading their baggage all around. Honestly, I say good riddance to these types of people; let them be someone else problem NOT ours! Nobody has time for that and frankly it is exhausting to the point that it is not worth talking about or debating. Seriously, who gives a flying **** go to Brazil, overseas, or wherever to get a nonblack US woman and be happy and have fun with your decision but just keep us out of your mouths because if you are that happy and good you wouldn’t need to protest that much. Let’s stop giving them press, free advertisement and attention they don’t deserve and basing their views/perspective as a ding in our self-esteems and self-worth and the view of us as women. Hurt people hurt the easiest target and frankly I have my own baggage I am trying to dump and don’t want to take on someone’s else baggage/hurt that wouldn’t even be on my radar as a mate.

  • Z

    So that would mean that his father was where?

  • GeekMommaRants

    If the goal was forge international or business ties, this would be another conversation. This is not about any type of partnership, this is about staying in the 1950′s. That is all. How does this strengthen our community? It doesn’t.

  • tymetravelife

    I didn’t watch the vid, but aren’t the women these guys are seeing prostitutes? This is sex tourism. So what these men are conducting are not relationships, but business transactions. I’m just saying … these men are comparing apples to oranges. They’re comparing women that they MUST pay to play a role. More power to the women because they have to make a living, I’m not judging them. But what do these guys think would be happening if they weren’t paying. WOW VERY DELUSIONAL.

    Anyway, carry on my brotha.

  • Treece

    Not bashing the PEOPLE of Brazil….just the whores that these men go to Brazil to have sex with and claim they are better women than Black women from America with real jobs and education. That’s all.

  • The Commnet

    OK!!!! Cause Arnold Swaraneggar (I’m not spell checking homeboys name….just deal w/it) sure was in Brazil in the 70s feeling on all the ‘mulatto’s’ a$$’s. Got a youtube video. Funny as hell.

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    Yes HIV is on the loose as well as a raging crack epidemic, but hey go for it!

  • Catpopstar

    They basically want some one to serve them and never have a negative thought ever? Sorry, people don’t work like that and they never have.

  • Pseudonym

    Okay, so I gave in and watched the stupid video. hiLARIOUS and telling statement at 13:20 where the guy slips and says American women walk around Brazil with their heads down because “they can’t hold a candle to these h…[awkward pause] they can’t hold a candle to these women!”

    and, as someone mentioned, none of the guys are married or in serious relationships with a Brazilian woman. They’re all just going down to Brazil for weeks at a time and having sex with sex workers while on vacation.

  • Treece

    Ok so I just watched the entire video (maybe against my better judgement) and my position still stands. The men on this documentary (and any others like them) feel like women owe them something and they want a subserviant, docile woman who will be thier housekeeper-cook-mother-whore. They are a bunch of needy a**holes who feel threatened by women who make thier own choices and choose to achieve levels of higher education, job status, or who simply choose not to make dinner every night. Their insecurities speak VOLUMES and if they want to go to Brazil, Dominican Republic, or Guam then hit the f**kin road! We don’t need Black men like that here. You should’ve just done that from jump instead of spending time criticizing Black American women for so long. If a fully patriarchal society where women wait on men hand and foot is what you wanted all along, you should have too that plane trip a long time ago sir.

    Every time Black women take two steps forward, there are people who want to yank us three steps back because they feel threatened. if it’s not White peope, now you have this choice set of Black men doing it too. Yes, the stats are enough to make you sick. It’s sad that not as many Black men are achieving academic and career success as Black women. The rate of Black men entering the prison system is crazy. But you don’t have to put Black women down because of that. Yes, there are some materialistic, nit-picky sisters out there that won’t touch a purse that isn’t Louis or Berkin. Who want men to buy things for them and focus more on financial status than character. Yes there are Black women who are a little harsh and uncaring. But in my experience (in life, living in a metropolitan area populated by a very large number of Black women), the number of Black women I have met like this I could count on one hand. Most Black women I know (relatives, friends, acquaintances) are NOT like this. Where are these women that these men are talking about? Where do they exist?

  • Treece

    Yes! I caught that too…..bunch of dumbasses

  • lil ray

    Easy access to AIDS.

  • Ms. Information

    When black men and women come together, there is ALWAYS a revolution…now they can’t allow that to happen can they?? Think about what we come from….we are a small percentage of people who changed the biggest super power in the world….we are a small percentage of people who influence the WORLD internationally…..they really don’t want it.

  • D.T.

    See what I mean……

  • http://Clutch SL

    @sasha – I think the point is that men shape their opinion of what kind of woman they want or don’t want based on his relationship with his mother – often the first and closet woman to be in his life. It is commonly said, that if you wish to know how a man is going to treat you, watch how he treats his mother, listen to how he talks to her and about her cause odds are he will eventually treat you the same way. I can vouch for this and it is independent of race. A man who hates women likely hated his mother first or has some very damaging images of her.

  • http://Clutch SL

    “At some point, people have to realize that they are the common denominator in their failed relationships and shunning a whole race of women in favor of “others” is not going to fix the problems/issues that runs deep within you.”

    Yes to THIS!

  • http://Clutch SL

    @Treece – I agree. South America contains the most blacks in the world 2nd only to the African continent.

    They have endured the same racism and struggles we have here.

    I encourage everyone to get out of this country and hit the reset button on your thinking.

    There are plenty of prostitutes there just like there are here, but many of these women are black women struggling for equality and a voice just like many here.

    I would hate to see them preyed upon by some misguided male.

  • Ask_ME

    Who is “they”? From where I’m sitting black men produced and starred in this documentary. “They” didn’t have a thing to do with it.

  • Ask_ME

    I personally could care less about this topic. Black men are going to Brazil…BYE! I wish them well.

    I wish they would keep black women out of their mouths on their way OUT the door…and AFTER they walk through the door.

    For some strange reason these men can’t seem to stop thinking and talking about black women even when they claim they are “done” with black women. That’s my only beef with this situation.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “Who is “they”? ”

    the system of white supremacy..

  • Echi

    Of course they wouldn’t talk about their mothers! Those women got them (cracks whip) whupped!

  • Chic Noir

    I read that the new country was the Dominican Republic for BM sex tourism. Brazil has become too expensive( BRICS nation).

  • Ads

    Moreover, my brazilian husband cooks dinner, changes diapers, and stays home 1 day a week to watch baby. None of my sister in laws are subservient. What these men paint as brasil tells u more about their heads than any reality in a country with a metropolis 2x the size of nyc!

