Swirlr

What is being described as “groundbreaking”, “Swirlr” is a new dating reality series heading to a computer screen near you.  The show features singles who are opening themselves up to the “world” of interracial dating.

Take a look at the trailer:

“Swirlr” is hosted by Christelyn Karazin and Jordan Harbinger. Christelyn is co-author of the book“Swirling: How to Date, Mate And Relate – Mixing Race, Culture and Creed,” and Editor of the popular blog, BeyondBlackWhite.com. Jordan is a dating and body-language expert and co-founder of The Art of Charm.

 

Clutchettes, what do you think about “Swirl”? Will you watch?

 

  • http://gravatar.com/geenababe geenababe

    No

  • eve-audrey

    more than likely their youtube channel is going to attract lots of trolls other than that i am waiting for the next comments

  • Ivory

    Watching karazins career is like reading The Prince. She really rode the wave of others work and is reeping the rewards. I know a few people are digging in their heels right about now.

  • https://www.facebook.com/tjcadet Talia Cadet

    You know what,

    I judged the article off of the headline. When I actually read the article and watched the sneak peak…I think the show is an interesting concept.

    The goal of the series is to open up people to the possibility of dating someone that shares a different background (not just racially), not to reject one’s own background and ONLY pursue people of a different background. The show is giving singles new perspective and not forcing the notion, “Now that I set you up with XYZ this one time, doesn’t mean that you should only pursue XYZ.”

    I’ll watch.

  • 1989

    I support the idea of black women opening themselves up to interacial dating (I date interracially myself), I won’t be tuning in to this. I simply do not care for Christelyn Karazin. Something is “off” about her and that website she runs.

  • https://www.facebook.com/christelyn Christelyn Russell-Karazin

    Thank you, Yesha, for covering this. I know you have your reservations about me, and you covered this story anyway. That speaks volumes about you.

  • Kattified

    Did it have to be called Swirlz? They couldn’t have thought of a better name?

  • velociraptor

    I’ll pass. Let’s not turn interracial dating into something that should be fetishized.

  • http://www.brainsoftheoutfit.com eewb

    I’m actually very interested to watch this series!

  • CORRUPTED_ANGEL

    I can honestly say that I am so glad that so many black women are now starting to find love beyond color boundaries. For so many years black women have made them selves feel obligated to only be with black men even though the loyalty was not returned because while we were being loyal, many black men were out exercising their dating options which is awesome as well. I’m just happy to see that black women are finally starting to realize that love comes in all colors.

  • CORRUPTED_ANGEL

    if you are a black woman and you are speaking negative about a black woman on a PUBLIC form than you are a disgrace to black women every where!! BE YOUR SISTERS KEEPER OR SHUT UP

  • BlackMalePrivilege

    Please stop attacking people just because their views are not in agreement with you. Black me and women can have difference of opinions with each other without being a so called disgrace. Being your sisters keeper does not always mean agreeing with every sister on a PUBLIC form.

  • http://gravatar.com/geenababe geenababe

    @ Ivory

    Care to elaborate

  • Ivory

    Your comments are a bit patronizing. I think the simpler answer is that black women dated who they wanted and who they wanted happened to be black men by and large.

    Black women have been making their own decisions and following their own path. So much she has been tarred as too independent.

    The Internet is just exposing the mundane of human experiences that have always existed. There simply is Nothing New.

  • Ivory

    I don’t care to elaborate but suffice it to say the tea runneth over regarding Mrs. Karazin.

  • http://N/A Jean

    People put too much into the whole dating a different race. We’re all humans when it comes down to it. Get to know the person & not just worry abt their ethnicity.

  • ThatGirl

    Yes

  • nononsense57

    I’m willing to watch an episode and give it a chance. However, I really wish that it had a different name. In my opinion, calling it “Swirlr” undermines the show’s ability to be taken seriously.

    I hope the YouTube comments section for this will be closed; I find the Internet trolls there to be particularly brutal.

  • Eye Candy

    Why do people treat interracial dating like some kind of science experiment? Lol. If you like the person then date ‘em.
    People are making it a bigger deal than it really has to be.
    I dont see what the big fuss is about, and this is coming from a girl in an interracial relationship.

  • http://tedmiked.wordpress.com tedmikedmike

    Hi, Christelyn can you answer this questions for me ?

    A) Why do you feel the need to recruit others to something that should come naturally for anyone who wants it ? Many many women date interracially without needing to discuss it on a blog. Don’t you see what you are doing is making black women look desperate instead empowered…..

    B) Why do you Put “rainbeau” men on some sort of pedestal….especially, given the very racist reality we live in. Even your sneerimg condescending word usage like “Guardians of all things dark and lovely”, ” damaged beyond repair” ” nothing but a black man” and many others; which are meant to discourage black love really necessary? This thinly and i mean thinly veiled attacks are not only laughable, but also belie deeper issues. This mentality that everything black is negative seeps through no matter how much its presented otherwise. You are smart enough to know that….Why don’t you respect others who don’t agree with your stance ?

    C) Where does your hatred of black men (more accurately your own self hatred) comes from…..? There’s a such thing as encouraging women to keep their options open and telling someone “white is right.” You are definitely telling women the latter.

    D) Why are you SO obsessed with this IR stuff if you are as happy as you claim to be with your white “savior”….And don’t you have a job? You clearly has too much time on your hands….

    E) Why do you push this BS when you know most white people are not checking for black people period. (you can’t even get one white man to come to your website or blog for you)….why don’t white men sing the praises of dating black women ? How many blogs are there dedicated to black women created by white males?

    F) Do you fully understand for what you are pushing for? Which is farther divide and eventual self extermination for African Americans. Do you hate what you see in the mirror that much ?

    G) Are you ever going to take responsibly for your bad actions which made you so bitter ? Trying to trap a man with a baby he didn’t want and didn’t want to marry you…..Why do you blame all black men for the stupid mistakes and choices you made in your life ?

    H) Do you really believe black women can win in this game or are you setting them up for failure? Last I checked black men are more capable of date and merry out. If you go to England what you see is 50 % of black men marrying out and very few black women dating out. As the saying goes, “be careful for what you wish for” !

    I) Do you honestly think dating and marrying out will serve black peoples best interest in the long run (individually or as a group)?

    Explain this to me please. I am not being facetious, i would really like an explanation.

  • Pseudonym

    Sorry, but by referring to interracial dating as “Swirl” you are automatically not ground breaking. Will not be watching.

  • WhatIThink

    Love the comments. Like it is 2014 and you really believe someone who wants to get their swirl on needs a reality show? Seriously? It comes of as pandering unfortunately. i mean there is nothing new about a dating show. And honestly, if someone really wants to open things up then why not open up existing relationship shows like the bachelor or who wants to marry a millionaire? That seems more to the point (the reality of interracial relationships) than this silliness.

  • Phillygurl

    It looks as if it will feature all types of people, those who are interested in watching it will.

  • http://gravatar.com/geenababe geenababe

    No fun, oh well I will get to researching

  • SayWhat

    Let me know what you find out. I know ‘cup runneth over’ means have more than you can handle, but I have no idea what ‘tea runneth’ over means.

  • vintage3000

    I just read a little of Karazin’s blog. She should have named this series Desperation Miscegenation if that wasn’t too hard to pronounce.

  • Tee

    I think any black woman in America the UK and even in some places in Africa not interested in interracial dating and marriage is doing herself a great disservice. If nothing else I hope that black women who wouldn’t give interracial dating a chance due to concerns about racial or cultural differences will see black women on dates with non black men and get a glimpse of what it is really like as opposed to what they might think it would be like.

