Video of father beating daughter goes viralThe now-infamous viral video of a fed-up father whipping his daughters for twerking has sparked an interesting discussion. While most argued over whether or not the father crossed the line that distinguishes discipline from abuse, positive responses (and there were many) claiming the father “did the right thing” made me question the logic behind being comfortable with man beating his daughter, but not his girlfriend.

Rock with me.

As a parent, I understand the frustrations many of us feel when we are attempting to mold our children into respectful, positive, and happy little beings. We want them to listen to what we say, and execute our demands…without any backtalk or negative attitudes. But unless you are blessed with a super agreeable child, or a robot, this idealistic view of parenting rarely occurs.

The truth is, kids are fully formed human beings with their own personalities, frustrations, and opinions. And while many of us have been taught to squash their little points of view when they do not mesh with our own (after all, the parent is THE boss, right?), the reality is our methods of discipline do not always garner the desired results.

Moreover, for many black parents, far too often our default method of getting kids in line—“whoppings”—trade temporary results for permanent trauma.

And before I go any further, I know someone is going to say, “But I was whooped and I turned out fine.” While this may be true, the fact that you survived being spanked (at best) or outright beaten (at worst) by your parents does not make it right.

I will admit; my views on corporal punishment have evolved. When my son was little I was sure that I would spank him, just as I was spanked, when he stepped out of line. But after actually hitting him with a belt a few times and realizing that 1) I hated it, 2) it was super ineffective, 3) it just made him angrier, and 4) it was useless unless I wanted to actually beat him, hitting my kid wasn’t the most effective way to correct his behavior. Never mind that the practice is totally humiliating, it sends him a mixed message about using violence to get what he wants.

Which brings me back to the video.

While many people cheered this father on for “disciplining” his daughters, these same folks would be horrified (I hope) had a the same man been caught on tape beating his wife or girlfriend in the same way.

But, why? What makes it ok for a father to wail on his daughter, but not his wife?

Shouldn’t our significant others and spouses respect us? Shouldn’t they listen to what we have to say, especially when we only have their best interests in mind? What if they just tune us out when we try to talk?

Most people would agree that hitting a spouse or a lover is universally wrong, and using your hands to solve an issue with someone you love is never the answer.

Unless they are parents; then it’s just discipline, right?

  • emjay

    That video was so hard for me to watch! I have a feeling those girls get beat like that on a regular basis. I got spankings as a child and I NEVER screamed like that. It was disturbing. Seemed like he was hitting them out of his own anger rather than trying to discipline. And if you listen to what he’s saying to them as he’s beating them, it’s even worse.

  • J. Nicole

    I’m disguested by the video. If this was a viral video from Afghanistan the entire world would be outraged.

    I was never spanked. EVER. I believe that if this man punishes his children that way, he may very well also hit his girlfriend. That is clearly an angry man who cannot control his rage. No one decides over night to hit their children with a cable cord. I’m sure the abuse was already there.

  • Eva

    You don’t raise your wife.

    You raise your child.

    This form of discipline should be used as a last resort. And when it is used, it should never be so excessive as to humiliate. And an explanation should always precede the punishment.

  • Britt

    I don’t think you can compare parents disciplining their children to a man beating his wife. A parent’s job is to instill discipline and home training into their children. Parents are authoritative figures and are responsible for making their children into productive members of society. Children NEED discipline and home training and it has to start at a young age.

    When it comes to spouses and significant others, it’s a partnership. There are no authoritative figures. It’s not a spouse’s job to discipline the other person in the relationship. They should just leave if they’re not happy.

    I don’t think that father should have used an extension cord on his daughters and I DEFINITELY don’t think he should have recorded it. I wonder if everyone would feel differently if it were young boys involved and not young girls.

    There is a fine line between “whooping” and child abuse.

  • Sasha

    Are you stupid? How about we draw the line at it not being okay to hit another human being PERIOD, regardless of your relationship to them.

  • isa

    Thank you, I think people have gone over board with their analogy of this video. If you don’t agree with spanking thats your personal opinion, fine. but this comparison is way overboard, Children are children not adults

  • Guest1234

    I’m sayin’! I still haven’t watched that video (and I don’t think I ever will) because I just can’t stand watching someone, (particularly women and girls) being hit.

    I don’t know why we don’t talk about the BIGGEST issue here which is misogyny in the black community. Videos have surfaced with people beating black women and girls with belts and pipes, bus drivers uppercutting young women, Creflo Dollar choking his daughter, and I saw one where a security guard tasered a black woman in front of her screaming children and they all result in the same thing. Public admiration and congratulation for brutalizing black women. It’s just disgusting.

    Only once have I seen a public image of a man attacking a non-black woman. It was the 1st season of Jersey Shore when some dude punched Snooki in the face. That guy was arrested, prosecuted, and lost his job. And MTV was heavily criticized for airing it, and eventually stopped showing it. When are we going to address this double standard? When are we going to say NO to abuse of black women and girls? Why do people celebrate it when they condemn violence against other women? And why does the black community take it? Why do black people pile on? Why do we hate our women and girls? I just can’t…….I’m so disgusted.

  • confessionsofacurvygirl

    When you raise a child you are raising them to be an adult. If you beat your child you a raising them to be a punching bag for someone else.

  • Pseudonym

    You make a good point. b/c it’s okay to have sex with your girlfriend but definitely not okay to have sex with your daughter. (Though that beating was excessive!)

  • Kema

    “Children are children not adults”

    This is true. But they are also human beings with feelings. Why were those girls twerking? We can all come up with reasons but at the end of the day the only way to know is to talk to the girls that were involved. Most adults seem to not care why teens have certain behavior. Choosing to instead stop that behavior at any cost.

    “The truth is, kids are fully formed human beings with their own personalities, frustrations, and opinions.”

    I dont think many adults are ready to understand this. Also, once they are about 14/15 they are not quite children anymore. There’s not much ‘raising’ them at this point.

  • Adiya

    Not ok to beat an adult woman. But a child who is even way smaller than the average adult woman? Sure why not.

    Oh, but don’t beat the dog either.

    Adult women and dogs trump children. Got it.

    Some Black people are still enslaved.

