In my early sexual life, conversations with my girlfriends about partners were often peppered with attempts to see what was “normal” and the need to share this very new phenomenon that was penis and the guys who had them. Years later, giggles were replaced by belly laughs and knowing “Mmmmhmms,” as we compared notes on which guys could, which couldn’t and those who really shouldn’t try at all.
However, I think I really realized just how grown we were a few years after THAT, when we also opened up about taking pride in our own performances. That is a Thing That Matters, Clutchettes. If you’re gonna show up, you really ought to show out.
Sex is, ideally, a shared experience between two people who are mutually invested in each other’s pleasure. But because of some of the cultural messaging we get about female sexual behavior (esp Black women and girls), I wonder how many of us can’t come up with more than laying out in the starfish position while our beloved, boo or bootknocker du jour does all the work—at least during our first few years in the bedroom games.
My question to you, dear readers, is this: are YOU good at sex? If so, how did you get there? Reading books? Porn? Practice? If you aren’t, how did that become the case?