black brides

After a recent report by the United Negro College Fund found that black women are enrolling in college at higher rates than every other race/ethnic group, the reaction was mixed. While many were elated to hear that sisters were strapping on their backpacks and hitting campuses across the country, others wondered if the spike in college enrollment was contributing to the lower marriage rates for black women.

Writing for the pro-interracial marriage blog, Beyond Black and White, Jamila Akil argues that instead of trying to get a degree, black women should be trying to snag a husband.

Akil writes: “Such high rates of black women attending college are, at least in part, due to so few black women being married. Perhaps, instead of seeking a degree, more black women should be seeking a husband?”

She goes on to explain:

Let me make myself perfectly clear, though: Black women who graduate from high school and have the aptitude for college-level work should almost certainly enroll in a college with the end goal of completing at least a bachelor’s degree. College degree holders still earn more money and have lower unemployment rates on average than non-college degree holders. Black women also need to attend college to build their social network. Black women with at least a bachelor’s degree are more likely than black women of all other educational levels to get married and stay married. However, attending college in their late 30′s, 40′s, or even later, or attending college to attain a graduate degree that wont boost their chance of being promoted at their current job is probably costing black women far more than they gain.

So let me get this straight: Black women who “have the aptitude for college” should enroll and reap the benefits (increased likelihood of marriage, higher incomes, more opportunities), but all others should just find a man and go at it Good Times style? Scratching and surviving?

Methinks not.

By now, we all know statistics can be viewed and interpreted in a myriad of ways. Or as Mark Twain once lamented,  “Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable.”

And while it’s clear that some have latched onto the increased college enrollment rates of black women as an explanation for why so many sistas are single (uh, what happened to by choice?), I’d argue we should view things a bit differently.

Let’s set aside the personal gains black women receive from getting a college degree (i.e. higher incomes, career advancement, more opportunities) for a second. When it comes to marriage, the numbers of black folks and white folks who get married seems to differ due to one main thing: money.

According to Daniel Schneider, a Princeton University researcher, personal wealth influences who does and does not get married in this country.

PsychCentral reports:

According to Schneider’s analysis, about 30 percent of the racial marriage gap can be explained by wealth, while income, employment, and public benefits explains about 20 percent. The wealth effect also explains more than half of the gap in marriage rates between those with people who did not finish high school and those with college degrees. 

“In all, I find evidence to support the argument that wealth is an important prerequisite of marriage, especially for men,” Schneider writes.

“What people own, not just what they earn or know, shapes entrance into marriage and so may perpetuate disadvantage across generations.”

So if those who acquire more assets are more likely to get married, shouldn’t we encourage more people to go to college, not less?

Instead of wondering whether or not black women are going to college and making themselves all highfalutin and unmarriageable, we should be making college more affordable and encouraging more people—both men and women—to attend, not telling one group to slow down on the book learning to catch a mate.

After all, two broke people who get married are still broke. But two educated and professional, middle-class, married folks are one step closer to ending generational poverty and helping our kids become successful adults.

  • The Comment

    I’m trying to stop cussing…really I am but

    OH F*CK NO!

  • Blue

    Tell our black men who are not doing anything to step their game up. Encourage them to go to college. Why should we forfeit having a better future just to land a husband. Girl, bye

  • Ask_ME

    I believe black women should continue attending college. However, they should avoid HBCUs, which are damn near single-sex institutions.

    I love HBCUs, but I am grateful that I met my husband while in undergrad at USC rather than graduate school at Howard. There was a HUGE difference in environment.

    Attend a PWI, and look for a GOOD man (no race attached).

  • Me

    That website doesn’t care about black men. I visited it once because I happen to be in a relationship with a white man (not because I went out looking for him) and they fetishize dating anything but a black man like everything else is better. They could care less about our brothers, uncles, cousins, dads, etc. They just want anything but black men.

  • Trudy

    Thanks for the reasonable and factual rebuttal to that original article. I am genuinely fascinated by Black people who absolutely refuse to critique the way White supremacy/racism, capitalism and sexism/misogyny all work together to make the primary issue (money/wealth) unattainable for Blacks at rates for Whites, yet are taking the easy, status quo-approved and ignorant way out by finding yet another way to blame Black women. These people remain ridiculous. I swear they keep the ignorant Moynihan Report from ’65 on their iPads or something.

  • Karyn


  • Marisa

    Yeah I don’t want to curse either but, GET THE F%~K OUT OF HERE WITH LAME BULLSH%T. Who in 2013 and in the state of the economy and the state of relationships, throws away a chance to earn a good living to land a husband. Considering also the divorce rates in this country plenty are marrying but, they aren’t staying married. We see when marriages split up all hell breaks loose, dudes start talking that I shouldn’t have to pay you any support, when the wife is able bodied and could have been working. Isn’t that what Kordell Stewart is now shouting to his wife Porsha.Also lets break down the numbers here, assume that a certain percentage of sistas want to marry black men HA, we know how many of them feel about marriage don’t we. Which means a lot of these sistas will be waiting a long ass time.

    This is not the 18th, 19th early 20th centuries anymore were employment opportunities for women were sparce , this is the second decade of the 2000′s women better be making their own living. My mom is married and just retired after working 45 years, and if my dad walked out the house now and never came back, best believe she wont be stuck holding an empty bag. Nope she has her savings, not that joint account BS, pensions etc and his still capable of getting another job if she felt like it. These studies need to stop encouraging women to let go of having control over their own lives. I never see studies encouraging these new generations of Head of the House men to actually step up, and actually Head your House. No its I’m the Man of the House in words only not actions, and don’t give me that Feminist fault crap, many men started checking out of their responsibilities long before Feminist became a cultural catch phrase.

  • Brad

    If you are a Black woman who has a preference for dating Black men then an HBCU is certainly a place to meet them. Most HBCU’s male to female ratio is 60/40 female to male.

    So take a place like Howard, FAMU, NCCU or Tuskegee your gonna be around more black men then any other place in society. Even though it’s predominatly woman you still are talking about being around 4000 single progressive black men at Howard or FAMU or one of these campuses.

    I always remember the story a female friend of mine told about going to get her car looked at while she was at Tuskegee. Said she had 4 rusty butt brotha’s going along with her to make sure she wasn’t taken advantage of.

  • Apple

    ” others wondered if the spike in college enrollment was contributing to the lower marriage rates for black women.” No being black is the problem,college is just one more excuse to hold against them.

  • Ask_ME


    I don’t know what HBCUs you’ve been reading up on but they are NOT a paradise full of marriage minded black men.

    The female to male ratio puts the women at a considerable disadvantage…one that black men take FULL advantage of without remorse. These “single progressive black men” tend to be some of the most driven womanizers you will find. It is largely due to the advantage they have on campus.

    I would tell any black woman looking to find a mate while in college to avoid HBCUs like the plague!

    The best thing black women can do for themselves is look for a GOOD man and stop using race as a qualification.

    The next thing they can do is pursue their education at an institution with a bigger pool of men from different background, cultures and races.

  • Guest1234

    Yeah. I, too, am in an interracial marriage (to a white man) and used to peruse that site every now and again, but I ultimately decided that they’re a bunch of nuts over there.

    This is kind of par for the course over there. I actually saw a posting encouraging a young woman to change her name to something that may be more acceptable to a white man. I dang near jumped in my computer screen to wring their necks. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg: I’ve read that black women should expect their white husbands’ families to be suspicious of us until we PROVE ourselves worthy (WTF?! So, it’s okay if my hubby’s family is racist, because……? Who the fukc wants to marry into a family of racists, I don’t even want to know.); I’ve read postings from non-black men detailing all the things black women can do to make themselves less unattractive to non-black men (i.e. play dumb like the asian ladies do and stop being so blackety black black); and lots more craziness. Long story short: They got issues.

    There’s more to being well-rounded than snagging a hubby. And there’s much more to finding a hubby than fawning over every damn fool who happens not to be black. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point (LOL). Don’t take any of their ish seriously. They’re not working with a full deck.