  • ninafleurina

    I watched this video the other night with much inner debate as to if I should even watch it…I gave in and it was disturbing. But the night before I went to a Sweet Sixteen party of my little cousin and had to leave early because the adults that attended felt it was ok to indulge in unedited versions of rap music that consisted of sucking “d” and other beyond vulgar things, with the children, by the way this was in a prominent neighborhood with professionals as parents, this was not in the “hood”. I say that to say the line today is blurred between who is the parent and who is the child, I agree with Eva, you do not raise your spouse you raise your child, you provide for your child, you are responsible for the enrichment and the well being of your child, your spouses parent should’ve done that for them. I’m offended by parents who “hang” with their children or refer to their child as their “homie” My mom was and still is my best friend, and was the coolest mom in the neighborhood growing up, but that line of mother and child was never crossed, yes she spanked me for disobeying her, she was a single mom with five children, we all got “whooped” at some point in our lives and it affected us all in different ways. If affected my husband and his brother to a detriment,{they though there dad hated them, come to find out there dad hated whooping them but that was all he knew, coming from his generation. What’s funny is none of my siblings spank there children and when I have children I most likely won’t either. I do believe that in establishing a strong since of boundaries, communication, love and guidance you build a foundation that give a positive impression for years to come. Although my mom spanked us it wasnt often…but her love was unconditional and she established her role as momma and child real quick. Kids these days are subjected to so much more then when i was a kid, over stimulated sexually, emotionally and physically with no censor…oooh between twerking, sexting, oral sex in elementary school, easily accessible porn on the phone, the movies, the music…my first mind says beat’em but my heart says they need so much more then that…praying for all the parents…I know it’s hard but “whooping” is not the answer.

  • K

    im not going to state my personal beliefs but i will say i see both sides of the argument, be that as it may I do not understand the comparison between children and a girlfriend or spouse. When this video first hit a few days ago, I saw others on twitter using this same argument and logic and to me that is like comparing apples to oranges. how are you comparing hitting someone you met who is suppose to be your equal to hitting a child who is not only not your equal but who you birthed. what i also dont understand about this logic using this comparison are the people who say this and ALSO say there are other forms of discipline to be used, but at what point are we are suppose to be DISCIPLINING a person we are in a relationship with?? i have never thought of that word in terms of a relationship and this is why this comparison b/w child and partner is so baffling to me. again I’m not stating my personal beliefs and i truly do see each side of the argument but i am completely lost in this comparison.

  • nataya1280

    Can someone show me some DATA on being spanked as a child will make you a domestic violence victim in adulthood… A child is not the same as a girlfriend that was way overboard. And yes, its ok to discipline your daugher. These girls are lucky to have a father to try to get them on the right path. Whether or not what he did was right he atleast is trying to do something. And we dont know the whole story. For all we know this isnt the first time these girls have been out of pocket and maybe the father was at his breaking point. We dont know what all happened in their household. We are here judging a father with HIS children but if we saw the video of the girls showing twearking their asses then we would be asking where is her father…

  • jamesfrmphilly

    FWIW – i raised a son without ever beating him….

  • ImJustSaying

    Please share your methods….. Seriously THIS inquiring mind wants to know for my future children

  • Britt

    This is SO true! I said the same thing yesterday on my comment when the story was first posted. If the video of those young girls twerking would have gone viral, the parents would have been criticized and accused of being neglectful.

    I don’t agree with the father hitting them with extension cord and filming it, but those girls’ actions did call for a stern and strong punishment.

  • isa

    Thats a load of B.S, where did you read and quote that from? did you sit down and study several relationships yourself of people who have been beaten as children to make such a bold statement?

  • nataya1280

    Thank you!!!. When I saw the video I saw a whole lot of kicking and screaming but the girls were not really BEAT. He didnt have to film it lol but I bet you that out of everything set their asses straight. I dont remember ppl being this outraged when the uncle beat the nephew for posting gang stuff online. Oh but he’s a male teen so thats ok for him to be whipped… At this point for whatever reason these teens are lost and the only thing that can be done is for them to fear their father enough to stay straight until they leave his house. And hopefully they find some sense by then.

  • stef

    i forgot black people are the ONLY people on the planet who beat their children. All enlightened races and ethic groups such as Indians, Asians, Arabs, and Hispanics all practice time out.

    you need to be in time out for that comment

  • K

    for clarity i want to add i am speaking mainly to side that says this is abuse, because i would say that is misguided discipline, for those that say its ok, well its nothing to argue then lol because u just see it as discipline period. and again at no point should anyone in a relationship be disciplining one another. Furthermore in a relationship if your partner does something you dont like you talk to them about it ask them to stop, they may forget or explain their side, children dont have the means to reason or logic they just DO w/o thinking. also the argument “shouldnt they listen when we have something to say in their best interest” again how can this be applied to a child ? they just dont have the same skils of logic and reason yet as an adult to understand we ONLY want their best interest, all they see is mommy/daddy is mean. also certain things (IMO) dont merit a discussion from a child, i dont know if this was the case of these girls but if your child is doing wrong and they know it , and discussions have already been had there is really no reason to let them talk for what? to try to come up with another excuse? its already been said and its time for punishment and consequences be you of the school of spankings or time outs

    but again my main argument is comparing hitting a child to hitting a spouse/partner. i just dont see it. It gives too much credit to idea that children have the reasoning and logical skills to have a discussion about the issue (depending on age obviously). Again not arguing for time outs for hitting, but why there may be a way to talk to a teenager there is no talking and reasoning with a 4 year old

  • isa

    “Why were those girls twerking? We can all come up with reasons but at the end of the day the only way to know is to talk to the girls that were involved”

    Exactly.. you could also say the same for the father this may not have been the first time he’s caught his daughter shaking her behind in front of a camera and posting it online. But we don’t know that do we?.The fact that teens have “certain behaviors” she is probably the very reason why this girl got herself in trouble, because twerking is popular she feels the need to not only twerk, but post a video of herself doing it.
    This website is a black womens website, more thought would have been given to.. what if the the father is a single parent? what if the teenager is struggling in school? (instead she is twerking away)
    Yes the beating was excessive and I don’t think he should have posted it online.

  • ashleighmarie

    Absolutely not–what right is it for a boyfriend or husband to “discipline” his wife? Flawed argument.

