He’s Just Not That Into You

by Evette Dionne

The ParkersYou remember this phrase? “Heyyyyyy Professor Oglevee!” You should. It is one of the most memorable lines in recent television history, courtesy of Mo’Nique’s character “Nikki Parker” on the UPN classic “The Parkers.” The Academy Award-winner’s first major character pined after Professor Stanley Oglevee (Dorien Wilson) for five torturous seasons.

He ignored her affections and her attempts to kiss him each Christmas below the mistletoe and dated beautiful woman after beautiful woman. But, Ms. Parker was determined. She cared for the professor when he was ill, made spare keys to his apartment and even disrespected his girlfriends – all in the name of love.

It took five seasons of stalking before Professor Oglevee realized he was in love with Nikki. He interrupted her wedding to profess his love for her. The series ended with Nikki adding Oglevee as her surname and officially claiming the man that she had loved through all of the restraining orders and threats.

But, that is television. This is real life where fairy tales rarely end with a happily ever after.

Professor Oglevee never explained the reason why he wasn’t interested in Ms. Parker, but I suspect it had more to do with the stretch marks underneath her flower tunic shirts than her stalker tendencies. Face it. All men are not interested in girls with extra curves.

It might seem superficial because there is more to a woman than her external appearance; but seeing as I prefer tall, chocolate men with Caesar cuts, gorgeous teeth, and dimples, there is no need to be upset when my size 18 hips are not at the top of a man’s preference list.

Ladies of size, don’t resort to Nikki Parker’s stalking tactics. Instead, learn the “I’m not interested because of the scale numbers” behaviors. Here are five of them.

  • He might be concerned with your rolls than the buttered ones on the table if he keeps hinting that it would be healthier to order a salad than devour the steak, mashed potatoes, and broccoli you ordered.
  • Don’t be suckered into evening dates across town or midnight movies. That can be an indication that he either has another girlfriend or is embarrassed to be seen together in public.
  • It is natural for men to glance at other attractive women; but if his eyes roam to women with smaller waists and perkier breasts all the time, chances are he has little interest in what you have to offer him physically.
  • Fat jokes around his friends and relatives. Enough said.
  • All women, regardless of size, want to be complimented. What woman doesn’t want her significant other to tell her how gorgeous she is or how much he loves her smile. If he can never offer praise without adding something about weight behind it e.g. you’re beautiful for a plus-sized girl, then he’s just not that into you.

You deserve to be desired. If he can’t get with the extra pounds, he isn’t worth the time. Nikki Parker should have realized that in the second season.

  • Marisa

    I gotta be honest those type of relationships I don’t like Nikki after years of what I felt was demeaning herself finally was ready to move on, then poof here’s the typical Oh wait I really love you by the Professor. To me its not really about love its about the attention I don’t want you but, I enjoy rejecting you, passed off by writers as love and affection. We the audience is suppose to root for these pairings but, I never did.

    I wasn’t moved by Nikki/Professor, Fran Fine/Maxwell Sheffield, Thelma/Rev Ruben Gregory. The women are always in the position of constant rejection and humiliation actually , and its only when years after of putting up with it the women are ready to move on to other men. Those men care and respect them usually but, are portrayed as dull, boring and not truly knowing who the women are unlike the ones who spend years not wanting them. Frankly the Professor didn’t give real valid reasons of why he came to this great epiphany, and was declaring love to Nikki and breaking up her wedding. Nikki was better off just marrying Mel Jackson lol.

  • AnnT

    In other words Don’t be Kelly Price in her video “You Should’ve Told Me.”

  • lauryn

    In the words of Marvin Gaye, “I want you, but I want you to want me too.” Everyone deserves to love and be loved.

    On another note, The Parkers was one of the WORST series finales EVER, and might I add, a bad example of how to “chase a man.” I really wanted her to end up with the other dude who was head over heels for her.

  • Kay

    You definitely have to accept that you may not be everyone’s type. I’ve heard men say that Meagan Good isn’t all that cute to them and I think she’s beautiful. To each his own, as they say. As far as the Nikki Parker character and those of her ilk, I hated how she would pant after the Professor and he would completely ignore her. It wasn’t even a “Hey, I’m just not into you but we can be cool,” thing either. He didn’t even seem to like her half the time. When he finally professed his love for her I was more than a bit skeptical. I mean really, she spent years chasing after him and he FINALLY thinks she’s the one? I would have said, “Tough. Now let me go and get married to a man who WANTS to be with me and won’t make me wait an eternity for it.” Moral of the story is to not waste you life hoping some guy will finally realize the gem you are. Find someone who will see that right off and you’ll be a lot happier for it.

  • Marisa

    “In the words of Marvin Gaye, “I want you, but I want you to want me too.” Everyone deserves to love and be loved.”

    I have run that CD into the ground so much I have had to buy multiple copies lol. If a dude is not down for you it doesn’t really take that long to discover rather your feeling somebody or not. If you express interest and its not returned, then throw up the deuces.

  • Marisa

    Don’t forgot to add the cartoon teen version of Nikki Parker, Penny Proud home girl Dijonay who could forget her loud ass STICKYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Remember the Hawaiian kid Duke liked her, and made a play for Dijonay. Then Sticky got jealous and he just wanted her attention back, even though he still wasn’t feeling her and she dumped Duke like a fool.

