SleepingThe second time the guy I’m dating spent the night, he opened his eyes in the middle of the night, pointed at my air conditioning unit, which was set to 74 degrees, and said: “Seventy-four! I’m 74! Remember when I was 25?” After I realized that he wasn’t actually awake (he’s nowhere near 74, but he’s not 25 either), I spent the next half hour, awake, analyzing this piece of dialogue. I decided he was having issues with aging, which I told him when he woke up. He agreed. I’m not much of a sleeper myself, never have been, so I’m always excited to have something to keep me entertained in the middle of the night.

Obviously, he was having a bout of sleep talking,which I’m fascinated by because it gives you a a candid snapshot of what’s going on in a person’s brain. The National Sleep Foundation defines sleep talking, or somniloquy, as a disorder that anyone can experience, which may include reciting complicated dialogue, monologues, complete gibberish or mumbling while sleeping, with no awareness of it. Although it can happen to anyone, it’s most common in children and men and can be brought on by stress,depression, sleep-deprivation or alcohol. I personally like to think of sleep talking conversations as mini-dream transcriptions, taking you on a journey through person’s unconscious. Or sometimes they’re just hilarious or bizarre. Either way, fascinating! Below, I’ve  canvased my social circle and collected some weird and random sleep talking conversations. Please share yours in the comment. I promise not to analyze you.

The books don’t tie, the books don’t tie!! — My brother, Adam

My mom falls asleep everywhere all of the time and sleep talks the best things ever, with her eyes open and seemingly conscious. Once we were on a long drive home from somewhere and my boyfriend and I were in the back seat of the car with her and she was going on and on about him being attracted to Johnny Depp and loving leopard geckos. For at least 45 minutes. — Rachel

I sleep talk all the time and regularly have full conversation with my boyfriend that I can’t recall at all the next day. One night, fairly recently, I woke up my boyfriend by talking about tuna. “There’s a tuna online,” I murmured. “He’s on a dating site, looking for someone to eat him.” “Who’s gonna eat him?” my boyfriend asked. “Maybe it will be me!” I said gleefully, “But only if we get matched up.”

Whenever I’m drunk or in the early stages of sleep I tell my boyfriend he’s a baby horse and I’m going to sell him to the fair. No idea where that comes from.

Also when my best friend and I were on vacation in Hawaii she abruptly sat upright in bed one night and said, “BEEP BOOP BOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BEEP” in a robot voice. Creepy and hilarious.” – Winona

“I’m not a pretty princess anymore!” – Jason

My friend once accused me of hiding her pillow in the basement and got mad that i wouldn’t go down there to get it. – Christine

“The cat is IN the fan!!” I was screaming this. – Cara

Me (asleep): “Santa Claus is coming to town. “Former Boyfriend: “Who?” Me: “Santa.” Him: “Why?” Me: “It’s complicated.” – Leonora

My husband said I was talking about “Tom Ford lipstick” one time. – Alexandra

I slept walked into a room that my mom and brother were in with all the lights on and told them the power went out. – Lisa

This post originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished with permission.

  • Mademoiselle

    These are hilarious. I can’t really recall talking in my sleep, but I’m looking forward to reading others’ stories.

  • Shirl

    My sister is a huge sleep talker. One night, when we were teens I stayed out way past curfew and was trying to sneak in the bedroom window. I get the window halfway open and big mouth yells out “BUT THE GREEN COVER IS THE PORTION AND THAT’S WHY I PICKED IT OUT”!! My mom runs into our room because this fool starts yelling at the top of her lungs THEY GOT ME, THEY GOT ME and making clucking noises…long story short..I got caught. It’s been over 20 years and I’m still trying to figure out a way to pay her back…

  • JS

    First night of having a new roommate freshman year of college in the dorms. She went to bed early, I’m a night owl. Just after I had crawled into bed and turned off the lights I see her sit up in bed and start cackling diabolically. Full on, “AHAHAHAHAHAHA” then abruptly stopped and fall back down into bed asleep. Safe to say I slept with one eye open that entire night.

  • LemonNLime

    I know I am REALLY sick when I talk in my sleep. One of the craziest ones was “DON”T LET THEM PUT THAT LEMONADE IN MY ROOM!!!”