  • Nikki

    On the point that children are children I think people often respond to the behavior of children like they should have thought about it as an adult. In this instance, these girls may not understand the ramification of them posting these videos online in the same way that an adult would. Look at the Steubenville Rape Case. All though disgusting in nature I am sure that those kids in Steubenville had no idea what would happen based on what they posted online. I am not sure that corporal punishment is really useful when kids literally don’t have the cognitive development to reason as an adult. We don’t beat adults when they make mistakes and plenty of them make huge gaffes and mistakes on social media. We beat kids/teens and assume that somehow this will mean better behavior. I think there is a level of reasoning that could happen with young people before on decides that a whoopin’ is the only resolution. I don’t have the back story for this incident but it didn’t come across in the video that these girls had been caught and reprimanded for their behavior. It also didn’t seem like there was a clear reasoning or discussion as to why what they were doing was wrong which then resulted in the whoopin’. The father just seemed to be angry and in the moment responded in anger.

  • ashleighmarie

    Absolutely not–what right is it of* a boyfriend’s or husband’s to “discipline” a wife or girlfriend? Flawed argument.

  • KemaVA

    What happens when children see daddy hit mommy or mommy hit daddy? I’m sure most of us will agree its not good for their developing psyche. Why is it so hard to understand that being on the receiving end is also harmful. We are beating the will out of our children and wondering why they are’nt coming out GREAT.

  • Sic’ Em

    Thank you….it’s okay to beat a child but not a dog or someone around the same size as you. In this day and age (especially in America) most children can be disciplined with taking away things that they love, a harsh voice and a good explanation as to what they are doing wrong. The only children I can understand being “tapped” (with a hand, only once) are under the age of three when they really don’t understand. I was beaten with a wooden ruler as a child and my father and I still don’t have a good relationship and I don’t even know what I did wrong. You want to know what stopped the beatings? Not me doing anything differently (I really didn’t know what I was doing wrong) but my mother telling my father that she will call the cops on him if he ever touches me again. People, don’t whip your children as if they are beneath animals….unlike animals they have reason and there are other, more effective ways to discipline children.

  • Xenia

    I was spanked as a kid (maybe even until my early teen years – was grounded until my late teen years) and I have never been a domestic violence victim, I wouldn’t put up with it, seriously.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    i reasoned with him. then i nagged him to death.

  • nocdib

    There is a categorical difference between physically disciplining a child who you biologically and legally responsible for the care of and physically “disciplining” an adult who is of age to make their own decisions and who you no right to exercise authority over. I’ve never, EVER heard of a woman rationalizing domestic violence because her father disciplined her but I’ve seen PLENTY of females without a father figure end up in abusive relationships with men.

  • LMO85

    I didn’t view the video because I am not into the whole sensationalizing of bad behavior but I have to say, I agree with some of the other commentariat, that this whole post is a False equivalency and I think the OP knows this…You are really reaching to get folks to agree with your point of view. Children need discipline. All animal species discipline their young, Humans shouldn’t be any different. That is where this Society really started going downhill–too many sensitive types trying to treat children as if they are adults. Discipline is different from Abuse. That said, sometimes discipline can cause humiliation, but videotaping should never be part of the picture.

  • Ooh La La

    I think the issue is that too many parents confuse fear with respect. Your child learns to respect you when you are firm, but loving with them. Your child learns to fear you when you dominate and harm them. I believe that spanking causes physical and psychological harm.

    When you take away spanking as an option, it forces you to try harder and be more creative in disciplining your kids. It may also make you less likely to act out in anger versus cooling off and having a serious conversation with your child about their wrongdoings. I also think it’s important to teach your child the actual consequences of bad choices instead of threatening them. “Stop doing that or I’m gonna hit you” doesn’t sound as reasonable to me as “Stop doing that or you might hurt yourself” for example.

    Lastly, I don’t understand how some people don’t see how spanking teaches kids to use physical force against others when they act against your wishes. Some may say that a child just needs to know their place, and that it’s fine for a parent to spank their child but not for a child to hit others. But it’s been proven time and again that children behave as their parents do and not as they say. Personally, I won’t be one to condone it because I don’t see how it can be reasonably justified.

  • starr

    No beatings for this girl either…..never got in trouble, talked back, or anything else that seems to require a beat down from some people

  • Guest1234


    Perhaps you didn’t see the Jersey Shore incident. But, Snooki was doing the EXACT SAME THING! She was all up in this dude’s face, being belligerent, yelling, screaming, spitting and everything. It didn’t stop the public from being horrified when her behavior was met with a fist and taking swift action – making it clear that that fist in the face of a woman is NEVER OKAY. So, I ask, why is it ALWAYS okay when the fist, pipe, rod, belt, etc… is hurled at a woman who happens to be black?

    If it’s not okay to hit other women. Period. Then, we must demand that the EXACT SAME TREATMENT be offered to BLACK WOMEN, too. Being a jerk is no reason to accept being treated like an animal. We have GOT to stop accepting inferior treatment and making excuses for it.

  • Pseudonym

    Who said “don’t beat the dog,” “don’t beat the woman,” and “beat the children?” I can assure you that those three statements do not come from one person b/c the person who would not beat a dog would not beat a child and the one who would beat a child would beat a dog. That’s just one’s stance on spankings/physical discipline. This has NOTHING to do with slavery.

  • Tonton Michel

    Apples and oranges a grown woman making grown choices is not the same as kid who was warned about their actions by a parent. You can tell one to kick rocks and no one will shed a tear.

  • Blaque217

    While I haven’t and won’t watch the video, I am sure what was videotaped was not parenting but rather abuse.
    A lot of people in our community feel as though it’s perfectly acceptable to beat their children. But take a close and honest look at our community. These kids are out of control…bullying, doing drugs, gang banging, having babies, dropping out of school. Let’s face it, today’s youth didn’t get this way because their parents but them in time out. This kids PROBABLY learned about anger, violence and abuse from their parents
    I’m sorry, but neither of my parents ever laid a hand on me while I was growing up and I turned out to be a productive person. Never did drugs, I didn’t bring home a baby for Momma to raise, and I am college educated. So beating a child is not always necessary.

