djimon

In this day and age, marriage isn’t the ideal end goal for many couples. Some are happy living in the same home, sharing their lives and even raising children without putting a ring on it.

Hounsou, who was technically never married to his son’s mother, Kimora Lee, shared his views on marriage during an interview for his upcoming film, “Baggage Claim.”

He said: “The idea of marrying somebody can actually ruin the union [...] Some people are happily together for decades and they get this fantasy idea to go and get married when it’s just about papers basically…eventually it just goes sour.”

A growing crop of folks agree with Djimon, choosing to pursue long-term relationships outside of holy matrimony.

Do you agree with Djimon? Does marriage sometimes ruin unions?

 

  • LMO85

    Yes.

  • Angelique212

    Wrong. The problem is not “marriage”, its you and the partner you choose. Marriage is AMAZING and wonderful, especially when you marry your best friend. Please stop Djimon. This is disappointing especially in this day and age of black male excuses. They don’t need yet another way to explain how and why they circumnavigate “responsibility”.

  • seriously?

    I dnt get it…if ita about papers..why does anything change in the first place?

  • Jasz

    It depends on the person. If you look at marriage as a ball and chain kind of deal or slavery then of course it will go sour. People who want to get married should get married because of the benefits of marriage to their relationship not because they feel obligated to do it. I mean he couldn’t even make a relationship to a woman he wasn’t even married to work so how would he know? It is possible to be married and happy– it won’t be perfect but it can be strong and loving. It is also possible to be in a relationship for years and deal with the relationship going sour over time. Ask Dijmon. Ask Susan Sarrandon. Things fall apart. Intentions shatter. You just gotta have faith and the right person by your side.

  • http://gravatar.com/lope32 lope32

    Ok! Please stop Djimon. Seriously, just stop.

  • Joan

    Some people just should not get married because they are not secure and or mature enough to live up to their commitments. If marriage were such a terrible thing, so many people would not be successfully doing it. I have been married almost 14 years (and I know a lot of other married couples) and it’s not one big romantic date filled with fun and expensive trips and dinners. (I WISH!!!! LOL.) It is a union of two people who love each other and respect each other enough to be there for each other, whether the road is smooth or bumpy. I’m not recommending people stay in intolerable situations…that’s different. I’m saying that there will be times when you’ll see the WHOLE person, not just the well mannered person you saw on dates. And they will see the WHOLE you. If a person can’t deal with that, then they should not get married. But they need to stop putting down marriage because THEY can’t make it work or because THEY chose the wrong person.

    If people love each other, really want to be with each other, the two people are RIGHT for each other and they both have realistic expectations, then marriage can be a BEAUTIFUL thing…even if the couple has things they need to work on. (By things they might need to work on, I mean things like minor communication issues, family issues, saving money, housekeeping…reasonable fixable things.) That couple can build something together. However, if you go into it for the wrong reasons, then hell yes, it’s not going to go well. Marriage is not going to miraculously make the wrong two people over. It’s not an Armani suit or an expensive haircut; it’s marriage. If you should not be together, there’s nothing like marriage to let you know that….Marriage will weed your ass out. You will either break up or stay miserably together, but marriage will let you know when you should not be in it. LMAO. Secure, mature people with realistic expectations usually don’t let things get that far…they walk away before things get too involved.

    I get so sick of the whole “it’s just a piece of paper” argument. If it’s just a piece of paper and you are supposed to be so right for each other and happy, then what’s the problem? How is it that a piece of paper can cause so much damage to such an allegedly ideal relationship?

  • Joan

    Totally agree.

  • http://gravatar.com/nubiahbella Nubiahbella

    Although I am not necessarily into marriage these days but I wouldn’t also have kids out of wedlock.

  • LMO85

    Because of the antiquated notions that many have surrounding their ideals of marriage and what it means to be married. It is an Institution, perceptions change once that paper is in place. It doesn’t mean that a relationship without marriage won’t have challenges and may even come to an end, but often when people get married, something changes–maybe sometimes for the good but I doubt it. I totally get why Oprah decided not to do it in the past and I am not mad at her.