  • Winnie V

    They don’t want us to unite
    All they want us to do is keep on fussing and fighting
    They don’t want to see us live together
    All they want us to do is keep on killing one another
    They say the blood runs and it runs through OUR line
    And our hearts, heart of hearts divine, eh!
    The brotherly love; the sisterly love / TOP RANKIN’!
    -Bob Marley

    Once and for all WAKE UP black people in the United States of America

  • simplyme

    The more I read about men like this online the more I realize how little their issues actually have to do with me…

    Zettler Clay is a great writer but these are men’s issues. Not meant for Clutch. These are issues some men need to deal with with the guidance of other wiser Black men.

    I think Au napptural hit the nail on the head with her analysis.

    I personally just found it so be proud of traveling to Brazil to pay prostitutes for sex…? I think it all comes from misplaced hurt and desperation. From men that are too weak yet too proud to acknowledge their situation and grow. Theres nothing American Black women could ever do to make it better.

  • E!


  • Pseudonym

    I just heard this lyric on the radio:

    “One man’s trash is another man’s come up…”

    and that seems to go both ways in this case.

  • Ms. Information

    @ Ask, Im not talking about the children that go to Brazil for sex….I’m not putting them into this pot…if they knew or cared about what we come from, they wouldn’t be flying to another country to exploit women….

  • leelah

    Taking it both ways, I don’t think the women of brazil would find that quote flattering. They’re not trash and I’m sure they don’t want to deal with America’s trash.

  • Treece

    @ Chilly

    I understand what you are saying. I am aware of the plight Brazilians face and that their society is full of those who are desperate and feel like making themselves exponentially available to American men to do…whatever…is a way out. American whores/gold-diggers do the same thing. That still doesn’t change the fact that the men who go there think that they are getting a taste of the “good life” by having sex with these women while wining and dining them (and spending lots of American cash on them for anything), but they are really just opening themselves up to a myriad of STDs. But it’s okay, because like the brother in the documentary said, they’ll get a woman who doesn’t mind being grabbed and fondled by strange men on the beach, she will then bring him his drink, open the straw, and place it in the glass for him. If that’s what you want, fine. Just accept all that comes with the territory, even the Brazilian women that just want your American dollars and a trip back to the states, all while spreading their herpes….

  • Tara

    I watched it earlier today and it did not bother me. I hope more black men go over there and stay over there. Seems like a good deal to me. From the looks of the men, they dont have the looks or the money to get the black women that they feel that they are entitled to. #Teamblackmengotobrazilplease

  • Sylvie


    This is not *my* issue. This is their issue. My heart is concerned for the women of Brazil. Are they being forced into this sex work? Is it their choice.

    I care not a wit for the men involved in this video (and I didn’t even watch). Bottomline: They are men who hate women. They are men who fly to other countries to pay for sex with women and girls who may have been forced into the sex industry and, at the same time, disparage women who consider their sex-buying selves to be less than worthy of their attention.

    Yeahhhh, no thanks.

    I am not going to get heart hurt or butt hurt over “men” such as these.

  • Pseudonym

    Hey, it’s not WOMEN of Brazil. It’s prostitutes of Brazil who make a living as semen receptacles for black American male tourists. I’m sure most men in Brazil who have choices do not view these women as the come up from educated black American women like the guys in that video do. However, the men in this video think they’ve “made it!” They think they’re dating Brazilian women but they’re not: they’re paying for sex with Brazilian prostitutes.

    Then on the other end, you have the black American male tourists who refer who have to make a conscious effort (see 13:20) to not refer to these receptacles as “hoes” but as “women” who flee women with standards other than “do you have money to take me to the resturant, and to the club, and for drinks?” No woman with choices in the US would choose these men and they’re not the ballers that they can pretend to be given the exchange rate between the Brazilian Real and the USD.

    So, yeah. what one group sees as a deal breaker, another sees as a “come up.”

  • Ads

    And as to how fictional their views are on us vs brazilian women: we have brazilian satellite in my house, and im watching the main soap right now, called war of the sexes, and about a woman who owns a mega-department store, another who owns the premier clothing label, and the scheming men who are trying to get their wealth. So any pre-womens lib fantasy that seclx workers are selling their clients is exactly that, a fantasy.

  • Anon

    Frankly, I’m just happy that they are taking their issues somewhere ELSE. Those women can KEEP those dudes. The presumption that they were marriageable companions themselves is laughable.

  • Beks


  • h

    I think black men and black women need to leave each other alone. Really. Based on the the comments, the only conclusion I can come to is that they hate each other. The arabs and jews have more love for each other thsn brothers and sisters. I hate to say this but the future looks bleak.

  • Gigi

    I have a white male friend who travels to Brazil often for work. He said that Brazilian women are just as gold-digging, feisty, and difficult as American women. I’m not sure we deserve the bad rep, nor do we deserve to constantly be compared to other women around the globe.

  • Kam

    And what about Black men? Black women have some of the highest rates of domestic violence, Black mothers are killed at the rate of 7 times that of White women, we have an entire genre of music that glorifies being downright dirty to Black women, Black male entertainers make fun of us at our expense as an easy way to bring in the cash. Where are the Black men standing up for us? Overall the message being sent to the entire world is that Black men don’t think Black women are worth loving, respecting or defending. And then despite all this we’re supposed to raise the banner of “Yay! Black man!”. The silence from all the Good Black Men is deafening. When you kick your women down time and time again how can you expect them to stand up for you?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “Where are the Black men standing up for us?”

    some in philly…

  • Anon

    Daym! Now folks (BM) are brainwashed? And that’s why they are hurting black women? Instead of building a community where they are supported, they run to third-world prostitutes and want to “lift” them up? If I ain’t ever heard a case for at least going to whatever decent men in the other communities who are doing the brainwashing in the first place, you just made it.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @anon – best check out a mirror first..

  • jamesfrmphilly

    IMO : anybody what got to fly 6,000 miles in order to pay for a shot is too weak to be getting all this attention…

  • yeahright2011

    2 things I know for a fact:

    1. No black woman can force a black men to do anything he didn’t plan on doing in the first place.

    2. They aren’t going to Jamaica, West (or any part of ) Africa. Haiti, Dominica, Barbados, or the Bahamas. I wonder why? (not really).

    Black women can save themselves a lot of time by not debating excuses,

  • Tara


  • Tara

    It’s ridiculous the entitlement and privilege that SOME black men think they have, that black women should just be happy they’re around. Step into the real world!

    Amen girl!

  • Gail

    Yeah, I have a friend who did public health work in South America. Brazil, she said is far worse than South Africa or the US. and its true, the cross mixing sex activity/swinging, etc is very rampant and unfortunately very accepted, hence the high STD rates. There’s a reason Carnival is such a huge draw to foreign men (and women).

  • kmarie

    One of my uncles does… he goes to Belize.
    Its just a fantasy in my opinion.

