While we here at Clutch do not pretend to be the representatives of all Black women (no one anywhere could wisely even aspire to such a thing), we would like to say that we’re able to speak to some of the common concerns, frustrations and feelings of sisters on some level. That said, we’re pretty confident in stating that a good number of Black women out there are tired—tired—of the things that appear on the list below. Thus, this is our petition to the world, to our male counterparts, our friends of other races and to each other to please, please kill them all with fire. Amen and ashe.
1) “Black Men Don’t Want You Because…” Rants: Look, homeboy. We don’t care who hurt you or how. If you have for some reason arrived at a place in your life where you don’t want to deal with Black women…OKAY BYE. Good luck with your future endeavors. But what we don’t need is for you to sit up and “explain” not one thing about how much you think we suck because honestly? We probably don’t think too highly of you either.
2) DiBlasio Hair Talk: New York City Mayor-Elect Bill DiBlasio and wife Chirlane McCray have two mixed race children with natural hair. As people often do. We’re moving on from that forever, k?
3) White Woman Tears: Hey, White homey, hey. You cry too much and we don ‘t cry enough. You need to address the former, post-haste. And that means figuratively and literally.
5) The Black Marriage ‘Crisis’: No more, just no more.
6) Strong Black Woman Expectations and Strong Black Woman Shade: We can’t do it all, we won’t do it all and we shouldn’t have to do it all…but when we do find ourselves in situations that require us to exhibit superhuman strength, we needn’t be mocked or derided for it. Black girls are kind of awesome, k? Don’t be surprised when we pull a rabbit out a hat or make a dollar out of 15 cents.
7) Thirst Trap Modeling : Sharing cute pics of yourself is harmless enough, but do you really need to tilt to the side to give the illusion of a smaller waist, unbutton your blouse to your bra and pout seductively with the caption “Work flow”? Where do you work, Magic City? If not, you may need to consider monetizing the service you’re providing. Just saying.
8) Natural vs. Weave Discussions: Black hair is inherently political, but we can talk about it without acting as if we’re the Afro Crips and the Lacefront Bloods.
9) Miley Cyrus: Can we make a pact to just ignore her all together? It isn’t that the problematic messaging in some of her performances and her cultural appropriation aren’t legitimately offensive…but she’s like a roach we can’t stomp out, so let’s just try and look the other way.
10) ‘Hives,’ ‘Martians’ and Other Super Stans: Beyoncé is a queen among women, but if defending her is so much a part of your day that you find yourself adding it to your resume, please find you some business. Please. Do it for us.