Newsflash: Women are Less Monogamous than Men

by Evette Dionne

CheatingMany women have been conditioned to believe:

Female eros is, innately, much less promiscuous — much more dependent on commitment and trust, much more sparked by closeness, much better suited to constancy — than male sexuality. It has surely been comforting to anyone concerned with the preservation of social order to think that, a few exceptions aside, half the population has a natural predisposition toward sexual stability. In recent decades, this idea has been bolstered by evolutionary psychologists, whose “parental investment theory” goes like this: because men have limitless sperm while women have limited eggs, because men don’t have to invest much in reproduction while women invest not just their ova but also their bodies as they take on the tolls and risks of pregnancy and childbirth, males have been hard-wired, since eons ago, to expand their genetic legacy by spreading their cheap seed, while females are inherently made to maximize their investment by being choosy, by securing a male likely to be a good long-term provider.

Too bad this is incorrect. Women get bored in the bedroom. This is not an earth-shaking revelation. Most women have experienced relationships when the sexual interest begins to fade, but a new book from New York Times contributor Daniel Bergner is uncovering some difficult truths. Women are less monogamous than men and more likely to lose interest in sex with one partner.

Dietrich Klusmann, a psychologist at the University of Hamburg-Eppendorf in Germany, examined several couples in long-term relationships. Klusmann found women experience a decrease in desire between the first and the fourth year of the relationship and it continues to decline as time progresses.

Some women are leaning on the clinical drug Lybrido to rejuvenate their desire. Lybrido is Viagra for women and is designed to ignite a spark below the waist, but some psychologists are discovering the pill doesn’t work because monogamy is the issue.

Lori Brotto, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia, told the New York Times, “The impact of relationship duration is something that comes up constantly. Sometimes I wonder whether it isn’t so much about libido as it is about boredom.”

Of course desire flees due to a mix of reasons including raising children, maintaining a thriving career and balancing household duties. But when all else fails, many women are relying on pornography to keep from stepping out of their relationships.

Samantha Dawson, a Ph.D. student at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario, and Stephanie Both, assistant professor at Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands conducted separate studies on the impact of pornography on men and women. Men and women watched one-minute sex scenes repeatedly with women’s vaginas immediately responding to the action. After a while, women’s desires decreased.

Just as it does in relationships. Because in the end, growing tired of sex with a long-term partner is quite normal according to Bergner.

There is a solution though. As Slate writer Amanda Marcotte points out, “if we can normalize female desire in society at large, we can presumably encourage women to continue lusting after their partners.”

David Bergner’s book What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire hits shelves next month.

  • Fredsan

    Women yall some freaks lol

  • The 12th Letter (@_theELLE_)

    *slowest blink ever*

  • http://Christina Christina

    LoL, this is nonsense. they are bringing science into disrepute. L0L. you’d think we’d be seen as individuals by now. those porn questions can be substituted with, “Hey, after eating nutella sandwiches for a while, does your nutella sandwich enthusiasm subside? No? you’re a little nutella freak aren’t you? :-)”

  • Verity Reign

    I have a hard time believing women are less monogamous than men.

  • Smilez_920

    Instead of this article being ” women are less monogamous than men” it should be

    ” Hey society women have sexual desires and pleasures just like men, if you weren’t trying to marry us all off by 25, let us casually date without calling us whores or lonely and encouraged us to be secure and open with our sexuality, we wouldn’t be bored with our long term partner in bed.”

    To me this article was less about women wanting or being less or more monogamous and more about women not experiencing the type of sex they want ( hence the porn in some cases).

  • Allie

    Who cares. I’ve been knowing that monogamy isn’t for everyone, this includes *gasps* women.

  • LN

    As a married woman I can totally believe this. Marriage is HARD y’all! Commitment is HARD. Men are not the only ones with wandering eyes!

  • ThatDiva Jay

    Very interesting…. Long sighs and eye rolling

  • Starla

    This article may be true to some degree now that I really think about it. I remember when I was younger in my very early teens and then again in my midteens there were two women who used the homes I lived in as meet up spots for their lovers. Now, I didn’t see any unruly activity, but they were always there chilling together. Their reasoning may have been that nobody would say they were out alone together, but just perhaps had a mutual friend that they were both visiting. Both women were married and still are very much married today. My mom and my step-dad were secret lovers. Hmmm, the study may be on to something, not everything, but definitely something.

  • Kenan (@Datboykenan)

    Not really shocked by this which is why I say don’t get married!

  • Nakia

    This study says nothing about women and monogamy and does not prove that women are less monogamous than men. It just shows that women get bored. In my experience and observation, many “bored” women still don’t stray from the relationship. Boredom and action are different. Nothing to see here.

  • E.M.S.

    Another “a study says” article. I also notice there’s no numbers of how many women were included or any further statistics.

    I can’t speak for others but I’ve been in the same relationship nearly five years and I would actually say my interest in sex has increased because I feel more connected to my partner. Really depends on the woman, the man, and their dynamic as a couple.

  • Anthony

    This makes perfect sense. There is nothing easier in this earth than giving up the panties.
    Women also tend to be much more discreet than men. It is very easy for a woman to quietly get around. This was something that my own Mother clued me into decades ago.

  • jamesfrmphilly

    yall freaky…..

  • Wanda

    Well, I do remember the tune “Me and Mrs. Jones” from back in the day.

  • talaktochoba

    there really needs to be made a distinction here between women and girls–and men and boys;

    in short, children fritter away their resources and energies like addicts in search of a euphoria sex, when reduced to the level of a street drug, can never satisfy;

    adult men and women come to know sex without love is waste, and so the most efficient use of their resources and energies are in a monagimous situation that best affords use of energies and resources improving all other facets of life concurrently with sex;

  • Mavis

    I’m not entirely sure whether it’s even relevant who cheats more, men or women. Surely, if a partner is cheating, there are some serious issues in their relationship.

    I definitely read the article as being more focused on women being unsatisfied, whilst being simultaneously slut shamed by society for having natural desires.

  • Kay

    I don’t really agree with this study. Most of the studies I’ve read point to the prevalence of cheating being about equal for most men and women. After all, it’s human nature. And some humans just don’t want to be sexually and emotionally monogamous.

  • http://n/a Rebecca

    im not buying this

Latest Stories

Maya Rudolph Scores Her Own Variety Show! Janelle Monae, Craig Robinson & Raphael Saadiq to Appear


Dating Don’ts: Love In The Age Of Instagram


New Study: Young Women View Incidents of Sexual Assault as Normal


Pew Center: Only a Quarter of Americans Consider Pres. Obama ‘Black’