  • Pseudonym

    yES! The clubs and bars in which they’re meeting these prostitutes that they think represent “Brazilian woman” as a whole are places that your sisters-in-law (if they still live/lived in Brazil) would not frequent b/c they are basically hooker pick up spots. You see the same thing in certain bars and clubs in Nairobi. Young, cute 20-something year-old poor girls with unattractive 50-something year-old white men who have sex with them in exchange for a meal in a nice restaurant, some cheap clothes, and maybe a few broken promises about bringing her back to the US or Europe with him. Hookers sell a fantasy.

  • Nic

    Well, considering their “rationale” for going to Brazil, I could see them going to Ethiopia if it was easy.
    But yeah, we know what they are looking for in Brazil…

  • Nic

    Totally off topic but I’d love it if people realized that “Brazilian” isn’t a race or a look.
    I’m kind of upset that American schools don’t do a good job of teaching about other countries.
    At any rate, it’s funny that men don’t mind gold-digging b/c when they can get a discount b/c that is all that happens. It’s the same dynamic as white men going to Southeast Asia or Eastern Europe. The women are still going for what they can get, it’s just that the “scale” there is such that an average Joe can roll in like a baller. (Equally hilarious is what those women are really saying about the men too)…

  • Nic

    @Treece, it is hilarious that these idiots go to Brazil to get away from black women but there are millions more black women down there than up here. Of course, most idiots, white or black, think Brazilian is a race and if they see a black woman down there she’ll be transformed into an exotic seductress in their tiny brains…

    People in general are really ignorant about the fact that black people live below the border in this hemisphere.

  • Dave

    The author of this piece must be some kind of confused. How else can she write (in the same piece, mind you) the following two contradicting paragraphs:

    “The crave for a docile, sexually fulfilling woman is a common sticking point for men in a world where entitlement runs rampant. This extends down into the lens of many black men who haven’t learned to stop ratifying the ideals of Western patriarchy.”


    “Women seek security? And that’s a problem? Good for them. A woman wanting to be taken care of is no less superficial than a man wanting his sexual needs fulfilled.”

    Woah. Wait a minute. Time out. You do not get to take a feminist stance against patriarchy and hide behind it at the same time. Men aren’t the only sex that look for sexual fulfillment in their relationships. I believe everyone does that. I also believe the same goes for emotional security. That’s normal, biological, and psychological. But financial security? That’s the female equivalent to men’s sexual desires? (…) Really? Because sex is like, what, the last thing on a women’s mind right?

    Look, let’s call a spade a spade: we may live in a society which allows this to be an acceptable value for women to place on their men…but that’s because we live in the same patriarchal society that allows men to think in the very way about women that the author just criticized them for. (Can a brother get an amen?! Seriously, am I going crazy?)

    Did you really miss that though? That’s some real doublethink right there. I mean at it’s purest form. So men are just looking for relatively stress-free sex (shame on them, shame) but women can look for sex and financial security at the same time and get a pat on the back? Really? That’s not entitlement though, nah, that’s not entitlement. See that right there…that…that’s just some ole bs. You know what fellas? Get a prenup. How’s that for security?

    Oh, and that documentary sucked, black women are beautiful, enough with the nonsense, brothers love your sistas. I’m out.

  • leelah

    prostitutes are still women. I don’t think these women need to be dragged through the mud because they’re sleeping with black american men versus white men straight from Europe. Its not their fault that some men are so stupid and lonely that they’ll actually fly to another country in order for a woman to pay attention to them. Its the men that are the problem. Brazil is a poor country with very little social mobility. On top of that I don’t know what kind of bruised personal history has led these women to prostitution so I’m above calling them trash.–My point is its a sad world when poor women here or anywhere are expected to accept good for nothing, trashy men just because they’re desperate. I feel sorry for them that these american losers are going over there to take advantage.

  • Kam

    I know man, you’re like one of the few holding it down. You and Ravi I know are willing to see past all the hurt and have buckets of patience.

  • Wong Chia Chi

    Like many people have said, the men in that video are sex tourists and they aren’t looking for marriage or any serious commitment they just want cheap pussy and an ego stroking to go with it and they are mad that they can’t get it at home.

    There was a similar documentary called “My Thai Bride” and it talks about a white British man who does that. He buys a farm for the woman and she cleans him out and leaves him once she is financially solvent.

    I can’t hate Brazilian women. They’re doing what they have to do.

    The only men I see complaining about “X” group of women being too “Y” are men who are inevitably too old/unattractive/fat to obtain a woman of a certain age, level of attractiveness that they feel they are entitled to. I never see young good looking men or men with reasonable expectations in a partner complaining about this kind of thing because they already have it or they have no problem obtaining it.

    Most of the men in the video were old, they didn’t dress well. They talked like they had 5th grade educations/maturity.

    Those poor Brazilian women. The men claimed they weren’t there for sex tourism, but they didn’t talk about anything else about the culture. All they talked about was the beaches, the food and the women. They didn’t mention speaking Portuguese, the history, or the art. They were clearly just their for sex and playing around.

    If they like it. I love it. Lord knows these men ain’t in my age bracket and I definitely would not consider dating any of them so I don’t see where a crisis is.

  • Wong Chia Chi

    Exactly. It isn’t about paying for it, these men don’t have a problem with that. They have a problem with the cost. In America it’s too high. So they go somewhere that it’s more affordable and suddenly it’s all happy for them.

    The type of men who have to pay for sex are usually too old/ugly for what they expect/feel they deserve. And all the men in that video were old/fat/sloppy.T shirts and cargo shorts. Not one of them was wearing a suit or something fashionable and dignified. Then they wonder why they have to go to a different country with a poorer economy just to meet women who will make them feel powerful.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    The author of this piece is a man, not a woman.

  • SL

    @Nic – it’s true! …and not mulattos or mestizos as they are known there. Sao Paulo, Salvador Bahia (esp.), Rio, – Black people live in the shadows of what the media wants to promote about Brazil. Even though Brazil is Portuguese (not Spanish) – the same phenomenon that we see here in North America is exactly the same there. There is a hierarchy that is promoted out to the world – a face – but you go there and you see the faces of the masses of the people are not mestizos – although they have a larger mix-race population than North America – most faces are black faces. I see the same phenomenon in my husband’s country of Panama, in Cuba, Puerto Rico, El Salvador, Belize, Mexico, Honduras – these places have large numbers of blacks – but if you don’t travel outside this country you will never really know – just like most of the people in the South Pacific – Fiji, Tahiti, Vanuatu are black people too – yet what the media promotes is not that face -

    Brazil – just like Latin America – just like every other place suffers from the white is better syndrome – so the face they will export from their country will be a white/light face –

    Anyway, about this article and about the documentary – I don’t believe there is as much negativity between BM and BW as the media wants us to believe….if so, then it would be mostly an American BW/BM “thing” – cause that is not how the world looks outside this country …. and you HAVE TO fly 5,000 miles to find a woman something is wrong with you – plain and simple.

