Everyone wants to be loved and most want to be accepted. It’s human nature (word to MJ). However, there’s a right and a wrong way (word to Keith Sweat) to go about obtaining those things.

You have the sister who shops herself broke trying to keep up with the proverbial “Joneses,” or the one who will lay up with a man who could care less about her, yet makes her feel more whole with his presence. The brother who will walk the walk, talk the talk of others so that he may be “acceptable” by someone else’s standards and the one who will hide his good sense and mimic the anti-social behavior of others, just to fit in.

You can’t buy, sleep with or finesse your way into validation. You aren’t fly because you can afford a Louis bag and you aren’t sexy because a certain gent likes the way you look without your shirt. You have to trust and believe in your own greatness. Going out of your way to try to make someone else tell you “you’re worthy” is a good way to get the right message for the wrong reasons.

Many of us find ourselves searching for love in between the sheets, or acceptance from what someone thinks of us, as opposed to feeling special about who we are because of who we are. By looking outside of ourselves to confirm our worth, we let the universe know quite clearly that we are not convinced of our talents and gifts…this message is not lost on the people around us, some of whom will gladly take advantage of our lack of confidence.

It’s wonderful to be affirmed for that which we already own- our beauty, our creativity, our intelligence -but if you aren’t able to see those things but for the eyes of others, then you are missing out on your own goodness. By sharing yourself physically, emotionally, financially or otherwise in hopes of gaining acceptance, you do your humanity a great disservice. Find validation within before you look for a co-signer.



  1. I really enjoyed this article and agree with you 100%.

  2. Nkem

    This article spoke to me and left me in tears by the time I finished reading it. I need to work on my personal relationship with God and know firmly that I don’t need validation from others to feel good about myself. I am an amazing person because HE made as such…that is validation enough.

  3. justanotheropinion

    The take away from this article:

    “You can’t buy, sleep with or finesse your way into validation…You have to trust and believe in your own greatness.”


    Teach it. Learn it. Know it. BELIEVE IT.

  4. Heather

    This article was great. It is something I always need to be reminded of. It was a great way to start my day.

  5. You have to see yourself the way God sees you (as royal sons and daughters) and not how man sees you. That’s the only thing that matters.

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