Light BlubThere were many low points in my eight years (more or less) as a single person. One in particular was in December of 2010, right around my 32nd birthday. Funny that I can’t even remember why it was a low point. Probably because I had created some kind of timeline where I imagined that I should have been in a relationship by that point. To cope with all the hopelessness, bitterness, loneliness, panic, frustration and feelings of failure I was experiencing, I wrote an open letter to my single self. Although I didn’t believe it at the time, I gave myself the most awesome advice. To quote myself to myself (how meta), my main point was that I should be patient and do nothing:

“In waiting, you’ve grown impatient at times and have tried to force things that weren’t meant to be, fought too hard for something that you knew was wrong, held on too tight to something that was already dead and gone, or pushed people away out of fear. No more of that. The only thing left for you to do now is NOTHING … Love is a mystery that you can’t harness or control or elicit or will. Accept that it’s a mystery and sit down, shut up, enjoy your freaking life, and patiently wait your turn.”

After I wrote this, people were telling me how much they liked it. I scoffed it off as a whatever, because, like I said, I had lost faith, even in the truth of my own words. It turned out that I was dead on. Exactly what I told myself to do — be patient and wait my turn — was precisely what led to me running smack into the love relationship I was waiting for. Literally! I ran into him on the subway one day and the rest was a wonderful mystery. I look at him sometimes and say, “Why were we both on the same subway car that day?” I have no idea. Even though I’m in love, I don’t have single amnesia in the least. I remain strongly connected to the part of me that wrote this letter. I remember exactly how she felt. It’s National Singles Week — not that I need a holiday to reflect — but it’s just as good a time as any to look back on some of the wisdom I took with me from those eight years I spent with myself, which in the end, I am grateful for.

1. Learning to love your own company is invaluable. I can’t remember who said it now, but a Buddhist philosopher talked about cultivating a lifelong, unconditional friendship with yourself. The biggest mistake I was making as a single person was trying to fight against, punish or shame single Ami. Instead of being an unconditional friend to her when she got dumped or went on a shitty date, I would tell her it was her fault andblame her for it. What an asshole I was to myself. If I were to be single again, I would be a lot more laid back and compassionate about the whole thing. Like a friend.

2. People will impose their ideas about relationships upon you … try to ignore them. The most annoying part about being single — aside from what an asshole I was to myself about it — was what assholes other people were to me about it. People love to ask you why you aren’t dating or when you plan to or force advice or single guys upon  you when you didn’t ask. Seriously, people said the most offensive shit to me — from commenting about how embarrassed I must be to attend my brother’s wedding alone to how I might have better luck if I straightened my hair on first dates. I’m not even kidding. In order to stay sane through long stretches of singlehood, you’re going to have to drown out all that noise and remember that it doesn’t matter what other people think.

3. It’s out of your control. There are some things that are in your control — like choosing not to listen to people who make annoying single comments to you — but there are other things that are not. Like the big one: when you’ll meet the right person for you. It could be five minutes or five years. The sooner that you accept that you cannot control that, the easier your life will be. It will allow you to focus on what’s really important: enjoying your life and being the best person you can be — singled or coupled.

4. You’re going to go through phases. Sometimes you’ll be revved and ready to date. You’ll be on OKCupid scrolling though suitors like a mofo, you’ll be accepting potential setups, guys will be popping out of manholes on the street to date you. Then you’ll go through dating fatigue and erase your online profile and sit in a dark room for weeks. Then you’ll embrace your hiatus and do ME TIME to the extreme. Then you’ll get sick of ME TIME, but there will be no prospects and you’ll find yourself in the most epic dry spell. You’ll go for months without so much as eye contact with a person you’re attracted to. Then one day, you’ll reactivate your profile or meet someone cool at a party and the whole damn thing will start again. Respect where you’re at in the circle of dating life and don’t try to fight it.

