Friends

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” Madeleine Albright

How many times have you heard another woman say:

“I just don’t get along with other women.”

“I don’t have any female friends.”

Or the kicker, “I just don’t trust b*tches!”

Throughout my life I’ve heard every iteration of my fellow sisters’ mistrust of their own kind, and each and every time, it pains me to hear it.

Because here’s what I know:

If you don’t like/trust/or kick it with women—I don’t trust you.

Here’s the thing: I used to be one of those girls. When I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy and hung out with boys. While I always had a small circle of female friends, I seemed to be more at home with the fellas.

Why? I felt like I could be myself with them. I could talk about sports, music, and kung fu flicks, and I didn’t have to worry about being shunned because my LA Gears didn’t match my uniform or my hair wasn’t styled just so.

I just didn’t trust women. I didn’t trust that they’d have my back and wouldn’t gossip about me fiercely once I left the room.

Despite being raised in the company of strong and supportive women, I still looked at them suspiciously—after all, every show, film, and hit record taught me that women were ruthless, conniving, and quick to kick you out the circle if you dared to be different.

These fears were unfounded, though.

From the moment I switched schools in the 5th grade until today, women have been some of my closest allies.

Over the years, I’ve gotten jobs, apartments, and hook-ups because of the support of my sister circle. I’ve been introduced to editors, gotten invited to events, and have had THE BEST NIGHTS EVER, all because of women.

So when another woman says they can’t stand other women or they don’t have any (and I mean not a single one) female friends, it gives me pause.

I typically abhor using the term, “self-hate,” but when anyone says they dislike people who are like them, my senses begin to tingle.

Throughout our lives, we women have been taught to view each other as the enemy. Despite needing and relying on our sisters for centuries, we’ve also been taught to compete with them for mates, jobs, and the token position of being the woman in the room.

When I hear other women say they can’t stand women, it makes me sad because what they’re really saying is that they can’t stand parts of themselves.

People come into our lives as mirrors. Those we love reflect back the best, most loving parts of ourselves. And those we hate highlight the flaws within ourselves we want to hide.

So the next time you catch yourself uttering the phrase, “I don’t like_____” ask yourself why. Maybe what you’re really saying is, I don’t like myself.

 

Britni Danielle is the author of “Break Out of Your Box: 5 Steps to Start Following Your Dreams“. Follow her on Twitter @BritniDWrites

99 Comments

  1. The first step in being a girls girl, is to be inspired by other women—-inspired by their stories, achievements,tribulations and insights. Look at this “Working Girl” feature For example

  2. I once had a friend in college that I considered myself close to. She ended up telling my business that I confided in her and it really hurt my feelings. Never once did I think all women were like that. In fact, I had a few other GIRL friends later on that told me they stopped trusting her for various reasons. They had my back. She didn’t. Perfect example to not generalize.

    The only way I could ever say I dislike women (and this could go for men too) is if the entire female population all did something to me to make me lose their trust. I haven’t met every woman out there to make that assumption. I judge people by their individual actions.

    Ladies, have you ever been out in public minding your own business and you feel someone staring at you? You look over and it’s a random woman you’ve never seen before giving you the evil eye? It startles you and you’re not sure what to make of it? Well, that’s most likely the woman who doesn’t trust other women, judges you and sees you as the enemy despite never having crossed paths before. And guess what? Those are HER issues. It has nothing to do with you.

  3. Yasmine

    Women who generally don’t care for the company of other women also don’t care whether you trust them or what you think of them. No one gives a hoot if a guy prefers the company of women and doesn’t care much for other guys, but woe be it to the woman who prefers the company of men– she is automatically presumed to be an antisocial , untrustworthy bitch. Some very feminine, straight women have information oriented, masculine type brains rather than emotional, intuitive brains. We don’t like idle chit chat, we don’t like endlessly discussing “relationships”, talking about kids bores us to tears, and all that emotion is tedious to us. You will often find it among women who have no sisters, women who have a solitary personality type, and women who are not interested in having children. I also happen to find many high pitched female voices irritating. A large crowd of yammering women is like a million pieces of chalk on a blackboard to me. And, FORGET about a bunch of women line dancing, what a bore! Nevertheless, I have a number of good female friends.I find that my three best female friends have a similar outlook, and none of us have kids.

    • You come off as someone who thinks that you’re superior to other women because you embody more typically “masculine” traits. Can’t you just say that you’re not interested in children, or unemotional or whatever without implying that those are negative things?

  4. cocoshan

    Interesting that you judge women so harshly who say this, yet you say you went through the same thing yourself. Maybe they haven’t grown to know better yet, like you have. Be a woman they can trust, rather than being another woman they feel is looking down on them. Just a thought.

  5. Sorry, but you are WRONG. Every time I make a friend, female friend, she seems to try to want to separate me from my husband, not solely by cheating, but by putting things in my head. My mother in law was instantly mean to me when she met me, my mother turns everything into a competition: cooking, dancing, exct. she even told me she would steal a boyfriend away when I was 15. My female cousins constantly made comparisons, and made fun of my small breasts. My aunts could not stand me achieving anything, and tried to pick out all my short comings. And all that before I was twenty. I don’t like other women because they are conniving. I am and have always been very blessed, I am pretty, smart, and have a wonderful husband with a great job. God has always been a blessing in my life, I can play guitar, and sing beautifully, only to have other women, relatives and acquaintances act jealous and try to sabotage me at every turn, from childhood. So no, I do not like other women and if God blesses me with a little girl, I am going to teach her to be nice to EVERYONE, regardless if they are more talented than her.

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