racism

1. It is the responsibility of the Negro to reject any history of America that includes slavery. Reminding the Negro of slavery will cause him to resent all white people, even though slavery ended years ago. Slavery must not be regarded as American history, and must be retroactively deleted from history and removed from any curricula.

2. It is the responsibility of the Negro to stop saying “nigga”, “nigger” or any variation thereof. When Black people use the word nigger, they are responsible for its usage by white people. This is especially true for Black Hip Hop artists, that have given the word mainstream credibility. The Negro cannot complain about other races using this term if they insist upon using it themselves. If Black people stop, it will go away overnight.

3. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never acknowledge the existence of police brutality or racial profiling by law enforcement. The Negro must maintain the correct posture, articulation, appearance and professionalism as determined by whites, in order to avoid abuse and mistreatment by law enforcement. Law enforcement is only performing their assigned duties to keep the rest of us safe. There is no such thing as racial profiling.

4. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always dress in a respectable manner. The Negro must, at all times, dress professionally with impeccably pressed trousers and non-threatening white button down shirts. Ties are preferred. The Negro should try to avoid sneakers, sweats, baggy jeans, hoodies, or any other apparel that may constitute a thuggish, frightening appearance or suggest that he may be concealing a weapon or drugs. These types of clothing, however, are perfectly suitable for whites.

5. It is the responsibility of the Negro to discontinue the use of slang, “Ebonics,” African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) or any regional dialect/vocabulary that is not universally recognized and accepted by American whites. This language is confusing and frightening to white people, and they will not accept this language or respect the Negro if he speaks this way.

6. It is the responsibility of the Negro to uphold the tenets of equality by not supporting Black-only media or enterprises such as BET, The NAACP Image Awards, Essence and Ebony magazine, or any entertainment that directly targets and celebrates Black people or has the word “Black” in it. When the Negro creates his own entertainment and media spaces or participates in them, he is perpetuating the exclusion of white people and enforcing the kind of segregation he is so fond of bemoaning. At the same time, the Negro must not acknowledge any exclusion of Blacks from mainstream media and entertainment enterprises.

7. It is the responsibility of the Negro to maintain hairstyles that are acceptable to American whites. This means discontinuing hairstyles such as Afros, dreadlocks, braids, cornrows, Philly’s, multi-colored hair, and other styles that may directly or indirectly suggest any sort of regional trends or cultural pride. For tips on definitive, acceptable hairstyles, the Negro must consult the expertise of white people and go to great lengths to control the texture of their hair to the extent that it mirrors that of American whites.

8. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never purchase property in white neighborhoods. Black people can only ever be visitors, and may still be subjected to suspicion from white people. The Negro must understand and accept his position in America as a second class citizen and must politely cooperate when his presence is questioned by white people.

9. It is the responsibility of the Negro to name his child appropriately. Names like Ebony, Kenya, Keisha and especially names that are more than two syllables long are unprofessional and difficult to pronounce. Additionally, names like Ahmad, Khalil or Muhammed suggest collusion with terrorists. Names like Sarah, Madison, Amy and Scott are much more acceptable and will ensure that the Negro is able to find a job, but only if spelled correctly.

10. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always maintain a kind, deferential attitude, even when confronted with antagonistic and harassing behavior from American whites. Expressing any sort of discomfort towards a white person, or challenging his views is threatening and unacceptable. The Negro must avoid giving in to provocation by white people, because he may be turned over to law enforcement or lose his job.

11. It is the responsibility of the Negro to abstain from engagement in Black History Month. It is not necessary for the Negro to have the entire month of February to learn about the history of his ancestors or celebrate the historical accomplishments of people that look like him. This, however, may not be a guarantee that any history of African-Americans will be integrated into any teachings or historical accounts year-round, and the Negro must never challenge that.

12. It is the responsibility of the Negro to accept that depictions of Egyptians as fair-skinned is historically sound. It is unrealistic to believe that glamorous, regal and wealthy Egyptians possibly had dark skin, despite Egypt’s location in Africa.

13. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never seek solidarity with other people of color, including but not limited to Asians, Latinos, Arabs and Native Americans. These partnerships are a major threat to white people, and only serve to reinforce reverse-racism.

14. It is the responsibility of the Negro to not express any sort of pride. Terms like “Black Pride” and “Black Love” and “Black Is Beautiful” are threatening to whites, as well as exclusionary. Black Pride is just as dangerous and violent as white pride, and has historically made white Americans justifiably uncomfortable.

15. It is the responsibility of the Negro to acknowledge that racial slurs against white people, such as cracker, honkey, and white devil, perpetuate and reflect the historic disenfranchisement and oppression of white Americans. The power behind these words is very wounding to white people, and they are therefore unacceptable.

If the Negro wants to ensure the end of racism, he must follow these rules to the letter and it is guaranteed that racism will no longer exist. It is not necessary for American whites to make any changes or adjustments to their perception of race, culture or history, since matters of race do not affect them. The Negro must ensure that his behavior, dress, hair, and language meet the strict definitions of acceptability as defined by whites, and he must also be grateful that he is allowed to exist in this country with American whites. The Negro should graciously and quietly accept this as reality.*

 

nOva Slim is a Washington, D.C. based writer who occasionally writes about music and culture. 
 
Twitter: @070180

This post originally appeared on NovaSlim. Republished with permission. 

*pssttt this is satire.

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  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Mufti_of_Jerusalem Grand Mufti of Jerusalem

    1. It is the responsibility of the Negro to reject any history of America that includes slavery. Reminding the Negro of slavery will cause him to resent all white people, even though slavery ended years ago. Slavery must not be regarded as American history, and must be retroactively deleted from history and removed from any curricula

    Why does Black history have to be oriented around slavery? Why not teach it further back? The Kingdom of Ghana, unlike the ludicrous attempted appropriation of the non-“negro” civilization of Egypt, would be a fine starting point. They domesticated the camel several centuries before the Arabs, and was a wealthy economy based largely in the salt and gold trade.

    2. It is the responsibility of the Negro to stop saying “nigga”, “nigger” or any variation thereof. When Black people use the word nigger, they are responsible for its usage by white people. This is especially true for Black Hip Hop artists, that have given the word mainstream credibility. The Negro cannot complain about other races using this term if they insist upon using it themselves. If Black people stop, it will go away overnight

    “Nigga” does not have mainstream credibility. If you want to make sure the word isn’t a powerful reminder of the subjugation and humiliation of blacks, then stop pretending you can have a double-standard about it. “Cunt” is offensive, whether or not it is spoken by women. If “nigger” is really that offensive, then either treat it as such, or accept that it’s open season for use of the word. Black people can’t have it both ways, and to try to insist otherwise further perpetuates the negative stereotype of unearned Black entitlement, the converse of so-called “unearned White privilege.”

    3. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never acknowledge the existence of police brutality or racial profiling by law enforcement. The Negro must maintain the correct posture, articulation, appearance and professionalism as determined by whites, in order to avoid abuse and mistreatment by law enforcement. Law enforcement is only performing their assigned duties to keep the rest of us safe. There is no such thing as racial profiling

    Silly use of the “all or nothing” fallacy. It is the responsibility of the Negro to acknowledge police brutality only when it occurs, and not conflate incidents like Michael Brown with genuinely disconcerting incidents like Eric Garner.

    4. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always dress in a respectable manner. The Negro must, at all times, dress professionally with impeccably pressed trousers and non-threatening white button down shirts. Ties are preferred. The Negro should try to avoid sneakers, sweats, baggy jeans, hoodies, or any other apparel that may constitute a thuggish, frightening appearance or suggest that he may be concealing a weapon or drugs. These types of clothing, however, are perfectly suitable for whites

    If Blacks believe that whites are the oppressor culture that holds the strings, then it boils down to choice: Dress all “thug life” and find doors closed. Dress professionally LIKE ANY OTHER PROFESSIONAL OF ANY RACE and see the difference in treatment.

    Don’t hate the game . . .