  • http://gravatar.com/anon4cec anon4cec

    because genetic and cultural difference are what they are, two black people can date each other and it be ‘interracial’. it isn’t inter-racial dating, it is a show about black women dating white men. there are many many more combinations beyond that one. this show is the brain-child of woman who admits to ‘revenge swirling’ because she felt slighted by black men. not like it much matters to me either way, however shows like this it seems might make it more difficult for blacks who date whites. and it cheapens the who ‘swirl thing’. shonda’s gonna set olivia after karazin.

  • Tee

    TedMike the lives of black women are not some game they are playing against black men. A single black woman has absolutely nothing to do with what black men are doing.Even if every last one of them goes off with a non black woman. Because she is single and those men don’t belong to her nor she to them.Dating and marrying out will serve the best interest of many black women individuals in the long run.

  • GlowBelle

    Was interested, till I saw who was behind it so yeah…not that interested anymore. I’m just a little tired of people acting like interracial dating and being mixed is this weird experiment that needs to be gawked at and marginalized, and I say this as a mixed girl who dates interracially who has gotten my fair share of stares and rude comments concerning my lifestyle and heritage. I see interracial couples on reality shows all the time and know that interracial mating has been going on for centuries. So what is new? I guess I’m not checking my privilege as I have been exposed to a racially mixed environment all my life, because as for my ancestors and myself this isn’t new and “scary” territory to date on the outside, but it may be new to others and so maybe they do need a show like this, I guess? Still I just don’t see the big whooping deal.

    But I really really dislike that interracial dating is called “swirl”. It’s just called “dating”, “having a relationship”, “being with a person you like”. Stop trivializing it.

  • thetruth

    Black women are gonna make this show a hit, lol.

  • kelly

    Black people alone are a very diverse group. We are apart of a huge diaspora. Therefore, if you want to date someone from a different background, MOVE!

  • kiki80

    This is a pretty lie. Until quite recently, black women were subjected to major social disapproval if they even thought about dating anything but black.

    So yes, black women do need more support if they want to venture out of the black dating puddle.

  • http://gravatar.com/hipster4hire $0.02

    Thank you! And the White guy chosen in this clip is so bland, he already noted that he goes for Asian women, so why not set him up with one? Any who has dated outside their race gags at the idea of being the “first” (insert race) a person has dated.

    Are these people really looking for love or are they bored and experimenting?

    I personally would want to meet an Asian dude or a Black dude from Britain (I’d get a kick out of the accent).

  • Starla

    The show looks interesting. I actually think I will give it a peep.

  • Ariahead

    The writing on her website is truly awful. It’s like she and her fellow writers just sit down without thinking about what they are going to say and then spit out a lot of poorly worded and poorly thought out judgments. Then they have to go into the comment section and amend themselves a bunch of times when someone dares to call them out because you have to agree with everything that they say on that site or they will just delete your comment. I have never seen someone answer a comment with “I didn’t think that I had to say that because I figured that you would see the implication yourself” as much as Christelyn. She never has well thought out logic and it just turns me off completely. it is your job as a writer to be objective and to speak on a subject as completely as you can, not expecting your audience to just assume what you mean.

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    @tedmikedmike

    You or any other BM are not worthy of an explanation. You and your fellow cohorts ARE NOT GODS. You guys did not create the universe, you guys did not create life, and you guys do not carry life with in you, and you guys do not give birth. In other words.. YOU GUYS ARE NOT omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, life DOES NOT revolve around you.

    Now please, go concern yourselves with competing against other men in the global economy.

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    “black dating puddle.”

    LOL. I caught that! You’re right, normally it’s called “dating pond” and “fish in the sea”, but due to the extremely low levels of BM that are actually looking for a BW to marry (with out taking a decade and several children later), the phrase “puddle” is absolutely on point.

  • http://gravatar.com/rena215 rena215

    Not sure why you got the down votes. Maybe other people interpreted this to mean that non-black men are better than black men, but that’s not how I interpreted it.

    I agree that, when it comes to dating, being open minded about non-essential issues like race is a good thing. You my meet someone who is exactly what you need, albeit he may not look like many of the other men you typically date.

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    @rena215

    Some BW are so committed to BM that they would rather be relegated to being a sex partner, a member of an unofficial harem, intentionally share men, produce children OOW, stay in poverty or impoverish themselves, rather than open themselves up to non BM that are willing to WIFE them.

  • WhatIThink

    I think she gets the down votes because last I checked black folks weren’t the ones who created systematic racism to separate blacks from whites and forbid dating. Blacks weren’t lynching folks for looking at a white woman the wrong way. So, it wasn’t black folks who put this whole barrier between the “races” in place in the first place. The point being you don’t have to fall all over yourself to date with another “race” who has historically done their best to keep away from you. That whole narrative of black folks having such a hard time finding non black males is so much b.s. I get tired of hearing it. As if black folks are doing something wrong by loving and marrying other black folks. And given all the notable interracial marriages going all the way back to Frederick Douglass and Booker T. Washington and beyond this is simply pure asinine stupidity. If this was such an impossible thing then where are all these light skin creole and mulatto folks throughout American history coming from then? And bottom line, just like IR dating and marriage didn’t uplift black people has a whole then, it certainly isn’t going to do so now…. because it has nothing to do with power or wealth distribution.

  • Deana

    For someone who appears to have an issue with this woman and her blog you sure do know a lot about it.

    Seriously, instead of wanting an explanation about why she is doing what she is doing on HER blog, isn’t it easier to simply not visit it? I am not being facetious. I really would like to know.

  • https://www.facebook.com/alsuccess Ashley Success

    don’t forget if you continue to challenge them they will bring out the big guns “the terms of conduct” for commenting…im looking to date interracially and wanted to see what was out there blog wise…i can’t keep away its like an awesome carwreck

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    @WhatIThink

    There is this thing called “gender”. Now please explain to me how BM’s treatment of BW is benefiting BW in the following areas?

    lowest marriage rate (25% black on black)
    highest divorce rate (2 out of three black marriages end in divorce)
    highest OOW birth rate at 75%
    highest homicide rate (at the hands of BM and 2.5 times more than WW which are 4 times the population of BW)
    highest domestic violence rate
    highest sexual abuse rate (60% of BW sexually abused by age 18)
    40 percent of Black children live with two parents, compared to 65 percent of White children and 85 percent of Asian children
    3 in 4 Black babies are born to unmarried mothers compared to less than 1 in 4 White babies
    Black children living with single mothers are 3.5 times as likely to be poor as Black children living with married parents

    Apparently black misogyny is not benefiting BW and is not providing BW any power or wealth distribution.

  • mEE

    no thank you. I won’t support anything that’s even mildly affiliated with that website.

  • Allie

    Seriously? I have been dating interracially all my life. Now they are going to treat it like some kind of trend?!? People use to be killed and had to hide their love. It is love not a trend. It has been around forever it isn’t new. Just more accepted now. UGH people give me a break. Unfortunately I have a feeling it will be popular on YT :/

  • lis

    @anon4cec

    I see you have been to her site MANY times(lmao…)a nd if y o u are a Black female and didn’t get any insight or wisdom then you are neutered or just plain stupid….or you are queen of Newcastle,chilly road, etc……..she’s back?????