  • John S. Wilson (@JohnWilson)

    Corporal punishment and child abuse are two different things. You have a legal right to use corporal punishment on your children; but one has no such right to physically discipline their significant other. I agree that abuse against your child is wrong and should be punished, but I don’t think confusing corporal punishment with domestic violence is a good analogy.

  • P

    Right! It’s NOT Ok to Hit Your Girlfriend at all or either your daughter (to that extent). Yes as parents, we suppose to discipline our kids. Not abuse them. Once the father crossed that line, it fell under the category of physical abuse (child abuse). Which makes him an abuser as if he was hitting his significant other or spouse. To me, it was the same as if he was hitting a woman (not his daughters). While watching the video, I actually wondered where the mother was. I expected her to eventually scream, “hold up, that’s enough D”. So I assumed she wasn’t home. And my goodness, I am hoping she wasn’t the one recording it.

    I think it is how parents are raised. Due to our own discipline, some parents really don’t realize what abuse is. A lot of us were abused and didn’t know it. Since it was learned behavior, our children receive the same type of punishment. I think the problem with discipline, nowadays, is parents start too late. Most of the time when you discipline your kids early, by the time they reach a certain age, you won’t have to administer such overkill with an electrical cord or a belt. Now the kids are teenagers and excessive force is being used. What is looking like discipline really is child abuse. Either this father went ballistic or these girls have twerked so much – he wanted to put a final stop to it by going overboard. It is the same scenario in the sense when couples fighting— correct the problem before the relationship becomes abusive or leave the relationship entirely. We can’t leave our kids so it’s best to learn more effective strategies before the discipline turns abusive. It can become frustrating as a parent, but to beat your kids makes the situation even worse by making THEM abusive and the cycle continues. .

  • Aunti

    It is NEVER okay to strike, poke, hit, pinch, or slap another human being, for any reason. Children especially should not be hit in anger or frustration as it only teaches the child that they are powerless against a human twice their size and that “Might makes right”, is the answer to everything.

    I totally disapprove and will report anyone I see hitting, or slapping any child. It is sick and wrong, just like our culture is sick and wrong for saying women and children deserve to be beaten and that wars are okay.

  • Come On

    Exactly. It was funny to see that comment on the original article about “white folks” punishment. Is ours working out? I mean all these bad boys shooting up the neighborhood and all these attitudinal girls rolling their necks are they that way because their parents failed to discipline them? Get real. They probably got beatdowns just like those girls got. I’m sure they probably learned their anger from their parents. I have not seen any data suggesting that whoopings and abuse lead to more disciplined children. Heck does anyone have any anecdotal evidence of how he/she (a child that was beat like this) turned out better than children who were punished in other ways?

    Beating pre-teens and teens is what lazy parents who just want to physically take their anger out on someone and get away with it do. You read a parenting book and learn more effective ways to communicate and punish. At that age you are just abusing. And all kids will think about is how not to get caught. And they will resent you. If you raise kids well they will have a sense of shame and will not do these sorts of things. And I don’t know why black folks are talking about the age of entitlement and no whoopings. Most black kids still get whoopings, and they still twerk, and fight, and act entitled and everything else.

    I completely agree with this article. So you can’t beat a grown up, but you can beat a child because it’s discipline? I got spankings in elementary school. It was not abuse like this. Abuse is not discipline, and it’s not okay abuse any human being.

  • CMK


    Is anyone saying woman can’t be abusive?

    Let me state here again (although I did in another topic) a man or woman abusing their child is wrong. If this were a woman I’d be just as horrified and call for her to be arrested, just like I am the father of that video. It’s never OK for a man to hit a woman or a woman to hit a man if it’s not in self defense, even then I’m like find another way unless you’re life is truly in danger. This man beat his daughters with a wire, this is abuse. How it is OK at all?

    But to even this out for you:

    A black mother was arrested yesterday for not only slapping the wrong child, but slapping her son, after she realized she had slapped the wrong child. Google that news story. So if this woman can be arrested for 2 slaps, and all 3 of her kids placed with CPS, then what exactly should happen to this father? And it doesn’t look the law is taking gender into consideration. If a man did this he’d be jail too.

    And Guest1234, Amen!

  • CMK

    Just because a child is under your “authority” doesn’t mean you can abuse them. Every person has rights under the laws in this great nation. There are laws in place to PROTECT children from abusive parents. So please stop trying to leap around those facts.

  • CMK

    I’d feel the SAME exact way boys, girls. men, women, 6 years old, or 15 years old, 20 years old, or 80 years old.

    None of this changes what is happening on the tape. Yes, parents need to raise their kids and disciplining them will happen, what SHOULDN’T happen is abusing them. Trying to beat children into submission like they’re slaves will get you no where fast.

    And sorry but there is a fine line between spanking and an ass “whooping”, the latter I find nothing short of abusive. I don’t believe you have to hit children to get them to listen or even behave, but that’s just me.

    Like, I said if a woman can go to jail for not only slapping the wrong child, and then her child, what do you think would happen to this father?

    And I think it’s disgusting that people are like “OMG why did he record it?” as if that makes his actions any better. This man reacted instead of being an adult and getting at his daughters in a way that they LEARN. Beating children shouldn’t be your first and or only option.

  • CMK

    And I’ve seen plenty of men and woman WITH father figures who they saw BEAT their mothers end-up BEATING their girlfriends and wives, or end-up with men who beat them. Please violence begets violence and children absorb their environment. Look at Chris Brown, his mother was abused and so was Riri’s mother. These are facts look them up.

    I thank GOD some of you don’t make the laws in this country. Some of you have some seriously illogical views on what constitutes violence and apparently think children are your slaves, to do what you will with, beat them into submission, because apparently that’s the ONLY method to discipline them, regardless of laws in place to protect them from crazy abusive parents who think beating a child with wires, cords, branches, shoes, etc is OK.