  • Treece

    Yeah, it can ruin a relationship that wasn’t worth two shyts in the first place….I mean, if you commit to building a solid house on a crappy foundation the house us going to fall apart. People get married to folks they’ve been in rocky relationships with for years thinking it will help their problems and when it doesn’t the first thing they say is “I don’t believe in marriage” or “marriage ruins relationships”. Give it a rest. To each his or her own…..

  • UgoBabeeee

    Baloney….how can he speak on it. …was he married? If anything his situation shows how easy it is to walk away or end a relationship if if not bound in marriage

  • Velociraptor

    Marriage ruins relationships that weren’t meant for marriage in the first place. Not everyone who gets married is meant to be married or stay married. That’s just the fact of life.

  • Rochelle

    You sound angry and emotional. Calm down and take a breather. Get a glass of warm milk sweetheart.

  • V

    Someone please define HOLY matrimony please because a lot of people get married in their place of worship and God is not in it. I must say yes…some people are better off not married…that social construct ruins it for some people. I don’t think you need to get married for your relationship to work, that’s absurd. What about people who have no religious standing whatsoever, why on earth would they get married. For what reason?

  • Nic

    Yeah, I think this is what men who want to have a lady waiting at home while they play around say.
    So if you marry someone and don’t come home and she rightfully gets on you about it, you don’t have a leg to stand on, but some men will use the “you aren’t my wife” line as the reason why they don’t have to go all in and be fully present.

  • Tina

    Marriage is about much more than paper, especially if you share children and parenting responsibilities. It does mean being committed to working through difficult times, which may be hard for someone who is used to having his behind kissed.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    This! I don’t why people continue to blame marriage for their rocky relationships or for simply picking an incorrect person for them. Saying I do and exchanging rings don’t turn a relationship magical or make it lasting. As you mention you need a strong foundation of a relationship and ready to do work once you are married. To many people see the ceremony and not the things that come after it.

  • Melz

    PRRRREEEEEAAAACCCHHH!!!!!

  • http://gravatar.com/designdiva40 paintgurl40

    Well said.

  • vintage3000

    Now let’s ask Kimora what she thinks.

  • Meme

    If the relationship is solid, then marriage is not a problem. Marriage will not derail a strong, solid relationship.

  • Travis

    Agree. The papers almost becomes immaterial, speaking from a 12-year marriage minus the legalities. Paperwork neither makes a marriage nor does it legitimize a marriage. Only relation, time, and commitment can do that.

  • Travis

    It sounds like your definition of marriage is religion-based which is fine for you but people should remember that marriage was and still is defines as a civil institution in this country, not a religious institution. I’ve been married for 12 yrs. now as a theist-nondeist (one who believes in the existence of a supreme being but not a personal god) and the longevity of my marriage has more to do with the cultural, political, spiritual views than any religious dogma. So to answer your question, people can get married for political, cultural, and spiritual reasons.

  • Travis

    Certainly no disagreement with that perspective.

  • Travis

    I think his perspective is very legitimate and certainly just some excuse. With the ceremony and papers come a significant shift in expectations. I am sure male behavior changes but I can testify a female can become a lot less accommodating sexually once the marriage occurs. You can find probably 100s of thousands of men who will eagerly give account of this same shared experience. Men on the other hand probably do quite a bit less to receive that pleasure assuming that it is now “owed” to them out of marital commitment. None the less, what is said is a very valid perspective which I am sure is born out of first-hand experience.

  • justanotheropinion

    Many moons ago, I thought that legalized marriage was no different than being “committed” to some one. After all, I thought, it’s just a pice of paper. The minute that man said “I now pronounce you man & wife”, it was different. Not good or bad, but deff different. You don’t truly get the nuance until you have been on both sides. You can be together for 20 yrs., but the minute you ‘make it legal’, the game has changed – people and their mindset changes. It’s human nature.

    I would never say marriage ruins a relationship, but it most certainly makes things different. It’s up to the “adults” (and I use that term conservatively) to discern the difference and live up to the challenges of marriage as well as enjoy it’s benefits.

  • Travis

    Marriage is a relationship, not a ceremony involving the exchange of jewelry. A person can just as easily walk away from a formal marriage as they could a non-marriage relationship. The distinction is hardly worth making.