  • ETC

    I think that humans have always wanted what they couldn’t have since the dawn of time. We are always looking for a “challenge” or a “conquest”. However, as soon as we get it, we are on to the NEXT one. It is really a conundrum. For example, I know something is bad for me, but I never want the good thing instead(whether it is food, procrastinsation, romantic relationships, etc). Getting over this is a work in progress. I will conclude with this: there is someone for everyone, but everything ain’t for everybody!

  • Mademoiselle

    Sounds like a Disney story to me: less than desirable man (bonus if he’s a jerk), woman pines for him until he sees her value, she brings out “the good in him” and they live in denial ever after. It’s the age old story of how to make a man love you. Who needs dignity anyway?

  • Mademoiselle

    This is exactly what fuels those raggedy men who walk around like they poop roses just because they have ONE (maybe even 2) desperate women who are willing to stalk and harass the “love”/acquiescence out of them. I’m convinced the guys who treat women like crap and profess they have “options” are talking about the Ms. Parkers of the world. No self-respecting woman would sit around indefinitely being anyone’s option. That show was annoying (even though I watched most of it on the hope that Moesha & Kim would make up one day).

  • Erin

    If a man really wants you and is interested in you, you won’t have to jump thru hoops to get him to see that and pursue you, and vice versa. I don’t necessarily blame Nikki’s rolls for The Professor not being interested, she was too much personality wise, and everything ain’t for everybody. What I do have an issue with is the women like this that go after men that are in relationships or married. Like ma’am, if he didn’t want to be with you when you both were were single at the time, you’re obviously NOT it. Find someone that you’re interested in and the feeling is mutual.

  • tina

    Add Carrie and Big to this list (SATC)

  • http://gravatar.com/jswindell Nean

    I would have liked the show a lot more if it focused on the main character improving her life instead of chasing a man and her grown daughter. I guess that was too much to ask since Girlfriends and Half&Half had upwardly mobile characters.

  • Anthony

    From a man’s perspective I can say a few things. If a man pursues a woman, and she rejects him, he usually moves on because a man continually trying to win a woman after he has clearly been rejected is seen as creepy or threatening. Problems tend to crop up whether it’s a woman or man in pursuit when the rejection is not clear and definitive. The friend zone is where false hope continues to linger, and as some have said, the person who is not really interested often loves the idea that someone want him or her even if the person pursued does not want that person at all. I remember years ago when a so-called friend of mine freaked when she realized that I actually had a girlfriend and she simply did not know about it. When I asked her to pick me up at the airport, she made sure that she did not come in her car, but she had her boyfriend come and get me in his tiny car. The funny part is that I had never even heard of the man until he picked me up!

    My experience is that if you have a romantic interest in someone and it is not clearly reciprocated. Smile and keep it moving. Do not let yourself become a “friend.” A friendship with a repressed sexual undertone is not healthy and someone is going to come out feeling used.

    I have been on both sides of this, and if I were still on the market, I would run from the friend zone if I saw it coming!

  • Marisa

    Yep meant to add her and also Myra from Family Matters to some extent. She knew Urkel loved Laura and would we all knew if Laura said boo he would drop Myra in a hot second. She should have ditched him and kept moving, the minute she knew Urkel relationship was just a distraction til Laura would want him.

  • Deb

    “I would have liked the show a lot more if it focused on the main character improving her life instead of chasing a man and her grown daughter.”

    I think that was the initial progression of the show in the first season. The writers went on to rely on cliches and stereotypes after that. I can’t lie though, the show is a huge guilty pleasure for me.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    This! Maybe that is why this article didn’t click for me at first, don’t get me wrong I do think appearance is a big part of the “mating/attraction” game because your appearance do increase your chances/numbers but I don’t think Nikki’s body or her being a “big girl” was the main cause of why the professor rejected her either but like you said it was her personality and her constantly hounding him…she was basically a walking stereotype with stalker tendencies…lol. So of course he was put off and kept dodging her because it was hard to see HER, but if they made her personality the polar opposite maybe he would have given her a chance right off the bat or still rejected her because he didn’t find her attractive which is okay but we don’t know because the writers made the character one dimensional (which it seems like most do when it comes to every plus size single character). But every door has its key…shrugs

  • JaeBee

    “She knew Urkel loved Laura and would we all knew if Laura said boo he would drop Myra in a hot second.”

    I remember one episode where he explicitly told Myra this (in front of Laura). Myra oddly enough agreed to the arrangement and I remember thinking how sad it was that she was willing to let herself be used.

  • Nicoline

    Nikki Parker was mentally ill. In real life she would of probably been sitting in a the mental illness section of a jail.

    My father as told me “Don’t want someone who doesn’t want you”. I know easier said then done sometimes but fake it until you make it.

  • rhea

    I’m sorry but this article is stupid. Why are we listing ways to realize “he’s not that into you”? It seems the real discussion is about how to stop being so punkified that you can’t or won’t tell someone that you’re not interested. Or let’s talk about how popular it has become to convince women to twist into pretzels to attract a man. Or we can talk about how women can base more of their body image on the health of their bodies, rather than the size of their bodies. Just about anything other than this dribble. I usually don’t leave such negative comments, no one likes a troll, but I’m really thrown off by the shallowness of this article. It seems like a wasted opportunity for good,useful discussion.

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s clear the article was written in jest. Live a little. Every article doesn’t have to be thought-provoking or deep.

  • Maureen

    this article is stupid. clearly their love/hate relationship was meant for comedy.

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