  • binks

    Agreed! I’ am failing to see the correlations as well. I get where the author was going but the two examples does NOT match up for numerous reasons. As already stated 1) the dynamics of a parent/child relationship is different from a husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, 2) there are many victims of domestic abuse who wasn’t spanked as a child by their father and some who were and never gotten into a domestic abuse situation and 3) like it or not corporal punishment is a form of discipline sure it may NOT be everybody’s cup of tea and work for EVERY child but it is an option. Furthermore, to play devil’s advocate we can’t assumption what this family is like or the relationship between this father and daughters based on a 30 second or so clip. Yes the clip was bad and didn’t show him in a good light and was over the top and beyond (not excusing his behavior) but how do we know that this dad didn’t do x,y and z before doing whooping them.? How do we know this wasn’t the last straw on the camel’s back sort to speak because he already talked to them before about twerking online? Unless, the daughters and the father give an interview or background we don’t know so we shouldn’t assume. I do believe his method is flawed especially given that they are pre-teen (personally I think spanking should stop pass a certain age) and recording it, I’ am not anti-spanking but spanking alone isn’t parenting nor does it curve behavior! And I think a lot of people misuse it and the intentions behind it to instill temporarily correction and fear INSTEAD of instilling the permanent lesson/correction and temporarily fear and on the flip side I think a lot of people who re anti-spanking over exaggerates it to promote their agenda.

  • Ash

    My problem with the video was the level of spanking. It was hard to watch. The difference between spanking kids and spanking your girlfriend/wife is that you’re supposed to punish your children. Not your significant other. So I don’t quite agree that the two are connected.

  • JaeBee

    “I don’t think you can compare parents disciplining their children to a man beating his wife. A parent’s job is to instill discipline and home training into their children.”

    It wasn’t too long ago that society thought of women as being on the same level as children. Men felt that they had the “right” to instill discipline and home training into their wives just like they did their children (remember how Mister treated Celie in the Color Purple?). God forbid a woman talk back to or disagree with her husband…

    Obviously, we as a society no longer condone men thinking that they have the “right” to physically discipline their wives, but it’s taking us a long time to realize that we should reconsider physically disciplining children. No one enjoys being beaten by someone they love and who purports to love them. Why can’t people seem to realize that your sending children confusing messages when you tell them you love them one minute and then beat the snot outta them the next?

    And to answer your question, “no” I wouldn’t feel differently if the video was of young boys and not young girls.

  • JaeBee


    Yup, you got it pretty right. Beat your wife–go to jail. Beat another adult–go to jail. Beat somebody else’s kid–be put under the jail. Beat your child–win parent of the year award. SMH @ some people’s logic.

  • MimiLuvs

    If this was a video of a man beating on his wife in the same manner, I think people’s reactions would’ve been different and unanimous.
    In my opinion, I think the father should’ve used a different approach to teaching his daughters the desired lesson. If he wanted to film his discipline tactic, he could’ve filmed himself having a discussion with his daughters about their actions. I do believe that this incident has changed the ‘parent-child’ relationship between that man and his children.
    In regards to spanking children: Sadly, I know way too many people (mothers and fathers) who use spanking as a form of punishment for every act of misbehaving. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a toddler touching a bag of candy during a trip at the bodega or if it is a teenaged boy who received straight-up ‘F’ on his report card, the parent(s) will use spanking as the act of discipline.

  • JaeBee

    Yes, children need discipline, but why does it have to be physical discipline?

  • MimiLuvs

    I’ve been actually looking for links. I haven’t been able to find anything “substantial”.

    Okay, here’s the only thing that I found:

  • MimiLuvs

    Does anybody have any updates about the people in this video?

  • JaeBee

    and if the kid wasn’t warned about their actions…

    I’m sure the girls who posted the video weren’t warned by their father not to do so ahead of time.

  • MimiLuvs

    Me either. My parents had learned (when I was at an early age) that the act of spanking is not “one size fits all” way of discipline.

  • MimiLuvs

    “…I dont remember ppl being this outraged when the uncle beat the nephew for posting gang stuff online. Oh but he’s a male teen so thats ok for him to be whipped…”

    There were people who were appalled/angry/offended by that video. Well, the commentators on other blogs that I visit were upset by that video. I don’t know whether or not the regulars, here at Clutch, felt the same way. A lot of the commentators felt like the uncle’s actions heightened the problem.
    Sadly, they were right.

  • JaeBee

    I see quite a few people mentioning a supposed “false equivalence” between a parent spanking (abusing in the case of the video) their child and someone abusing their partner. I agree. Parents should have authority over their children and should be able to discipline them in order to make them productive members of society. People should not have authority over their partners—not if they are in an equal relationship.

    However, logically speaking, if we excuse the actions of parents because they hold authority over children and have a “right” to discipline them–what can we say abut other adults that hold authority over us and have the “right” to discipline us? If I do something that displeases my boss does that give them the right to pull out an extension cord and whip me into obedience (slave masters used to do this to their slaves)? If someone commits a crime does that give the police the right to beat them down (I’m sure the police who beat Rodney King felt that they had a responsibility to make him a “productive” member of society through physical correction)? It’s funny that society is able to think of and use alternative methods when it comes to disciplining adults, but not when it comes to disciplining children.

  • Since1989

    Exactly. I remember my parents still trying to physically discipline me at 15/16 and even as I entered out of my teens and into college age. It just made me resentful and be fearful of them. And as an adult now I don’t have a good relationship with them at all. Once your child reaches a certain age like 14, physical disciple becomes no longer effective and you have to try a different approach to rearing your kids. And Just like you wouldn’t raise boys and girls the same way, I don’t think boys and girls should be physically disciplined the same way either. Fathers should not lash out on their daughters with electrical cords. Parents are supposed to help build self-esteem within their kids not just beat them into submission every time they do something wrong. Building self-esteem is really important when it comes to raising girls into women.

  • taeh

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I personally don’t agree with spanking but I like how you brought in Rodney King and the idea of alternative methods of punishment for adults vs kids. There’s a lot at stake in the issue of spanking because it does send the message that behavior can be corrected and/or controlled through the application of physical force. And it’s humiliating. I haven’t watched the video because I can’t stand to watch or hear someone getting beat but I think I need to see it in order to really be able to speak on it but I will say that there is something sadistic about repeatedly striking somebody that you know won’t hit you back.

