Friends

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” Madeleine Albright

How many times have you heard another woman say:

“I just don’t get along with other women.”

“I don’t have any female friends.”

Or the kicker, “I just don’t trust b*tches!”

Throughout my life I’ve heard every iteration of my fellow sisters’ mistrust of their own kind, and each and every time, it pains me to hear it.

Because here’s what I know:

If you don’t like/trust/or kick it with women—I don’t trust you.

Here’s the thing: I used to be one of those girls. When I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy and hung out with boys. While I always had a small circle of female friends, I seemed to be more at home with the fellas.

Why? I felt like I could be myself with them. I could talk about sports, music, and kung fu flicks, and I didn’t have to worry about being shunned because my LA Gears didn’t match my uniform or my hair wasn’t styled just so.

I just didn’t trust women. I didn’t trust that they’d have my back and wouldn’t gossip about me fiercely once I left the room.

Despite being raised in the company of strong and supportive women, I still looked at them suspiciously—after all, every show, film, and hit record taught me that women were ruthless, conniving, and quick to kick you out the circle if you dared to be different.

These fears were unfounded, though.

From the moment I switched schools in the 5th grade until today, women have been some of my closest allies.

Over the years, I’ve gotten jobs, apartments, and hook-ups because of the support of my sister circle. I’ve been introduced to editors, gotten invited to events, and have had THE BEST NIGHTS EVER, all because of women.

So when another woman says they can’t stand other women or they don’t have any (and I mean not a single one) female friends, it gives me pause.

I typically abhor using the term, “self-hate,” but when anyone says they dislike people who are like them, my senses begin to tingle.

Throughout our lives, we women have been taught to view each other as the enemy. Despite needing and relying on our sisters for centuries, we’ve also been taught to compete with them for mates, jobs, and the token position of being the woman in the room.

When I hear other women say they can’t stand women, it makes me sad because what they’re really saying is that they can’t stand parts of themselves.

People come into our lives as mirrors. Those we love reflect back the best, most loving parts of ourselves. And those we hate highlight the flaws within ourselves we want to hide.

So the next time you catch yourself uttering the phrase, “I don’t like_____” ask yourself why. Maybe what you’re really saying is, I don’t like myself.

 

Britni Danielle is the author of “Break Out of Your Box: 5 Steps to Start Following Your Dreams“. Follow her on Twitter @BritniDWrites

99 Comments

  1. Wendy

    Sorry, but you are WRONG. Every time I make a friend, female friend, she seems to try to want to separate me from my husband, not solely by cheating, but by putting things in my head. My mother in law was instantly mean to me when she met me, my mother turns everything into a competition: cooking, dancing, exct. she even told me she would steal a boyfriend away when I was 15. My female cousins constantly made comparisons, and made fun of my small breasts. My aunts could not stand me achieving anything, and tried to pick out all my short comings. And all that before I was twenty. I don’t like other women because they are conniving. I am and have always been very blessed, I am pretty, smart, and have a wonderful husband with a great job. God has always been a blessing in my life, I can play guitar, and sing beautifully, only to have other women, relatives and acquaintances act jealous and try to sabotage me at every turn, from childhood. So no, I do not like other women and if God blesses me with a little girl, I am going to teach her to be nice to EVERYONE, regardless if they are more talented than her.

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  2. cosmicsistren

    Thank you for this article. I too don’t trust women who say that don’t like/trust other women. I find in 99% of the women I meet that say that are bit&hy and it’s just an excuse. My only complaint is that I wish the article was longer. This is an issue that is pervasive amongst women. I wished you got a little deeper with it. Still a good piece.

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  3. Treece

    I agree with the article 100%. In my experience, women who say they don’t trust or don’t like other women are usually the problem in the relationship(s). They have problems forming friendships with other women because they are the ones that start drama and foolishness in the first place. I mean I get being a tomboy and feeling more at home with the guys and all, but if everytime you try to bond with women (and there is plenty variety in personalities and “sister circles” to go around) then you have to question your motives and YOUR behaviors/words/attitude. You also have to question your choice in women you choose to hang around with. The problem is not ALL women. It may be you and your hangups for whatever reason….

    I’ve never had a problem getting along with women in the general sense, it’s just certain types I don’t like. And I choose not to waste my time attempting friendships with THOSE TYPES. I have my own circle of friends that I love like family.

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    • The Moon in the Sky

      “I mean I get being a tomboy and feeling more at home with the guys and all”

      I was considered to be a ‘tomboy’ growing up, but I was never more at home with the guys. Why did you put those two together?

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    • Treece

      Because she said something about it in the article….

      “When I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy and hung out with boys. While I always had a small circle of female friends, I seemed to be more at home with the fellas.”

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  4. NY's Finest

    I’ve been saying for years that any woman who says she doesn’t like or trust other women is the one with the problem.

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  5. I have always been suspicious of any female who says they don’t like women or they don’t have women friends, women are messy or you know I don’t trust bit**es. This has always left a very bad taste in my mouth. {They sound as bad as women who are man bashers, you the type that says all men are dogs, never trust a man, etc} I don’t understand how they could say this when they are of the same gender. So in my mind they are referring to themselves, their mothers, biological sisters, aunts, female cousins, daughters, grandmothers and any other female that are close to their hearts. I’ve also heard women who were expecting say that they didn’t want to have a baby that was a girl because “you know how girls are”. My response is I don’t have any biological sisters but my friends are my sisters in my heart and I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life. I love them all. I am in a sorority and I have some life long sister friends there as well. When I was pregnant I had a miscarriage and it was a baby girl. To have been able to have been her mother would have been a dream come true & an honor. I feel that if you are a female & you don’t like or trust women then I don’t trust you. I have been a female for 51 years and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love all women and I think women are phenomenal.

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