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Everyone has an opinion about Bobbi Kristina marrying Nick Gordon. Because the twosome were raised in the same house by Whitney Houston, the relationship is being viewed as incestuous and condemnable. But Bobbi is standing up for her love and going forward with plans to walk down the aisle to him.

She posted a message for her many critics on Facebook via Necole Bitchie:

YES, we me nick are engaged. I’m tired of hearing people say “eww your engaged to your brother or if Whitney was still alive would we be together or would she approve of this.” Let me clear up something, we aren’t even real brother and sister nor is he my adoptive brother. My mom never adopted him. In fact, mommy was the one who even said that she knew that we were going to start dating. My mom knows me better than any of you. A lot of yall are saying that yall are only saying this all out of love. Which is bull because if that was so, all you would want is for me to be happy.

People need to seriously stop judging my relationship. Pretty sure it’s my own decision who I want to be with. Yes, my relationship may not be perfect. We will have rough patches, just like every other relationship. And we have had our rough patches. You may or may not agree with my relationship. You may or may not respect it. Judge me, go ahead. Your opinions are yours and mine are mine. It is my life and not yours. The decisions I make have nothing to do with you. Goodnight

Now, let’s be clear: I’m not insinuating that Nick Gordon is the wrong person for Bobbi Kristina. For all we know, they could be a match made in heaven and go on to live a long happy life together. But it’s clear that people, in both her family and the public, disagree with their union. What’s the best way to express that disapproval without offending and ostracizing the couple? Do you send them an email with an itemized list with all the things you find wrong with their relationship? Do you zip your lips, sit on your hands and keep it to yourself until they break up?

My parents’ marriage ended in divorce, and my father’s sister revealed she spent the entire wedding crying because she knew they wouldn’t last. The image of tears running down her heavily made up face and staining her bridesmaid gown stayed with me when my good friend recently announced he was marrying a woman who he’d argued, physically fought with and broke up with on a weekly basis. Another friend is marrying a man that berates her, makes fun of her hair, lusts after her friends and blows her money. Witnessing the rise and fall of both of their relationships is like watching a train crash in slow motion without being able to yell for help.

It’s true those couples could find happiness down the road, but it’s unlikely. Sometimes, I want to search for a tactful, articulate way to explain that they’re better off settling down with someone else. But I ultimately decide to keep silent, let them make their own mistakes and pray you can’t read my disapproval on my face as I stand in their wedding party.

What say you, Clutchettes and Gents? What’s the best way to deal with a loved one whose marrying the wrong person?

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  • Justanotheropinion

    Keep your mouth shut and move along. People will do what they do. If you voice opposition, they will turn tail and run. If it’s really wrong, it will end in due course. At that point, you can be the wonderful friend that helps pick up the pieces or the bitchy friend that says I told you so. Either way, it’s their choice, not yours. Usually, no good comes from sticking your nose in others folks very personal business.

  • ImJustSaying

    I witnessed my friend get choked out and dragged across a crowded bar by her boyfriend of two years. After lots of drama died down and he left in a police car with a broken jaw given to him by my brother, she dropped the charges and went home with him. I finally wrote her about why I thought she should give that “relationship” A LOT of space (if not …you know…forever …at least for a month) she responded saying I couldn’t get past my anger. Then I went off and did as the article says not to do. I listed every time she came to me with issues about him and when she cheated on him over the years. It was ugly.
    Later we had a strained relationship but we were back to talking as friends. Then she sent me a picture of her engagement ring with a happy “he proposed!!” I tried my best to support HER by not saying anything about how stupid I thought the decision was for her. For my own sanity I dropped out of the wedding party. I “enjoyed” the wedding as much as i could. But sad to say I haven’t truly talked to her since then. I can’t ask about her life with a guy I’d prefer to see dead.
    So to sum it out saying things “out of love” didn’t work.
    Saying EVERYTHING that is wrong with the relationship doesn’t work.
    Sometimes you just have to let grown folks learn from their own decisions.
    LOVE is a POWERFUL DRUG.

  • march pisces

    i told my best male friend, after he asked, that i didn’t think he should marry the young lady he was with. he accepted what i had to say, but still married her. she found out, guessing he told her, and she asked me not to be in the wedding although i still attended b/c he is my best-bud….five months later he calls and asks if he could come over for a minute. well of course you my ace. what does he reveal?! he is leaving her b/c she went to chicago to see another man. divorced after five months and many people telling him not to marry her in addition to a ton of tears at the wedding.

    do you say something? i’ve always believed in voicing my concern but always, always supporting the decision the person has made. never ever pull the i told you so card just be there for the person if and when the relationship goes down the rabbit hole.

    • march pisces

      ummm, that should be always support the person even if you don’t support their decision.

  • JS

    You can’t tell grown people anything. You have to let them make their own mistakes. That being said I feel as a good friend/relative you should talked to them about it but not in a “so&so isn’t right for you”, “you will regret this” kind of way. I find the best way to approach it is to ask them questions and have a conversation instead of being all out judgmental. Like “so what are you guys doing about _______(insert issue)” or “so then he’s ________(insert the notion here of improvement).” Likely there will be no improvements and they haven’t resolved any of the issues but this is just another thing to remind them (it is likely that these issues are already at the back of their mind even if they are fronting madly in love).

    People have to make mistakes and so many people when they are with the wrong person take that romanticized “us” against the “world” stance just to prove family/friends wrong and they trick themselves into believing the other person is right for them.

    So pretty much all you can do is those subtle reminders without alienating yourself from the other person. Grown people will do what they will. You have to let them make their own mistakes.

  • memyselfandi

    I think you should say something, once, with specific examples. My dad did that with a boyfriend of mine that he really didn’t like – he mentioned that the guy corrected me all the time and that I seemed more subdued/meek around him. He didn’t ask me to break up with the guy, just said it was something I should look out for and that he didn’t think it was a good thing. I didn’t get upset, because he said it in a way that made it clear he was looking out for me and not trashing the guy. I didn’t break up with the guy right that second or anything, but I did keep it in mind and I appreciated the heads up.

    After that, though, you’ve got to just let it go. You can support a friend and their happiness without being a fan of their relationship choices. If you keep telling someone how bad their relationship is, they’re going to dig in their heels and you’ll probably be the last person they come to if it’s falling apart because they don’t want to hear I told you so.

    I do think, though, that if you never say anything about the relationship, and they break up later, there is nothing tackier than suddenly piping up and saying you never liked the guy. If you didn’t feel a need to tell me then, you don’t need to tell me about it now.