  • L

    ***Grabs popcorn*** I know every black woman that reads this site is about to “go in” on this article.

  • Brad

    I graduated Tuskegee University, my wife FAMU, my parents Hampton and FAMU, brothers Tennesee State Univ. Me, friends and family been doing this HBCU meeting, greeting and marriage thing for over 60 years now.

    Like I said it would be for Black woman who are ‘interested” in black men. If White guys, or Spanish or what ever is your cup a tea. If you are a part of the “anything but, a black man” crowd then absolutly not an HBCU.

  • L

    “After all, two broke people who get married are still broke. But two educated and professional, middle-class, married folks are one step closer to ending generational poverty and helping our kids become successful adults.”

    I think this quote sums up a misconcepton in this community. Just because you have a degree doesn’t mean you can’t be broke and everyone that is “educated, middle class and professional” doesn’t have a degree. Education is important but please remember education comes through more channels than just a college or university.

    As for the gist of the article about women marrying first, I agree with this in regards to some women. Everyone is different.

  • solfresh

    I’m glad I took my chances attending a college with other black men from across the world who are doing the same rather than stay home in Virginia and look for a husband within my comfort zone. I don’t see how anyone would deliberately not look into going to a college or university even if it’s in state. College alone has opened my eyes. I’ve met guys from all over the world through classes, internships, jobs, parties etc.

    Secondly, I’m not down for categorizing people based on their “aptitude” to accomplish something. Oh, she’s not a college girl so she just go get married. I think everyone whether they believe they can or can not, should at least look into going to college. Everyone should be trying to better themselves FIRST.

    But never mind me, I’m a believer in having your sh/t together on your own and achieving significant self-growth before bringing another individual into the mix. For me, that means college particularly going away to school in another city. I’m not even close to reaching my potential (I still haven’t left the U.S. yet and I want to buy MY own house first) and I have yet to have a significant relationship with a man who I’d consider marrying. So marriage is pretty much nonexistent right now for me except for the fantasy wedding planning. I’d rather meet a partner while knocking off goals than stop and look for one.

    These reports, surveys and interpretations are getting wilder and wilder by the day.

  • Z

    just ne question, do these black men that you refer to as “ours” also refer to you as “our black women”?

    just asking.

  • Miakoda

    Why would a site with the purpose of focusing on interracial dating be worried about Black men?

  • Ask_ME


    Sorry, but black women who are interested in MEN (in general…as MANY black women are) can find black men, white men, asian men and every other type of man in GREATER supply at a PWI. The diversity of men that these schools offer cannot be duplicated by a HBCU.

    It is to black women’s benefit to attend a PWI rather than a HBCU, which puts them at a considerable disadvantage.

    It is not about meeting a “black” man. It is about meeting a quality MAN period (again…regardless of race). And once again, PWIs offer a wider variety of men and a larger pool of men…of all various races.

  • Pingback: She said: A pioneering female comic, college vs. marriage, Putin’s divorce

  • Riettier Michele Trabue

    Any excuse beats none. And so I guess the housing developments aka the projects are having weddings every week!?!?! The folks with no GED or JOP CORP are flocking to the altar in droves !?!? Child please WHATEVER. Lets just accept that low standards to no standards has created a world where a Black woman can at least maintain and maybe even thrive while a Black man will flounder and flop. You can say it’s the White man’s fault…and it just proves that yet again the Black man does not own his self. He does not achieve or thrive at anything but failure and apathy…and nothing is his own fault…no way no how.

  • Ask_ME

    My response to this comment ended up on page 4 (refer to that page).

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    “Education is important but please remember education comes through more channels than just a college or university.”

    Pretty much.

  • GG

    Who said you have to choose? Black women can have both husband and go to college at the same time! It’s better that way than to struggle. I know black women who met/maintained a relationship through college and after. They got married and bought a home at the same time.

  • victoria

    I wanted an education and a husband and I have both.

    Black women are told so many different things. We’re told to make education a priority and to not focus on getting married. We can pursue an education, but we are actually looked down upon when we pursue marriage. Now we’re being told that we should place our education on the back burner to pursue marriage. How about this?…we pursue both if that is what we want.

    And another thing, how about telling black men to up their education (starting with increasing h.s. diploma rates) in order to be on the same page as us.

  • The Comment

    Thank you! Why do I have to babysit the black man! Tell these fools to man up and stop being a punk! Work a low-wage job like I did until you get whatever degree/certificate—whatever—to climb up the ladder.

    Use protection until you are in a stable relationship (whatever that means to you) where if it doesn’t work out…the kid doesn’t suffer financially. I got to face the white man just like you do AND endure heavy periods, new-growth, obgyn appts, mama’s menopause emotional crap. Got to lend a ear to my BFF while she suffers thru heavy periods, and her dating issues with BLACK MEN!!!!!

    And on top of getting our degree, we still got to help granny, nana and pawpaw get the SSI paper work straight, shuttle them to the grocery store. Shuttle our lazy azz cousins kids to games so that when they sitten in jail 10 years from now…they’ll think back to the family that did give a damn.

    So if I have to man up why can’t they punk azz?

  • Tonton Michel

    Seems contradictory college education makes you more likely to be married, but if you don’t have the “aptitude” don’t go and get married?

  • Brad

    @ Ask_ME

    The point of point of course is to further your education beyond high school and hopefully get gainfully employed afterwards. I have one daughter at an HBCU and another one that will be attending one. That’s because as far as me and mine it was “mandatory” that they attend an HBCU.

    But if going to college to get that “Mrs degree” is what you want. As well having a larger pool of men or wider variety then sure attending a PWI is the best choice.

    But, it doesn’t change the fact if you do believe black men are of quality and that is your preference. Then you are not going to find more progressive, quality black men in one place than on a HBCU campus.

    I have simply been to, too many campus wedding ceremonies and have too many old college friends who all met on campus and are now married to not know better. I have attended too many HBCU Classics where folks are married that met at there HBCU’s from 25 to 85 years of age.

  • LMO85

    Sorry but this made me LOL for real. Tell IT.

  • Lillian Mae

    RE: Such high rates of black women attending college are, at least in part, due to so few black women being married.

    What a crock! I went to college for an education. At 17 years old, marriage was the last thing on my mind! We should continue to encourage more sisters and brother to go to and finish degrees!

  • LemonNLime

    Why all these articles about what black women “should” or “should not” do?! Should black women marry? Should black women date only white men? Should black women buy a home if it is going to scare away men? My god, who are these black women who are constantly changing their lives based on whims of no-bodies. Seriously, who gives a crap about what no-bodies who have no personal stake in your life say and think; opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one and most of them stink.

    What should black women do? They should live their OWN lives and screw anyone else who says otherwise!

  • LMO85


  • Echi

    Stopped paying attention at “Writing for the pro-interracial marriage blog, Beyond Black and White, Jamila Akil…” Been on the internet way too long to know what those folks are REALLY about.

  • kno

    The author of this article writes for the Racial Swirl blog, Beyond Black And White, which promotes Interracial relationships. they are not sensitive to what this entails when it comes to black/black relationships as far as the current male to female ratio of suitable, educated, blacks, as well as what they expect in a potential spouse in terms of finances.

  • Ask_ME


    You appear to be an older gentlemen. The dynamics at HBCUs have changed since your time. While “HBCU Marriages” do happen…I don’t believe they are as common as those in your time.

    I met some really great friends while attending Howard. These women were good-looking, fit, childless and pursuing graduate degrees. They were also unknowingly engaging in man sharing due to those “progressive black men” around campus juggling multiple women at the same time.

    You are either blind by bias or in denial about this^^^ reality at HBCUs in this day and age.

    Your gender might also prevent you from seeing and sympathizing with the position this^^^ disadvantage leaves black women.

    Education comes first. I agree. However, black women in college SHOULD be looking for a potential husband as well because this is the BEST environment to find a husband. At no other time in their lives will they have the opportunity to be around so many UNATTACHED men pursing something in life.