    5. It is the responsibility of the Negro to discontinue the use of slang, “Ebonics,” African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) or any regional dialect/vocabulary that is not universally recognized and accepted by American whites. This language is confusing and frightening to white people, and they will not accept this language or respect the Negro if he speaks this way

    The language is not frightening to white people, it is ridiculous to white people. Language that perpetuates a form of militant ignorance will be treated accordingly by whites who have businesses to run and have no time to lose profitability or efficiency waiting to find people to interpret this gibberish. Nobody else expects special privileges, and if blacks invested half as much energy in speaking the language properly than in labeling this incomprehensible babble as “AAVE” or “Ebonics” then Blacks could make tremendous strides for themselves . . . but of course, that’s not being a “real niggah”, is it?

    6. It is the responsibility of the Negro to uphold the tenets of equality by not supporting Black-only media or enterprises such as BET, The NAACP Image Awards, Essence and Ebony magazine, or any entertainment that directly targets and celebrates Black people or has the word “Black” in it. When the Negro creates his own entertainment and media spaces or participates in them, he is perpetuating the exclusion of white people and enforcing the kind of segregation he is so fond of bemoaning. At the same time, the Negro must not acknowledge any exclusion of Blacks from mainstream media and entertainment enterprises

    Bullshit. Black people, here’s a secret: If you had successful businesses, safe communities, good schools, local governments free of corruption, whites would scramble to do business with you and your new-found wealth. As it is, whites want to get as far away from “real niggas” as possible, for their own safety.

    7. It is the responsibility of the Negro to maintain hairstyles that are acceptable to American whites. This means discontinuing hairstyles such as Afros, dreadlocks, braids, cornrows, Philly’s, multi-colored hair, and other styles that may directly or indirectly suggest any sort of regional trends or cultural pride. For tips on definitive, acceptable hairstyles, the Negro must consult the expertise of white people and go to great lengths to control the texture of their hair to the extent that it mirrors that of American whites

    More bullshit. Whites don’t care how blacks process, treat, fade, jheri curl, dreadlock, flat-iron, place extensions, shave, cornrow, Afro or braid “negro” hair. Whites are more concerned about black behavior, which is negatively associated with criminality, entitlement and victim-mentality. Whites actually follow styles that they can relate to, and if blacks are blazing those trails, whites may even emulated those looks. As India.Arie once said “I am not my hair.” Pay attention, she’s wise.

    8. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never purchase property in white neighborhoods. Black people can only ever be visitors, and may still be subjected to suspicion from white people. The Negro must understand and accept his position in America as a second class citizen and must politely cooperate when his presence is questioned by white people

    Black people must accept the social consequences of being the race that statistically perpetrates most violent and property crimes. If black on white murder and forcible rape is frighteningly common, the blacks can’t whine about why whites are cautious around them.

    9. It is the responsibility of the Negro to name his child appropriately. Names like Ebony, Kenya, Keisha and especially names that are more than two syllables long are unprofessional and difficult to pronounce. Additionally, names like Ahmad, Khalil or Muhammed suggest collusion with terrorists. Names like Sarah, Madison, Amy and Scott are much more acceptable and will ensure that the Negro is able to find a job, but only if spelled correctly

    Goes back to the issue of assimilating with the dominant in-group. You want to doom your child to welfare and unemployment? Go ahead and name your daughter Shaneequa, and name your son DeShawnDuWan. Perception is reality, and the perception is that the holder of such a name is an ignorant, uneducated yet entitled and confrontational black person. It is what it is.

    10. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always maintain a kind, deferential attitude, even when confronted with antagonistic and harassing behavior from American whites. Expressing any sort of discomfort towards a white person, or challenging his views is threatening and unacceptable. The Negro must avoid giving in to provocation by white people, because he may be turned over to law enforcement or lose his job

    Guess what? Whites have to do the same thing with each other. Blacks aren’t going to be given special treatment until you start making whites money. You think protesting and activism is the path to justice? Don’t make me laugh. Become financially successful and profitable, and watch whites change their tune.