5. When something’s right, there’s nothing you can do to screw it up. You’ll never believe that this is true, but it is. You’ll always think, If only I had done A or B or said C or D, so-and-so would still be in my life. Nope. Not true.

6. PAFU. This was a term coined by a college friend of mine. It stands for PEOPLE ARE FUCKED UP. This is not meant to be negative. It’s just realistic. Understanding that people are strange, unique creatures not to be understood (yourself included sometimes) — especially when it comes to love and intimacy — is the most invaluable realization a single person can have. It allows you to go out on a series of horrible, mortifying dates or be rejected a stupid amount of times and shrug your shoulders and realize that it has nothing to do with you. Oh, he’s a 37-year-old polyamorous intern with a child and wife in a mental institution and he didn’t feel the need to disclose this BEFORE we went on a date? Oh yeah. PAFU. Oh, I thought things were going great and then he told me that he had an allergic reaction before our date and then I never heard from him again. OH YEAH. PAFU.

7. Don’t be jealous of coupled people. Sometimes, during my long ass single stretch, I would get jealous watching my friends get snapped up left and right. There were times when it seemed like everyone I knew was in love/getting engaged/getting married/having babies. And this would give me carte blanche to feel sorry for myself. Comparing yourself to other people is always a waste of energy, but when I was single, I had this perception that being in love made your problems go away. Being in love is great, but if anything, I’ve found that it makes you have to face your problems more honestly because there is another person there staring you in the face. Don’t waste your energy comparing yourself. Be as happy for all those people as you’ll want them to be for you when it’s your turn. And it will be your turn at some point. I promise.

8. PATIENCE. I said this to myself back in 2010, but put that Guns N’ Roses song on repeat because this is key. I thought I had taken all I could back then, but I still had another 2 years and 3 months of bad dates, breakups and romantic disappoints before anything lasting. So how do you cultivate the kind of patience that takes years? Stay focused on what you ultimately want and in the meantime, be the best person you can be. Oh, and try to stop focusing on what you don’t have and enjoy what you do.
The Frisky

This post originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished with permission.

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  • nameme

    My name is really not important here cos all i can say is that if you need a spell caster to help you with your problem then the best one is MUTTON OSUN. He is the only reliable spell caster i know.This is not just cos he helped me i mean if you are reading this comment on the internet, you will definitely see other comment about how he has saved relationship with his spell,helped people win lottery and i read one a man named Sandburg don’t know if its his real name said MUTTON OSUN help with a spell to secure a job and bring back wife who left him.I am composing this comment to pin the fact that MUTTON OSUN has also helped me.After six years of marriage it hard to really understand when your wife is see another man and asking for a divorce just so see can be with him.It so hard for me cos i thought we were doing fine.Maybe i was too blind that i didn’t know something was wrong with us or i wasn’t giving her the attention she needed.Which ever which way there was something that i knew,she was breaking my heart and i still loved her with my life.I know people may probably say it unlike a man but i lost my virginity to her and sine then there have been no other in my life but her.I gave up everything for her My family, and everything and everyone that wanted us not to be.I could not imagine how she could be so heartless and so unfaithful i mean i gave her my life!.I was ready to let her go i left our house and her new painter boyfriend moved in.They turned my private store room to his art studio and started sharing my bed with my wife.He was practically living my life for me cos everything i had in our house was converted to his.With every day that passed grew mad at the painter cos i was still in love with my wife she is the only family i have left and in my head i thought i just lost her to another man after all the sacrifice i have made to see us together.Before i even thought of spell casting i tried the memory lane method but she was not even willing to talk to me for more than a minute or even have a bit with me it was almost like she was allergic to me after five years of marriage.The thought of another man making love to my wife consumed me i lost focus and was totally confused on what to do.I remember drowning myself with bottles of vodka to kill the pain and try to forget her but i pass out and wake up thinking about her.Just when i thought i needed to get rid of of my cheating wife with the help on the internet, i came across a lot of comment on how MTTON OSUN has helped to get exes back so at that moment i was no longer thinking of how to get rid of her instead i was thinking and willing to do anything just to have my wife back.When i contacted the spell caster that is MUTTON OSUN with the email i saw on the comment he called me, after i made him understand my problem.He told me he was sad for me cos i left my whole world and family for her.He asked that i get some materials i can disclose but it nothing to worry about cos they are totally harmless.I felt it was gonna be hard to send them down to him so i gave him the money for the materials.After two days he sent me a package containing my spell.He instructed me on how to make it effective and i swear on my dead sister grave the spell made my wife mine again,Its was so supernatural how it happened i can’t just explain from how she left the painter and everything beats my imagination all i know is that MUTTON OSUN spell is was powerful enough to get me my wife back.Contact him here on his email address for solution to your own problem :[email protected]