    You keep emphasizing find a quality “black” man. While I keep emphasizing find a quality man period.

    Black women at PWIs have a better chance of finding this than their HBCU counterparts and it is because of the LARGER pool of men these schools offer and the diversity of the population of men.

    At HBCUs black men are at an advantage. They have a monopoly on the women around campus.

    The odds of black men having an unfair advantage over the pool of black women decreases drastically at PWIs where the women have a LARGER MORE DIVERSE pool of men around campus.

    I like HBCUs but I would never recommend a black woman, who is interested in meeting a potential spouse attend one.

  • Ask_ME


    See page 7. The reply button on this site needs some work.

  • Hmm

    That site is garbage! They hold on to the desperate dream of a non-black, mainly WHITE man coming to save them. It’s laughable some of the articles posted. One suggested black women not put their race “out there” on online dating sites and identify as other to get to those that may be “apprehensive” about dating black women. The utter bullshit, I kid you not ! On Facebook, a few weeks ago, the blog owner said that more black women need to lose weight because an “eligible man ” -aka white, not hispanic, and definitely not black- would not want black women for that reason. Somehow, overweight non-black people have no trouble finding love though. She posted something like “Lose weight = more options” and a point was made alluding the weight was to blame “that 70% of black women are single”.

    And now, they have this, so as to say “stop being the educated black woman you want to be and wait for your White Prince”. Ugh. Stay away people, just stay away. I know I will.

  • Brad

    The cold hard truth is that in general, for the most part black woman’s first choice in a mate is not, I repeat not a White man or an Asian man or even a Spanish man.

    Pushing your IR agenda is just not gonna change that.

    I attended and graduated an HBCU in the early 90;s but, have had either family or friends to attend in the years since. I now have a daughter attending one so I don’t come from this in a vacuum. When my family travels on vacation if one is in the area we always spend time visiting an HBCU, at this point we have been to about 17…

    At any rate, if white is right then so be it, if that’s what ya want, if that is your preference then you increase your odds at a PWI. It’s really not complicated.

  • Kacey

    I saw this piece and I was really disturbed by it. She makes some valid points, such as the fact that many black women lack guidance and sound advice during the early years regarding education, career, family and just setting life goals and, as a result, don’t find their way until late in life. However, the assertion that anyone over the age of 25 (and/or a single parent) should abandon their education and career goals and just concentrate on finding a husband is down-right offensive. Her article reeks of ageism and sexism, and she makes some very startling and backwards assumptions. she is assuming that every woman wants to marry; that every man is capable of being a primary bread winner; and that marriage prospects decline for women over the age of 25 (and a single parent).

    However, societal trends in the U.S. (and much of the western world), across all racial/ethnic and economic lines dispute all of these assertions: (1) There are more unmarried households than married – i.e. there are more people living together monogamously yet legally unmarried than otherwise (so marriage is no longer the overwhelming “norm”); (2) women are fast becoming the primary breadwinner in the majority of American households (even among those that are married) and this is largely due to the fact that they are out-learning and out-earning men; and (3) For those who do want to marry, they are doing so at much later ages (i.e. over the age of 25) and those marriages last longer. There are studies and census data that backs all of this up. I’m not making a statement as to whether these trends are good or bad, they just are the facts.

    She is also forgetting that black women do not have the same options in the dating world that women of other races do. For black women who are only seeking black men, they are less likely to find suitable, marriageable mates than women of other races who are seeking men within their race. Those who are open to interracial dating must battle against stereotypes, possible cultural differences, lack of acceptance and flat-out racism (let’s not forget that study after study of online dating has shown that black women are least likely to be sought-out).

    So this author’s assumption that a black woman who focuses all her energies on dating is going to find “the one”, get married and live happily ever after is just fraught with problems. What is more likely to happen (what actually does happening) is that black women who eschew education will sink deep into poverty and bringing their entire families with them as black women’s earnings have always been necessary to the support of the black family.

    The author of the piece needs to re-examine her assumptions and get a firmer grip on reality. If only we could all live in the fantasy land that she has created in her mind.

  • E.M.S.

    Rolled my eyes the minute I read what that woman suggests. Why can’t black women have both? We’re way past the whole “just get married and rely on your husband” thing.

  • Ask_ME


    Your insecurity is showing.

    NOT ONCE have I said which race of men black women should pick. NOT ONCE have I emphasized a race at all. It is you who keep emphasizing RACE while I keep emphasizing QUALITY and QUANTITY. Do you see the difference???

    I would have more respect for you if you just came out and stated what is obvious from your comments: The idea of black women attending PWIs and meeting “White man or an Asian man or even a Spanish man” (Spanish is NOT a race by the way) THREATENS you.

    I stand by ALL of my statements which are the COLD HARD TRUTH.

    A black woman has a far greater chance of meeting a QUALITY man (once again, regardless of race) at a PWI than a HBCU and it is because of the LARGER MORE DIVERSE POOL of men that PWIs offer.

    Put your big boy panties on and come up with a better argument as to why black women should actively seek to attend HBCUs when faced with the disadvantage of a loop-sided dating pool.

    Right now your “Single progressive black men who take pleasure in juggling multiple black women at the same time” speech is not making HBCUs appealing.

  • binks

    Um… yikes! I wish people stop worrying about who is in black women’s beds, the title of black women’s companions, what is/isn’t on our ring fingers, and how our life must be like if we have or don’t have a man (whether he is black or nonblack). This is exhausting! So basically this is nearly the same advice but (frighteningly) in reserve of what “Princeton mom” Susan Patton was trying to give white women that this article/site is trying to give to black women…mmmm. Something tells me that if black women DO follow this advice and in turn get married instead of going to college people would complain how we married “aint sh*t men” or made a hole for ourselves because we didn’t have their own. Honestly, this is a damn if you do damn if you don’t situation. Furthermore, this site is dedicated to interracial dating/ marriage but wouldn’t this advice be shooting their message in the foot because they claim that certain types of black women can land a nonblack guy and I’ am sure that being educated and cultured is on their lists of “Dos”…so…yeah this article is just weird. She had a good point with the debt factor of college but everything after that was downhill…

  • False Consciousness

    Well said Trudy, and they’re not the only weirdos who treat phony moyni as their holy book. eh Be Real aka Chilly Road?

  • Let’s just go with this…

    Alright let’s go with that line of thinking. And we all tell our young girls, “hey gals you need to be getting married instead of going to college.” So first, who are they going to marry? Second, wouldn’t they meet these awesome men in college?

    Like how do you expect working class background little Keshia to just meet an Ivy league black man walking down the street? Sorry to break it to you Jamila, it doesn’t happen like that even in rich white elite circles. What happens is, Becky’s mother and father who went to Princeton or Harvard hooks her up with Jonathan who’s parents also went to Princeton and Harvard and have a network. Or Becky and Jonathan meet after both have attended Harvard and go off into the sunset.

    Our little black girls are growing up in impoverished neighborhoods with other black boys. It’s like the author said, “two broke people marrying will still remain broke.” So if Keshia should be marrying, then shouldn’t she go to Columbia where she can meet kick ass Devaughn? Or is it that Jamila wants Keshia to marry a non-black male (cough: WHITE MAN), and forget about the little black boys? I mean, we honestly don’t have extensive networks like white people to have the luxury of “marrying up”. Our marrying up is the equivalent of just the basic upper middle class white person, not even elite white person, upper middle class. We have to go to college to meet other kick ass people to build a network of kickass black people so we can make moves. Keshia will not meet kick ass Devaughn in the inner city, sorry this isn’t Gossip Girl where ninjas just meet rich guys in Manhattan boo.

  • And Another Thing

    Like I just have personal issues with Beyond Black and White, like any site that’s promoting interracial relationships as this glorified god-like status is sickening to me. I have no issues with interracial relationships, but why put it on a pedestal as opposed to other relationships. Why can’t you just promote two people falling in love? It’s fine if a black woman and white man meet each other and fall in love. Totally cool!

