Friends

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” Madeleine Albright

How many times have you heard another woman say:

“I just don’t get along with other women.”

“I don’t have any female friends.”

Or the kicker, “I just don’t trust b*tches!”

Throughout my life I’ve heard every iteration of my fellow sisters’ mistrust of their own kind, and each and every time, it pains me to hear it.

Because here’s what I know:

If you don’t like/trust/or kick it with women—I don’t trust you.

Here’s the thing: I used to be one of those girls. When I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy and hung out with boys. While I always had a small circle of female friends, I seemed to be more at home with the fellas.

Why? I felt like I could be myself with them. I could talk about sports, music, and kung fu flicks, and I didn’t have to worry about being shunned because my LA Gears didn’t match my uniform or my hair wasn’t styled just so.

I just didn’t trust women. I didn’t trust that they’d have my back and wouldn’t gossip about me fiercely once I left the room.

Despite being raised in the company of strong and supportive women, I still looked at them suspiciously—after all, every show, film, and hit record taught me that women were ruthless, conniving, and quick to kick you out the circle if you dared to be different.



These fears were unfounded, though.

From the moment I switched schools in the 5th grade until today, women have been some of my closest allies.

Over the years, I’ve gotten jobs, apartments, and hook-ups because of the support of my sister circle. I’ve been introduced to editors, gotten invited to events, and have had THE BEST NIGHTS EVER, all because of women.

So when another woman says they can’t stand other women or they don’t have any (and I mean not a single one) female friends, it gives me pause.

I typically abhor using the term, “self-hate,” but when anyone says they dislike people who are like them, my senses begin to tingle.

Throughout our lives, we women have been taught to view each other as the enemy. Despite needing and relying on our sisters for centuries, we’ve also been taught to compete with them for mates, jobs, and the token position of being the woman in the room.

When I hear other women say they can’t stand women, it makes me sad because what they’re really saying is that they can’t stand parts of themselves.

People come into our lives as mirrors. Those we love reflect back the best, most loving parts of ourselves. And those we hate highlight the flaws within ourselves we want to hide.

So the next time you catch yourself uttering the phrase, “I don’t like_____” ask yourself why. Maybe what you’re really saying is, I don’t like myself.

 

Britni Danielle is the author of “Break Out of Your Box: 5 Steps to Start Following Your Dreams“. Follow her on Twitter @BritniDWrites

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  • Wendy

    Sorry, but you are WRONG. Every time I make a friend, female friend, she seems to try to want to separate me from my husband, not solely by cheating, but by putting things in my head. My mother in law was instantly mean to me when she met me, my mother turns everything into a competition: cooking, dancing, exct. she even told me she would steal a boyfriend away when I was 15. My female cousins constantly made comparisons, and made fun of my small breasts. My aunts could not stand me achieving anything, and tried to pick out all my short comings. And all that before I was twenty. I don’t like other women because they are conniving. I am and have always been very blessed, I am pretty, smart, and have a wonderful husband with a great job. God has always been a blessing in my life, I can play guitar, and sing beautifully, only to have other women, relatives and acquaintances act jealous and try to sabotage me at every turn, from childhood. So no, I do not like other women and if God blesses me with a little girl, I am going to teach her to be nice to EVERYONE, regardless if they are more talented than her.

  • http://www.stormygraphix.com/ Stormy

    I’m not sure it’s just that. I’ve been in direct conflict with one girl
    for men, but what I found out from her ex was that it wasn’t really
    about the men, but that she wanted me. For the most
    part, I’m so in my head, I don’t really pay much attention to other
    girls and I struggle hard to find common interest unless the girl is a
    lesbian; then she wants to be around me. ::throws hands up in the air in
    hysteric:: I have four girls that I like being around: my old roommate
    who I think I try too hard with (I can’t tell if she likes or hates me
    sometimes), One that likes to talk about deep stuff with, One that’s all
    about partying (and I get in trouble with), and the intelligent, scary
    and controlling one (Who also gets me in trouble, bails me out sometimes
    and confuses me a lot) LOL. I moved away though to be with my man. Guys are easy to be around, but I’m getting
    older and I’m dealing with the “Men and woman can’t be friends” phase
    which hurts. I’m at a impasse and need to be able to make female
    friends.
    I was really excited when in a game I play, we had gotten
    two girls and their husbands that were about my age (This brought us to 5 girls and 10 guys). I wanted to be their friend but I had problems where the raid leader was being himself and kept making fun of all three of us that our screen names were similar and wouldn’t stop. The more vocal one of the two changed her screen name. The raid leader then kept stroking my ego, hitting on me and such in front of everyone, even made my boyfriend uncomfortable. However he was also trying to get me to take a more leadership position and talk more. I had trouble directing the more vocal one of the two girls and she just did not want to be a team player. She often died because she would never stay in my healing range and I ended up telling her off to back up my boyfriend who was also irritated. The nail on the coffin was when these two new girls decided to switch jobs. This hurt the team since this meant we had to start over with two characters that were under gear. Naturally, the council treated their new characters like new recruits. So one night a piece of gear dropped that 3 of the girls could use (both the 2 new ones and 1 girl that’s been around longer than me). They decided to give it to the veteran player who hadn’t gotten anything new in weeks and the vocal one shat bricks. Her and her husband left after that, stating they felt no one liked her. I was really sad about that whole thing. There was no chance given.