  • Ivory

    Kiki80

    But black women have been subject to major disapproval regarding lots of things like OOW children, obesity, etc. but it’s still very common. And what about the social disapproval other races face? Personally I doubt there are any black women out there who truly wants to date and but doesn’t due to the opinions of others.

  • WhatIThink

    @9boots. There is no “guarantee” in life. And there is no special trick to finding a decent mate. It starts being a good mate yourself and then being honest with yourself about what you like and not being naive. Hanging out at “the club” is not going to get you Mr. Right anywhere from here to China. There are perverts, pimps, abusers and misogynists in all societies. You aren’t a statistic and statistics mean nothing when it comes to real people in real life. So that said, what is stopping you from finding your Mr. Perfect of whatever race since you got all your facts and figures straight? The only person you have to really worry about is you honestly. Don’t relate to people based on some hearsay on some forum or some statistics you read in a book. If that is how you learn about people and society then unfortunately you aren’t going to find anyone anywhere because life isn’t in books and statistics. People like shouldn’t be finding mates if all they do is keep fretting and worrying about statistics as opposed to going out and interacting with real people. Even a show like this won’t help you because nobody is going to drop Mr. Right on your doorstep in a blind date.

    Sorry.

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    90% of married BM are married to BW. people need to stop perpetuating this stereotype that BW aren’t desired.

  • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts (@cbmts)

    @9boots: why portray BW as if they aren’t individuals with a full mental faculty capable of making sound decisions? BM (mis)treatment of BW, and BW just sit there and take it? really?

    “lowest marriage rate (25% black on black)”
    90% of black people who are married are married to other black person. low marriage rate isn’t the fault of BM/BW. they don’t want to get married for whatever reason and it’s not necessarily a good thing nor a bad thing.

    “highest divorce rate (2 out of three black marriages end in divorce)”
    again, not necessarily the fault of BM or a mistreatment of BW. no fault divorce is standard operation in almost every state. if you consider the entire population, 2/3 divorces are initiated by the woman (look it up). you can’t force anyone who isn’t happy to stay in a marriage. it’s not BM/BW fault.

    “highest OOW birth rate at 75%”
    no one can force a woman to be a mother (except in case of rape), she must choose that. there are dozen birth control options to ensure she doesn’t get pregnant. if she gets pregnant, she can abort. thus, if a woman gets pregnant and brings it to term, and intends to raise the baby, why is it necessarily “wrong” and why is it BM’s fault? her body, her choice. get over it.

    “highest homicide rate (at the hands of BM and 2.5 times more than WW which are 4 times the population of BW)”
    we live in a very violent society. sure, homicide rate is high for BW as compared to WW, but you’ll also find that the homicide rate is even higher for BM as compared to WM. this is not genetics, it’s pure economics and BM/BW share a lot in common when it comes to that.

    “highest domestic violence rate”
    studies have shown both genders commit domestic violence about the same rate (look it up). sure a man can do a lot more damage than a woman but a blackeye is a blackeye, no matter who’s wearing it.

    highest sexual abuse rate (60% of BW sexually abused by age 18)
    can you back this up with some stats. the closest i could find on google was 18% rape/attempted rape. for rate per 1000 persons, i found stats that stated 4.5 for BW and 0.5 for BM were victims of sexual abuse.

    “40 percent of Black children live with two parents, compared to 65 percent of White children and 85 percent of Asian children”

    again, divorce happen. it’s not anybody’s fault.

    “3 in 4 Black babies are born to unmarried mothers compared to less than 1 in 4 White babies”
    you already covered this with the 75% OOW birth.

    “Black children living with single mothers are 3.5 times as likely to be poor as Black children living with married parents”

    yes, it’s math: 1 income vs 2 incomes.

  • BeanBean

    This is stupid. I wish people would stop acting like dating someone of a different color is like dating a martian! I’ve dated interracially, I never felt like I was doing something reality-show worthy! This is stupid, I hope nobody watches.

  • iforgotitall

    Anything that encourages BW to re-think their position is great. For those people who have already figured out love has no color, good for you. Not everybody has that insight. There are still BW who are afraid to venture outside their communities. They are sitting in a place with 10 women to every 1 eligible man and they are watching other women accept man-sharing, de-facto polygamy and perpetual singleness as the norm for BW. I think it is good to show the lives and realities of other folks. There are still BW who think a man having 5 women is just him “sowing his oats” or “thats what men do”. No we are the only community in America with such an extreme unbalanced ratio of women to men.

  • kiki80

    No. For the last 50 years black society has been very accepting of OOW children in our families. We may pay lip service to otherwise, but we’ll still throw showers and buy pampers for cousin Nay-Nay’s pretty new baby. We will not shun her or force her into an abortion like they do in other families. And black men will still date and marry women with OOW children. So, no, it is very much accepted.

    Second, Black men and women provide very little resistance to obesity either. Families will not shame and shun fat members and many black men will still chase big women. Fat shaming is not nearly the issue it is in other communities. So, again, not it is NOT discouraged in any meaningful way.

    However, until VERY recently, black parents, girlfriends, random black men on the street friends attempted to shame and label black women who dated non-black men. They still do in social media (Scandal backlash?)

    Believe it or not, some black women go through a major guilt complex and still experience external pressure when they date ‘out’. Black women are made to feel the entire weight of ‘history’ when whey date out, but Reggie an ‘nem can make as many pretty lightskinnededed grandbabies as they please.

  • apple

    well… ummm.. this is… interesting.. but i will say the girl they have chosen can dress her ass off so that will get me to tune in alone

  • kiki80

    So many of us are sleep walking through life turning a blind eye to what is staring us dead in the face.

    I know dozens of black women in all age groups who are not married, want to be married and have ZERO serious prospects. Oh sure, they date here and there, but invariably they or dude eventually move on without taking the next step. Marriage is NOT A PRIORITY for most black men. Most black men simply do not marry anybody and the numbers bear that out.

    The typical black woman who looks ‘just black’ is NOT highly sought after for marriage. Let’s just face it. Dating? Sure. Baby mama? No doubt. But Wife? RARELY. And, I’m not talking about vulgar, pink weaved hoodrats. I’m talking about normal-looking attractive black women like Wendy Raquel Robinson or Jacqui Reid etc.

    This is not the say the marriage is the be all end all for personal happiness, but it IS the building block of a strong community – and that stability is sorely lacking in black society.

  • Ivory

    Iforgotitall

    That sounds like a plausible explanation until you consider that in the black community there are men more popular than others. Look at someone like Shawty Lo for instance. He had 11 women. Now how many black men went without a woman while he juggled all those women? Sure black women should expand their options but they should also expand them to date other black men instead if one very highly sought after black man having a harem of women by virtue if some sort of status.

    Would black women include someone like Cedric the Entertainer in their dating pool or would they all want Morris Chesnut?

  • Eme

    I don’t think so.

  • joe

    This show was created by the same woman who in November posted an essay calling on black women to stop giving birth to black boys. The piece was titled “Sisters, It Is Time To Stop Giving Birth To Men Who Hate You.” Her clear call for black gender selection is as hateful and vicious as anything you will read at Ambrose Kane or any other white supremacy blog.

  • Grace

    I think the show would actually teach people that people are all humans and there was no need to restrict dating by race. If people watch and see different races can date and get along then it won’t be such a big deal anymore. There is a reason why shows like this never existed before….it’s because many people DO think we are not all human and should not date interracially. The fact that this is groundbreaking and a first is actually sad. I will be watching.

