honestyEveryone has experienced a time when they get home after a day out with their friends and they realize they had something in their teeth the whole time. You think to yourself, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” Well, I will tell you. In addition to the fact that your boyfriend is probably cheating on you and your outfit is all wrong.

I guess I can blame my bluntness on the fact that I am an Aries, or it might have been my upbringing. My family doesn’t really beat around the bush about anything. I have one of those moms who isn’t afraid to tell you when you are being a bitch or you put on a few pounds. Even though I get offended every once in a while, I value her honesty.

I have always equated my truthfulness with being a good friend. I tell people what I hope they would tell me. Does this color look shitty on me? Yes. Do I look fat? A little.

Of course I choose my words carefully, and I truly believed my girlfriends valued my opinion. They have made it very clear now that they don’t.

It began when one of my close friends started dating a guy from work. We had all recently moved to New York, so this was the first time we had really delved into relationship discussions. He was typical bad boyfriend material. He wouldn’t commit, he was manipulative, and he talked to other women. I was outraged by the way he would treat my friend, so I told her something like “He sucks, you deserve better, you should move on.”

I wasn’t saying anything crazy. To me these were the facts.

I stopped hearing from my friend as frequently after this conversation. Then I realized she was talking to the rest of our crew more often, specifically about her boo. She had cut me out. She didn’t want to hear my opinion about her boyfriend anymore, so she quit talking to me all together.
I am supportive of my friends and I truly care about them. I am only telling them they are better than what they sometimes realize, yet I am the bad guy. How did this happen?
My friends started hanging out without me, I suppose they thought of this as being a safe zone from my remarks. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around my friends not wanting my true opinion because that is what I want in a friendship, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

These scenarios continued. My roommate started crying at a girl’s night out over her ex-boyfriend. I know that the breakup was hard for her, but it had been almost a year since it had happened. I told her not to waste her tears on him, because he was somewhere right now probably not crying over her. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do.

She ended up running out of the restaurant. My roommate confided in my friend that she was hurt because she had just wanted to be comforted; yet I spat on her with my commentary.

Things really took a turn for the worse when my closest friend had a breakdown over the fact that she couldn’t talk to me about her relationship because she was afraid of my response. I had never felt so uncomfortable. For once I didn’t know what to say to her. The guy she was dating was a real asshole and the last thing I wanted to do was see her get hurt. Was that so wrong?

I took a long time to reflect on how I felt about the way my friends reacted to me. I want to be there for them, but I wouldn’t be myself without being honest about my feelings. I felt hurt that they didn’t want to share their lives with me.

At first I thought maybe they are just too sensitive, since I have many comrades who don’t seem to be fazed by me, but I’ve since decided to take my honesty down a notch. My friends are important to me and I have discovered not everyone appreciates straightforwardness as much as I do.

XOJane

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Erica Euse on XOJane!

  • aDORKable

    If they are close friends, wouldn’t she know how they would take her bluntness and adjust it accordingly? I don’t always agree with my best friends, but I know when to say something and when to listen. I know how to deliver my disagreement without hurting or shutting down their thoughts and feelings and vice versa. Some people can handle and take a hard truth and some need a wee bot of sugarcoating, it just depends on how you deliver it.

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