    But to promote IR dating as a means to be like BLACK WOMEN YOU HAVE OTHER OPTIONS BESIDE THESE NO GOOD BLACK MEN. Is beyond fucked up. Like I’ve checked the website and some of the shit was beyond dumb. Like there was a section about attracting white men. And like on some real tip, quiet as it’s kept-white men aren’t checking for black women like that. MOST people stick within their race. The most people who are marrying out are asian american women with white men. But anywho I digress.

    Just be wary of these sites with this IR agenda ladies and gents, because 9/10 there’s some self-hating or black man black woman hate business going on in the background. Peace.

  • Brad

    I will manage to go on with out your respect ;-)

    As I heard once in a movie, try that argument on a brotha with a GED. I happen to know more than a casual few “quality black men” and I include myself in that number.

    You know come to think about it some of them have just a GED. ;-)

  • Brad

    I sometimes think that some folks either they be black woman or black men earn a pay check to promote IR dating.

    It confuses me the level of effort they take in promoting it.

  • Whatever

    This is the reaction the author expected. Too bad she was trolling. Jamila Akil said pretty much what most commenters have expressed. Black women that are college educated make more money etc. what she stated was this:

    “However, attending college in their late 30′s, 40′s, or even later, or attending college to attain a graduate degree that wont boost their chance of being promoted at their current job is probably costing black women far more than they gain.”

    This applies ONLY TO WOMEN IN THEIR LATE 30′s and older.

  • BeReal

    You haven’t heard? It’s the next gravy train. Chooo Choo!!!!

  • Ask_ME


    The issue appears to be that “Brad” takes black women attending PWIs and possibly meeting, “White man or an Asian man or even a Spanish man” as a personal affront to himself.

  • victoria

    I found happiness. I completed my degree and am married to a wonderful man. Thanks for the encouragement, tho.

  • Hello

    “Single progressive black men who take pleasure in juggling multiple black women at the same time” speech is not making HBCUs appealing.

    Since when are black men the only men on the plant who have the ability to juggle more than one women at a time, are white men not capable of doing it, are Hispanic men not capable of doing it, are Asian men not capable of doing, men of every race are capable of juggling more than one women at a time.

  • myzdevyneone

    Yep. Just finished my 3rd degree and got a man that loves me to pieces.

  • Miakoda

    Most Black women date Black men, so what does it matter what Hispanic, Asian, and White men are doing?

  • Tiger The-Lion

    the folks at beyond black and white have a name for people like you: GAT-DL: Guardian of all Things Dark and Lovely….lol they kill me

  • Miakoda

    Spanish men are White.

  • Tiger The-Lion

    where did they get the idea that progressive black men have nothing better to do than to juggle multiple women? such men usually don’t have the time for such nonsense.

  • Ask_ME


    You need to learn how to READ and WRITE in CONTEXT. The statement was in reference to the situation at HBCUs (i.e., black colleges) where the ratio of black women to black men is HUGE. The same situation is not as prominent on PWIs where there is a LARGER pool of men.

    Get a clue.

  • GeekMommaRants

    It should be when someone goes out of the community, their life and opportunities should increase. This does NOT happen. Oh well.

  • Ask_ME

    @Red Pill

    “So to recap, most black men DO NOT attend HBCU’s. And even the ones who do are too busy enjoying the ratio to care about marriage.”

    Thank you! Brad must have graduated from an HBCU in the1940s because he is definitely not living in reality.

  • Ms Smith

    Women should focus on getting men rather than pursue a degree….0_o what? That’s ridiculous, even if she was just focusing on women who were thirty and over I still have an issue with what she said. Society has painted a picture throughout history that blacks are inferior and can’t be educated and are having babies everywhere..Even though more so than before there are not visuals of successful educated black women within society.We are told that we have to work harder simply because we are black females.. this is the time to seize every opportunity that we can get. To hear that black women are trying to educate themselves makes my sense of pride rise. For too many years black women have sacrificed for their families and some haven’t had the opportunities to pursue what they wanted..some have even abandoned their dreams such as going to college behind for their men and family and I think its time they do for themselves. It doesn’t matter what age you are, if you have a dream you should go for it, men will come and go..Eventually the right one will come, in the mean time do what you want to do. I’m sick of everyone having an opinion on how black women should conduct their lives and how they view them. “you need to get a man” “Black women are the least of attractive” “Black women are least likely to get married” ” If you don’t have a degree by thirty, give it up and find a man” —–WHAT? BLACK WOMEN DO YOU, BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE, EDUCATE YOURSELVES— GET WHAT IS YOURS!!!!!!

  • Brad

    Tuskegee University class of 1991, admittedly because of the Engineering school and ROTC programs which have mostly male students the ratio when I attended was nearly 50/50.

    But, my now wife attended FAMU at that time and the ratio was 60/40 and yet most of her female friends met there husbands on campus as well.

  • Ask_ME


    We are over a decade deep in the NEW Millennium please join us.

    The situation with the ratio went from alarming during your wife’s years at a HBCU to CRISIS….

    ^^^Like I said, black women, who actually desire to meet a spouse while in college, need to AVOID HBCUs.

    It is very telling that you don’t even appear to see the problem with the 60/40 ratio you keep mentioning.

  • Kacey

    22 years! That is the length of a generation. You are an entire generation removed from what is happening at the undergraduate level. With all due respect, I don’t think you can speak on student body ratios or what the dating prospects of 20-something year old black men and women are.

  • Ask_ME


    Brad page one REPLY to MY COMMENT:

    “If you are a Black woman who has a preference for dating Black men then an HBCU is certainly a place to meet them. Most HBCU’s male to female ratio is 60/40 female to male.

    So take a place like Howard, FAMU, NCCU or Tuskegee your gonna be around more black men then any other place in society. Even though it’s predominatly woman you still are talking about being around 4000 single progressive black men at Howard or FAMU or one of these campuses.

    See how HE brought up race when I only implied the GENDER IMBALANCE at HBCUs in my original comment and my happiness of meeting my husband while attending a PWI with a great pool of MEN.

    Grow up, you dumbarse no reading TROLL.

  • Brad


    I am not removed my oldest daughter is a Sophmore at an HBCU. I live in Florida my wife’s a teacher dominated by recent HBCU grads from the state HBCU. Between us we literally are constantly submerged in “current” HBCU happenings i.e homecoming, visits with our daughter, social engagements, alumni meetings. Pick my daughter up next week so trust me I’m not removed.

    The 60/40 ratio is an issue of course but, that is an issue at most colleges with black students, white students and the rest.

    My point is if you are in a class room, a game, a social function at an HBCU, you will be literally surrounded by progressive black males if that’s what your attracted to.

  • bk chick

    So When did finding love and getting an education become mutually exclusive?

  • Ask_ME


    “The 60/40 ratio is an issue of course but, that is an issue at most colleges with black students, white students and the rest.”

    No, it is not. While white women outnumber white men in college it is NOT as bad as black women to black men.

    The numbers are extremely bad at HBCUs because the student body population overall is SMALL compared to PWIs, who again have a much larger and more diverse student body.

    As Red Pill pointed out, most black men don’t even attend HBCUs. They are more likely to attend a PWI (if they attend college at all).

    So, it is counterproductive for you to even continue to encourage black women to attend HBCUs if the goal is to meet and marry a black man.

    The only thing these women would have to look forward to at HBCUs is man sharing, which leads to STDs and a whole list of other problems (and not surprising there are studies on this as well).

    My point is if you are in a class room, a game, a social function at an HBCU, you will be literally surrounded by progressive black males if that’s what your attracted to.

    Who in turn are surrounded by women, who in some cases (Howard) almost double them in population at the school. This is NOT an environment that encourages commitment or marriage for the men.