  • Grace

    This comment is why Black people have a lot of problems. Instead of doing something that hasn’t been done before you are suggesting Black folks beg the owners of other shows like the Bachelor and who wants to marry a Millionaire to include them. The. These shows obviously don’t want a lot of interracial pairings and Bachelor was even sued for not being diverse. If others see that audiences flock to an interracial show then the existing shows may change. Let the other shows copy innovative ideas instead of pressuring them to do what they don’t want to do.

    Why should Black people not make money off reality TV especially if this show won’t show Black women in a bad light like the rest of the shows. There is a market for this stuff and instead of jumping on a new idea you suggest people shouldn’t bother. The world doesn’t need Honey Boo Boo, Real Housewives, and the rest but they exist, why shouldn’t this show?

  • Grace

    Sometimes I just don’t understand Black people. It’s like some Black people understand things in certain circumstances but don’t understand the exact same thing under different circumstances!

    For example, so many Black people want to be trendy, be the first to own something new, or be the first to start a trend. But when it comes to business people just wait for non-Black people to come up with ideas, ask non-Black people to make things for them instead of making things themselves, or consume things that only benefit other people (e.g., Asians sell our hair products, we beg White designers to include us in their shows, and complain when we aren’t on their magazine covers of TV shows or when we don’t win their awards)! Why can’t the trendsetting attitude transfer to Black business? There have been dating shows that occasionally had interracial pairings but there has NEVER been a show entirely devoted to interracial dating. It doesn’t matter if interracial pairings have been around for centuries, that’s irrelevant. What matters is that there has NEVER been a TV show devoted to it. For the record, dating has been around for probably a century but there are TONS of shows and movies about dating relationships including game shows and reality shows. They exist because they are a part of life and people watch them.

    Black people have seen time and time again that when they come up with a good idea, non-Black people are quick to jump on the bandwagon, make it their own, and profit off the idea. Why in the world aren’t Black folks doing the same? Reality TV and dating shows have existed for a long time…so that’s reason to NOT make a new show??? That’s exactly why Black folks should jump on the bandwagon, because these shows tend to be popular, they are practically a sure thing! If something works keep doing it! The arguments people are making saying this has been done before, or interracial dating is not new so it’s not needed are ridiculous! Is every sitcom or reality show needed? Did there need to be 20 seasons of Survivor or The Bachelor? NO, they are made because people like the shows and they are profitable and those are the only two things that matter.

    This show will normalize interracial dating because this may be news to you but PLENTY of people are not supportive of interracial dating and last year people were beaten and killed because of it so stop acting like it’s totally accepted and that people don’t have some things to learn about tolerance and other cultures. This is still a controversial issue so stop pretending it’s not.

  • Brad

    I saw that essay to and it was one of the most shocking and hatefull things I have ever read.

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    Preach!

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    @cbmts

    Right, out of the ten BM that are married, 90% of them are married to BW. BM have the highest NEVER married rate of all men at 48% compared to men of other races at 30%. Bottom line BM aren’t marrying anybody and then the ones that do get married end up getting divorced and not remarrying because of course BM also have the lowest remarriage rate of all men.

    What a sinking ship.

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    @WhatIThink

    Did I say there is a “guarantee” in life?

    Of course you want to deny the statistics even though they point out the obvious! Do you deny the statistics proving the existence of black discrimination and inequality too? Of course you don’t.
    Why do you deny the systemic abuse of BW by BM?

  • http://gravatar.com/9boots 9boots

    @cbmts

    You are dedicated to explaining away the abuse of BW. You are not an ally.

    Good day

  • knowledge

    1) Well according to Beyondblackandwhite,The show was created by a black man(who is married to a black woman) and a white man (who created dating sites specifically for black men and women who want white partners).

    2) I think Karazin’s motives are iffy because on her blog she clearly is anti-bm and anti-white women but here she is promoting it, If anyone actually watched the video, Those interviewed are black men who were interested in dating non-black and black women who were interested in dating non-black. I think money is her motivation actually. She found her nitch among “certain” black people and now she has included the same black males and white women she vilifies on the show, she’s hosting…..

    3) Jordan Harbinger is a “pickup artist”, whose “teachings” are mainly about dating different women- through out Europe, Asia, Latin america, and North America- how does this coincide with beyondblackandwhite’s movement?

  • Ask_Me

    To the owners of this site.

    Ivory aka Chilly Road aka Queen of Newcastle aka Bereal is back.

    Be sure to block her latest persona.

  • SayWhat

    I never thought I’d be defending that woman, but I call bullsh*t.

    sotomayor has about 100k fans and all he does is spew hate towards bw and Christelyn is who has you concerned? He throws bw under the bus on a daily basis and you’re acting ‘concerned’ because of BBW who has waaaayyyy less followers than sotomayor? You the same bm who after the trayvon martin verdict tried to put bw on blast (on this site) because you felt we were being too harsh and you didn’t like the way that you felt ww were being attacked? they weren’t by the way. I don’t like the woman and have actually said so publicly on forums that she visits, but don’t act like she is anywhere near the likes of Sotomayor (your idol I’m sure) or any (fill in the blank) rapper.

    Oh, and why are you and other bm visiting her blog anyway? That’s like me listening to sotomayor knowing damn well the man’s a fool.

  • thetruth

    I can’t believe this post got 15 thumbs down for asking LEGITIMATE questions about a self-professes interracial dating fanatic.

    Then again, I expect most black women to make excuses for her.

  • Brad

    My comment was in response to the arcle concerning “giving birth to men that hate you”. I came to hear about that article on another site and had to go read for myself.

    I don’t frequent that blog.

    You are absolutely 100% correct about Sotomayer. I stumbled into his YouTube videos and could not believe the hatred.

    I thought that he had been taken down a notch and discredited long ago.

    But, I couldn’t believe the things he says, it’s pure hatred.

  • thetruth

    I don’t even have anything against this show. I would gladly encourage all Black Women to get their “swirl” on as long as they finally shut the *beep* up about Black men.

  • Kelly

    Wendy Raquel Robinson is married to a black man. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for black women opening up their options. I am ALL for it

  • The Other Jess

    Black men started the trend of the white trashing of Black America, so there is no reason for them to complain about this. Karazin just followed the lead of Black men. If anyone is to blame for a person like Karazin’s new web series, it is Black men. Yes, BM have major color and Black-hatred issues and have made many Black women want to leave the Black community.

  • Brad

    But, there are literally 1000′s upon 1000′s of ” normal looking, attractive black women” getting married to black men every single day!

    Sometimes I think in these modern times we have to push back from the computer. Walk out side and observe the real world around us.

    Because if we don’t we tend to get cynical to the reality of it all.

  • CORRUPTED_ANGEL

    uhhhhh i don’t care what you think of my comment, it wasn’t meant for you.

  • Wow

    Do people that genuinely love other people really need a “blog” like the cesspool of desperation I just saw?

    Consider this: If a white person set up a blog like that, they would be called racists and fetishists.

  • Wow

    @9boots

    You seem to be allergic to accountability, truth, and mathematics.

  • Wow

    “This is not the say the marriage is the be all end all for personal happiness, but it IS the building block of a strong community – and that stability is sorely lacking in black society.”

    So, if marriage is the building block of a strong community, then what “community” exactly are these all these white guys up in arms to help black women build?

    I’m really curious to know your non-contradictory response.

  • Wow

    I agree with most of what you say. However, how will this show normalize interracial dating?

    With the exception of children, people make their highest investments on their partners. What this implies is that when it comes down to it, people date and marry who they really want. There are no laws barring that.

