The FriskyThe Frisky HQ is under construction for the next couple of days so I was planning on working from home. Then yesterday, my internet crapped out and I found myself running to the local coffee shop in my pajamas. Six hours later, I was still sitting in my pajamas. It was an interesting day. There was a blind date that I eavesdropped on for a while. I thought that would be the subject of this week’s Dating Don’ts. Then the Boston Marathon bombing happened and the mood turned dark. I sat in silence for a while, watching CNN. My roommate was next to me, because she had the day off of work to study for a grad school exam. She eventually interrupted the silence to confess that she’s been watching that new show “Ready For Love.” Someone needed to cut the tension.

I laughed. But she was like, “Don’t laugh! They had this whole bit about how you should never say the word ‘fart’ on a date. It was interesting.” Then we got into an in-depth discussion about bodily functions and dating. Because these are the things that people sometimes talk about when terrible things happen in the world.

Her stance, after watching “Ready for Love,” is that you should not put the image of yourself farting/ burping/ vomiting/ pooping/ having your period until after a first or second date, or until you’ve swapped saliva, whichever comes first. Her reasoning is that when you’re getting to know someone romantically, you don’t want them to have an image of you letting one rip in their mind. And you want to think of them as a sex God. Or however you do.

But what about after you swap saliva? Then what?

Believe it or not, as much as I write about poop/fart/vomit/periods on The Frisky, I am terribly modest about my bodily functions until I know someone really, really well. I loved waking my ex-live-in boyfriend up with a good Dutch Oven. I don’t think he liked it quite as much as I did. But we had been living together for a couple of years at that point, so it was no biggie. But with new suitors … I would rather die than say the word “fart” on a date. I once got a period stain on a guy’s bed the first time I spent the night with a guy and hid in the bathroom for an hour. He had to beg me to come out. And I’m not going to pretend like I didn’t go into a complete anxiety spiral the first time I went back to my new boyfriend’s place and discovered that the walls to his bathroom didn’t go all the way up. Meaning, there was big, open space at the top of the loo. You’ve gotta love NYC apartments.

“Does it bother you that your bathroom is open?” I asked him, my armpits starting to get damp, imagining having to poop/fart/vomit or even pee in there.

“I haven’t had anyone back here since I moved in,” he said. “But yeah, at this moment I’m realizing I’m not thrilled about the bathroom situation.”

Thank god he’s sweet and has a record player with huge speakers.

Tracy Clark-Foy explored the topic of farting in love in a recent Slate article. She talked about her own difficulty farting in front of her boyfriend and took to Twitter to hear what other couples had to say on the matter. In the end, she came to the following conclusion:

“On the most basic level, we refrain from farting around loved ones because we’re sensitive little buggers worried about rejection … All we really want is to be loved for our flaws, and our farts — but fearing we won’t be, we come up with absurd solutions like ‘fake showers’… I’ve already belched in front of my boyfriend and become spectacularly lazy about shaving my legs. Farting, without forcing him to plug his ears, is the final frontier. One day soon, I will begin conserving water by ending all the ‘fake showers.’”

Farting is the final frontier. But there seem to be couples who stay forever in a state of bodily-function-modesty. And there are other couples who make bodily functions like a third entity in their relationships. I’m thinking of my friend whose boyfriend proposed by putting the ring in the toilet. I’m not sure I could ever get to that place, but good for them.

I ask you, how do you handle the whole bodily function situation in dating and relationships? Fake showers? Total openness? Or something else? Share your philosophies and tactics in the comments.


This post originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished with permission.

  • Me

    If we’re sleeping together… everything is fair game. You might hear me fart, you’ll probably know when I’m pooping and a burp might escape every now and again. If a guy has a problem with that we probably won’t be dating. But I’m not really sensitive about that. I’ve actually seen my bf’s poop because we’re gross like that. He’s seen mine too.

  • Farand

    There is a great YouTube on farting called something like “breaking the barrier”. It was hilarious and somehow it freed us both up to say “barrier” each time we have to let one rip. Ah the freedom. LOL

  • noir45

    If me and my significant other had a problem with being human because we all poop, burp, fart, bleed once a month (if you still have your period), etc. than we should not be together. In order to have an intimate relationship with someone, one has to be able to be human, drop our guard, and not worry about whether the other person will take off. If I cannot be myself, then I have no use for him and vice versa.

    I’ve had period accidents in his bed before. I simply pull up the sheets (or he does) and wash/dry them. Viola! Problem solved.

    P.S. Of course, I have been taught manners, so I don’t necessary go out my way to fart in front of my man, but hey, if and when it comes out, he doesn’t freak out and neither do I. LOL.

  • noir45

    LOL! I have to check that out!

  • simplyme

    lol at fake showers….really?

  • jamesfrmphilly

    womens got functions? who knew?

  • E.M.S.