  • lito

    Kids who are abused are more likely to end up dropping out or in jail. I don’t know why we cling to this fantasy that these over the top beatdowns yield such great results. All it shows is a parent with the same lack of self-control the child has. How stupid do you look posting a vid of you beating your daughters because of the dumb video THEY posted? When I was a kid, the wildest ones in the neighborhood were the ones whose parents beat the sh*t out of them for every little thing and you couldn’t really fault their logic- they got beat the same for forgetting to turn out a light or for selling drugs out of the living room, so there was zero incentive for them to behave well. Of course, these were all the same parents who egged on or overlooked their kids’ ratchet tendencies in grade school and then tried to slap it out of them when they realized how much trouble/shame it would bring the fam later on. Once a kid is old enough to reason with, they should already have their parent’s values and physical violence really shouldn’t be the weapon of choice, barring life threatening scenarios. You failed, Dad. Come correct and try to fix this while you can.

  • Me

    This whole comment!

    Most the of people on here saying it’s ok to hi/beat your child would be irate if a teacher hit their child. What’s the difference? The teacher is an authority figure responsible for the safety and education of the child while they are in their care, so what’s the difference?

    And, don’t give me that “blood” is the difference b/c what about adopted children, step children, non-blood family members who beat children. No. All hitting beating is wrong.

  • I don’t understand the parallels you’re trying to compare.

    A parent and a boss aren’t the same thing.

  • Only in America.

    I think it’s weird that disciplining a child has now become abuse. I do believe he was OVER THE TOP with how he beat them but spankings do work and have worked for PLENTY of people. Dropping out or in jail? These studies need to be taken to other parts of the world where self respect and respecting one’s elder and family name are held to the highest degree.

  • choklitgirlwonder


    Actually Snooki WASN’T harassing the guy that attacked her. That’s what made it extra weird. HE was doing the bothering and she told him to get out of their faces. She only got nasty when he refused and kept harassing them. Then he decked her out of nowhere. She didn’t put her hands on him or act unreasonably. I get the point you’re trying to make but don’t change facts to make it.

  • Poppy J

    The author is spot on with this article. I haven’t had the heart to watch the video, but I have seen many of the comments by people who find it funny and “great” that a man would show his “love and concern” by beating his daughter. Smh. As a community, we have to stop making excuses for violence. Violence against our children does not demonstrate love, only unbridled anger and frustration. We can’t continue to justify beating our children for any reason and then turn around and wonder why our community continues to be plagued with so much violence.

  • Simone L

    I’ll try my best to approach this from both sides. As a parent, I think that man experienced temporary insanity. Catching your daughters provacatively shaking their asses for the world to see, wondering who is seeing this video, their intentions, wondering what ELSE your daughter knows how to do in that sense and then wondering if she will get herself pregnant…as she dashes the dreams you had for her future away. All of this probably went through that man’s head in that moment and he beat them to slow them down and remind them “you are not in control. Stay in your lane.”

    However, as a daughter who was once very promiscuous, I was beaten. Some things were stupid, some things I really messed up. I felt like my father didn’t love me. It broke my heart. One day he beat me for something he thought I did and then when he realized he was wrong, the shame in his face was undeniable. He never beat me after that. As parents, you have to find other ways to cook your kids goose. Nothing is as dangerous as a parent who will take the time out and get creative with punishment. Anyone can beat..

    I’m not sure I would equate this to beating your partner. That man could be the kind of man who would go through hell and back for his daughters, only to catch them twerking. My dad was that kind of man and this would have been the ass whooping I would have gotten. Beating your partner says “I own you. You’re beneath me.” An one in a whilel ass whooping says ” you will remember to never do this again.” Beatings all the time? Abuse.

  • JaeBee

    Maybe not entirely, but they are both authority figures and they are both responsible for the actions of those who are under their care/supervision.

  • JRJ20716

    Yes! This sums up what I wanted to say.

  • noir45

    That’s the excuse the slave owners used to brutilize the slaves.

  • noir45

    In my opinion, I don’t care what he did before this whipping. Evidently, if he did something to deter the girls from twerking, it didn’t work, so any sensible person would think that beating them and humiliating them isn’t going to either.

    The sad part is if this video was of a dog being beat like that, people would’ve expressed so much outrage that whomever committed such offense would’ve been located, bound and killed. People love dogs more than humans. I mean, there were only black girls. They were twerking, something many girls/women do.

    I also found the hypocritical comments from men who called these girls every name in the book, all the while, I’m sure they peruse youtube looking for these very videos.

  • Blue

    My father is the man that raises me. My boyfriend or husband is not my parent therefore he has no right to discipline me. How can you compare a father to a boyfriend. Both are men yes but they play two totally different roles.Though my dad never beat me (as far as I can remember) I see no harm in a father using the belt if he needs to. Chris Rocks said his job as a father is to keep his daughter off the pole. That guy in the video may have used a harsh tactic but I bet those girls won’t end up on a pole.

  • noir45

    nataya, you are making excuses for this father and your logic is flawed in so many different ways. No, we don’t know the whole story, but it doesn’t matter. We do know that he beat those girls within an inch of their lives and it isn’t acceptable.

    Come on now, these girls are the first to twerk. When Miley Cirus was doing it the other day, people were praising her all over the internet.. These girls are following suit of ADULTS to should be examples.

    Beating and humiliating are NEVER acceptable in training a child, and if that’s all a parent knows, then they need to be removed from the child’s life, or better yet, be sterile. I hate child abusers!

  • noir45

    God, if you have children, I hope to God someone is looking out for them. You keep making excuses and then writing off what the girls went through. Could it be they were kicking to…let’s see…warred off the cable cord being flung at them. What would you do?

    As a child, you shouldn’t fear your parent. You should respect them. A parent should not alienate their children, and that’s what he did. The slave masters did whatever they could to get the slaves, i.e. children under control. Is that would you would suggest?

    If you really think beating a child into being right is the way to parent, than please get some help because it isn’t.

  • JRJ20716

    I don’t think s/he is “stupid” at all. ‘Child’ rearing is a global form of discipline wether you like it or not. And yes, I also agree that this article is grasping at straws with this connection. Personally, I wasn’t beat as a child, but understanding the diversity of who/what life can throw our way, I will lay hands to another human being.