  • joe

    Anyone who supports a woman who suggests aborting black males is a key to empowering black women needs to look deep inside themselves.

  • Brad

    I suspect that if not already in a matter of a few years black woman will be “dating out” and then “marrying out” at an even higher rate than black men.

  • http://gravatar.com/hipster4hire $0.02

    I agree but it appears to be pushing Black/White dating, I hope they include other races and ethnicities cause the whole Chocolate Vanilla swirl thing is so centuries ago.

    Black/White couples aren’t the only ones who face issues with differences in their backgrounds, prejudice and cultural bias.

  • http://twitter.com/JennMJack Jenn M. Jackson (@JennMJack)

    Chris is a dear friend of mine so I will not comment on her character (I’m obviously biased in her favor).

    But, in terms of the merits of the show, I think the responses here are so polarized because it touches on a very sensitive subject. I am married to a black man and have never dated outside of my race. But, I understand why some people might want to and be afraid to do so because of social stigmas.

    Besides what one thinks about BB&W – which I used to and no longer write for because there are sometimes too many extremists there – this concept is valuable to those to whom this conversation pertains.

    For me, the conversation isn’t really mine to have as I am not in nor plan to be in an interracial relationship. But, I can respect that this is a very salient topic/issue for others (see the recent Cheerios commercial drama).

    Yes, it is 2014. But, that doesn’t mean that everyone has received the memo.

  • http://twitter.com/JennMJack Jenn M. Jackson (@JennMJack)

    Are you saying that is something Christelyn believes? I am personal friends with her and I assure you I have NEVER heard her say that. In fact, she often comments on how beautiful my family is and how wonderful my children and husband are. My husband is 100% black.

    Let’s not use hyperbole to slander someone’s character.

  • The Other Jess

    While Black men may see the elimination of Black people as a victory, many Black women do not. I think Black women should definitely open up their options to interracial marriage, but should not parrot the Black man’s hatred of black skin and inferiority complex that touts being mixed or lighter skinned as better than/prettier than/smarter than/more entitled to. Being part white is not a prize – being descended from Africans is great and to be desired as well .

  • joe

    @Jenn M Jackson

    Hyperbole? She clearly stated that black women should not give birth to black boys. This is not a matter of interpretation. Her words speak for themselves. In the comments section of that post, there was an Asian man who reminded her that gender selection had disastrous consequences in India and China. I also took another look at that post a short while ago and noticed that she very wisely deleted a certain word from the original essay. I never post comments to get thumbs up. I will speak the truth whether it is popular or not.

  • Ask_Me

    @Brad

    I agree….I already see it happening with me and my friends.

  • ShameonBBW

    Oh damn you post there anymore, too? So many people are leaving that site. one chick stopped posting on there a while back because of Jamila. Guess every body is jumping ship and seeing who Christelyn really is.

  • Ask_Me

    @Joe

    I honestly think you are doing the most.

    I googled the article you referenced and what I got from it was this: “Black women stop giving birth to black men who hate black women….bypass these hateful men and don’t create the next generation with these hateful men.”

    The author didn’t say anything about stop giving birth to ALL black boys.

    She is asking that black women have their children by men who will marry them and stick around to raise the kids in to healthy productive adults. She is asking that black women stop having children by men who are unworthy, disrespectful, hateful etc against black women. Surely, this is the SAME stuff some of you black males say on this blog all the time.

    Very last paragraph of the article…

    “Clearly the damage is done, but what can we do? We can’t undo several generations of black men who despise us. But we can guard our wombs against the another legion of black-woman hating monsters, and yes sisters, we DO have the power. Stop birthing these haters of black women, these fire-breathing soul killers. Demand more, and yes; choose better. But don’t choose from the less rotten of a bushel full of rotten apples and hope it won’t make you sick. Demand to see all the fruit–the apples, the oranges, the plums, the strawberries, and amongst them, pick the ripest and freshest, and sweetest.”

    The bold is the exact SAME thing I’ve seen you type on this blog.

    So what exactly is your problem? You seem to have a personal grudge against this woman.

    Is it that she’s advocates for black women to be opened to other races of men or is it that you find yourself offended that she has taken a play from black men’s playbook (i.e., tell sisters to “pick better” or “stop picking deadbeat hateful black men and stop procreating with them”) and used it to further her own movement promoting interracial dating for black women???

    ^^^I don’t agree with some of the things the woman said, but I give her props for giving some y’all a taste of your own medicine.

    The “Pick better men, black women” line of thinking is now being used by black women like her to say, “Yep, pick better men black women…and those men don’t have to be…and shouldn’t be limited to black men.”

  • Sandy

    Something’s “off” about her???? She advocates for black women and wants them to live their best lives, instead of being victimized by people that don’t have their best interests. What’s “off” about that????

  • guest

    *Sigh*

    Mrs. Karazin and her band of followers have some serious anti-black man issues. But I do have to give her props for actually creating her own show to promote her views.

    So can black people get up off of our lazy asses now?

    We always whine and complain about how we’re being depicted in the media, but we refuse to build and create our own. Issa Rae did her own thing on youtube with her “Awkward Black Girl” series. Now she is enjoying mainstream success. Now look at Christelyn Karazin. This can be used as a blueprint and a model of how black people can create an outlet to promote our own image and create our own stories without any intervention.

    So there is no excuse. Grab a camera, a couple of lights and a laptop and get to it.

  • joe

    “We can’t undo several generations of black men who despise us.”

    That sentence has since been edited. In the original essay she didn’t use the word undo. She used a VERY different word.

  • Sandy

    Yes!!!!,,,,,I’m glad you’ll be watching:-)

  • Ask_Me

    Okay what was the word??? Abort? Exterminate?

    Either way it goes she is talking about a group of a black men/boys who most people would refer to as misogynist…not ALL black men and boys as you said.

  • guest

    @Ask_Me

    “A play out of a playbook”…..

    “Pick better men, black women line of thinking”…..

    I want you to seriously think about what these statements imply about black women, their critical thinking skills, and their judgment.

    Please direct me to the other groups of women that have to be told repeatedly to stop making idiotic choices in men.

    Shit, point me in the direction of a child that still needs to be told not to play with fire after burning themselves.

    If you truly believe that black men telling black women this was a “play out of a playbook”, then you’re not equipped to play the game.

    I have no problem with black women dating IR. Black men ain’t coming to the rescue. They don’t exist in any significant numbers. Have at it. Everybody deserves the chance to find happiness.

    P.S.

    As a matter of fact, I hope and pray that you specifically do not marry a black man. Mothers are the first teachers of children. Go dumb down somebody else’s kids.

  • Mari

    Ugh…I don’t know how I feel about this. As a young single black woman, I worry that things like this will make black women look more thirsty and desperate than anything. And also I don’t really understand why people make it look so hard to date outside of your race. People are people, if you know how to connect with PEOPLE then you will be able to connect with a white/black/Asian/etc person regardless. And lastly I can’t stand those people who get one taste of interracial dating and get stuck on the idea. Can we please not? Be open and receptive and take advantage of golden opportunities, but not to the point where you try to force things that should happen organically (like the building of a relationship). I guess it’s a fine line.

  • http://twitter.com/JennMJack Jenn M. Jackson (@JennMJack)

    Christelyn and I are great friends. I believe in her intentions. She gives a lot of hurt people a place to vent. And, often, they become an echo chamber. I empathize with them but the site wasn’t the right venue for my work. It isn’t personal though.

