not MixedI was a bartender for six years. This basically means I spent over half a decade blocking corny pick up lines one double shot of Hennessy at a time. And then there’s the fact that I’ve had breasts since I was 11. So I say all this to say, like most women, I’ve been hit on a lot.

And I’m quite confident that from the mundane, to the crude, to the flat-out weird, I’ve heard it all. But there’s one line that I’ve always found particularly interesting: You’re so pretty. You look mixed.

But that’s just generally speaking . Usually “mixed” is specified by a race, ethnicity, or geographic location: “You look part Indian (Or Puerto Rican. Or Brazilian. Or Polynesian if the suitor is especially creative).”

Now, if I wasn’t so cynical, I might actually believe that these “observations” are a testament to my racial ambiguity; a characteristic of my face I have failed to observe despite possessing it for nearly thirty years.

But they’re not because there is nothing “mixed” about me. My mother is from Boston, and my daddy is from Jersey and they’re both as black as asphalt. (Well, not literally, but I you know what I’m saying). And me? I’m from West Philly which is about as exotic as a six-pack of Old English.

So if I’m not mixed and I don’t look mixed, what would be a man’s motivation for telling me so? Well, I have my suspicions. Personally, I think they think they’re giving me a compliment.

I can tell by the way they say it. “You look mixed.” It’s the same smarmy inflection with which they deliver such classics like, “Let me take you shopping”; as if they’ve successfully implemented the line that will render you completely unable to resist them and couldn’t be more impressed with themselves. Then they smirk, bask in victory, and wait patiently for the panties to melt right off your body.

But this assumption is not with bias. I’ve asked other Black women, of all shades, shapes, and sizes, if they’ve heard this line a time or two. This “you look exotic” phenomenon isn’t just a cluster of isolated incidents reserved only for yours truly. Apparently, this a thing now.

But what’s the big deal right? Why would I interpret being called exotic looking to be a bad thing? Multiracial women are stunning. Shouldn’t I be flattered?

In a word? No.

Because, yes, multiracial, biracial, Hispanic, and Asian women are in arguably gorgeous. But so are Black women. Regular old Black women just like Beyoncé, and Janet, and Tyra and innumerable other African-American women who, for generations, have been revered as the most beautiful in the world.

So do we really have to be “mixed” to be beautiful? Should another race, ethnicity, or nationality be a requirement for attractiveness?

I don’t think so. That’s why I don’t blush or give a coy giggle when I man tries to tell me I look something that I’m not.

Because when a man tells a Black woman that she looks mixed as a form of endearment, he’s insinuating that her beauty comes from the (allegedly) non Black part of her. All they’re effectively saying is: You’re too beautiful to just be Black.

Oh, but I am. I’m beautiful just like my beautiful Black mother, just like her mother and her mother’s mother. We’re generations of women born right here in the US of A, from North Carolina to Massachusetts by way of the motherland. Brown skin, nappy hair, cornbread and gravy gorgeous.

We aren’t beautiful in spite of our Blackness, we are beautiful because of it. So don’t dare try to give the credit to anything else.


  1. noname

    really sick of this convo, no being mixed isnt better at times it can be worse, via rape slavery but even if you got here in a bad way you are not a bad person. So what?

    we are ONLY having this convo because WHITE people had a problem NOT us.

    so why keep continuing the convo, maybe they will go away.

    but in west Africa where most blk american people are from, there are like um ZERO lightskinned folk, Period.

    i saw a girl who was indian in Ghana other then that if living here you light’ YOU WHITE (or asian)Get OVER it.Yes even Kerry Washington, or Michelle, im am not spliting percentages etc etc. So just because you got LESS white then some body else dont mean nothing =See SAME BOAT

    so im sorry unless you look like wesley snipes or are a fulani you are mixed. get over and get on with it. And every if you do look like wesley snipes you could STILL be mixed. Like i said moving..on.

  2. The most exotic is a black woman. It dosen’t get more exotic than that. There are various shades of blackness in my family from pale skin to dark brown with kinky, curly and straight hair. We consider ourselves black of African descent and is proud of it. I embrace my African heritage it sets me apart from europeans and euro wannabes. I love the fact that I have brown skin, course hair and full lips etc… In all honesty, I wish my skin was darker. I have never thought that the white race was more attractive in any shape or form. I have always thought that my people were the most beautiful and I thank my family for that self pride. Sure we do have european blood but it is not something that I embrace or is proud of. Dark skinned women and dark skinned men are absolutely stunning. Whites have always been envious of our strength and our beauty and it is really sad when people of color buy into white standards of beauty. My people are beautiful because of their blackness and nothing else.

  3. Stephanie

    -20. Ouch. But I did read the article.

    Again, the author wants to (and deserves) to be identified as a beautiful Black woman and rightly so because that is part of her self-identity. If some Black women want to be identified as mixed (and for the record, I said ‘for example if’ Beyonce–not that Beyonce does/did), or if some Multi-racial women want to be identified as Black they are also right to do that because it is part of their self identity.

    And as autonomous human beings, we can decide what part of ourselves to embrace that make the ‘whole’ person.

    How we see ourselves, especially when it comes to matters of beauty, trumps any compliment some guy gives at the bar because that’s all it is- a tired compliment from some guy at a bar.

  4. Bianca

    Asking if a person is mixed generally is intended as a compliment because on average, most people consider biracial to be more attractive than those who are primarily of a single race.

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