    11. It is the responsibility of the Negro to abstain from engagement in Black History Month. It is not necessary for the Negro to have the entire month of February to learn about the history of his ancestors or celebrate the historical accomplishments of people that look like him. This, however, may not be a guarantee that any history of African-Americans will be integrated into any teachings or historical accounts year-round, and the Negro must never challenge that

    Rather than focus on comparatively trivial things like Black History Month, blacks should be trying to maintain successful businesses in their communities (a vacuum presently filled by Asians), having stable families (no more baby daddies running off after jumping the broom and knocking up their bitches) and ridding itself of the gangsta and hip hop mentalities. Sports and rapping aren’t the only vocations in town, and becoming a success at either is as realistic as winning the lottery.

    12. It is the responsibility of the Negro to accept that depictions of Egyptians as fair-skinned is historically sound. It is unrealistic to believe that glamorous, regal and wealthy Egyptians possibly had dark skin, despite Egypt’s location in Africa

    Egyptians are not racially identical to sub-Saharan Africans, and black people attempting to appropriate the achievements of other cultures is seen by whites as desperately pathetic. You have your own history, you just have to look for it (Empire of Ghana, anyone)?

    13. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never seek solidarity with other people of color, including but not limited to Asians, Latinos, Arabs and Native Americans. These partnerships are a major threat to white people, and only serve to reinforce reverse-racism

    Solidarity is one thing, trying to bring down Latinos, Asians, Arabs and Native Americans to the same “ain’t gonna be white, I’mma keep it real, niggah” attitude is another. But whites aren’t responsible for the reaction of other races. Everyone but blacks are getting the message about how to achieve the American Dream.

    14. It is the responsibility of the Negro to not express any sort of pride. Terms like “Black Pride” and “Black Love” and “Black Is Beautiful” are threatening to whites, as well as exclusionary. Black Pride is just as dangerous and violent as white pride, and has historically made white Americans justifiably uncomfortable

    Every people has the right to take pride in themselves. But don’t fucking start out with “white pride” being dangerous and violent, then complain about not expressing any sort of “Black Pride.” What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, so stop trying to stack the deck with shit like “oppressor culture” “institutional racism” or “unearned white privilege.” Either we all have rights or none of us do. Demanding “special privileges” is neither justice nor is it “righting a wrong”.

    15. It is the responsibility of the Negro to acknowledge that racial slurs against white people, such as cracker, honkey, and white devil, perpetuate and reflect the historic disenfranchisement and oppression of white Americans. The power behind these words is very wounding to white people, and they are therefore unacceptable

    If it is a racial slur, then don’t insist on special treatment. Using a racial slur against a white is likely to result in a shoulder shrug. Whites using a racial slur run the risk of pariah status. All that does is diminish the expectations for blacks, which is the worst kind of racism there is.

    If the Negro wants to ensure the end of racism, he must follow these rules to the letter and it is guaranteed that racism will no longer exist. It is not necessary for American whites to make any changes or adjustments to their perception of race, culture or history, since matters of race do not affect them. The Negro must ensure that his behavior, dress, hair, and language meet the strict definitions of acceptability as defined by whites, and he must also be grateful that he is allowed to exist in this country with American whites. The Negro should graciously and quietly accept this as reality

    Whites feel that they have done a lot to change their attitudes, but that blacks have become a “black hole” of entitlement. Race relations have never been worse in this country since the repeal of Jim Crow. Either show some changes too, or expect the pendulum to swing back toward even more repression of blacks. Read the “Space Traders.” Whites today would go for the bargain. And yes, a little gratitude would be nice: You’re not living in a sub-Saharan shithole, y’know.

  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Mufti_of_Jerusalem Grand Mufti of Jerusalem

    Yeah yeah blah blah blah, only a “real thug nigga” can speak to the issue, and its gotta be the “blacks gotsta hab mo gibs me dat from whitey” for reparations “and sheeit” narrative or get labeled a “white apologist.” Stupid nigga.

  • Nate

    Coons. What fun Animals

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