1. It is the responsibility of the Negro to reject any history of America that includes slavery. Reminding the Negro of slavery will cause him to resent all white people, even though slavery ended years ago. Slavery must not be regarded as American history, and must be retroactively deleted from history and removed from any curricula.

2. It is the responsibility of the Negro to stop saying “nigga”, “nigger” or any variation thereof. When Black people use the word nigger, they are responsible for its usage by white people. This is especially true for Black Hip Hop artists, that have given the word mainstream credibility. The Negro cannot complain about other races using this term if they insist upon using it themselves. If Black people stop, it will go away overnight.

3. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never acknowledge the existence of police brutality or racial profiling by law enforcement. The Negro must maintain the correct posture, articulation, appearance and professionalism as determined by whites, in order to avoid abuse and mistreatment by law enforcement. Law enforcement is only performing their assigned duties to keep the rest of us safe. There is no such thing as racial profiling.

4. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always dress in a respectable manner. The Negro must, at all times, dress professionally with impeccably pressed trousers and non-threatening white button down shirts. Ties are preferred. The Negro should try to avoid sneakers, sweats, baggy jeans, hoodies, or any other apparel that may constitute a thuggish, frightening appearance or suggest that he may be concealing a weapon or drugs. These types of clothing, however, are perfectly suitable for whites.

5. It is the responsibility of the Negro to discontinue the use of slang, “Ebonics,” African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) or any regional dialect/vocabulary that is not universally recognized and accepted by American whites. This language is confusing and frightening to white people, and they will not accept this language or respect the Negro if he speaks this way.

6. It is the responsibility of the Negro to uphold the tenets of equality by not supporting Black-only media or enterprises such as BET, The NAACP Image Awards, Essence and Ebony magazine, or any entertainment that directly targets and celebrates Black people or has the word “Black” in it. When the Negro creates his own entertainment and media spaces or participates in them, he is perpetuating the exclusion of white people and enforcing the kind of segregation he is so fond of bemoaning. At the same time, the Negro must not acknowledge any exclusion of Blacks from mainstream media and entertainment enterprises.

7. It is the responsibility of the Negro to maintain hairstyles that are acceptable to American whites. This means discontinuing hairstyles such as Afros, dreadlocks, braids, cornrows, Philly’s, multi-colored hair, and other styles that may directly or indirectly suggest any sort of regional trends or cultural pride. For tips on definitive, acceptable hairstyles, the Negro must consult the expertise of white people and go to great lengths to control the texture of their hair to the extent that it mirrors that of American whites.

8. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never purchase property in white neighborhoods. Black people can only ever be visitors, and may still be subjected to suspicion from white people. The Negro must understand and accept his position in America as a second class citizen and must politely cooperate when his presence is questioned by white people.

9. It is the responsibility of the Negro to name his child appropriately. Names like Ebony, Kenya, Keisha and especially names that are more than two syllables long are unprofessional and difficult to pronounce. Additionally, names like Ahmad, Khalil or Muhammed suggest collusion with terrorists. Names like Sarah, Madison, Amy and Scott are much more acceptable and will ensure that the Negro is able to find a job, but only if spelled correctly.

10. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always maintain a kind, deferential attitude, even when confronted with antagonistic and harassing behavior from American whites. Expressing any sort of discomfort towards a white person, or challenging his views is threatening and unacceptable. The Negro must avoid giving in to provocation by white people, because he may be turned over to law enforcement or lose his job.

11. It is the responsibility of the Negro to abstain from engagement in Black History Month. It is not necessary for the Negro to have the entire month of February to learn about the history of his ancestors or celebrate the historical accomplishments of people that look like him. This, however, may not be a guarantee that any history of African-Americans will be integrated into any teachings or historical accounts year-round, and the Negro must never challenge that.

12. It is the responsibility of the Negro to accept that depictions of Egyptians as fair-skinned is historically sound. It is unrealistic to believe that glamorous, regal and wealthy Egyptians possibly had dark skin, despite Egypt’s location in Africa.

13. It is the responsibility of the Negro to never seek solidarity with other people of color, including but not limited to Asians, Latinos, Arabs and Native Americans. These partnerships are a major threat to white people, and only serve to reinforce reverse-racism.

