Video of father beating daughter goes viralThe now-infamous viral video of a fed-up father whipping his daughters for twerking has sparked an interesting discussion. While most argued over whether or not the father crossed the line that distinguishes discipline from abuse, positive responses (and there were many) claiming the father “did the right thing” made me question the logic behind being comfortable with man beating his daughter, but not his girlfriend.

Rock with me.

As a parent, I understand the frustrations many of us feel when we are attempting to mold our children into respectful, positive, and happy little beings. We want them to listen to what we say, and execute our demands…without any backtalk or negative attitudes. But unless you are blessed with a super agreeable child, or a robot, this idealistic view of parenting rarely occurs.

The truth is, kids are fully formed human beings with their own personalities, frustrations, and opinions. And while many of us have been taught to squash their little points of view when they do not mesh with our own (after all, the parent is THE boss, right?), the reality is our methods of discipline do not always garner the desired results.

Moreover, for many black parents, far too often our default method of getting kids in line—“whoppings”—trade temporary results for permanent trauma.

And before I go any further, I know someone is going to say, “But I was whooped and I turned out fine.” While this may be true, the fact that you survived being spanked (at best) or outright beaten (at worst) by your parents does not make it right.

I will admit; my views on corporal punishment have evolved. When my son was little I was sure that I would spank him, just as I was spanked, when he stepped out of line. But after actually hitting him with a belt a few times and realizing that 1) I hated it, 2) it was super ineffective, 3) it just made him angrier, and 4) it was useless unless I wanted to actually beat him, hitting my kid wasn’t the most effective way to correct his behavior. Never mind that the practice is totally humiliating, it sends him a mixed message about using violence to get what he wants.

Which brings me back to the video.

While many people cheered this father on for “disciplining” his daughters, these same folks would be horrified (I hope) had a the same man been caught on tape beating his wife or girlfriend in the same way.

But, why? What makes it ok for a father to wail on his daughter, but not his wife?

Shouldn’t our significant others and spouses respect us? Shouldn’t they listen to what we have to say, especially when we only have their best interests in mind? What if they just tune us out when we try to talk?

Most people would agree that hitting a spouse or a lover is universally wrong, and using your hands to solve an issue with someone you love is never the answer.

Unless they are parents; then it’s just discipline, right?

101 Comments

  1. MsTwix

    There are so many unknown variables in this situation, I am always thinking of what’s in that person’s head (walk a mile in their shoes). What if it was the Nth time he tried talking to his daughters about “twerking”. What if he tried taking away their gadgets, or outdoor privileges? I don’t know the full story, but I also know no kid will laugh when getting disciplined. I saw the video, it was hard to watch because she’s young, we feel bad for her. I wonder what she looked like “working it” for the camera?

    I believe in spanking (but in my country they call it beating/whopping because either way, the kid will cry). I don’t believe in abuse, there is a difference. Stop being afraid to show the kids who’s boss. They do need to get the message that what they did was wrong. Not sure if the extent in this case will work. But he did do something… that counts for alot considering all the non-parenting going on these days. Of course he’s mad, can you imagine your little girl doing these for the world to see? If they can twerk online, they can get disciplined online. These images are there forever, careers will never take off with these images of these girls (and all people doing this) making fools of themselves online. In the words of Chris Rock, “your role as a father is make sure she doesn’t get on the stripper pole” ain’t that some sh*t?

    You can try to be your child’s friend and talk to them when they get out of hand for the hundredth time, or you can show them who’s boss and they won’t come for you with a damn gun while you’re sleeping…

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    • akilahbee

      The video of him beating the girls will also be there forever. And in terms of publicity, more of us have seen them getting whooped than twerking (is the video even in circulation? I haven’t seen it). I’ve got some mixed feelings about corporal punishment in general, and I’m not quite sure we can call this man a bad father or person based on a de-contextualized 30 seconds of his life and relationship with his daughters — BUT I am absolutely certain 100% that he should not have recorded the beating and put it on social media.

      The twerk video might have made its rounds amongst a small community of their friends and some others, but this beating video is now viral. I would argue that more damage to their image has been done by his actions versus theirs.

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  2. Cocochanel31

    I believe physical spaking/hitting should be an absolute last resort. I’m more for hand tapping/grabbing and punishment than physical beatings, however, in this case if you grown enough to twerk you grown enough to get a beating. The video has been pulled so I can’t see how severe it was/is.

    I don’t condone “beatings till the white meat shows” or blood is drawn .

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  3. Beating the hell out of your child doesn’t teach them anything. Perhaps he should sit down with her, talk to her about sex, her feelings, the way boys/men look at women and the risks associated. He should also talk to her about love and embrace her feelings, her ‘boy-crazy stage’ and give her the tools needed.

    The girls were ‘visiting’ him when this occurred. That’s a problem all of its own. So many black father’s live outside the home and all of a sudden want to be super-dad with a belt when an infraction incurs. Kids will be kids. I got whippings growing up. It garnered the temporary results my mom desired and I hated her for it, I feared her. I couldn’t talk to her about anything. I withdrew, I suffered socially- as did my emotional relationships with people. I’m a good person, sure. I’m not out mass-shooting up schools (white people have issues with parenting as well, before they get all high and mighty) but I know that it wasn’t the best way to deal with me as a child. There is no perfect way.

    Stop hitting these children.

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  4. Blue

    You’re comment makes no sense to me. What you speak of is someone with the intent to abuse.

    So explain to me why most white children are the ones who go & shoot up the school in the most quiet boring suburb that no one has ever heard of until after the massacre happens? I was spanked & I don’t hate my parents, I was never in a gang, I am not violent. I don’t even see it as a abuse. I got spanked cause I deserved it & that “time out” ish wouldn’t have worked on me. Don’t blame it on color, or the “slave mentality”…blame the violence on neglectful parents, & irresponsibility.

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    • I Disagree

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    • Fontanelle

      You are a goddamn idiot.
      Just because YOU turned out okay doesn’t mean the next kid will. And there are plenty of white children who ARE beaten…probably the ones who DO shoot up schools.

      Personally the same happened to me and I refuse to have any connection with the scum in my family who left me with huge mental scars that I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life. So if morons want to spank their kids, go ahead. But I will be the first person to get them dragged off to prison if I ever catch wind of it.

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