  • thetruth

    “I suspect that if not already in a matter of a few years black woman will be “dating out” and then “marrying out” at an even higher rate than black men.”

    Terrific! Just breed this whole God-forsaken race out of existence. Let’s just do everyone a favor and end the misery.

  • Ivory

    Ask_me

    You’re playing a semantics game.

  • Ivory

    Ask_Me

    It’s impossible to give birth to anyone that hates anything. Everyone is born a tabula rasa or a “blank slate.” You don’t have thoughts, love, hatred, politics or religion. You learn all these things through perception and experiences. The premise is faulty to begin with.

  • Ask_Me

    @Ivory/chilly road/bereal/queen of newcastle

    it’s none of your concern what kind of game I’m playing.

    Kick rocks chick!

  • Ask_Me

    @Guest

    You sound hurt and bitter. Understand this, black women don’t owe you a date, relationship or anything else. They don’t owe it to you to pick you.

    I think the “Pick better men” statement speaks more about the selection of BLACK MEN these women have to look forward to if they insist on ONLY dating black men.

    No other race of women has to be told to “pick better men” because the pickings aren’t SLIM in their race. The culture that surrounds their men folk is not self-destructive, counter-productive, anti-nuclear family, anti-marriage etc. So, chances are the men they pick won’t come to the table with a list of pathologies…like those black women often cope with in the black community.

    ^^^That sir is the difference.

    The woman that owns this reality show is being smart. She has taken the “Pick better men” meme and turned it into “Pick better men…and they don’t have to be black…your chances are greater if you indulge in a bigger pool of men.” and I personally don’t see anything wrong with that. She is telling the God honest truth from what I can tell.

    P.S. I’m married…to a white guy…been married for years. You need not worry about me. I’m not sitting around lonely as hell like you…worried about finding a spouse.

  • lunanoire

    It’s unfortunate that some Black women who don’t want to date IR shoot themselves in the foot by loudly and publicly saying:

    1. I don’t want anything but a Black man! Stop trying to force me to date IR!

    Even if many BW feel this way, it is smarter to remain silent to at least give the appearance that you are interested in other options. The laws of supply and demand apply to relationships, and a big reason BM are taking advantage of BW is due to the fact that BW outnumber BM by around 2 million. That doesn’t even take into account the reality that many BM are willing to date IR.

    2. Other BW should stop dating and marrying IR!

    The more BW date IR, the less competition BW in search of a BM have.

    Heck, if a BW goes with a non-BM coworker for happy hour, she might be able to snag a few BM when the coworker goes to the bathroom because it’s common for BM to pop out of the woodwork to approach such a BW.

  • lunanoire

    You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.

  • Grace

    In the video there were Black men, white men, white women, biracial women, and maybe other groups. So why is it that the show would only make Black women look desperate? I think that black women have to stop worrying about this desperation nonsense!
    If you want a job are you desperate? If you want a house are you desperate? So why is it that with wanting a loving partner it’s supposed to be no big deal and we are supposed to act like we don’t want someone? Maybe if we didn’t act like “we don’t need no man” we would be happier, the “we don’t need no man” thing isn’t working for women who actually want men. What you call being desperate is normal female behaviour among non-Black people.

  • BROTHER

    I AM SO TIRED OF BLACK PEOPLE WHOM HAVE FORGETTEN THEIR HISTORY. BLACK MEN AND WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY, HAD A LOT OF HELP FROM THE SAME PEOPLE WHO BRAIN WASHED US TO LOVE THEM AND NOT OURSELVES. BLACKMEN, IN THIS U.S. ARE HATED AND PLACED IN PRSION AND GIVEN LONGER JAIL TERMS, BY THE MEN YOU LOVE (WHITE MEN) ASK YOUR SELF THIS? HOW DID DRUGS AND NO JOBS GET IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY. BLACK WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS DATED OUTSIDE THEIR RACE. THAT’S HOW LIGHT SKIN AND DARK SKIN BLACK PEOPLE WERE PRODUCE. HOWEVER, BACK THEN IT WAS CALLED RAPE!
    HOW CAN YOU FORGET 400 YEARS THAT HAVE HELPED US BECOME WHO ARE NOW! MENTAILY SICK!! BLACK MEN ARE YOUR SONS! YOU HELP MADE THEM WHO THEY ARE. SO, MAYBEY THE BLACK COMMUNTY NEEDS TO COME TOGATHER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND SOLVE OUR ON PROBLEMS AND LEAVE OUT THE PEOPLE STATED THEM. WITH LOVE, YOUR BOTHER & SONS!

  • http://n/a Lunatic Frank

    black women have never been loyal to black men that is the biggest lie ever in the black community. black women don’t even respect black men how can you be loyal to someone you have no respect for? impossible the real reason black women don’t date out as much is plain and simple nobody else want them whoever cant come to that simple conclusion is either in denial or dumb as hell and living under a rock.

  • http://twitter.com/ColorismForum ColorismForum (@ColorismForum)

    Rape and date are not synonymous.

  • kiki80

    On point. Black women spend more time and effort trying to save face vs facing reality and acting on that reality.

    We are so concerned with trying to appear ‘strong’ that we allow people to get away with all sorts of mistreatment and disrespect. It would seem that myths and pretty lies about the black dating world are all preferable to admitting that many black women do operate from a disadvantage.

    No one is saying wallow in hopelessness and low self esteem, but don’t tell us someone’s steady stream of piss is rainwater.

  • Ask_Me

    @brother

    Sorry but the day’s of keeping black women in the “backbone” position while we forsake our own happiness are OVER (thank God).

    Black women deserve happiness and we don’t owe you an apology for seeking it with white men or any other race of man for that matter.

    I certainly don’t see black men forsaking their personal happiness for black women. So cut the crap.

    Black men’s problems with white men are exactly that…your problem. Black women shouldn’t have to forsake our personal happiness because you can’t seem to get along with anyone whether it be white men, black women, white women or even other black men for that matter. Again…your problem…not ours.

    Stop dropping your nonsense on our doorstep.

    If black men want to fight white men I suggest you do it and STOP dragging black WOMEN into your beef with MEN.

  • kiki80

    look…most black women want black men. Why the heck are you concerned with those who don’t?

  • Nic

    Yes, there is a lot wrapped up in people who don’t like black people, and BW in particular, so I personally would never want to see a BW set up with someone like that. If the white boy likes Asian girls, yeah, give him one. Don’t waste a BW women’s time or subject her to stupid comments and questions that I’m sure are coming.
    If you date interracially, it would be nice if it was organic, not so much light skin/straight hair/light eye worship, not wrapped up in the idea that people of another race are superior to your own or a monolith, and not some kind of sex tourism as if different colored bodies are like a trip to Disneyland.
    I’d say if you are dating interaccially b/c you think it will solve all of your dating problems, you are sadly mistaken. if you are full of internalized racism towards people who look like you, then I feel sorry for you but clearly to each his own.
    This woman’s website is very problematic for a myriad of reasons.
    I think the number one thing to check for if dating interacially is making sure that the person you are with isn’t a racist, a bigot, and doesn’t believe weird stereotypes about you. I also think that the person needs to be okay with the fact that if you marry and have kids (in case of black people) that look black, you need to be sensitive to the fact that how you are treated is not how they’ll be treated. Also, check your privilege and don’t deny it or actual racism.
    I have don’t find many white men attractive, but will never say never. But I certainly don’t see them as a sign of success or a path to anything the way some of these ignorant and sad people do…

  • Grace

    One more thing. I think some of you really see things negatively about Black women and you give others a pass. White people CREATED dating shows! White men and women have created shows and been on them for years! So now all of a sudden a Black woman makes a show that will have more Black women than usual that means Black women as a whole will look desperate? Why aren’t White people desperate for starting dating shows, speed dating, and online dating???? They are doing all sorts of things to find partners even looking internationally.