    Also, some men like their women educated and having standards for herself. No man wants a woman they can’t respect for long. ,A good male friend of mine said:

    “Show me a pretty woman and I’ll show you a man tired of fucking her.”

    He meant this to say – that beauty only casts is spell for a time – you need to have something to back that beauty/booty up with.

  • Kim

    We shall see. We see it now.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    On the other post you were saying that women and girls are responsible for being harassed by Black men on the street, now you are saying you stand up for women?

  • Nic

    You’re friends with a white guy who called them “feisty”? Are you sure he’s not telling people you are “sassy”? I avoid white people who use obvious stereotypes when defining WOC. Those are not the kinds of white people you need to be messing with.

    And he’s just like the black men, dealing with the poor and likely “working” women, b/c professional, educated women from Brazil aren’t like that. Of course, they also don’t need anyone’s paycheck to get the nice things they like either.

  • Pseudonym

    “I don’t think these women need to be dragged through the mud because they’re sleeping with black american men versus white men straight from Europe.”

    Wow! Where’d that “European man is better than black American man” angle come from? I think you just slipped and revealed your racial pathology of a perceived black inferiority to white people. You need to fix that. Stat.

    Yes, they’re women, but like you said, of the most damaged sort probably all kinds of issues and great desperation who suck penises and have sex with unattractive tourists just enough money to eat but not enough money to escape poverty. And the men in that video view them as a “come up” from black Amercan women with an education who make more than them and want a man who has a job/career and don’t allow random men to walk up to them on a beach and feel them up. C’mon now, you gotta admit that’s ridiculous.

    That lyric is actually from a song called “Thrift Shop” by Flow Rida. This situation actually perfectly applies.

    “I’m gonna pop some tags, only got $20 in my pocket,
    I’m hunting, looking for a come up,
    This is f’in awesome!
    I’ll wear your granddad’s clothes,
    I look incredible
    I’m in this big *ss coat,
    This is f*in awesome!!!”

    What these dudes are REALLY about us the fact that they can’t afford to ball out and shower women with expensive gifts in exchange for sex in the USA, so they’re bitter. Sugar daddy benefits are a luxury of the rich, not of the poor and they’re mad bc they don’t have that status in the States. They’re not looking for wives/girlfriends; they’re looking for hoes to disrespect in exchange for their money, which they can’t really afford to have making only $40K/year. So they’ve solved their problems by going to the Brazilian thrift market where they can “ball out” with their $20USD that can buy dinner and drinks at the free sex tourist club. None of them are married, none of them have Brazilian girlfriends, and none of them expresses interest in either of those things. They’re just flossing in somebody’s dead Brazilian granddad’s too-big old coat and think they’re doing it big. But they just look like fools.

  • Pseudonym

    (Oh, and correction: that song’s not by Flo Rida- though it sounds exactly like him!)

  • Whiteprivilegeterminated

    I’m not really seeing a difference between foreign brides, sex tourism, the SWIRL movement, and other fetish cult movements..

    Everything being said about the men who seek “romance” in foreign lands, could be said about black women who advocate interracial dating in the US.

    These men look mad & sad, just like swirlers.

    There’s an additional wrinkle with the swirlers in that they also resemble the women in poorer countries who sell themselves as foreign brides. Foreign brides.sell themselves to any man who can pay, swirlers give themselves away free to any white man whether he can or can’t pay.

    They should be kept away from normal people. Stick em all on a deserted island and let em fight it out.

  • Pseudonym

    That was to “leelah” but pasted in wrong spot.

  • Catpopstar

    Did you really think about what you typed, or are you just on a “black women suck”auto pilot at this point?

  • Nila

    Geez! Being a black woman is hard work! If I ever need to be reminded how bad it can get, I can just come here!

  • Joan

    I saw that documentary. I wish I had the money…I’d round up all of the other undesirable black American men and send them all to Brazil. LOL. The men in the video just seem like frustrated losers. It’s like all of some woman’s bad dates met each other and decided to go to Brazil.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “I know the truth can be harsh”

    in order to know that don’t you have to be acquainted with the truth?

    a loser has every right to look elsewhere. he does not have a right to put his mess on others. none of us do.
    that loser should take that money he is spending on hoes and take himself to a therapist.

  • mr.fierce

    Being on a beach with a beautiful woman is therapy, if one is not valued, then go where one is valued.

  • Echi

    This video makes black men look bad, honestly. They start off the video rehashing all the ways that American black men have fallen behind black women in terms of knowledge and wealth acquisition and then proceeds to blame black women for their self esteem issues. Then cue in the black male sex tourists who basically extol the virtues of women walking about naked, playing wife to men they are not married to, and unsolicited hugs to h…s, I, mean, chicks, in the words if the first (single!) Brazilian traveler. Then the documentary finished with commentary from three Half-dressed Brazilian women, all of whom only talk about dancing and partying with American men – not necessarily building a home, preserving family values, having two-parent stable families for black American-Brazilian babies. And note the one in the yellow throws an insult at Brazilian men and their hassles (perhaps because they are not in possession of the almighty dollar). And you want to tell me that the mass exodus of black men to Brazil is motivated by the havoc that black women have unleashed in the BC, and not their horny-a*s loins? Riiiiight….
    I am of Nigerian descent, but largely raised in the US. I am also engaged (though to another Nigerian) and while i have a terminal degree, my fiancee has a bachelors in the sciences). We plan to be in Brazil, hopefully, fir the World Cup, and i have an uncle who’s married to a Brazilian woman thereI admit my biases as a woman of color, but this documentary did no one any favors. It served more as an advert for a sort of Spring Break destination for middle aged black men who *still* can’t get married. They looked like underachievers who finally get their moment in the sun by copping a feel on women that don’t appear to be the sort that would take home to show your parents. It was also fetishizes the Brazilian woman, a crime that her been further perpetuated over the years by both white and black foreign tourists. The fully dressed black women who talked of building families, educating their children and thinking of the future seemed to be the winners here.

  • K. Michel

    “The crave for a docile, sexually fulfilling woman is a common sticking point for men in a world where entitlement runs rampant. This extends down into the lens of many black men who haven’t learned to stop ratifying the ideals of Western patriarchy.

    (When I say patriarchy, I’m specifically referring to the notion of men being entitled to certain treatment. Men are leaders, hunters, gatherers. We’re the gods of the land. Get behind us and serve.)” (Zettler Clay)

    If docile, sexually fulfilling women exist; what’s wrong with a man craving them? It’s not my personal taste, but the world is bigger than just me. Well…

    –It’s not really that much bigger than I am, but it’s big enough.