  • Mademoiselle

    I didn’t want to get into this discussion, but I do want to say one thing regarding “husbands don’t discipline their wives”. Yes they do. Wives also discipline their husbands. The only reason people aren’t calling it discipline is because it doesn’t involve assaulting one another. That’s because adults use alternative methods to curb one another’s behavior, but it’s still a form of disciplining. When a husband says “nah, I can’t do X because my wife would do Y (everything from nag him to death to withholding sex to forcing him to eat alone by not joining him at the table),” it’s a reflection of the discipline he would receive for doing something against her wishes — and it works! When a wife says “I could never get away with doing Z” in reference to something her husband wouldn’t like, it’s because he would discipline her for doing whatever it is — and whatever consequences he’s passing out is effective! So this notion of comparing disciplining a child to abusing a wife isn’t equivalent is false. You wouldn’t abuse a wife/girlfriend because she’d know enough and be empowered to get law enforcement involved. The only reason parents get away with abusing their children is because it usually happens in private (unless you’re as dumb as this dad) so no one knows to intervene, and the child usually doesn’t feel empowered enough to reach out to law enforcement for help.

    I do wish the U.S. would go ahead and pass laws condemning spanking so this whole debate could go away and force parents to think beyond physically hurting their kids. It only makes sense considering it’s illegal to beat your wife, your mother, your adult female relative, any woman you aren’t related to, any young girl you aren’t related to, your husband, your father, your adult male relative, any man you aren’t related to, any young boy you aren’t related to, and animals. The only thing missing from that list are sons, daughters, and plants, which makes no sense to me.

    I hope DCF has gotten involved in the family in this article.

  • yummm

    Interesting. So you really believe that majority of the prison population/strippers/whatever social ill, had liberal parents that “just tried to talk it out” as opposed to beating them (probably in the senseless manner shown in the video)? Like really?

  • http://clutchmagazine blcknnblvuu

    I cannot help but think if the girls were light skinned and were dancing ballet,even with their legs stretched on either side of the camera ,the reaction of the father would have been different.prejudices run deep.

  • rastaman

    I have not viewed this video and I probably will not. Not because I am opposed to corporate punishment but because I am opposed to public humiliation of children. If a parent has to resort to humiliating their children to in order to discipline them I believe that parent has already lost control of the situation.
    That being said, I find the author’s premise disingenuous. It is a leap to equate a parent disciplining their child to applying the same form of discipline to another adult, namely a wife or GF. Not even the law equates the right of children and those of adults. Children are not “fully formed human beings” and our society and laws reflect that otherwise we would not hold their parents responsible for their behavior or treat them as if they were “children”. Implying that a man who whups his female children is somehow an automatic “wife beater” is BS logic that masquerades as critical thinking these days.
    There are just too many ways you can criticize this father’s behavior for anyone to really have to reach like this author. You may want to re-think this alarmist approach it does not serve your cause well and undermines your cause. Whatever that cause is!

  • JaeBee

    “As a community, we have to stop making excuses for violence”.


  • JaeBee

    “‘Child’ rearing is a global form of discipline wether you like it or not.”

    The definition of “child rearing” is not physical discipline. There are many people around the world that use other methods of discipline in raising their children.

  • greendoondoon

    I’d go read up on child development if I were you. I have had a 4 year old and my middle son will have be 4 in July. I didn’t hit the eldest and I don’t hit the middle one. I did talk to and reason with my children and guess what, they act in the manner I like them to. I also realize that children have little impulse control and virtually no control over their lives. Their acting out is a way of asserting their autonomy. If I were to hit them instead of explaining why I don’t like their behaviour, then how on earth are they ever to know WHY what they did was wrong? My kids are not my property. I don’t have the right to hit and abuse them in any manner I see fit because I gave birth to them.
    I don’t hit people I dislike– why would I hit people I love very much?

  • Kelley Johnson

    Black people are just never gonna let go of this love for hitting their children. Black folks and southern white trash are the only groups of people who still embrace this barbaric practice. Barack and Michelle Obama have publicly stated that they are against spanking as discipline and their kids are well adjusted and well behaved. Wake up, black America and stop hitting black children. It’s harmful.

  • greendoondoon

    You have to actually “discipline” and I mean that in the true sense of the word. It’s not about hitting or screaming or what not. It’s about being responsible. You keep your word. You make them understand the consequences of not doing what you are told, no matter how minor it is . (Example, if you don’t put your toys away, I may step on one and break it. Then you won’t have that toy to play with.) Keeping your word, even if it means missing out on something you’d like to do. If your child acts up and you were supposed to see a movie, then no movie– no matter how badly you wanted to see it too!
    Oh and nagging. Lots and lots of nagging.

  • greendoondoon

    Co-sign what you wrote. The other thing that baffles me is the way that some black folks brag about the way they got “tore up” and how their parents would pop them for any little thing that they did out of line. The irony is, if getting their asses tore up really worked, how come Mama and Daddy had to keep doing it?

    It’s hard to accept that the person who loved you and you loved was abusive. Some of the stories I hear about how folks’ parents hit them was abuse.

  • milameel

    Oh, you mean those studies which are done to specifically cancel out any ill effects and made to find out FOR SURE whether spankings have a positive or negative reaction?

    Are you really this dumb? The studies show that kids that are spanked and/or abused are more likely to be sexually deviant, drop out of school, go to jail, and abuse their own children. Why do we need to go to the other part of the world to see what’s right here, already proven?

  • sool

    Didn’t watch the vid, don’t intend to, I get the point from this article and the comments. I’m a man and I’m black and I think the father was right. We talk a lot about parenting our kids and not letting T.V. do it, but when someone does it there’s a problem. As for hitting your wife or girlfriend it goes without saying: that;s a no-no.

    What’s the difference? You have to pay for a roof over your child’s head and clothes on their backs. Your wife or girl, not so much. Even alimony or divorce settlements are different as a wife does enough to deserve half whether we see it or not. So, you’r not “giving” her anything, she earned it.

    It’s a different world when it comes your children, and I see the point of it sending the wrong message, and I say to that no, it doesn’t. When you do something wrong you need to feel the punishment. The message is this is so wrong that i had to beat that ass to show you how wrong it was. Abuse on the other hand is excessive punishment, or cruel and unusual punishment. If a parent is loving and caring normally, and then beats that child’s ass when they deserve it it sends the message that I love you, but you were wrong. You were so wrong that it made me get out of character.