  • omfg

    @red pill

    i couldn’t read everything you wrote cuz, it’s just not worth it.

    i had to stop with the 82% graduation rates for black males. that simply isn’t true. if it were that great, we’d have very fewer problems.

    it is the case that black males graduate at an average national rate of 52%. white males graduate at a rate of closer to 80%.

    the rate is higher in some states and lower in others.

    this stat is purely for graduation rates, not dropout rates. it’s not hard to make the distinction.

    my source is – schott foundation. what is yours?

  • Brad

    Then how do you explain so many men who attend and graduate from these universities getting married.

    Places like University of Miami or University of Ga or University of Florida have a small number of black students with most being athletes.

    Good luck with settling them down…

  • Ask_ME


    The men don’t have an issue finding a mate at HBCUs…when they actually set out to settle down. They can clearly have their pick due to the ratio.

    IT is the BLACK WOMEN, who appear to have an issue finding a mate at HBCUs, which is my whole point!!!

    Do you understand that ONE SEX (black women) far outnumber black men at HBCUs???? Do you understand the implications of this gender imbalance??? Do you understand the position it puts the dominate sex in???

    “Places like University of Miami or University of Ga or University of Florida have a small number of black students with most being athletes.

    If you honestly believe this^^^ I feel sorry for you.

    Most of this country’s colleges and universities are PWIs.

  • memyselfandi

    I don’t care who you are – the idea that you should live your life in search of someone else to make you whole instead of becoming the best person you can be just seems wrong to me. I think too many people feel like having a partner validates them and shows how good they are of a person. The reality is that love is not a meritocracy. Charles Manson has women proposing to him in prison – it doesn’t mean he’s a great guy.

    I am all for people wanting love and putting themselves in the right mental and emotional place to be ready for it, but the idea that you put yourself or your education on hold because the most important thing is to find someone else to make you complete is romantic comedy bullshit, and in my opinion, the reason the divorce rate is so high.

  • Ask_ME

    The men don’t have an issue finding a mate at HBCUs…when they actually set out to settle down. They can clearly have their pick due to the ratio….

    *Adding to my comment*…

    These men might very well meet their future wives while in college, but they do NOT marry while in college.

    They do not typically commit to ONE woman while in college.

    They don’t marry until YEARS after college and normally they pick one of the women they were juggling for years, who they likely met at the HBCU they attended.

    ^^^It is the women who are receiving the short end of the stick…not the men.

    Once again, black women who desire to meet a spouse while in college, do not benefit from attending an HBCU.

  • Brad

    Gave those schools as an example because of the low black student body.

    The average is probably 5-10% on most PWI campuses. Some such as Georgia state is over 30% I get that.

    I also understand the gender imbalance but, if a black woman desires a black man(novel concept) then that gender imbalance will be on any and all college campuses.

    The difference is at an HBCU you’ll simply have a larger amount of black men there.

    If you attend Penn State you may still have a 60/40 BF/BM ratio but, there will only be a few hundred BM students there in a sea of whites. At FAMU you’ll have a few thousand there.

    But, I do get and understand your point now. I’ll give you that…

  • Ask_ME


    “I also understand the gender imbalance but, if a black woman desires a black man(novel concept) then that gender imbalance will be on any and all college campuses.”

    It will be on any campus, but it won’t be so bad with all the other men walking around PWIs (or an greater pool of men)…HBCUs do not offer this whole other pool of men (my main point in my original comment).

    A man is a man in my book. As a straight woman, I don’t see any benefits to single women (who may desire to meet a spouse in college) attending a school where they (women) make up 63% of the population. If I were single I would not have attended Howard for grad school!

    “The difference is at an HBCU you’ll simply have a larger amount of black men there.”

    But not compared to black women…which is the problem.

    The problem is worse at HBCUs because black men are the ONLY men walking around (with maybe a few “others” sprinkled around) and they come in SMALL numbers.

    At PWIs men come in all shapes, sizes and colors in GREATER NUMBERS, which increases a woman’s chances of finding a mate.

    If you attend Penn State you may still have a 60/40 BF/BM ratio but, there will only be a few hundred BM students there in a sea of whites. At FAMU you’ll have a few thousand there.

    Which is why I think the emphasis needs to be on QUALITY…not race. You keep talking about finding a “black” man. While I’m talking about finding a quality man regardless of race.

  • bk chick

    Okay I was with you until you shitted on “soft science and liberal arts” I just have to defend that here because, well I could go into a whole philosophical rant about how abandoning or scoffing at those degrees has helped America to become this extremely capitalistic country, which has got us into this shitty ass economy in the first place. But…what I will say is I appreciate your measured and rational advice in addressing the situation. However, it’s not really the degrees that are effed up…it’s the fact that school is SUPER expensive for no good reason and business hijacking higher education only exacerbates the problem. The world needs English majors, Psych Majors, and Artists, just like everything else..but in this economy if you want to pursue those things you have to be smart about it. You can either A) Get into an Ivy or really good school for free so you won’t be saddled with student loan debt B) Go to any school but research to see which schools are the best for what you want, all while spending the least money possible C)Network and get involved no matter what school you go to. I think the ultimate goal should be get the most out of whatever you choose to do with the least amount of debt. They’re are other ways to achieve this instead of preaching everyone do business and hard science to get a high paying job

  • Brad

    “You keep talking about finding a “black” man. While I’m talking about finding a quality man regardless of race.”

    Exactly my point…

    Good night, if I was disrespectful at anytime please forgive me…

  • BeanBean

    This article is stupid. Never have I read any story telling white women or Asian women to get married instead of attending college. Why is it different for black women???? More black men need to be in college and graduating, that way we can have more college educated black MARRIED COUPLES.

  • E.M.S.

    Does it matter to have both “right now?” The point is recognizing that black women can have both at any point in time. Your comment is irrelevant.

  • And Another Thing


    The problem is that a lot of black women are just MAD that they’re stuck with black men. Like can we just be real about the shit, please!!! The white men aren’t really checking for black women like that, and when you tell a Jamilla Akil that, you better run for cover. Yes, there are a few white men that date and marry black women but the exceptions aren’t the rule. And this whole push and promotion that black women can date xyz (I’m talking about these black women IR dating websites) when you get down to it is about feeling validated as a beautiful black woman. It’s like we’re trying to get back at black men, like “AHA!! oh you got a white b*tch?! now watch me get a white man bc all you ninjas are broke, deadbeat dads, and gay and don’t validate my beauty as a black woman”.

    Just please someone read the articles on Beyond Black and White. These black women writers are so THIRSTY for white male validation and dating white men.

    Let me drop this bomb:

    How many blog sites and social media outlets run by WHITE MEN and other non-black men talk about dating black women and how beautiful black women are and how on top of the world they are? I’ll wait…

    But you’ll see these thirsty broads creating blogs to promote IR dating and be like “SEE BLACK WOMEN ARE LOVED AND ATTRACTIVE”. Girl, bye.

  • BeanBean

    PREACH! Blacks need to control our own destiny. Low standards are killing us, it’s pathetic.

  • Z


    thank you!

  • Z

    @And another thing

    why do you think they do that though?

    why do you think black women are different from other groups of women in needing/wanting validation from their men? why do you curse them for this?

    and if black men aren’t interested in black women , what do you suggest these women do?

  • Miakoda

    “Why is it different for black women????” – Because Asian and White women can find suitable mates in college; Black women who only date Black men cannot.

  • sharay

    I used to like that site but they are such piss poor writers it isn’t even funny.

  • lol

    so I take it you’re going to marry all of those overweight black women?

  • BeanBean

    If a woman limits her choice based on race, that’s her problem. A good man is a good man.

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  • Hmm

    I definitely won’t but that’s cause I’m a straight WOMAN. Now if you feel you there’s a weight “right” weight requirement to date “white” <(Bleh that rhymed). You're just stupid for changing your lifestyle for any POSSIBILITY of getting a guy.

    If you're overweight and wanting to lose weight, do it for you and your health. Not so you can land a pale MF.