  • Pseudonym

    That’s exactly what Joan said. Those losers have a right to find happiness elsewhere. Sad that it’s in between the legs of a poor Brazilian prostitute, but, hey…”Freaky deakies need love, too.” ["30 Rock" reference]

    I think b/c both parties are “black,” the men (and you) seem to completely ignore the fact that these men are doing the exact same thing as the old white men who go to Kenya and have sex with 20 year-old poor girls. also, they’re not finding “well-rounded, intelligent good black women who have it going on mentally and physically” who appreciate what they have to offer. They’re laying up with PROSTITUTES who they can only afford to pay b/c the exchange rate is in their favor! and they seem to not even realize that and are deluding themselves into believing they’ve found some quality women on the other side. It’s sad…

  • Come On

    Is your evidence based on How Stella Got Her Groove Back and Terry Lewis lol? Of course you have anecdotal evidence lol. And yea people don’t have to approve your comments. Your summary sounds like a bunch of bull, so I can only imagine that the original comment is worse. Anyway comments past a certain length go into moderation Mr. So Lame.

  • Joan

    Ron Johnson, I’m married; I’ve been married almost 13 years now. When I was single, I never had any problems attracting men…black, white, whatever. I think we have a difference if opinion. You seem to see unsatisfied black men looking for love. I see insecure black males (I’m not as generous with the word “men”) looking for validation. It’s really not about the women at all. It’s about validation that these guys feel they are entitled to. It doesn’t bother me to the point of losing sleep, but it makes me feel a little sad that these men have such limited exposure. The women that they complain about don’t sound as if they are top or near top shelf black women. But then, it makes perfect sense, since like tends to attract like.

  • Joan

    Also wanted to add…It’s clear that the men in the video could not measure up and compete with the desirable men in the US for the desirable women. It’s so much easier to flee and put one’s shortcomings on black women than to admit one’s shortcomings, improve and stay in the game. It’s not just about black women, it’s about other black men with whom they can’t compete. The US is filled with beautiful women of many races. It’s one thing to go on vacation to a beautiful place for the weather and you remark on the beautiful women. But to move there for no particular woman and because you like the way the women treat you (making you feel like a man)? I can’t help but laugh. That’s a self esteem problem that needs to be worked out before the trip to Brazil. What happens when you run out of singles ($1 bills LOL) while you are there? You’ll probably see these women change. It’ll seem scary at first. LOL.

  • Tara


  • Tara

    Especially that creepy monster who wants to go up to women that he has never seen and touch them and expect them to embrace his cartoon looking ass.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    Ha! I finally went to the video and skimmed through. Those men are the type of Black men who hang out in barbershops thinking they are kicking knowledge to the young brothers when really they are just talking out of their asses.
    They are also the type of men who grunt and mumble at me when they walk by.

  • Sylvie


    Yeahhhh…you noticed that too, huh?

  • Ads

    And to add in again on the brazil tip (married to a brazilian, used to live in sao paulo, watch brazilian soaps on satellite). The 9pm novela is centered in Turkey, where a woman from Rio has a wild romance with a Turk, but their relationship cant work becaue of the ‘backwards’ gender expectations of the turks (woman should keep house and raise children) while our liberated brazilian woman just dont play that. Does patriarchy exist in braz? Yeah just like it exists in atlanta or nkrth dakota – among people longing for an idealized past. The women these met are playing a role – meeting their job description

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @The Moon in the Sky

    i said that women SHARE SOME responsibility.

    i believe that telling the truth IS standing up for women. for way to long some women have been told only what they want to hear.

    you cannot go bare arse naked on the streets and not get some attention. i see ladies assets every day. don’t you?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “docile, sexually fulfilling women”

    that’s an oxymoron – docile women have never been sexually fulfilling for me. i wanted a partner not a slave.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @mr.fierce – “Being on a beach with a beautiful woman is therapy”

    sadly, it is not…it’s compensation

  • Tara

    So true!

  • ChaoticDiva

    Last time I checked, there were more blacks in Brazil than in the states. (15 million, not including the people that consider themselves ‘mixed’).

    Why is it that American Blacks are so damn determined (not all, but many) to ignore the fact that black people are born and live in Latin America? Uh, they had slavery too. They had the slave trade too. And if there weren’t any black folks from down there, I would not exist from two black parents (one being Afro-Cuban).

    The men that are talking about going to Brazil to find a wife are probably basing their findings on stereotypical data, and not logical thinking based on hard facts.

    And for the record: most Latinos in Hollywood are either lightened to fit a stereotype, or end up playing mostly black roles because they don’t fit the stereotype. Zoe Saldana and Rosario Dawson are two of the rare brown Latinas that actually have had the chance to play Latinas in movies (Columbiana, The Rundown, respectively). But people like Faizon Love (Cuban), Tatyana Ali (Panamanian), Megan Goode (part Mexican), Miguel Nunez (Dominican), and many more…

    Moral: STOP DIVIDING THE DIASPORA. Black is black. Africa has black people. North and South America have black people. Australia has indigenous black people. The South Pacific has native black people. Hell, there are black europeans (the Moors, anyone?). Know our history. Be proud of our shared history. Stop this divisiveness and promote a united community.

    *steps off soapbox*

  • ChaoticDiva

    “…and many more are stuck playing primarily “American Black” roles.” Sorry for my haste in typing.

  • K. Michel

    I think there’s a dude for every kind of woman out there. So, a soft spoken and passive woman might blow the socks off of a guy that she really bonds with, and vice versa. I haven’t seen it personally but it’s a big world.

    I definitely see what you’re saying, James.

    No man should want a slave, because it’s not in any woman’s nature to be a slave. I just think that a woman being docile and being a slave are different things. We happen to live in a society where it really doesn’t pay for a woman to be docile because there are too many dangers that come with the territory.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “Moral: STOP DIVIDING THE DIASPORA. Black is black. Africa has black people. North and South America have black people. Australia has indigenous black people. The South Pacific has native black people. Hell, there are black europeans (the Moors, anyone?). Know our history. Be proud of our shared history. Stop this divisiveness and promote a united community”

    self knowledge cures a multitude of ills….

  • http://Clutch SL

    1000 Yes! to your post.
    Wanting and waiting for our Afro-Latinos to speak up!!!

  • Common Sense

    I don’t know about what you said, BUT ALL THE BROTHAS already know about BRASIL…and here are a few other places, BELIZE, Costa Rica, COLOMBIA, Argentina, and always get out to GERMANY. Fellas them women go crazy for you as soon as you walk into the club!

  • Common Sense

    You missed the POINT. The point is African American women are failing to make the home front. So African American men are looking outside the USA.


  • jamesfrmphilly

    @Common Sense

    “You missed the POINT. The point is African American women are failing to make the home front. So African American men are looking outside the USA”

    black women and black men are a UNARY. it is not possible for ‘black women to fail’, it is not possible for ‘black men to fail’. we all succeed of fail together.

    get away from that european mindset. you cannot ‘succeed’ as an individual. black people have to succeed all together. if your sisters are not up to par then teach them. lead them. that is real manhood.