  • Travis

    Agree to an extent but consider that people should get married out of obligation to the community. The HUGE misconception is that marriage is for the benefit of the couple. IT IS NOT. It is for the benefit of the children you plan on bringing into the world together which in turn is of benefit to the community. A man and woman can absolutely receive just about any relationship benefit outside of a marriage as they could within a formal marriage. In a western egocentric society, people are selfishly taught to believe that marriage is about their happiness. IT IS NOT. As a married man myself, I have compromised more personal/selfish happiness in being married to a single woman than otherwise. I certainly didn’t get married to be “happy” although I am admittedly quite content as marriage does agree with me. At the same time however, I am not delusional in thinking that marriage brings about the best feeling I could have for myself when I know one or two additional attractive women would suffice quite nice. I got married because I found an exceptional mate and because it’s the adult and responsible thing to do as a man who fulfills his communal obligation by raising well-adjusted children to build a lasting community. That is the African or non-western understanding.

    We got it so figured out here but most of “us” aren’t married, never have been and if so, only for maybe a year or so. I am not trying to be argumentative or preachy but sometime our certainty gets in the way of correctly understanding what should otherwise be obvious. Just one man’s opinion.

  • Travis

    Have you? Only a person who’s been married is even qualified to ask someone else if they’re perspective is well qualified. I suspect from your confidence, that you’re likely not.

  • Travis

    Joan, your perspective is obviously qualified although I do find much to disagree with. The area that I find disagreeable is that you’re forecasting the reason why women want to get married as being the same reason why men want to get married. I assure you that that’s probably a wrong assumption. Men get married either out of a sense of commitment, which hints a strong character or because they’re “whipped” and want to lock the “P” down. The whole notion of “love” has little to do with the decision for men. I do understand why it’s comforting or more romantic for a woman to feel that why their man chose to marry them but that doesn’t necessarily make it true. Show me a man whose accustomed to getting routine sex from a variety of women, even through serial monogamy, and I show you a man who’s not likely to get married anytime soon.

    By the way, married is the relationship. Always has been. Always will be. Before there was a preacher, there was marriage. Before there was a church, there was a such thing as marriage. Before there were formal courts to issue a license, there were marriages. It is not a piece of paper accompanied by the exchange of jewelry and vows. To say or imply that marriage is about a paper in whole or in part, disregards all the ancestors who were no less married but legally weren’t allowed to receive the paper because they were considered merely property.

    Let’s consider the historical context. BTW, congrats on your near 14 yrs. 12 yrs. for me w/ no paper.

  • Travis

    Very emphatic at least.

  • Travis

    Women take far too much credit for thinking they understand how men think. What he’s expressing is not an excuse. I for one having been married for 12 yrs. (w/o the paper) and at one point shared his perspective. And it certainly wasn’t merely an excuse. What a lot of women don’t understand is that if you have a man who you feel is looking for another excuse, what you actually are more likely to have is a man who’s already decided that you are not the one but selfishly wants to continue receiving sex until you figure it out. Not an excuse, just game. Huge difference. Now because many women fall prey to their own ego, they believe that their man just has cold feet and is looking for another excuse, themselves creating a fertile ground for some opportunistic man.

    Don’t be so dismissive. What he’s expressing is a very valid feeling that a lot of men have… not just an excuse.

  • Travis

    Oh please. Sounds good but… Marriage is a RESPONSIBILITY that some people choose not to shoulder would be more accurate.

    Why is it not a responsibility to the community. If people don’t get married for the primary purpose of raising children in a stable, nurturing environment, then how does a community last? Not only is marriage a responsibility, in many more sensible cultures, it’s an obligation. But more people are too proud and know too much to understand the nuances of building a civilization which starts first and foremost with a commitment to the community.

  • Travis

    Oprah!?!?!? LMAO. Something else. LOL

  • Hugs

    If in his opinion marriage is just papers, how can a piece of paper ruin a relationship? It’s an excuse. If the man is so dismissive about it and it’s important to his “wife” then why not sign the “papers” to make her happy? “It’s just papers” is not a valid argument and people soound so ridiculous when they try to use it.

