SleepingThe second time the guy I’m dating spent the night, he opened his eyes in the middle of the night, pointed at my air conditioning unit, which was set to 74 degrees, and said: “Seventy-four! I’m 74! Remember when I was 25?” After I realized that he wasn’t actually awake (he’s nowhere near 74, but he’s not 25 either), I spent the next half hour, awake, analyzing this piece of dialogue. I decided he was having issues with aging, which I told him when he woke up. He agreed. I’m not much of a sleeper myself, never have been, so I’m always excited to have something to keep me entertained in the middle of the night.

Obviously, he was having a bout of sleep talking,which I’m fascinated by because it gives you a a candid snapshot of what’s going on in a person’s brain. The National Sleep Foundation defines sleep talking, or somniloquy, as a disorder that anyone can experience, which may include reciting complicated dialogue, monologues, complete gibberish or mumbling while sleeping, with no awareness of it. Although it can happen to anyone, it’s most common in children and men and can be brought on by stress,depression, sleep-deprivation or alcohol. I personally like to think of sleep talking conversations as mini-dream transcriptions, taking you on a journey through person’s unconscious. Or sometimes they’re just hilarious or bizarre. Either way, fascinating! Below, I’ve  canvased my social circle and collected some weird and random sleep talking conversations. Please share yours in the comment. I promise not to analyze you.

The books don’t tie, the books don’t tie!! — My brother, Adam

My mom falls asleep everywhere all of the time and sleep talks the best things ever, with her eyes open and seemingly conscious. Once we were on a long drive home from somewhere and my boyfriend and I were in the back seat of the car with her and she was going on and on about him being attracted to Johnny Depp and loving leopard geckos. For at least 45 minutes. — Rachel

I sleep talk all the time and regularly have full conversation with my boyfriend that I can’t recall at all the next day. One night, fairly recently, I woke up my boyfriend by talking about tuna. “There’s a tuna online,” I murmured. “He’s on a dating site, looking for someone to eat him.” “Who’s gonna eat him?” my boyfriend asked. “Maybe it will be me!” I said gleefully, “But only if we get matched up.”

Whenever I’m drunk or in the early stages of sleep I tell my boyfriend he’s a baby horse and I’m going to sell him to the fair. No idea where that comes from.

Also when my best friend and I were on vacation in Hawaii she abruptly sat upright in bed one night and said, “BEEP BOOP BOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BEEP” in a robot voice. Creepy and hilarious.” – Winona

“I’m not a pretty princess anymore!” – Jason

My friend once accused me of hiding her pillow in the basement and got mad that i wouldn’t go down there to get it. – Christine

“The cat is IN the fan!!” I was screaming this. – Cara

Me (asleep): “Santa Claus is coming to town. “Former Boyfriend: “Who?” Me: “Santa.” Him: “Why?” Me: “It’s complicated.” – Leonora

My husband said I was talking about “Tom Ford lipstick” one time. – Alexandra

I slept walked into a room that my mom and brother were in with all the lights on and told them the power went out. – Lisa

This post originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished with permission.

  • The last laugh

    These are really funny. I have a HUGE potty mouth in my sleep and I think I talk almost every night. My husband on the regular is telling me about all the cursing I do. I can only recall one night when he went to go use the bathroom and I was waiting for him to come to bed but fell asleep, well like 3 hours later…hes walking around the apartment and I sit up and was like “WTF took you so long?!?!?!” He looked at me like bitch are you serious? lol and I just went right back to sleep.

    Another night, I woke up really hot and sweaty and was like FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! I’M SO HOT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK! and my poor husband was just like…here she goes again. I have no memory of this what so ever.

    Talking in my sleep has gotten me in huge trouble before with a former boyfriend…twice. Once I was drifting off and started talking about twins…I think I said “Oh are you the twins?” and he thought I was cheating on him with twins. Then I actually called out the name of one of my guy friends….he was a very insecure boyfriend so he thought I was cheating again.

    Once I had a whole conversation on the phone with a friend and had zero recollection of it the next day. The only reason I knew we had talked was because I saw the received call on my phone and was so confused. I called her up like did we talk? and she was like yeah, you were really grumpy lol.

  • Felicia

    After a really long day of travelling to come to see me, my boyfriend was talking in his sleep. He said, and I quote “Hand jive, that’s how teachers win in their school district”

    I cracked up for days about that!!!

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