  • Ravi

    I agree with most everything, but there are over 40 million blacks in the States.

  • chaoticdiva

    @James – when we continue to be divisive in our community, there will be no unity. A unified mindset is not a “european” idea, a european idea is dividing and conquering.

    @common sense – african american and black american are not the same. Charlize Theron becoming an American citizen would make her African American, but not Black American. Also, how dare you blame black woemn for all of the shortcomings of some black relationships? It takes two to tango. Its just silly for some to assume all black women are the same. We all have varying personalities, as do black men. I’ve seen plenty of healthy black relationships, as well as plenty of healthy mixed race relationships. Its all about what’s best for the individual. But that “go to Brazil for a submissive homemaker Sex goddess” mentality is B.S.

  • Liz

    “STOP DIVIDING THE DIASPORA. Black is black.”

    Thank you! I’ve been saying this for years. if you’re black and not from the motherland, we were all on the same ships, but took different trips. I really wish more people realized this!

  • jamesfrmphilly

    i know, i dated half of them…

  • Liz

    Go figure, me too! I also know a huge subset of men who will sleep with a woman of another race, but intend to settle and create a life with ONLY a black woman (not making a value judgment on this, but I do know them).

  • R&R

    My mother, who is 62, said, “They used to say the same thing to black women about Asian women. Now it’s Brazilian women?” Then, she laughed and said, “And do any of them speak the language? Probably not.” Then, she laughed again and shook her head. She’s basically saying that this is a repeat. Marginal men will always go looking for something different…usually foreign…until they learn the language and realize they are not the kings they thought they were.

  • Chanela17

    This whole “omg black men are going to brazil for the women” thing to be kind of puzzling….I also find “Brazilian hair” in beauty supply stores to also be puzzling.why? Because there are more black people in brazil in America! I believe brazil has the third largest population of black people. The problem is, only women who look like Adriana Lima and Giselle bundchen are shown to represent brazil.

    I saw a Facebook post of a man that was kind of disappointed when he went to brazil. He was expecting Kim karsashian looking women but saw black women everywhere! Smh

  • leelah

    I think you missed the point. Its not in dispute that there are black people all over the world, including in Latin America. After all, the women these men featured were all obviously black. –The issue is that these black men are trying to be divisive by saying these black women are better than these black women. Also they are traveling to a poor country, using their american status to find women.–And if the practice of white american men traveling to poorer asian country for sex tourism and mail order brides is shameful, then black american men traveling to poor countries in latin america for the same reasons is also shameful. Despite the fact these men are trying to dress the practice up.–On top of that several of these men stated that black women in Latin America are better because they have hair and don’t need weaves. Statements like that point to the fact that although black women in this country accept black men in all his states, black men prefer black women to be of mixed ancestry. Hence going to Latin America were the black community has more of a mixed ancestry.—which is ironic because black women all over latin america have to deal with the undervaluing of their black roots and they straighten their hair and wear weaves as a result too.

  • leelah

    There are plenty of Kim Khardashian look a likes in Brazil, but they’re not looking for black men. The only women who are certainly eager to talk to black men in Brazil are black women–unless a black man is of obviously high status. –The same class rules basically work over there that work over here.

  • leelah

    sigh, I’m going to assume that you are purposely missing the point of my above mentioned quote. You said these women are not women but whores because they are sleeping with African American men. First of all, you can’t strip them from their status of women just because you want to label them as whores(could feel the disdain as you typed the word whores). Secondly, I’m not going to agree with you that these women are nothing but trash and whores just because they committed the horrible sin of sleeping with African American men.–And yes you implied I should agree with you that they’re trash for sleeping with African American men because you pointed out the race of the men like thats a sticking point. I don’t think these women are evil whorish trash for dealing with white American men or black american men or even brazillian men because I don’t believe that we should be slut shamming women in poor countries who are struggling at the bottom of their society.

    We know nothing about these women so why all the hate and judgement coming form you?

    By the way sexual exploitation is a global feminist issue that I feel very passionate about. And if you care anything about it, then the first thing you should do is show our sisters respect and stop labeling them as whores and trash. You sound mean spirited.

    The issue is the men and not the women. These men should be judged for their actions because they have a whole lot more agency than these women. Plus the women never stood on a mountain said they were better than american women. All of that talk was coming from these black american men. The women never even voiced a preference for american men they just said they like going out and being treated to dinner and drinks and dancing. In fact I’m going to claim that the voice of brazilian women isn’t even heard here at all because I noticed that all three women said more than what was translated on the screen. –My point is the black american men in this video are the guilty ones because they used these women to bash black american women over our heads again. Lets keep focus on the real culprits here because we’ll see and have seen this same tactic with white women and mexican women, and asian women.

  • ChaoticDiva

    Sorry for the prior post…trying to read and reply from my phone, I totally misconstrued your comment to be something totally different. My bad.

  • ChaoticDiva

    My comment wasn’t directed at the actual article itself, but instead the commenters and those stereotypical mindsets that ignore this singular-but-huge fact. But I do agree with your statement. Outside of the U.S., lightening creams, blow outs and chemical straighteners are very popular, which doesn’t help the whole “natural black self” movement.

  • ChaoticDiva

    Oops…misinterpreted the stats a bit…I meant by percentage…the “mulatto” (mixed with various heritages including black) is 43% of the population, and 7.6% of the population considers themselves non-mixed black in Brazil. Maybe that helps. :)

  • ChaoticDiva

    (^^^^ was for @james…I’m so off my game today)

  • Come On

    @chaoticdiva – African American is a term that was created for the ethnic group of USA slave descendants to show our common history, heritage, and culture. Charlize Theron may be African, but if she were to become American, she would not be African American.

    There is nothing wrong with saying you are a member of a certain ethnic group. Yes, we are all black, but it is not dividing the diaspora for me to identify as black and African American. These are the people I have the most in common with. Nigerians, Ghanians, Afro-Latinos and others do this all the time. But I know what you are saying. Honestly some Americans just get confused when they see a Latino that doesn’t look like Jennifer Lopez. They don’t know what to think.

    Many Americans use black and African American interchangeably. When these men in the video and commenters say black women, they mean African American women. These Brazilian women are black, but the men in the video and some people commenting here see black as synonymous with African American. And I don’t know what they consider non-African American black people to be lol. Well some just keep calling these women Brazilian. They don’t teach this stuff in school, so folks get confused lol.

  • Ayo

    Because racism was the most successful marketing strategy in history.
    We’ve internalised what was done to us and are unable/refuse to see the causal links to the past.
    Being an educated black man in London can be really wearying.
    Educated black, brown n yellow folks are so hungry for assimilation into whiteness they’ll gladly bury any trace of their otherness in the process.