  • Nadezhda Vyacheslav

    I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster.I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with.I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don’t even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people.I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon.I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real.I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls.I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn’t talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn’t look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing.I wouldn’t say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn’t know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out.I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn’t get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don’t know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much.In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive.I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did.I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world.I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good.I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose >> [email protected]

  • BRUNELDA NATO

    Probably all this testimony you read about spell casting online are spam right?And yeah some are spam some think all of them are spam which is totally not bad and i also know some believe spell casting really works but have not been able to find the right one. Well i think i found the right spell caster Metodo. I know he is real not cos he helped me but because i was there in his temple i Have seen him and his temple and i tell you it can’t get more really that what am writing now. I know you may want to know why and what lead me to contact a spell caster i am a south African woman here in south African as a matter of fact in Africa having a male child is like the most important thing in a marriage and it turned out that i am married to a very traditional man as in a he believes the male child carry the family name on and on but the females get married and change there name which is true. I were married for six years and i had no male child for him. Maybe friends and family filled his head with a lot of things like i don’t have a male child for him and as a result he need to get a divorce and get another wife that can bear him a male child. I always thought the people that filled his head with this ideas where is family and friends the people that i smile and dine with. The very people who ought to have advice him rightly. I never found out if they where involved in wanting to ruin life and my marriage. Not because i could not find out but cost i didn’t want to develop hatred for them cos i will always get to see them and it is not really healthy seeing the faces of people you hate. At that time, i mean before i knew my husband got himself a lover i was paranoid about him having a lover cos our lives changed a lot he starting coming home late he wouldn’t touch me any more and even he started avoiding me in our home making up excuses to stay all day in his study room doing nothing and telling me his need something off to clear his head. We had fights all the time i brought up the matter if he was see someone else. Maybe he got tired of lying i don’t know he finally asked for a divorce. A divorce my family saw him through his university and got him a got job i told myself and now he’s asking me for a divorce cos i don’t a male child yet for him. He was ready to let go of his three beautiful daughters he asked that i take them along. Maybe he was a real f**l and didn’t know what he had and maybe he didn’t deserve someone like me but one thing was crystal clear to me i was still in love with him and i wanted a complete family for my kid that and the fact that i raised him from the gutter i didn’t care about any of his problem when i married him and i forgot to say my father never approved our marriage but still i jumped into it thinking we are going to have each other forever. Though we are still together now but its cos of the spell i had metodo cast on him to make him see how much he needs me in this life. When i contacted metodo he asked that i get the materials for the spell which i did and delivered the materials to him in person that is to say i came in contact with him. I was to return in to his temple in 7 seven day and within those seven day he gave me a blessed a red candle asking that i command and say whatever i wanted every night within those seven days which i did on the seventh day when i returned to metodo temple he gave a harmless powerful substance with instruction on how to use it. This might seem like fiction or lie or what ever you lucky reads may think but deep down you know it true you just looking for a way not to get involved. I ve got my husband back and my family life couldn’t be better thanks to the spell though i don’t have a male child for him at least his them lover bore him one. contact him with his email if you want his help metodoacamufortress @ yahoo. com