    I was having a dream where we change the US currency over to lemonade but one district of my hometown refused to do it so they decided to keep all of the lemonade in my bedroom and it was just overflowing.

  • Shirl

    Bwahahaha…sorry but that tickled me. I dreamed once that Keith Sweat was stalking me while I tried on wigs at the flea market. I had to laugh at myself when I woke up.

  • LemonNLime

    That is hysterical! When my Mom heard me, she was just like “Shut up!”

  • Amber

    My boyfriend told me that just the other night at 2 am, I sat up, held my hand to my head like a phone and made dinner reservations. “Yes, I need a table for two at 8pm.” I stated my last name and told the imaginary person, “Thanks, we’ll see you later.” I guess I really wanted to eat dinner out.

  • Simone L

    My sister ordered a damn Blimpies Best!! For any of yall that don’t know what a Blimpies is, it’s like Subways. She was fast asleep and then i heard her.She started off all strong on some “let me get a blimpies best with tomatoes, onions, lettuce…” and then she trailed off. I sat there for like 5 minutes asking myself…what the hell just happened…

  • Kenzy

    my brother once started mumbling to himself while he was sleep he was speaking so softly we werent sure what was going on at first, we finally figured out it was him talking to himself in his sleep and he was giggling and saying “giddyup horsey”

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  • lol

    lol dirty thoughts in my mind…

  • http://whoiyam.wordpress.com xuaraus

    According to my ex, I sat up in bed and asked him, “Hey, do you want any swan’s head? The head of a swan is in the refrigerator, and it is delicious.”

  • Shirl

    @ Kenzy: Every time I hit the thumbs up button It shows a thumbs down…this is hilarious!!!

  • Dalili

    LMBO!! I pictured that whole scenario and about choked from laughing so hard. Hilarious!!!

  • dmac

    3am one night my husband bursts into triumphant song. The song goes “I’ve got my finger in your butt!”… smh. Laughed so hard I had to run out of the room to not wake him.

  • http://melodymoose.deviantart.com/ Catpopstar

    I mumbled something about going to the movies with Freakazoid once and I’ve caught myself laughing a few times. A while ago my brother started punching himself in the face and he wouldn’t stop till our mom woke him up. He has woke up screaming on occasion.

  • Sanura Rose

    Loooooool tears in my eyes!!

  • The Moon in the Sky

    I’ve heard my mother say some pretty weird things in her sleep. A few times I have been frightened by it because she would have an outburst.

  • Chilecheese

    I don’t remember the dream exactly but when I woke up my roommate told me she came in my room to ask me something and I sat up looked her in the eyes and said ” it’s not the people it’s the trees” and then I laid back down

  • Crystie

    All week I have been talking in my sleep. Dreaming my boyfriend was getting jumped and yelling “NOOOO!” for my all roommates to hear. Another where I dreamt I was back home in my room and a robber took my Biology textbook which left me screaming “Mommy!”. Another where my boyfriend said that I talking like Lil Wayne and going through many attempts to laugh like him in my sleep. I am one weird chick.

  • The last laugh

    These are really funny. I have a HUGE potty mouth in my sleep and I think I talk almost every night. My husband on the regular is telling me about all the cursing I do. I can only recall one night when he went to go use the bathroom and I was waiting for him to come to bed but fell asleep, well like 3 hours later…hes walking around the apartment and I sit up and was like “WTF took you so long?!?!?!” He looked at me like bitch are you serious? lol and I just went right back to sleep.

    Another night, I woke up really hot and sweaty and was like FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! I’M SO HOT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK! and my poor husband was just like…here she goes again. I have no memory of this what so ever.

    Talking in my sleep has gotten me in huge trouble before with a former boyfriend…twice. Once I was drifting off and started talking about twins…I think I said “Oh are you the twins?” and he thought I was cheating on him with twins. Then I actually called out the name of one of my guy friends….he was a very insecure boyfriend so he thought I was cheating again.

    Once I had a whole conversation on the phone with a friend and had zero recollection of it the next day. The only reason I knew we had talked was because I saw the received call on my phone and was so confused. I called her up like did we talk? and she was like yeah, you were really grumpy lol.

  • Felicia

    After a really long day of travelling to come to see me, my boyfriend was talking in his sleep. He said, and I quote “Hand jive, that’s how teachers win in their school district”

    I cracked up for days about that!!!

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