  • Brasil_Researcher

    I’m Dutch, live between Miami Florida and Sao Paulo – SP, Brazil .
    I can see the difference between blacks in the US and Brazil and it’s not so difficult to see that without be biased.

    “I also find “Brazilian hair” in beauty supply stores to also be puzzling.why? Because there are more black people in brazil in America!”

    What in the world is Brazilian hair? Shows you know nothing about Brazil. blacks in the US are just as ignorant as the whites about countries they have never visited.

    2 the majority of the Brazilian people are white and multi ethnic (multi ethnic groups in Brazil are white people mixed with native american, white mixed with black (light skin and brown), white mixed with asian, black people mixed with native american (light skin and brown) and black mixed with asian (brown people with tching tchong eyes).

    Funny, the US is just as multi ethnic as Brazil, though that group in Brazil is bigger, but you never hear or read about that on tv or in a magazine. It’s always white vs black or vs a name that is incorrectly being called as a race..”hispanic”.

    3 In Percentage there are more black people in Brazil, but in real numbers there are more blacks in the United States. Also not being written or talked about in US media groups.

    4 I also find “Brazilian hair” in beauty supply stores to also be puzzling.”

    You should be more “puzzling” about why blacks in the US are dumbed down while schools in the US are better funded compare to public schools in poor black lower middle class neighborhoods and slums. That there are beauty supplies for Afro’s from Brazil in the stores in the United States, means that is a success of Brazilian black or mulat business person.

    Not my opinion but facts from the US and Brazilian government.
    5 HIV virus in Brazil under black people is much lower compare to the black community where it’s rampant and hidden. Even the UN admits, that HIV treatment in Brazil is far more effective compare to the US.
    crack and other drug addiction in black communities in Brazil is a nightmare but is much lower compare to black communties in the United States.

    *slums in Brazil are slums (favelas)
    *slums in the US are “government subsidized housing projects”

    I read some comments here (US blacks) and think that a nation like Brazil is that underdeveloped, you should seriously travel inside the US, look carefully and think again, because you are being fooled by your media (left vs right) that works for your government, that is destroying the country from within. Brazil has it’s issues, serious issues, but race issues, divide and conquer, being dumb down at home by watching tv and at school, is serious business in the United States.

    We hear overseas always how great education in the United States is, but reality shows (from my own experience plus as usual, I can also see that by some comments here) that it’s a complete failure in the US white community and a disaster in the US black communities that continue to be destroyed from the outside and within, specially with documentaries like this.

    “African American”
    Black people in Brazil don’t have time for this nonsense (labeling), but blacks in the US are insecured individuals and LOVE to use labels and use the race shield when they feel to use for “protection”. In Brazil, there are black copycats, they are quickly and without the use P.C. language being put back on their spot to stop that nonsense, even by black brazilians who do not fall in that “race label trap”.
    That term is foolish and used to divide and conquer.
    Most blacks in the US just like in Brazil have white or native American blood.Blacks in Brazil compare to the blacks in the US have more cultural links with Africa through music and religion. Majority label them them self first Brazilian (what is a nationality, and not a race. Afro-Brazilian is a stupid name created by the US media (by fake liberal whites, lying conservatives (hidden big government losers and enjoy defending black communities when they need them, but still fail) and repeated by brainwashed blacks in the US.

    Blacks in the US vs blacks in Brazil

    One of the groups of the Multi Etnic group in Brazil, the mulatoes do not care about blacks in the United States. They will make it you that clear.
    they struggle but far less if you compare them with the darker skinned Brazilians (so the blacks who only direct roots from Africa, there are not many of them).
    Black Brazilians already left that “slavery” history behind, though they don’t forget their past plus they will tell you that also blacks where involved in slavery (selling their own people for whatever the Europeans offered for trade).
    In the US they, 2013, still struggle with it, being bombarded with it on tv and bombard themself with it.

    so called Black Brazil is strugling and thriving, even in the mixed and white middle / upper middle class Brazilians.
    black USA is struggling, being destroyed and dying.


    Black African people everywhere are running away from their Afrocentrism at breakneck speed… African people who have a Europocentric education are going to think like a European, not an African… African people are frighten by African history, African culture and especially African Religion… Black Men are confused because Black Women won’t submit to his European patriarchy… Black Women are confused because Black Men won’t submit to their African matriarchy… The scary part is that neither Black Men nor Black Women seem to be aware of this evidence based fact… Attention all Black “Kafrican” people; “Ignorance is the Temple of the presumptous.” “The first step to knowing wisdom is knowing your ignorance.”

  • Billy Paul

    Indeed, because when Billy was single he attracted choice women (i.e. 6-figured top tiered educated with JD/MD/MBA) here and while working as a US trained patent attorney in Sao Paolo. Funny thing is Billy found out that women were the same no matter where he went, which includes, but is not limited to, Oman, Turkey, and the UAE. Women like security, so Billy put himself in a position to be able to provide that security if/when needed.

    FYI. Billy met the love of his life not outside the country, but in good old NYC where beautiful, intelligent, and educated women are plentiful. The only thing Billy had to do was be himself and let his pedigree and top tier education do to the rest.

    Lastly, Billy felt somewhat disturbed by the choice language the men in the video chose to use when describing AAW.

    We have to do better than that, Family.

    Carry on.

  • Jean D

    For those of you who aren’t aware, Brazil is 51% Black/of African mixed ancestry.. Its highly possible these Black American men are seeking a brown or dark-skinned beauty who is taught to serve her man and take care of his needs. Just as some White American men seek women from other countries.
    Dear Mr, Clay, the term hunter/ gatherer refers to the division of labor in basic tribal society in which men hunted for animals and women gathered plants for food. Because women in hunter/gatherer societies contribute so much to the diet, 75% from plants, and because they have low fertility rates and no one owns property, there is 100% gender equality. Only with increased fertility rates and the evolution of property rights that are passed down from a man to his offspring (patrilineal descent), do we see male domination of wonen Even in societies where children belong to the mother and her family (matrilineal descent), men do not control women. Another interesting fact that many people are unaware of is that the belief that “men are more sexually needy than women ” was invented in the US during the last 50 years. In most cultures, including the US, it is widely believed that men are “pure” while women are “driven by their sexual urges. “. Thus, the idea that “men are dogs” was recently invented and has no basis in biology or cultural history.

  • http://Clutch SL

    Seriously, your post is so full of inaccuracies I won’t bother refuting. However, I think you see Brasil through your Dutchness – your whiteness – which is what Brasilians in the favelas hate! You have no idea how they really view themselves. Your comment that they do not experience the racism and struggle in Brasil due to their dark skin is ludicrous and you prove what they say there that it is only the whites who don’t see the racism.- esp in Rio. SMH at your post.