  • talaktochoba

    women are not the threat black men have always been perceived to be–mainly by those who’ve made a rich living out of wronging them, but that’s another story;

    second, the white men who control the wealth in this country have always hated their women–why else do they make 75 cents for every male dollar in 2013?–but historically been intrigued by the option of black women their dollars can afford them access to (see Washington, Kerry and Saldana, Zoe, et all);

    finally, two college educated middle class people in a marriage are hardly above the poverty line when they start out almost a quarter of a million dollars in debt from school loans their $50,000 a year salaries won’t put even a dent in…

  • phylecia2

    You know what, I agree. I’m in an interracial relationship, so I visited the site out of curiosity. I wasn’t impressed. Most of the articles sound like a high school level opinion piece. I wish the “reporters” or bloggers actually wrote articles with stats about interracial dating. I feel like all they do is men bash write fluff pieces. Oh well….

  • Miakoda

    No need to preach to me.

  • Rakel

    I read the author’s article in entirety. A lot of people are upset about the marriage assertions while I did not agree with every point there was one thing that stood out to me. Black women are entering college at a high rate yet they are completing college at a low rate. That is a real financial issue. Marriage will not fix the debt of college, but I think the author was trying to say with a significant other you are possibly more likely to stay in school because of the extra help, and a significant other can help alleviate school costs and debt. If you desire to be married college is certainly the place to look around. Neither going to school or going back to school should be taken lightly.

  • noodle



  • talaktochoba

    sorry, but black women manufacture their own problem when they set their sights to college-educated males once getting their degrees, completely forgetting the education system is designed from kindergarten to encourage, if not ensure, as many as possible minority males fail to wend their way through it;

    if, you choose to ignore the bus driving man, the cab driving man, the military man, the garbage man, the corner garage auto repairman and the churchmember who’s a private plumber/roofer/garage door repairman/electrician, simply because all they have is a permit or a certificate and not a college degree, then all you deserve is a white man…

  • Harsh Reality

    boo white men don’t want you, deal with it.

  • Roger

    Thank you @swade85

  • Roger


    You met your white “husband” in undergrad, but still had all the time in the world to observe all the women-juggling Black men at Howard lol.


  • Roger

    Thank you @TA

  • Roger

    Excellent @Red Pill Excellent

  • Pseudonym

    College-educated people (who get married after age 30) are more likely to be successful/happy and not get divorced, so that’s not the issue. The issue is that there are not as many black men in college with them and many black women still prefer to only date black men. The answer to more “black marriages” (if that’s what you want) is for more black men to go to college.

  • Brad

    Several historically black colleges and universities were recently named to a list of institutions where students pay low-costs for education and earn relatively high salaries after graduation.

    The list, compiled by, ranked 58 schools based upon data from the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), the Integrated Postsecondary Data System (IPEDS), and the Carnegie Classification of Institutions of Higher Education.

    7. Prairie View A&M University
    13. Bowie State University
    27. University of Maryland Eastern Shore
    37. Langston University
    38. Morgan State University
    43. Florida A&M University

    I also added the link for the complete list of colleges HBCU’s and PWI’s. Good information pertaining to this conversation.


  • darcwonn1906

    I can agree with that.

  • Tiger The-Lion

    the wage gap is a complete myth and debunked. it slaps in the face of common sense and what capitalism is all about: if i can pay you 25 cents less to do the same job, i’ll hire you every time.

  • Brad

    Several historically black colleges and universities were recently named to a list of institutions where students pay low-costs for education and earn relatively high salaries after graduation.

    The list, compiled by, ranked 58 schools based upon data from the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), the Integrated Postsecondary Data System (IPEDS), and the Carnegie Classification of Institutions of Higher Education.

    7. Prairie View A&M University
    13. Bowie State University
    27. University of Maryland Eastern Shore
    37. Langston University
    38. Morgan State University
    43. Florida A&M University

    This is good information pertinacity to the conversation.

  • Tiger The-Lion

    the premise of the article is off base but there are some good points made: don’t go to college to major in some bullsh!t degrees that won’t help you in the job or make you an independent thinker to start one. all you end up with is debt with no way to pay it off. in this economy, an apprenticeship track is more attractive than college/university track.

  • bk chick

    “I never said that all black people need to major in business, but all black people should UNDERSTAND the basics of business, finance, and accounting. Our problem isn’t really that we lack resources, but that we’re financially illiterate and economically retarded.”

    In that sense, couldn’t people get a library full of books to teach them financial literacy instead of saddle themselves with debt learning it in school? The same suggestion that you made for Liberal Arts Majors? It seems you are very biased in what you deem necessary because you come to the conclusion of “making money”…and like I said, I won’t get into why that focus hurts every American, including black Americans, because it’ll be way off topic…but I understand that the situation is dire.

    You also mentioned 80k in debt with a liberal Arts degree, which ,as I said, there are ways to get around it. You act like once you get a liberal arts degree there’s just no other option. I;ve done my undergrad and will soon get my doctorate with basically no debt in liberal arts because I got scholarships and just went about it in the right way. I also will be working a career that will “make me money” all while not having to pay back my debt. You did it through the military (kudos to you!) and I did it through scholarships. All I’m saying is there already is an over representation of black folk in business, and there certainly can stand to be more..but there is also an under representation of black peeps in the liberal arts such as English, Psychology, Fine Arts, etc. We need to focus our energies in all areas, all while focusing on reducing or eliminating debt.

  • Hmm

    And Another Thing, Thank you! Finally somebody is being honest. The overwhelming majority of men who want bw are bm. There’s nothing wrong with that, that’s how it is for most races. Find one of your caliber and be happy. If you already attract other races and date out, do that! Fall in love and be happy. This constant need to shit on every bm and applaud the very, very, small number of men outside of black men who do want black women is just SAD!

  • Job

    @bk chick

    Hint: How many Asians do you see coming to America to study liberal arts?

    Red Pill didn’t study business. He did engineering like myself. However, he learned financial literacy on is own. Just the other day there was a story of a lawyer who had absolutely no idea how to handle money.

    As for black people being underrepresented in liberal arts, I disagree. I think black people are over represented. Many liberal arts degrees also do not teach practical skills leaving graduates under prepared to handle anything outside of their niche.

    Learning how to do math, analyze and solve problems prepares someone for a wide variety of jobs. I see a lack of analytic ability in society in general.

    I am a huge supporter of the arts and I want programs to be expanded in public schools to teach music especially. However, it is naive to think that spending lots of money to study music, urban studies and African American history will prepare someone to make an impact society. Such things can be studied in ones leisure time.

  • Brad

    “It’s not that the Black community can not afford for me to be a Astrophysics, the black community can not afford for me “not” to be one.”

    - Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson


    Sometimes I we have to do what makes us happy as individuals, follow our own callings and dreams. Of course with that, maybe we don’t have the right to complain if we submerged in debt. I got my Aerospace Engineering degree and I owe Sallie Mae plenty but, there isn’t a day I don’t think it was worth it.

  • Deb

    Taking on student loan debt at 40,50 years old is simply not a great idea. If you have been functioning for 20-30 years without the degree hopefully you have been working a job and establishing some things. Honestly the people I know who have homes and businesses, who travel – have been non-degree people. Brothers with trades, sisters who have been civil servant workers. I don’t say not to get a degree, especially if you can get one right out of high school and especially if you can get one without getting in high debt.
    The economic reality has forever changed. There are more than a few folk out here with high degrees folding clothes or serving drinks. One of my children is about to enter college and will be able to do so on her father’s trade skills and her mother’s consistent work history sans a degree. No financial aid came our way.

    I don’t understand emphasizing Black women not getting married when the numbers are basically the same for Black men. From what I’m hearing and reading I’ve concluded that Black males will have to get a lot more industrious. The white man is not afraid of black males, he has thoroughly subdued black males as evidenced by black males who feel they can’t be productive if the white man doesn’t give him a job. It’s the self emasculation of many of our men that’s causing problems in relationships. Too many males are willing to allow their women to get out here and hustle for the family. Men like my husband, my father, grandfather could never let a women suffer the white man day in and day out while they did nothing but complain or falsely boast about the white man being afraid of them. This is what is effecting marriage in our community more so than women with degrees.

