“By their fruits ye shall know them” was the first thought that came to mind after reading your dilemma. She has shown you no evidence whatsoever that she is making strides to clean up her financial life. There is no fruit in her life that gives you a glimmer of hope that she can turn her financial train wreck around. She’s struggling financially while shopping like her life depends on it and can’t seem to make the necessary changes. Actions show us who a person really is. Maya Angelou says, “When people show you who they are, believe them – the first time.” She is showing you who she is financially. Believe her!
While your efforts are admirable; attempting to pair her with financial professionals and such, none of us can help someone who does not want to be helped or who does not see they need help. We can’t fix what we won’t face. She has to face her financial woes before she can fix them. There is nothing you can do to help her help herself. You have shown her evidence that you are financially responsible with the success of your own financial “do-over.” That should show her that if you can do it, she can do it too. She’s not ready to do it. Her issues can be worked out but only when she’s is ready to work them out. Losing you might be what needs to happen for her to realize how out of control she is financially.
I disagree 100% with the “Girlfriend Whisperer.” There is nothing tacky about honesty when it is spoken from a place of love. I wasn’t there when you shared your truth however, based on the tone of your question and how you present your scenario, I can tell this pains you deeply. I can tell you love her and wish this wasn’t your current reality. It’s not fair to you or your relationship to stay in a situation that causes you so much discomfort. Loving her is not a license to accept a situation that is not best for you and where you’re headed.
Finances are at the top of the list of why couple’s divorce. You’re thinking about building a future with her. What kind of future will you have if she continues on this path of financial destruction? Two people can’t walk together unless they agree. You’re walking in one direction financially and she’s walking in a totally different direction. There’s no happy medium.
Money, how we earn it, spend it and save it is a part of our values. Beyond love, common values are what keep couples together when the love wanes. Having the same dreams, desires and destination for your relationship and future plans are what keep couples working at their relationship. So, what’s a brotha to do? Get out now before she ruins your financial future. You’re not on the same page!
Certified Dating & Relationship Coach