  • Echi

    Thank you SL for your response to Brasil_Researcher. Wish I could have, but stopped taking his post seriously when he referred to Blasians as people with “tching tchong eyes”

  • Billy Paul

    Interesting comment; however, please refer to the following link,, and contrast the contents included therein with the above rhetoric.

  • br33zyblu

    “Tching tchong eyes?” You aren’t credible and you sound ignorant, so go take a seat, Brasil researcher.

  • Gail

    The whole argument and negative stereotyping of relationship between, for lack of a better descriptor, African- Americans, specifically Blacks, men and women perhaps has to do with the overall decline in marriage and the upswing in single parenthood. In fact, Blacks, around the globe, have the largest population of single parents when compared to other single racial groups.

    To my mind the salient question is what drives the negative image of relationships among Blacks? Again, it is not that positive and strong relationships do not exist, I have friends who are highly educated with professional and terminal degrees, as well as under-educated, high school or less, who have successful, well-balance, and respectful marriages; it could be that these relationships do not take center stage because of the absence of salacious drama.

    There is a dearth of positive relationships portrayed in the media – we always hear about the negative treatment of each other and seldom the positive. Men and women are not ashamed to be seen treating each other in a thoroughly debasing and negative way, such acts have become entertainment fodder and feed the negative stereotyping of relationships between Black men and women.

    I have a host of life experience as well as formal education and I object to being considered too:

    “a) too feisty for their own good” I am nobody’s doormat. I know what I want and if we are not in accord, we are going nowhere.

    “b) too fixated on income” Tradition dictates that life style is decided to a certain extent by income. In the past, Blacks got married and worked as a team to raise their families, buy a home, and appropriate transportation. So, I want a man who can be a good provider. What is wrong with that? Especially as I am willing to do my share also.

    “c) not catering enough” What exactly does that mean. it is a home, not a full-service hotel. The “catering” goes both way.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “what drives the negative image of relationships among Blacks?”

    the system of white supremacy…

  • jamesfrmphilly


    “All women are gold-diggers to a certain extent”

    my women had as much or more money than i had….

  • Jean D

    I want to reiterate that the myth that “men are dogs” is very recent in human history and in the USA this concept is closely tied to institutionalized racial segregation. Prior to Jim Crow laws, people of different races mixed together and associated freely. However, the mythical labeling of Black or mixed race men as “sexual beasts with large penises” has led to horrible crimes against these men. It was the fear of miscegenation that drove a social wedge between not only Whites and Blacks, but between those who were categorized as “colored” based on blood quantum guidelines.

    It is not healthy to generalize about anyone’s character based on gender or race. Each individual has a unique personality and character. There is no historical or biological evidence supporting the idea that men are naturally more promiscuous than women. However, if boys are raised hearing and seeing images that they are sexually “driven” , they may not feel “manly” if they choose abstinence and/or seek lifelong committed relationships.

    Women who hold this belief will unfortunately impart it to their sons. These same women may face a lifetime of insecurities and suspicions, thus never living a peaceful existence free from doubt, worriy, accusations and conflict, both internal or external.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    @jean d

    “It is not healthy to generalize about anyone’s character based on gender or race”

    given the HISTORICAL RECORD of WHITE people’s mis treatment of EVERY OTHER race on the planet, i think a little generalization is in ORDER…

  • chanela17

    did you not see where i said that it was puzzling to me that places sell “brazilian hair” i’m wondering what the hail brazilian hair is too because like you mentioned, brazil is a multiethnic place. so i can chop my thick afro textured hair and sell it as “brazilian hair” too if i was from

  • Chocolate Giddy Up.

    What people don’t understand is that any man, particularly a man of africa, that has enough wherewithal go out and strive in this society has to fight hard for what he has. The problem is that feminism, which the establishment used to destroy the black consciousness in the ’60s, teaches our women to try and compete for the man’s role in the relationship and no man is going to deal with having to compete at home after having to compete all day at work. No one’s saying that women need to walk around like Celie but they need to embrace their feminine energy and let their men use their masculine. The sisters in Brazil seem to grasp this, instead of trying to shame men in to what’s not natural for them, why not learn from the sisters in Brazil.

    I’d also like to point out that, despite how much people claim sex as the motivating factor for these brothers expatriating, notice that very few of them even talk about it in that documentary if any.

  • lol

    Then why aren’t they married?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    “let their men use their masculine”

    if you have to have permission to be masculine, you are not really masculine….

  • Chocolate Giddy Up.

    I don’t remember this every really being about marriage but, since you brought it up, maybe the sisters in Brazil aren’t pressuring the men for marriage like the sisters here in the U.S. do.

  • Chocolate Giddy Up.

    You took that out of context and misinterpreted what I meant. I mean that, if the woman is trying to fulfill my role then what is there left for me to do? If she would focus on her role as the feminine principle in the equation then things would run a lot more smoothly.

  • donna

    We need to move past this stupidity. A woman can no more steal a man’s masculinity than a man can steal her womanhood. If a man’s sense of self is that fragile, perhaps he should work on his issues before he inflictions his baggage on a woman in any country. Real men are not intimidated by real women. Only doormats allow men to walk all over them There is a difference between submissive and subservient. Fragile egos require the later. Black women are no longer accepting the responsibility for everything that goes wrong in a relationship. I am done with apologizing. The world does not revolve around Black men.If you choose to buy you some over in Brazil… more power to you.

  • Adrian

    You operate from the premise that Brazilian women , though a Portuguese nation can’t possibly know English. Ha, some American women can’t speak English. There are just as many black porn movies, but those don’t factor into your biased opinion do they? Black girls take it up the *cough* too. It’s not helping them get married or loved, so that point is moot. And lastly: the “hustle of Brazil”?? Really? You act like black women don’t like suckas. And you may not have had a problem dating a brother, but I’m sure you’re not married to one.

    Brother, married to an African. Who knows the “hustle of women period”, yet has no problem dating “black” women. Ha.

  • Adrian

    Whoa, whoa. Almost every woman in the world is a prostitute of some kind. If you have slept with a guy after dinner or drinks or gifts; what do you think that makes you? You are operating from the premise that those women can’t possibly love someone despite money(not too many brothers are rich, let alone wealthy). Black women need to get themselves together.

  • Adrian

    On one hand I agree with you that mothers (and fathers) play a major part in one’s emotional readiness. But EVERYONE either gives booty or pays for booty. It’s never free, or only for love. If you believe that, then tell me about your relationship: Did he never take you anywhere(meaning did you fall in love with him as soon as he said hello)? I think not. Just think about it.

  • Adrian

    Wong, you are wrong. All men have taken a woman on a date and hit it. That’s prostitution, no matter the look, clothes, etc. Also, the Brazilian economy is the 6th largest in the world. There are poor hoes everywhere.

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