I’ve recently accepted the job opportunity of a lifetime. This fall I’ll be moving to South Korea to work as an English teacher at a language camp. This is the perfect job for me since I love to travel and experience new cultures. After what seems like years of odd jobs, shady side hustles, and all around struggling to make ends meet, things are coming together rather nicely on the career front. In addition to finally having a “grown up” job, I’m doing more writing than ever and I can honestly say that I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. Even with all of these great career developments I still can’t help but feel like something is missing from my life. In the words of LL Cool J: I need love.
The last time I was in a relationship was almost two years ago. For the first year I reveled in my new-found freedom, kissing boys and doing my own thing was fun. But like with anything, hooking up, serial dating, or ending up in pseudo-relationships, or as I like to call them, “situations” got old after a while. When my ex and I parted ways I made a vow to myself to remain single indefinitely, following the advice of my father, I focused more on advancing my career rather than getting notches on my lipstick case. Continuing to work in food service part-time while applying for writing or journalism positions that I never seemed to get called in for, was soul crushing. The final straw for me came after being turned down for an office assistant position at the cupcake shop I worked for. I began looking into teaching abroad and started applying for positions shortly there after. Even though I was applying to jobs abroad, deep down I held out hope that I’d fall in love with a guy who would change my mind about moving, romantic comedy style. In the end I didn’t magically meet the perfect guy, instead I found the perfect job, which I am grateful for.
Dating in New York City is hard. Everyone is on their grind and no one seems to be looking for anything other than instant gratification. I thought about staying in the city in hopes of meeting someone but I’d have to be a fool to actually do that. My degrees might not keep me warm at night, but they sure do pay the bills. This isn’t the 1950’s and I can’t rely on the prospect of possibly meeting some dude who might like me enough to act right, and be interested in bankrolling my life for the long haul. As women we are often taught that we are nothing without a man in our lives. I don’t feel that way for sure, but I am lonely and it would be nice to have a partner in crime or someone to share my experiences with outside of family and friends.
There is a lot to love about the life I lead. I love to travel and have lived in places like San Francisco, New York, and Amsterdam. I can pretty much do whatever I want without having to worry about how my actions affect someone else. I have friends all over the world which provides a lot in the way of fun and platonic love. But as I get older and more of my friends start coupling off, I’ve begun to get a tad jealous. It seems like every time I log onto Facebook my feed is blown up with newly engaged status updates, baby bump pictures, and wedding day photos. I don’t know if I even want anything as serious as marriage and a baby right now or ever, I suppose it’s just what those life experiences symbolize to me, that has me second guessing the choices I am making. If I want to continue to travel, have a career, and retain my freedom, does that mean I am destined to be alone forever? I don’t want to have to give up so much of myself or sacrifice the things that I want to do in order to have someone in my life. Having a boyfriend right now isn’t practical for my life, but I still want one, and I can’t understand why I can’t have my cake and eat it too? After all, what is the point of having cake if you can’t eat it? As content as I am with my life and recognize how blessed I am to do the things I do, and experience the things I have, I wonder if the grass really is greener on the other side?