    Black women do the bare minimum when it comes to “chasing” men yet people are saying we are desperate! I swear some of you people are totally biased against Black women you don’t even know it. You have some mixed up internal rules for how Black women have to act yet no other woman on earth has to follow the same rules. Open your mind, stop being so afraid of new things or seeing Black folks act differently from you. Just because you don’t like talking about interracial dating doesn’t mean everyone else has to or there is something wrong with them. Dating is something a lot of people like to talk about so only people who date intraracially are allowed to? Only people who date intraracially can say what they don’t like or like or who they are attracted to? Some of you are so closed off and negative I don’t know how you manage to step out of the house.

  • Grace

    Here are some dating “experiments” that have been on TV

    Love Connection – People go on dates with 3 other people and then choose the one they like the best

    Blind Date – people go on dates with strangers and entire date (including making out and going home with the person) is filmed

    The Bachelor – person lives with tons of suitors, dates, and makes out with them for months

    Who wants to Marry a Millionaire – Same as the Bachelor but trying to land a millionaire

    Millionaire Matchmaker – Patti Stranger sets up millionaires with people who are potentially golddiggers

    Dating in the Dark – Strangers go on first dates beginning in the dark so they can like each other based on personality rather than looks

    Average Joe- A bunch of average guys try to get an attractive woman

    That’s a lot of dating shows with mostly non-Black people. Dating shows are ALWAYS experiments! There has to be something new about the old story of dating in order to attract viewers. Dating in itself is always an experiment to see if you like the person, they like you, and if things lead to a relationship. But once Black women are involved it suddenly means they are desperate and other women are not. Once the people are seeing to date interracially then suddenly it is wrong, fetishizing, or desperate. People are crazy!

  • Nic

    Are you American? B/c if you are, you should know that there is a lot more about the BW/WM coupling than just people being exposed to one another.
    BW spent hundreds of years getting raped by WM so they know about them just fine. And a lot of people who are skeptical about getting involved with WM don’t feel that way b/c they aren’t as enlightened or weren’t “exposed” to as much as you.
    Quite the contrary. Living around majority white people means you hear a lot and if you are smart, you vet the hell out of WP to make sure you aren’t some kind of experiment or fetish, or that they aren’t some kind of racist.
    It is the historical dynamic and extreme power imbalance between BW and WM that makes many BW skeptical of that particular pairing.
    But the only difference between your multiracial heritage and that of people with two Black American parents is that your parents had a choice. My ancestors did not. And their “handiwork” still pops up in our bloodline.

  • guest

    Where in your jumbled, confused, illogical rant of scumjiggery did you address the point of my comment?

    Can you read?

    I gave Mrs. Karazin PROPS for creating her own media and suggested that other black people get off their asses and do the same.

    Again since you seem to lack basic reading comprehension skills…

    “I have no problem with black women dating IR. Black men ain’t coming to the rescue. They don’t exist in any significant numbers. Have at it. Everybody deserves the chance to find happiness.”

    The very fact that Mrs. Karazin had to make this show, as well as the facts, statistics, and previous self-humiliating TV specials that the world (Yes, even Russian women were clowning American Black women) had to suffer through speak VOLUMES as to who is having trouble getting a date.

    However, that is irrelevant. The fact that you immediately pulled on the same played-out ad hominem attacks shows that you still don’t get it.

    Pick better men so that young black boys will actually have fathers in the home and see a living, breathing model of responsibility and leadership.

    Pick better men so that young black girls will be protected and won’t have to suffer being molested and raped at the hands of some hoodlum roaming the street or their mother’s ain’t sh*t “boyfriend”.

    Pick better men so that young black men will have a tangible, balanced positive male role models operating in the community instead of asserting their masculinity based on the distorted representations of black manhood in the media.

    Pick better men so that young black women will see and understand how to be in functional relationships with men and aspire to be wives instead of babymamas.

    Pick better men so that black people will gain more collective wealth instead of the same 0.05% we’ve had since 1865.

    Pick better men so that black people will build a self-sufficient economic infrastructure, safer neighborhoods, better schools, etc.

    But no, you are not that bright and forward-thinking. You think this is some stupid little pissing match. BLACK PEOPLE (that includes black women) are failing and falling off like flies and all you care about is ranting on and on with the same old rhetoric.

    And even though you are married to a white man, you still have to go out of your way to throw shade on black men….

    It’s over. Somebody loves you. Let it go.

    Who really has unresolved issues with rejection?? Projection, projection, projection…

  • Nic

    You’re kidding right? BM who look like Cedric the Entertainer are frequently with much better looking partners, and that’s without the money. Chunky, short, and so-so looking doesn’t limit a man’s options. Women frequently judge a man’s fiitness as an actual HUSBAND based on his character, and say, how he TREATS her. What you would NEVER see is a good women who was his equivalent having the same options. I see gorgeous women with average Joes and I assume he’s a good man. If you think women don’t want you b/c you don’t look like Morris Chesnut, you probably aren’t very nice. A lot of guys who want to cry the “I’m a nice guy, women only want thugs or pretty boys” are actually entitled, missogynistic a$$holes. I’ve seen women who “aesthetically” speaking could have aimed a lot higher get yanked around by those men too, esp. if the guy decided that having his stuff together meant he should be waiting on Beyonce or Halle to “wise up” and holla back.

    B/c a nice guy with good manners who treats women well actually will do okay once people grow up a little (and honestly, I saw a lot of people make that mental shift in college, as they evaluated what kinds of guys would be devoted husbands vs. which ones would be eternal playboys).

    I know many women married to men who may not have caught their eye on first glance, and some they assumed they’d just be friends with based on how NICE and GOOD that guy turned out to be. That NEVER happens in reverse. But I think men never grow up in the same way and will continue to say “why are you with her, she’s ugly” well into middle age. It’s one big way that you all are not helpful to each other AT ALL.

  • Nic

    You also kill your own argument based on the example you used. Shawty Lo is what, some no name rapper and looking at his picture, he’s no Morris Chesnut , and that is an understatement. He’s not attractive in any way.. Those men who seem to have 20 baby mammas never look like anything and never have anything, so whatever they have that makes silly women have kids for them, it’s not their looks, bodies, or wallets.
    So try again. Morris Chesnut has one black wife that he’s been with forever. Based on your argument, he should be unmarried with 50 baby mammas.

  • Nic

    Who is Sotomayor?

  • Nic

    Heck, even Chris Rock said that black women shouldn’t wait around for black men b/c they sure as heck weren’t sitting around waiting for you.

    White men aren’t the solution to anyone’s dating problems, and there is nothing magically better about them, plus plenty of them have problematic (to put it mildly) view of BW, and that includes many who claim to “like” us. Listening to this women and her rhetoric could land you with some racist white dude to THINKS he is pro-black but won’t have your back on anything related to race and racism.

    BW should be open to men who are good men, regardless of color, and the idea that you should be more selective is good. Too many women tolerate men who they should never have dealt with, and this is especially true with successful women in search of equally successful partners (and no, I don’t care to hear how the black female surgeon should date the janitor b/c women of other races are never expected to do that).

