Friendship BreakupTwenty-five minutes late for drinks. Again. Took two days to respond to a text message last week. Tweets and emails offering meet-up options are ignored. If this were a guy you were seeing, he would have been out the door long ago. But this person is your girl and you still hang tough.

Why?

I’ve had my fair share of flaky girlfriends. For some reason, it always took a while to recognize the one in my circle of lady friends who was just not a good person with whom to continue a friendship.  I had a tendency to chalk it up to “Oh that’s just Mary being Mary” or whatever, but if you’ve made yourself clear to a friend that she has not been pulling up her end of the friendship and nothing has changed, it may be time to let sister girl free.

If someone doesn’t respect your time, she does not respect you. If someone consistently blows you off, but is full of “Hey, girl!” when you see her, trust her actions not her words. If EVERY time you are in need (whether that’s emotional support, financial help, advice or whatever) she seems to never be available? That’s not your girl.

Of course we have all been guilty of being a “bad” friend sometimes. I know I have had periods in my life when I should have been more available to friends as they celebrated or commiserated about certain major life events. But there’s a difference between having off moments and just being a generally crappy individual.

Friendships are hard to break from though. In my experience, it is often more painful and intense than breaking off from romantic relationships.

Have you ever had to “break up” with one of your girls? How did you do it and what did she do that sent you over the edge?

Demetria Irwin is a New York City-based freelance writer/editor. Follow her on Twitter, @Love_Is_Dope.

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  • Misty_Moonsilver

    My goodness. I had a friend who was nothing more than a leech I bought her lunch, she never returned the favor. I threw her a suprise party as well as help her put together another birthday party. I got her TWO jobs. And what have I got to show it? Nothing? She’s older than me, still leeching of her parents. I just hate that I wasted so many years in a friendship with such a pathetic person.

  • Gell0h0h

    I’ve got the GIFT of goodbye. If it looks like a leech, smells like a leech, then it is not a BUTTERFLY. One friendship had me on some Buffy the Vampire Slayer tip – trying to save HER world and slay each of her demons. When it was time for me? (Crickets chirp). Oh no ma’am! I am not a superhero – I am trying to maneuver through this life just as you are. Second one wanted to be GROWN and started hanging out with the older crowd and began acquiring some “habits”. What? You drinking what and smoking who? Oh… orange is not my color and jumpsuits just don’t flatter my figure. I’m TRYING TO GET MY LIFE!!!!

    All jokes aside, you learn over time that people will either help you grow or be the cause of your growth. And sometimes you have got to let go. Just be cautious of who you allow into your life and be prepared for those who walk out. We all have our seasons and for some, their season is up! That’s the way it is and that’s how it’s got to be sometimes.

  • london via Africa

    Just been through the same thing. This so called friend felt to cancel all our plans, stopped calling and all because her man thirsty self got a new boo. Ladies please remember not to lose your life when you start a new relationship.

  • Nikki

    I experienced a great deal of growing pains and dealt with low self-esteem for a long time while growing up…so I was often the toxic friend…and many of the girls I called BFFs growing up have since moved on…I say this to point out that having them leave really taught me to examine who I was and reevaluate some negative personality traits…it does hurt to be the one left out..but sometimes being hurt is what you need to help you grow up…

  • KT

    Evaluate the people in your life; then promote, demote, or terminate.
    You Are the CEO of your life!

    Yes, I’ve had to do this several times in my lifetime and I’m sure I will again. I’m open to letting relationships go that do not support or grow with me…Especially those that have become toxic!