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    it could be because you can never make people happy. there’ll always be something more that they want. marriage must be something that you both want, not something you do to please others. a failed marriage can ruined a person (lookup the suicide rate for divorced men), especially when kids and money are involved and so it’s not something to be taken lightly.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    True right Tina this is a celebrity and most of the time they are not the sharpest knife in the draw, people do not put much weight on the words of “a actor” a actor cause they act like they are something they are not!

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    agreed: it’s about the “adults” involved and if you happened to marry the right adult, it’s a beautiful thing. marry the wrong person, however, it’s pure hell.

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    And it’s explained by Briffault’s law:
    “The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”

  • MimiLuvs

    Where’s the people who always state that “70% of Black babies born out of wedlock”?
    I guess, they only come out if it involves a woman neglecting/abusing her children, a man who has seventeen children by multiple women, a dead child, a child being arrested for a crime, an article about black women and romance and all around negativity.

  • L

    I think the problem is people put entirely too much commitment into something that is just a “relationship”. So when you actually get married to that person you expect more and thats where things go sour. How can there be more when you’ve been playing “married” during your entire relationship. Don’t play the role of a wife/husband if you are just a girlFRIEND/boyFRIEND. Then when marriage happens, it will be far more than just papers.

  • Joan

    Rochelle, I’m not angry, I’m just passionate about what I believe in.

  • http://www.lillian-mae.com Knotty Natural

    #TeamNoWeddingNoWomb

    I can definitely see myself in a long term relationship with a partner, but he wants to have children w/ me, he has to marry me, period.

  • http://gravatar.com/geenababe geenababe

    In short version of my comment…No, I don’t agree and I think it’s an excuse he is just using or others like him to not get married.

  • Joan

    Travis,

    Thank you and congratulations to you on your 12 years being together. And if marriage is not for you, I totally respect and admire your decision not to get married. I am aware of the fact that men and women get married for different reasons, although I disagree with what you said about men. And by the way, I don’t entertain overly romantic notions about why people should get married. Contrary to popular belief, a whole lot of women come from a very practical perspective when it comes to their decision to get married. Sure, there are women who choose their husbands based on passion, romance, etc. However, I know plenty of married women who passed over the guy they were physically head over heels for and chose the one who they knew would make a good husband and father. And they seem happy about the decision. “He was fun and the sex was incredible, but I knew I could never marry him.” Women are capable of making practical decisions about marriage. And there are plenty of men who choose wives based on impractical reasons…I would go so far as saying that there are men who are just as romantic as the stereotypical romantic women, it just comes out in different ways. In my opinion, a man who has sex all of the time with his girlfriend and gets all of her attention and thinks that when they get married, the sex and attention will be the same as when they dated, even after she has kids, has to deal with the kids on a daily basis, they have a house to deal with, in-laws, different career responsibilities, bodily changes, shifts in hormones, and HIS physical changes (because men change, too), then he has a very unrealistic romanticized idea of marriage.

  • cosmicsistren

    @Travis – Please go find a website geared toward men and leave us women alone. Since you claim you are “married” (12 yrs without the paper) go talk to your wife…. Yet again another male troll forcing his opinion on a site GEARED FOR WOMEN!!

  • Joan

    Let’s not forget that this man is choosing not to marry Kimora Lee Simmons. Excuses or not, I am relieved that this man has enough sense not to make that legal. I am pro-marriage and all, but that chick is crazy. Djimon is probably too scared to say the truth: “I am not marrying that crazy woman.”

  • cosmicsistren

    @travis – if you insist on trolling on this site at least have to decency to refer to us as WOMEN and not females….just saying since I notice you are replying to almost every single post written by a WOMAN.

  • http://gravatar.com/lawrencegonzalez01 lawrencegonzalez01

    he is entitled to his own opinion on the matter.

  • http://gravatar.com/swissblackberries victoria

    Your comment is absolutely correct. Before marriage, my husband and I were boy/girlfriend; that’s it!. We didnt play house. My husband (and I) were serious about that. After marriage, finances, future planning, children, homes, roles, etc. were established. Marriage is definitely different then the pre-marital relationship and some people simply arent capable and prepared to handle it.

    I definitely think it will suit EVERYONE to not put the carriage before the house.

  • diasporauk

    My take on marriage is — do it you want to, don’t if you don’t.

    I’m only commenting because, predictably, the discussion has been over taken the guardians of OTHER peoples’ morality.