  • Shay

    PREACH!!!!!! So true. i learned this in the middle of college

  • bk chick

    @ jobs…as someone who majored in the so-called “soft science”, I beg to differ. There are not as many black people who move on professionally in their liberal arts careers. My point was exactly yours, don’t spend a shit load of money on ANY degree. I understand the cost/benefit analysis regarding majoring in something that will make you money right after you graduate (undergrad) BUT my point is don’t just usher people into homogenous fields. Encourage diversity in education but lambast the real crime: College is too expensive. If you can become a clinical psychologist because it’s what you love to do and you did it with little or no debt, and you will be making 100 k in NYC after you’ve finished school, I’d say you’re in a pretty good position. People who choose liberal arts, and who love it, shouldn’t be discouraged, rather, encouraged to pursue it the right way

  • bk chick

    Also, In my personal experience I’ve found that many people actually have a pretty good (relative) aptitude for math, but when it comes to Writing…..a friggin paragraph let alone an essay? and knowing how to conjugate verbs and figuring out what is the subject of a sentence? That some crisis level ish right there…I’m talking high school kids writing at about 5th grade level. This usually caries over into college

  • Kacey

    I’ve seen you make this same comment (almost verbatim) under various other articles on this site. You seem like a very insecure, bitter little man. Are you mad because none of these black women are screwing you? Are you over 30 and no-one wants you? It’s not the fact we don’t care about…just you.


  • Sandy

    I disagree completely. My mother gave me this advice when I turned 18: ‘never sacrifice your dreams for any man’. If you’re truly meant to be with someone, you’ll find him & date him- whether you decide to pursue a PHD and 3 other degrees, or fly around the world for 10 years. And if he hasn’t turned up yet, well it’s ok to be single, and do all the things you love while you look for Mr. Right. It’s never worth it to sacrifice any part of yourself, your heart’s desires, dreams etc. for a man- what happens if he decides to walk away from you one day? Would your world then fall apart because you gave everything up just to meet & be with this guy?

  • donnadara

    “Black women with at least a bachelor’s degree are more likely than black women of all other educational levels to get married and stay married.” So why the hell would it be a bad thing for black women to get degrees? And your job may pay for your graduate degree. I wonder if she would give her daughter the same advice.

  • Gina

    One of the problems with our community is this herd mentality.

    We need to think like individuals but be able to work together.
    I’m tired of people telling us what black women should do. Education is giving us the self esteem and empowerment no man can give us.


    Clearly, previous advice has not been working out.

  • Shay

    Boy yall are SNAPPIN on these comments. and im lovin it

  • ETC

    All of these comments are really interesting. I think that every woman is an individual who is free to pursue her academic, professional and romantic interests. I understand the issues regarding marriage and women of color, but I feel like if someone wants to get married, they can. Also, I saw someone saying that only BM are checking for BW. I would say that is not true. It depends on where you live. Me and my friends have dated men of many cultures. I am personally convinced that if someone has confidence, takes care of themselves and is truly satisfied with themselves, finding a mate of any color is not an issue. We all just need to respect each others decisions. Just do YOU. Also, just remember that there is nothing wrong with BW, individually or in aggregate(sp?). We are as beautiful, talented, sweet, odd, corky, funny, intelligent, etc as anyone else. Just remember that.

  • KP

    “However, black women in college SHOULD be looking for a potential husband as well because this is the BEST environment to find a husband. At no other time in their lives will they have the opportunity to be around so many UNATTACHED men pursing something in life.”

    I attended an HBCU as well, and I am so sick of everyone telling black women what they SHOULD be doing. We should be doing whatever it is we want to do. I wasn’t interested in finding a husband in college, and going to a PWI wouldn’t have made me more interested in finding a husband. This is not to say that I don’t want to be married in the future, but not at all all 22, 23. Seems like everyone has an opinion on what black women do. Let each black woman do her own thing: Marry a man of a different race, go to college, not go to college, not marry at all, etc. Tired of our every move being everybody else’s conversation.

  • isola

    50% of marriages end in divorce. There you are a divorcee with no college degree heading a household alone. Unless your man is making six figures the child support you hope he provides is not going to cut it. Believe me the men making six figures are not falling out of trees. Stay in school ladies. You can get an education and meet a mate. Women have been multitasking forever.

  • talaktochoba

    i could care less if a white man “wants me”, or any man, for that matter since I’m a normal–i.e., HETEROSEXUAL–man;

    furthermore, i know if i wanted to, i could have any female I wanted, even yours;

    especially yours;

  • Apple Pie

    @And Another Thing

    Not that I am an IRR advocate, but there are actually 5 blogs that I can think of right now that were started by white men who prefer black women. Even if you google it, the first one that popped up is “white|men|black|women.|com”. Most white men aren’t checking for black women because most black women are not shown in the best light! Black women are portrayed as aggressive, fat, angry women. What human would be interested in those qualities in anybody?? If most black women were to lose weight, ditch the over-exaggerated attitudes and behaviors, behaved and dressed more feminine, many of us would be competing with women of other races. Unfortunately, we are our own worst enemies who keep ourselves “back” by encouraging thickness (nothing but being fat), sassy attitudes and this stupid independent attitude that has messed most of us up! Have you ever wondered why most of the beautiful, attractive, “thin” feminine black women in Hollywood are most (if not all) dating/married to other men???? This is because they have a CHOICE. Fat, belligerent, and unfeminine women don’t have CHOICES. That’s also the real reason why so many claim that all they want is a black man. No, all you can GET is a black man, simply because you have no choice or pick as to other men. Not that there is anything wrong preferring your own men, but don’t play yourself. Same scenario can be played out referring to the broke black man in the hood who claims he only wants a thick (big) black woman. He says this because he has no other choice, so he is stuck with what is around him. Once he makes a little bread and leaves his neighborhood, the first thing he gets is a skinny, plain white or asian female with no A$$!! Go figure…Sometimes it’s good to just see things for what it is…sans emotions.

    Many of those women on IRR websites appear thirsty because they see (and know) the benefit of marrying out, so they want it. And also, some just happened to fall in love with “other” men. Not to be disrespectful or anything, but what is the “benefit” of black women staying within their community??? What has been the benefit in the past years of black women staying and marrying within?? If you can answer these questions for me, you are the man of the year…

  • nichelle

    I think the problem over all is the lack of an emphasis on marriage among black americans 35 years old and younger. This is true for both genders. While,I agree that there is nothing wrong with black men and women exploring all their options, I cannot loose sight of the reality that black men and women seem to prefer one another and not non-black persons. I do not see this large number of black women expressing a desire to partner with non-black men and for the most part I can say the same for black men. Why is there so much discussion and focus on interracial dating?

  • lola289

    Ur right…I hate to admit it but its true. :-(
    It’s just disgusting that HBCUs (i.e Howard) are not able to be better and follow the template of more successful colleges. Maybe we (alumni) need to step in.

  • talaktochoba

    wow, you have pandered to almost every racial stereotype from the dawn of slavery in this country to the rise of Hollywood and porn movies;

    speaking of the latter, aren’t you about due for your two-week test?

  • pinklipstick227

    Jamila Akil could have very easily written an article asking the black community to encourage more black men to go to college or get vocational certification. Educated and employed black men tend to marry.

  • Nic

    Yeah, I recently saw two different stories about guys from North Carolina A&T who juggled two women (one who was a classmate that they intended to marry and another off campus who also thought she was in a committed relationship) and in both cases, the college girlfriends were murdered by the 2nd girlfriends.
    Clearly not an epidemic but a by product of the attitude that in the land of plenty, which is what an educated black men is living in when compared to educated black women, you have men who will be playing around up to their wedding day to their college sweethearts.