    I’m fine with everyone except what comes out the back end. My boyfriend though, has no issue telling me he enjoyed his morning poop or that he may or may not have farted in the bed while I was sleeping next to him :l

    I however, try to be modest. While I’m not shy or ashamed of bodily functions, I don’t make a point of highlighting them. If they come up though, it’s no big deal.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    “I ask you, how do you handle the whole bodily function situation in dating and relationships?”

    The same way I would in a non-dating relationship – I don’t discuss those kinds of things with other people.

  • Mademoiselle

    I used to be extremely open as a way to force men to decide if they can deal with my flaws, but I’ve recently been sliding to the other side of the pendulum because I’m starting to feel like that (and other things) may have been me subconsciously sabotaging myself.

  • Muse

    I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 10 yrs and he has never smelled anything unpleasant come from me. The many times he’s asked if I do in fact….doo doo, I’ve said “No, I’m British.”

    *kanye shrug*

  • The Moon in the Sky

    I once had a male coworker who remarked that he didn’t have to watch himself around me after I once mentioned that I didn’t care if he farted. What I meant was that I was not the type of woman to freak out at bodily functions if they were done discreetly. In no way did I mean that I was okay with a man being disgusting with his bodily functions.

    My point is that you probably shouldn’t be so open with men about certain things.

  • Anthony

    As a former single, horny man, I believe a man’s revulsion concerning a woman’s bodily functions has an inverse relationship to how fine she is.
    If a woman is really fine, a man will find away to deal with anything within reasonable manners. In other words, unless you are letting one rip in a man’s face when he is eating, he will put up with a little gas or pooping if you are a 10!

  • audaciousace

    IMO if you can’t be mature about your partner’s bodily functions and accept that they are a human, you don’t have any business sexing it up with them. I mean, if you plan to let someone get up and close with your genitals then you should be able to fart around them. Especially with heteronormaitve couples. If a guy can’t deal with the thought of a woman’s period or a fart he has no business getting near her vagina.

  • Anthony

    I agree.

  • Anthony

    So much for a little raunchy humor!

  • apple

    when i tell you about me pooing.. you know you special.. you have reached a new level of friendship/or relationship… i just dont go round talking about my shit all willy nilly

  • binks


  • Glow

    I recently farted while making love to my husband. I chuckled, but even after 15 years together, I was still a little embarassed lol! :-)

  • onegirl

    Unrelated, but can people stop going out in public wearing their pajamas? You get in bed with those same pants that have been dragging on the city streets? Some people just have no class. Nasty…

  • ChaCha1

    I can understand withholding gas in the beginning of dating–because nobody wants to fart in front of a person they’ve only known for 12 weeks–but I’ll never understand how people who have been together (especially married or living together) for 10, 20, or 30 years can be so afraid of the other person knowing they fart or stink when they poop. Either these people are waiting until their spouses leave for work to poop/fart, or they poop/fart at work. Isn’t that torture to your stomach? That’s a lot of cheek clenching and running out of the room, lol. Maybe some people only fart once per day…I don’t get it otherwise. I’m not saying it’s cool to just let ‘em rip all day, every day, but NEVER passing gas, hiding tampons, all in an effort to seem odorless seems like too much.

  • V

    Dutch ovens? Now I know why he is your Ex. That is just disgusting.

  • Anthony

    I agree, but I did it today because after driving my daughter to the bus stop in a rain storm, I saw I had to get some gas!

  • Lady Ngo

    I don’t understand why people feel like just because something is a naturally bodily function that they should share it with the world (and that the world should want it shared with them). I’m not saying don’t take a dump or fart or whatever, but there’s no reason why you’re farting on the couch vs in the bathroom, especially if you knew it was coming. And unless there’s only one bathroom in our home, and its a dire emergency, why you feel like you should be able to come in and take a dump while i’m trying to brush my teeth.

    If that’s what works in your relationship, then fine. Do you. But i hate that folks try to guilt trip people into thinking that everyone should just be ok with it.

  • Fantastico


  • noir45

    I’m with you, chaCha1. If you can’t be yourself around your partner, who can you be yourself around. He knows you have a period (if you still have one); he knows you poop and fart. I wonder if there’s some insecurity there, especially if one is married to the person. Not judging, just wondering.

  • lexie

    when i first farted in front of my now husband, the relationship was 2yrs old. now after being a couple for 6yrs but married for 2months, i am not ashamed to drop one or pop one out at all. i aint gon’ lie, in the beginning of the relationship it was HARD to hold in a fart when it was LITERALLY squeezing its way out of me. as crazy and hard to believe; me farting infront of my significant other actually strengthened my relationship because it gave us a sense of comfort that we could truly be ourself in front of each other
    *****ladies and gents,****** if the relationship is serious you owe it yourself to not be ashame of something that is completely natural.

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