    The last people I want a lecture from about how to define and conduct my relationship, are prurient, moralizing hypocrites who are obsessed with sex and other peoples’ sex lives.

    How can ya tell when someone is obsessed with sex and OP’s sex lives?

    By the weird connections and extrapolations they come up with, which connect every problem in society to sex, especially sex outside of marriage.

    LOL!

    Eg

    low marriage rates is the cause of the collapse of “civilization” Uh?

    btw, where is this civilization? If “civilization” is what we have now, namely, a white supremacist order then I’m all for anything thing that threatens its continuance.

    black men who avoid marriage do so because they want to avoid “their responsibilities”.

    WTF?

    No, having that anchor baby wasn’t enough of an anchor to keep that man anchored. Next time have something else to offer a man, over and above sex and a child support bill.

    smh. Moron.

    Lastly

    I find the responses to Travis telling him his (admittedly bizarre in places) comments are unwelcome, kinda ironic.

    We’re talking about marriage — the formalized the union of MAN and woman, in a discussion prompted by the comments of a MAN, yet we seem to have ‘tards who want exclude MEN from that discussion.

    I hope the idiots with that mentality aren’t hoping to get married. You aint good marriage material.

    done.

  • diasporauk

    My take on marriage is — do it you want to, don’t if you don’t.

    I’m only commenting because, predictably, the discussion has been over taken the guardians of OTHER peoples’ morality.

    The last people I want a lecture from about how to define and conduct my relationship, are prurient, moralizing hypocrites who are obsessed with sex and other peoples’ sex lives.

    How can ya tell when someone is obsessed with sex and OP’s sex lives?

    By the weird connections and extrapolations they come up with, which connect every problem in society to sex, especially sex outside of marriage.

    LOL!

    Eg

    low marriage rates is the cause of the collapse of “civilization” Uh?

    btw, where is this civilization? If “civilization” is what we have now, namely, a white supremacist order then I’m all for anything thing that threatens its continuance.

    But no, if this society is collapsing, it’s collapsing under the weight of an immorality far far worse than people not getting married.

    black men who avoid marriage do so because they want to avoid “their responsibilities”.

    WTF?

    No, having that anchor baby wasn’t enough of an anchor to keep that man anchored. Next time have something else to offer a man, over and above sex and a child support bill.

    smh. Moron.

    Lastly

    I find the responses to Travis telling him his (admittedly bizarre in places) comments are unwelcome, kinda ironic.

    We’re talking about marriage — the formalized the union of MAN and woman, in a discussion prompted by the comments of a MAN, yet we seem to have ‘tards who want exclude MEN from that discussion.

    I hope the idiots with that mentality aren’t hoping to get married. You aint good marriage material.

    done.

  • Jasz

    What about the couples who don’t want to have children, but are married? What about the married couples with kids who are miserable and make their children miserable what benefit does marriage have for them? If you see marriage as an obligation then that is fine for you and yours. But I for one do not want to be in a relationship that feels like an obligation. There are times when things that you have to do in a relationship feel like an obligation but the relationship itself shouldn’t feel like a community obligation. I’m not married so you may have more wisdom about it than I do, but I’ll be damned if I’ll marry any man just to raise some kids. Kids are important, but you just can’t get married for them. They grow up and they move out and then what do you have? It’s deeper than that for me. My happiness is important to me AND as an introvert I really really really can’t fathom staying in a relationship that feels like a obligation. I enjoy time by myself too much to deal with somebody that I don’t feel happy around.

  • Travis

    Thanks Joan for most recent response. You made some great points. Appreciate your insight and perspective. They definitely have enlightened my understanding and appreciation of an intelligent female perspective. One clarification though, I am married… no paper required. Got married and divorced the same year for financial reasons that was of mutual benefit to us both but are absolutely still together. I chalk the legalities up as mere formalities. I suppose my whole perspective is that we really need to consider redefining marriage in a way that takes into account history and establishing a connection to more traditional social norms. It couldn’t be more obvious that relationships, including marriage, as is practiced in western culture is non-holistic and flawed at best. None the less, thanks for giving serious consideration to my perspective and responding as thoughtfully as you did.