  • JKaren

    So go to college to become a robot as opposed to pursuing your passion? What if we have an entire generation doing this? Who will be the Music teachers? Art teachers? Philosophers etc? We would have a nation of Health Assistants (very profitable field right now)

  • NAM

    I left a comment on her article that is still in moderation about the whole attorney example.

    She uses the attorney in Florida as an example. The attorney is 44 and got her student loans 20 years ago, that would make her in her mid-20s when she went to law school. She graduated with the debt BEFORE she had children. The woman is also married. I mention that because she was over there pondering whether or not this woman had 1, 2, or 3 baby daddies. And she is using her as an example of single mothers/older women that go to school and accrue debt. She is really trying to make her point stick, even if the example used is incorrect. Smh. I just feel like she has this image in her head of black women that is kind of sad.

    See article on attorney:

  • tam

    I am a single black female that did go to college and got a bachelors degree in a field that will always be around forever. I did get student loans but I am grateful because I would not be where I am today without the help. I cannot possibly understand why anyone will tell our black women to not get an education and look for marriage instead..Why cant we do both? This is so disheartening to think that we as black women should sit around and put all our efforts into finding a man to marry, while in the meantime, be broke, living off the system, taking crap from these deadbeats, and I can go on and on. I for one did get my degree and my life has been wonderful. I know for a fact that I would not have my career as an Investment Accountant had I not gotten my degree, its a fact. I am a single parent but I am not lonely and have a very fullfilling life with dating and my children. I am financially stable after working in my career for the last eight years and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I see girls out there not getting an education, working jobs not having a career. I definitely did not want to work at grocery stores, fast food restaurants all my life. I like nice things and that wouldnt be enough to cater to my lifestyle, which I am able to have because of my dedication to education, not to these n****s on the street. I also have instilled those values into my 3 girls at home, and they to are on the right path. No man but GOD is worth me dissing my education, and he wants me to succeed, not be a slave to a man because you have nothing of your own. Women, please get your education, or whatever helps you to suceed in life, you are responsible for yourself, no one else. I do have a friend that will probably be my husband because he respects my independence and drive. Ladies there are plenty of men who will wife you, but always remember you have to be comfortable, at peace, and love yourself before you can allow anyone else to do feel that way about you. I can say that even after all the education, I am 38 years old and really just learned this 2 years ago. I felt like some men where intimidated by my status, but since I found my love, that problem no longer exists. There is someone for everybody, whether your educated or not. Don’t give up education or looking for your hsuband.. They can go hand and hand!!!

  • Fawn

    Sure. If all there is to your existence (notice I didn’t use the word “Life”) is having a man, being a wife – then ditch college and get married. Problem is – what if no one wants to marry ya’? Men, ESPECIALLY black men, no matter age or socio–economic status, are lining up to get married to ANYONE, ESPECIALLY black women. I’m a ‘Nola Darling’ kinda gal – get yourself three-five good fuck buddies and have some lovely evenings.

  • sugabrwn


  • Brad

    I think she is pro IR so any kind of positive inverstment/encouragement in Black men would not interest her in any way.

  • Me

    Well posted!

  • Pema

    Am I missing something or is this writer lacking in reading comprehension? Jamilia Akhil says that women SHOULD get a college degree. Her contention seems to be with older women pursuing college degrees (or graduate degrees) when they should be trying to get married. I’m not sure that I agree with her as I don’t understand why both goals can’t be achieved simultaneously but the author of this piece doesn’t seem to understand the blog that she is critiquing.

  • katei

    I see you come from the old school like my great grandma told us who was married until widowed “never let the left hand know what the right hand is doing” and also “you can still be a single parent yet married”. Though she was a sharecropper she died with a nice little savings and planned and paid her own funeral. Even left my great grandfather for a while. Women need to be more assertive when it comes to looking out for themselves and their children. You can see where the men “leading” the household has gotten us so far. And you are right even when there are two people in the home the woman does the majority of the work.

  • katei

    Exactly until we get more Bill Gates, Steve Jobs who are innovator and did not rely on political pieces of paper to navigate within the game we will continue to have this sharecropping mindset. So many people with degrees on the couch. I think the worst thing they did was take away trade programs out of the schools starting in the 70s. I once met a man who received a quarter million dollar federal contract as an electrician.

    Sad most fellas can’t even build things, fix things or change a tire anymore. We used to be a creative people now we just work for other people, 6 figures or minimum wage its the same game.

  • hhi

    I agree about the financial literacy part. My dads highest education is a HS diploma and some college. Retired at 51 bought his second house cash. He didnt rely on students loans or even the military to establish a nest egg.

  • Nicole

    Why should we when many black men have proved to us black women that they aren’t able to take care of the family let alone themselves

  • JackieL

    I agree with the assertion that women should concentrate less on advanced degrees and more on finding a husband. Too many women waste their most valuable 20s working on advanced degrees that won’t make much real difference for them in the workplace. Even when they do equate to an increase in pay, they still don’t equal the raise in wealth that women enjoy when they marry. Women in their 20s should realize that they are at their prime and are in the best position to get married. Putting off searching for a husband until your 30s often means spending a lot of lonely nights at home with your cats. Many women will never get married or have children because they have passed their prime. What’s the point of having a ton of education when you can’t use it to educate and raise the next generation?

    Women, you can get a degree at any time. Stop wasting your time dating and cohabitating for years on end. Get married and then start working on your Master’s after you have your ring.

  • TT Gore

    You aren’t married are you? Not trying to be funny or cruel…but it is impossible for you to understand if you have yet to attain the balance of both.
    I agree with the article in that our mindsets change and its not about settling its about understanding the full picture. And we focus on one piece for so long that we missed the window of great potential to be able to handle it all. Unless you have walked the path it makes it difficult to really comprehend.

  • Jordan

    This is a ridiculous old world statement, that doesn’t apply with today’s standard of living. In order to achieve a nice standard of living, both parents are required to work. This isn’t the middle ages, women aren’t and can’t be tied to their homes, straddled with a child on their hips and rearing the household by themselves, while the husband gets to go out into the world.

    Advance degrees are NOT a waste of time, many women want GOOD PAYING jobs to help set them and their families (if they choose to have any) in the future, getting an education is NOTHING for women to be ashamed about at a young age, we fought long and hard to gain this amount of freedom, an educated populace helps cull the stupidity, educated women scares little boys such as yourself, who can’t handle a woman who can hold her own intellectually and pay the bills.

    You seem to want women to sacrifice their wants and desires so they can ‘GET THEMSELVES A MAN’. Because apparently getting married is a number one priority in the eyes of the traditional, insecure man. A woman who can challenge you intellectually? NONSENSE! A woman with a good paying job, making ends meet on her own or is the one bringing the bank instead of her BF/Husband? PREPOSTEROUS! A woman who isn’t co-dependent and wanting to wait until later to marry in her life or not at all and live… BY HERSELF!? ABOMINATION!

    See how ridiculous that is? I’d also like to interject that relationships are HARD and with marriage it’s even HARDER, as you’re practically BOUND to that person for the rest of your life, divorces are pricey and sealing your nuputials is just as expensive.

    Also the divorces rates are through the roof, so your argument on experiencing the “wealth of marriage” is bullocks. Obtaining degrees later on can prove quite a burden if you’re already married with a family, as you’re own wants, desires, needs and something even more precious TIME, goes completely out the window and by then, the want to go to college is probably not as strong as it used to be.

    And if we want to go to college at a young age and marry late, we fucking will, this isn’t a debate, plenty of women find mates (usually in college, go figure) or later in life no problem, sorry if the concept of an independent woman scares you, but your mansplaining won’t work here.

    Women aren’t a type of perishable fruit where we “go bad” after a few days, perhaps you should learn to see women as human beings rather than baby-making, brood mares with a pair of eggs and a shelf life, you misogynistic dolt.

  • Aletia Point

    I think I love you for this excellent post.

  • Aisha

    Bless this comment!

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