14. It is the responsibility of the Negro to not express any sort of pride. Terms like “Black Pride” and “Black Love” and “Black Is Beautiful” are threatening to whites, as well as exclusionary. Black Pride is just as dangerous and violent as white pride, and has historically made white Americans justifiably uncomfortable.

15. It is the responsibility of the Negro to acknowledge that racial slurs against white people, such as cracker, honkey, and white devil, perpetuate and reflect the historic disenfranchisement and oppression of white Americans. The power behind these words is very wounding to white people, and they are therefore unacceptable.

If the Negro wants to ensure the end of racism, he must follow these rules to the letter and it is guaranteed that racism will no longer exist. It is not necessary for American whites to make any changes or adjustments to their perception of race, culture or history, since matters of race do not affect them. The Negro must ensure that his behavior, dress, hair, and language meet the strict definitions of acceptability as defined by whites, and he must also be grateful that he is allowed to exist in this country with American whites. The Negro should graciously and quietly accept this as reality.*


nOva Slim is a Washington, D.C. based writer who occasionally writes about music and culture. 
Twitter: @070180

This post originally appeared on NovaSlim. Republished with permission. 

*pssttt this is satire.

  • Deplane

    After what I saw in the video when the so called peaceful March had thugs throwing trash cans at people just standing watching them go by just pissed me off at these so called peaceful protesters. To have the wanna be Martin Luther King in office sending aids to the funeral is just giving them fuel thinking their above the law is going to backfire soon. People are getting fed up with this crap, get over it you were not the only race mistreated during their history, who fought to make this country a place to live in along with the rest of society that has been through a hell if alot more than the poor Black race. Get off welfare get jobs and save your feet and us a big headache stay home. 

  • Deplane

    Bunch of poor mistreated baby’s, Oh after your next riot let’s see how much your peaceful March costs this city and what I would like to see is if you have it in you to go back and clean up your big mess left behind or are you going to live up to your name being lazy? If you did this right don’t you need a permit to March? Oh wait your black you don’t need anything legal, your above the law forgot, and Why is it the President of the US can’t get it right either? He always sides with the thug and gets all embarrassed when there is a no bill on any of the thugs he backs? A fool, just think only a few more months of this and he’s out of office and things will soon improve for the better, most marches will be broken up before they start, can’t wait!!!

  • Tyr

    Here’s a great one. Stop acting like niggers. You’re responsible for the majority of crime despite being just over 10% of the population. You’re violent. You’re lazy. You think everyone owes you something, or that everyone is trying to keep you down. You blame everyone else for your positions in life. You’re simply a cancer on society. No notable inventions or discoveries have been made by you. Any claims to the contrary can be easily dismissed with actual evidence. Oh here’s one of my favorites. You’re obnoxiously loud. Very similar to monkeys trying to defend territory actually. Very obnoxious however amusing it may be. Some other facts that are worth mentioning. Nobody alive today has owned, or was a slave. Many Europeans and people from other countries immigrated here in the 1800s and faced worse hardship than most slaves would have. Now just simply because you’re light skinned, niggers think you owe them something. The real people perpetuating racism are niggers. Through their behavior and actions. And given all these facts, why would anyone want them around? Let’s also remember that niggers weren’t the only people subjected to slavery in America, and especially not in the world. The Irish were made slaves by the English, and lived in much worse conditions than niggers. The Chiefs in Africa sold their own people for fucks sake, that’s how they became slaves. The English just went to Ireland and stole people. Blacks sold their own people! All this aside, blacks have the most opportunity in America out of all others. Free grants for school, scholarships, affirmitive action, and they’re all too lazy to do anything with any of it. Honestly, you could write a novel on the disease that is the nigger. So let’s end with this, take responsibility for your position. It’s nobody else’s fault. You’re given everything and more that it would take to succeed yet you squander it like the dumb animals you are. There is irrefutable evidence against you. You can only produce fallacies in defense. The truth is clear.

  • Tyr

    Guess again ape, your day of reckoning beckons ever closer.

  • Ayatollah Obama

    cutting down on the crime wouldn’t hurt