  • cosmicsistren

    @ diasporauk – I’m not sure if you are aware but if women are discussing about marriage sometimes other women like to read opinioins from OTHER WOMEN. Calling me a “tard” because I want to read what other WOMEN think is juvenile. “The last people” I want to read from are men that go on website specifically geared towards WOMEN and simple minded people like yourself who try to make their point by tearing down someone else’s opinion. As if what they think is the truth. You can go get your life and have a whole stadium of seats with that mess.

    done.

  • Gell0h0h

    To each his/her own. Let your boat float whichever way it needs down the river. But as for me and my house, I will not be dating someone for 10 years plus and only a girlfriend. Sorry. I’m trying to build this empire real quick and establish a lineage for my futures future.

  • Angelique212

    The responsibility is not the marriage. Marriage is a choice. That would be crazy.

    You’ve misread my statement.

    It is what COMES with marriage…as marriage is a contract and commitment.

  • Angelique212

    … it may be a feeling a lot of men have, but that does not make it accurate. There is a lack of introspection and personal responsibility in a statement like that.

  • http://honestysprotegee.wordpress.com HonestysProtegee

    My husband and I lived together for five years before we got married. Being on both sides, there is a difference. Not that either one of us is more committed or love each other more, just different.

  • http://honestysprotegee.wordpress.com honestysprotege

    I would like to see the whole interview for context. What did the other men say?

  • http://missedher.wordpress.com missedher

    Because marriage within the laws of the united states drastically shift the power dynamic of the relationship into the favor of women. Men don’t like that. Period point blank. Stop blaming the men for not wanting to be slaves to their women.

  • LMO85

    And your point is?

  • diasporauk

    Well if you can convince me that you’ve never taken part in any activity or event that advertised itself as for men only, then I’ll stop posting here.

    Until then you’re lame shaming attempt, is just that to me — a lame shaming attempt on the part of someone who has no valuable insights to contribute.

    Now understand this woman — marriage is discussion that necessitates the opinions of both men and women. If you can’t wrap your brain around that, that’s your problem.

    And with that I’m done with YOU.

    Have whatever counts as a nice day in your manless world.

    LOL!

  • http://missedher.wordpress.com missedher

    Marriage within the laws of the united states drastically shift the power dynamic of the relationship into the favor of women. Men don’t like that. Period point blank. Stop blaming the men for not wanting to be slaves to their women.

  • http://missedher.wordpress.com missedher

    Yep, and that’s exactly why men avoid it these days. Too many men getting taken to the cleaners.

  • http://missedher.wordpress.com missedher

    Geared for women to accomplish exactly what? Wallow in their own misery? Why discuss relationships if you aren’t willing to hear the male perspective? Then you wonder why men aren’t marrying you?!!? LOL.

  • http://missedher.wordpress.com missedher

    Please do research, he and Kimora Lee aren’t together anymore. Furthermore, when they WERE together, Kimora never wanted to get married because it would cut into her alimony from Russell Simmons. And that’s another reason that men hate the “paper” part of marriage, because it is too often used as a power weapon for women. Get the facts straight.

  • http://missedher.wordpress.com missedher

    Willful ignorance is not cute nor sexy.

  • SE

    I agree with Djimon. We’ve seen it all before. Couples who’ve been together for years and once they get married, it’s over with within a year or two. Martin Lawrence and his ex wife are a perfect example of that. I don’t think that you have to get married to be in love, raise a family, etc. I think many people do it for religious reasons because it’s in the bible but you don’t have to have a wedding, ring, or a certificate to make a commitment.

  • http://gravatar.com/naturalsis Leah

    Is money just a piece of paper too? Oddly enough I don’t see anyone throwing that away (sarcasm). Djimon please stop the foolishness.

  • Joan

    According to my “research”, Russell pays a lot in child support, but no alimony.

    Russell Simmons said in 2012:
    “I damn sure don’t pay nor have I ever paid alimony (Kimora does just fine). In no way do I support their lifestyle, so please don’t say they are fighting over MY money.”

    Russell Simmons pays over $40,000.00 per month in child support.

  • Angelique212

    Djimon’s statement, not yours.

  • Angelique212

    I never understand this argument. Isn’t everyone entitled?