    The author says she got spanked growing up. I followed her on twitter for a long time, only unfollowing her because I wanted my follow/follower count ratio to look like I was decent, but I have her listed and I still see her tweets often (how I got here now) so, I know she’s a decent person. So are the vast majority of people that were spanked growing up. It works.

    Talking to your kids or taking their privileges also fall into the realm of discipline with beatings being the last straw. above and beyond the fact that you’re responsible for your child you’re also responsible for how they turn out. No method is 100% perfect, but as far as i can see, spanking works better than anything else….

  • disciplineright

    Start looking @ all these videos with kids 10-17 and some even younger with their filthy mouths and sex acts. I am not saying he was right, I don’t believe you should ever discipline when angry, but it is nice to see some kind of discipline. I work with kids and it is sad to see what my children are growing up with. So many parents are afraid to discipline because of all the laws involved. Also children are not adults, stop treating them as if they are and as if they are on the same level. Parents with only 1 child don’t go through the same things as parents with multiple children!!

  • Echi

    Co-sign with Jae-Bee. At one point, society thought that husbands owned wives and that is why wife-battery was condoned. Same with masters and slaves. Look at the reactions of some former Rutgers players who turned a blind eye to their coach hitting them and throwing balls at them. Again a feeling of ownership of their bodies. Children are under our care and we are responsible for molding them into responsible adults. But I can’t wait for the day in which we see children as awesome individual gifts from God and not necessarily mini-me’s to be “owned” – the feeling of, I gave birth to you, so I can do whatever I so please with you, including physical abuse.

  • Echi

    And many of these studies have been controlled for race, gender, and socioeconomic status – which means that corporal punishment is a negative whether you are black, white, male, female, rich or poor.

  • MsTwix

    There are so many unknown variables in this situation, I am always thinking of what’s in that person’s head (walk a mile in their shoes). What if it was the Nth time he tried talking to his daughters about “twerking”. What if he tried taking away their gadgets, or outdoor privileges? I don’t know the full story, but I also know no kid will laugh when getting disciplined. I saw the video, it was hard to watch because she’s young, we feel bad for her. I wonder what she looked like “working it” for the camera?

    I believe in spanking (but in my country they call it beating/whopping because either way, the kid will cry). I don’t believe in abuse, there is a difference. Stop being afraid to show the kids who’s boss. They do need to get the message that what they did was wrong. Not sure if the extent in this case will work. But he did do something… that counts for alot considering all the non-parenting going on these days. Of course he’s mad, can you imagine your little girl doing these for the world to see? If they can twerk online, they can get disciplined online. These images are there forever, careers will never take off with these images of these girls (and all people doing this) making fools of themselves online. In the words of Chris Rock, “your role as a father is make sure she doesn’t get on the stripper pole” ain’t that some sh*t?

    You can try to be your child’s friend and talk to them when they get out of hand for the hundredth time, or you can show them who’s boss and they won’t come for you with a damn gun while you’re sleeping…

  • Cocochanel31

    I believe physical spaking/hitting should be an absolute last resort. I’m more for hand tapping/grabbing and punishment than physical beatings, however, in this case if you grown enough to twerk you grown enough to get a beating. The video has been pulled so I can’t see how severe it was/is.

    I don’t condone “beatings till the white meat shows” or blood is drawn .

  • Christina K (@ChristiKennedy)

    Wow, ‘your wife or girl’ not so much? That’s the problem with men. You want to play house with a woman but you don’t feel obligated to take care of her and because you aren’t taking care of her financially, you don’t have the right to beat her- as opposed to a child you ARE taking care of. Man, you have some serious issues, lol.

  • Christina K (@ChristiKennedy)

    Beating the hell out of your child doesn’t teach them anything. Perhaps he should sit down with her, talk to her about sex, her feelings, the way boys/men look at women and the risks associated. He should also talk to her about love and embrace her feelings, her ‘boy-crazy stage’ and give her the tools needed.

    The girls were ‘visiting’ him when this occurred. That’s a problem all of its own. So many black father’s live outside the home and all of a sudden want to be super-dad with a belt when an infraction incurs. Kids will be kids. I got whippings growing up. It garnered the temporary results my mom desired and I hated her for it, I feared her. I couldn’t talk to her about anything. I withdrew, I suffered socially- as did my emotional relationships with people. I’m a good person, sure. I’m not out mass-shooting up schools (white people have issues with parenting as well, before they get all high and mighty) but I know that it wasn’t the best way to deal with me as a child. There is no perfect way.

    Stop hitting these children.

  • Rosa

    That man should be arrested. Where is child protection service in this situation?

  • akilahbee

    The video of him beating the girls will also be there forever. And in terms of publicity, more of us have seen them getting whooped than twerking (is the video even in circulation? I haven’t seen it). I’ve got some mixed feelings about corporal punishment in general, and I’m not quite sure we can call this man a bad father or person based on a de-contextualized 30 seconds of his life and relationship with his daughters — BUT I am absolutely certain 100% that he should not have recorded the beating and put it on social media.

    The twerk video might have made its rounds amongst a small community of their friends and some others, but this beating video is now viral. I would argue that more damage to their image has been done by his actions versus theirs.

  • Blue

    You’re comment makes no sense to me. What you speak of is someone with the intent to abuse.

    So explain to me why most white children are the ones who go & shoot up the school in the most quiet boring suburb that no one has ever heard of until after the massacre happens? I was spanked & I don’t hate my parents, I was never in a gang, I am not violent. I don’t even see it as a abuse. I got spanked cause I deserved it & that “time out” ish wouldn’t have worked on me. Don’t blame it on color, or the “slave mentality”…blame the violence on neglectful parents, & irresponsibility.

  • Rashade Speed

    I Disagree

  • Rashade Speed

    We’re not suppose to hit kids ever at all.

  • Rashade Speed

    Spanking is never okay

  • Rashade Speed

    Me Too.

  • Fontanelle

    You are a goddamn idiot.
    Just because YOU turned out okay doesn’t mean the next kid will. And there are plenty of white children who ARE beaten…probably the ones who DO shoot up schools.

    Personally the same happened to me and I refuse to have any connection with the scum in my family who left me with huge mental scars that I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life. So if morons want to spank their kids, go ahead. But I will be the first person to get them dragged off to prison if I ever catch wind of it.

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