Break

So many of us often know exactly what we’d do in a situation we haven’t actually been in and are always so amped to shout out that unrequested. Like many by now, I’ve read about both Dwyane Wade and Ludacris having children with women not apart of the long-term committed relationships we’ve known for them to be in. I haven’t had much of an opinion, though. Much of that has to do with the reality of being a single gay man without a vagina who doesn’t know what it’s like to date a famous, rich and entitled man who can go pretty much go anywhere on Earth and find thousands of people eagerly willing to spread eagle on command (hoping this is my year for Michael Bae Jordan).

I’m also not privy to the intricate details of either relationship those men have with Gabrielle Union or Eudoxie Agnan. I’m clueless as to whether or not Gabby and D. Wade were truly on a “break” when he decided to knock up another woman. I can’t confirm whether or not Ludacris had an open relationship with his girlfriend or if he had to replace at least two of his 19 cars after Eudoxie keyed them in anger. I have no idea whether D. Wade and Luda both pulled a “please, baby, baby please” campaign to win back the hearts of the women they love but seemingly cheated on.

Most of the people who only know about their private discretions from gossip blogs and social media don’t know any of that either, yet that hasn’t stopped many of them from commenting on what Eudoxie and Gabrielle should have done based on their point of view and attack their characters over the presumed flaws of their men.

Say: “Come on ladies! I know there is a male shortage out here but where is your self-worth?”

Or: “I really hope she doesn’t go through with this marriage. It’s pretty clear what kind of guy he is.”

And: “He’s obviously trifling, but we knew that from the divorce. This is just a reflection of what kind of woman Gabby is to put up with this, but I never cared for her.”

Also: “What is wrong with Black women? No matter what social class they are in, how educated they are and no matter what profession they are in, they still let a man walk all over them just because he has some money and they ‘love him.’”

Likewise, I’ve noticed numerous opinions about the women carrying the apparent accidental seeds of Wade and Ludacris.

It’s the typical narrative: Two “groupies” and “side chicks” trying to wreck a home in the name of collecting a check.

Exhibit E: “Apparently ballers missed the memo. Women, including random ‘jump offs,’ WANT to get pregnant by you.It’s a guaranteed income for 18 years. It’s better than college and grad school.”

It reads as your typical sexist trope, and like most instances of sexism, have nothing to do with the facts at hand. Remember, kids: Y’all don’t know any of these people are the details of their respective situations. That is, unless Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine over at LSA or the YBF uncovered some intel that I missed.

Who am I kidding? That doesn’t matter. All women involved were going to be maligned in some way no matter what exactly happened.

Now I get this in theory. I mean, you read a story and you offer your opinion. Even so, some of the commentary I’ve read is mighty harsh and highly judgmental. And all these strong point of views are derived from the periphery look at the relationships in question.

I can hypothetically offer my opinion on matters I’ve yet to experience with the best of them, but after a certain point, shouldn’t we all be mature enough to realize that you don’t know what you’d do in a situation until you’re in that situation? Moreover, that how you respond to a situation might not necessarily be the best option for everyone else? Oh, and then there’s the part about our best use of judgment should be leveled not at relative strangers, but at the person we see in our reflection?

God, I hope I don’t sound like a knockoff self-help Twitter guru, but even if I do, I still come across better than a bunch of mean-spirited know-it-alls who know nothing about the people whose behavior they feel are worthy of unsolicited policing.

Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.

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  • sixfoota

    Buuuut, you can give your opinion that we shouldn’t be so quick to give our opinion? Bye.

  • Phillygurl

    LOL, I am so amused by this. So if Gabby or Eudoxie was my third cousin five times removed canzg speak on it then. I agree people shouldn’t personally attack these women, but if either of these ladies were my kin I would want something to sink in, this is not normal, and they both better hope it is the last break up babies their significant others spawn with other women. The truth is HIV still affects black women are in large numbers, more than their fellings are at risk, so in some cases more than a baby can be brought back to them after the “break” It would be irresponsible to teach a young generation that this is okay. Common sense doesn’t need certification or degrees; that is what both these women need to hear, if not from the public, I hope they have a loved one telling them to be careful with both their hearts and their bodies be caue you cannot value

  • straightnochaser

    Are we still living in the age of HIV/AIDS? Or did someone finally discover a cure for these deadly diseases?

  • Ask_Me

    I was about to write a long comment but then I stopped when I realized this article was written by a man.

    Let’s be real…the reason why HE wants to put “qualifications” on people’s right to voice their opinion on this situation is because he has never and probably will never walk in the shoes of the two women (or any woman who has been in this situation) involved. As far as I’m concerned this is a classic case of male privilege.

    Meanwhile, while some of us ladies have never experienced what these women have we DO know someone who has…meaning we have all heard stories about some bastard cheating on his girlfriend/wife and bringing home a baby, STDs, etc.

    The bottom line is this: When it comes to situations like this in the black community, black women rally behind each other/empathize with each while black men either say nothing at all about the behavior of the men, try to shush the women for saying something about the behavior of the men, blame the woman for the behavior of the men, or try to write it off as being insignificant or just one of those things black women should accept as a way of life.

    SMH,. Count me out!

  • Mahogany

    So is the author more qualified than the “judgmental” readers? Child please!!! You’re entitled to your opinion just like we are entitled to ours. Let’s just agree to disagree here.