  • Angelique212

    …and you know what… I get tired of all of our crap being so unscientific. Just blanket statements, etc… can we have some rigor. Can we not see ourselves as one blob of a group? Damn. Like our “opinions” on the matter have little to do with whether or not we grew up in a 2-parent household, or in poverty, or in an abusive household, or with 2-parents who were ill-equipped to be with each other, etc… Certain things can skew our perspectives and then we go out into the world preaching what was convenient for our own personal lives at the expense of the stability of others, not reality.

  • dbsm

    i agreed with you up until the “idiots” part. be nice. i try to. :)

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    point is once men understand such basic premise, they can go into marriage knowing full well why they’re there and what’s at stake for them if things don’t work out. They stand to lose everything: their children, their home, their income, even their freedom if they do not turn over their income to the woman. as long as he can provide a benefit, chances of this happening is very small :)

  • http://www.yvonnechase.com Yvonne Chase

    How can a powerless piece of paper ruin a relationship? Clearly marriage is so much more than a piece of paper!

  • http://yvonnechase.com/5-wrong-reasons-to-marry/ Yvonne Chase

    Exactly! People marry for all the wrong reasons then blame marriage. Marriage is not the problem. They are the problem!

  • justanotheropinion

    @Honestysprotegee – thank you for you for co-signing.

  • LocsG

    I can’t stand it when men spout the whole “it’s just papers” line. If they are “just papers” then why not “just” get them??? If you are already living as man and wife what will the papers deduct from the relationship?

    **Disclaimer**- I am aware there are women that feel this way too. Speaking from personal experience, men say this more often

  • Pepper

    I don’t know what the other men said; but I noticed Taye Diggs had a weird look on his face. For the record I think Taye is a ‘fine’ chocolate brother! Beautiful smile

  • RJ

    My parents celebrate their 54th wedding aniversary in October and they appear to be just fine. Could the reason “marriage ruins a relationship” be the level of maturity the partners have? Or could it be that you never intended to marry the person that you have spents years having sex with in every position possible and you may now be bored?

    Not to mention the change when a child is thrown into the mix? I think it has long been time to stop quoting these celebrities about anything other than their craft, and even then some of them need to keep it shut. (Kerry Washington and Hill Harper excluded)

  • Afro Scented

    Marriage is a business arrangement. It’s always been a business arrangement. It will always be a business arrangement. Don’t believe me? Get divorced. Watch it all come out.

  • http://twitter.com/0oIAMSHEo0 IAMSHE (@0oIAMSHEo0)

    You know there are plenty of men of all different races who believe in marriage and would endeavor to undertake to commitment to create a successful on at that, right?

    That being said, I have been thinking about marriage and I wonder if it wouldn’t be prudent to only marry the father of my children. I don’t see a reason to be married (except for tax exemptions, etc) if I’m not having children.

    Marriage can ruin a perfectly good friendship/love by involving the state and formalizing it to the degree that the state can then reach into your personal lives and fleece either party to the benefit of the other in someway. I don’t like it. Also, I don’t think I’ll be getting married until my best friend in the entire world who happens to be gay can be married and have his marriage recognized in every state in the country of his birth, America.

  • http://dailylifeandliving.blogspot.com Amor

    I disagree with him as he seems to have an unhealthy concept of relationships like marriage. I think this is a classic case of someone totally confusing the effects to be the cause. Marriage is not the cause for deterioration of relationships…marriage can reveal what foundation a relationship was built on but that does not make it the cause of broken relationships.

  • http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

    I guarantee you, a whole bunch of those people who are “happily dating for 10-20-30 years” aren’t really happy. There’s one person who is “happy” getting the milk without buying the cow and the other person is sitting around waiting to get the ring. Why else would they get the magical idea to get married if at least one of them hadn’t already been counting down the days (years) until it finally happened?!?

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    marriage is great if you think you might get divorce someday and wants to ensure you get a 50% cut, if not more. other than that, it’s just getting in bed with the government and you don’t need that.

  • http://clutchmagazineblog.wordpress.com ajaveen

    I disagree marriage does not ruin a relationship. People tend to have a one-sided view of marriages and relationships.

  • http://clutchmagazineblog.wordpress.com ajaveen

    I agree marriage is a business arrangement.
    Both people need to be on the same page and have the same values.

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