    It’s hard to separate this message of being more selective/choosing higher quality partners from this particular messenger(since she equates “better” with being white-she has a lot in common with some BM to not like them) so I can see why a lot of people dislike the premise, esp. being presented by her. She presents white men as some kind of Holy Grail or prize just as badly as the BW hating BM do, and I’ve heard says a lot of crazy things about what BW must do to be worthy of the white “prize.”

    I will also say that considering how hard so many BM stan for light skin or just non-black skin, they kind of need to have several seats about BW deciding what is good for the gander is good for the goose (in this case the reverse is true, which is why I switched that saying here). They buy into a lot of racism against black skin, at least when it is covering a female body.

    So start checking your boys about their skin and hair issues, or their stupid comments about white girls this, Asian girls that before you want to come at BW who date out.

    Unlike this women, most BW decide to date a non-black man in spite of his skin color, not because of it.

  • WhatIThink

    Interracial dating is not new and is not a fad. But, don’t think that white men or white women are falling all over themselves about dating black folks, especially those at the top of the food chain. Some are, but most are not. And to that point, why isn’t his woman speaking about the fact that who wants to marry a millionaire and the bachelor have had NO black women on the show as far as I can recall?

    Bottom line, most whites date and marry other whites. It is normal. Most Asians date and marry other Asians. It is normal. Most Africans date and marry other Africans as well. When black folks start talking that nonsense that the struggles they have had in history will be best solved as a race by dating or marrying outside of their race then you know there is a problem. Why? Because what it is saying is that other races are superior to your own. And that by itself is an admission of defeat. That black folks cant build a healthy, prosperous and stable society for themselves without going outside their own race. And unfortunately, many times it is the most elite members of society that often seem to have this attitude.

    Sure, date who you want, but save me the self hate. No self respecting black person, male or female should allow themselves to be used to speak hate against their own. But that is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, integration has blinded most black folks to the fact that at the end of the day, they are still on the bottom, they are still black and the white supremacist system still hates them and still wants to wipe them off the face of the earth… So before you blame black folks for the situation they are in, you need to check the system that put them in that position first and that includes those pay rolling these coons to get on T.V. and the radio and spout absolute coonery representing black culture today. It is the fact that black folks have easy access to money from white massa that makes them turn their backs on each other so quick. If they had to depend on each other for that daily bread it would be a whole different story. But as long as black folks are running around doing everything they can to get that dollar that comes from white hands, you will always have disloyalty because you are PAID to be loyal to the hand that feeds you, which makes you a slave in nice clothes a paid pet of white society.

  • SayWhat

    tony sotomayor is a vile hateful bm who spews nothing but hate toward bw on youtube. He is very popular with some bm and a total waste of skin.

  • kiki80

    I haven’t seen one poster posit that interracial dating will address ‘the struggles blacks have had in history”. That is something you made up to support your rant.

    For black women, dating and marrying interested men of all races will simply address the tiny pool of eligible, MARRIAGE MINDED black men for black women who want to take this route.

    History, ‘massa’, loyalty and all that macro-level sociological BS irrelevant. For BW today its mostly it’s about personal fulfillment, trying to build a stable family and finding a human connection.

  • LoveisLove

    Growing up I saw plenty of white men with black women who were successfully married. Some had kids and some didn’t. I also saw black women with Hispanic men. I didn’t know that there was an issue for people on the topic until I found the BBW site. I’m glad I was not raised to have such hatred and racism in my heart because the things they say they experienced are things I have not had to experience. The verbal racism I did encounter as I hit Junior HS came from black people. Although I have seen more subtle job related racism come from white people. People are people and there will be good and bad no matter the skin color.

    My mother is Native, Black with a mother who was 32% European, a mix of Asian and black. Of course idiots will judge on skin color, but I think growing up in a world where people didn’t treat people differently just because of the color of their skin was definitely a blessing. Some of these women have experienced hell and they have found their own kind of hate. Others have basically come across as just saying I’m done with it and I’m moving on. That’s good for them. They should move on and date and marry the person that is best for their life no matter what anybody else thinks.

    I personally find myself attracted to Japanese men and white guys (typically Irish and Aussie) so while I hate reality TV I might check this show out to see where it goes.

  • LoveisLove

    I’ve had plenty of white men, Latino men, Indian men, and others approach me. So I think your assumption that white men can’t be interested in black women is a flat out lie.

    I just recently found her site and while there are some things I shake my head at, I have not seen her saying the only men to date are white men. She has people on that site who like Asian men, Latino men and others. I just have so far seen most of them tend to lean toward either dating already or wanting to date white men.

    At the end of the day the person venturing into the relationship is the one who needs to make sure it it beneficial to them and the other person involved. The black community is not their responsibility, nor will that community come riding up to rescue anybody who has made a decision (no matter their dating choice) should things go wrong. It is Not black women’s responsibility to better anybody’s life but their own and to help better the life of their family.

  • joe

    It is very revealing that whenever you hear someone insist that love is colorblind, nine times out of ten, it is a black person saying it. In the meantime, 97% of white people “just happen” to fall in love with another white person.

  • WhatIThink

    Nobody that looks online today can argue that there is loads and loads of hate being spewed in this whole “gender war” of black males and females online. That is not a rant, it is truth. On one side you got some black men claiming that white women are the solution for the “scourge” of ratchet black women. On the other the some black women are saying that there aren’t enough “good” black men out there to marry. That means that these folks are saying that dating and marrying outside of the race is the solution to black relationship problems and really black problems period.

    There is no way to deny this. I am just against self hate no matter how it is packaged and labeled. No other group of people spends so much time obsessing over dating interracially. Why? Because no matter how many Asians are “ratchet” you don’t hear Asian men saying they need to date and marry outside of their race, but they do it and they do it without fanfare or trying to make an issue of it. The same goes for almost every other group of people. Black people on the other hand, especially those who seem to feel the need to go on a crusade about black relationships, jump on the net and spew this nonsense all over the place. Like I said, all the notable light skinned folks running around came from somewhere so you cannot claim that this is new. What is new is the back and forth bickering and sniping about why people do it. The reason that people do this is because they want to. But today black men and women crawl out of these stink holes running down each other about how the other gender is so this or that and that is why they need to date some “other” group of people. Please grow up. That nonsense should not even be tolerated because it is purely ignorant and stupid.

    If you want to get your “swirl on” then do it. Nobody is stopping you. But why on earth do you need to jump up and down and yell to the whole world about it and bring down everyone else because of it? Save me that nonsense. These people who are doing this have an agenda there is no denying that. And dating interracially brings on as many issues as it supposedly solves.

  • kiki80

    As long as people exist they are going to discuss, argue and advocate for issues that are important to them.

    If you don’t want to hear about interracial relationships — then simply skip over threads like these. Problem solved.

    What you definitely won’t succeed in doing is policing the conversation or silencing those you disagree with.

  • Me

    @cbmts: THANK YOU! god forbid a bw actually CHOOSE to stick with bm b/c she got the right to not wanna be with somebody she ain’t attracted to just b/c a bunch of other bw let their past experiences sour them on dudes they never even met. if some people wanna explore other races that’s a choice but ain’t nobody required to do what you do or be jaded against bm just b/c you say so. and I sure wish folks would quit using stats to justify opinions they made before they found the stats. anybody can make numbers say what you want them to say. live & let live.

  • Me

    EXACTLY! there’s millions of black on black married couples in the us. you mean to tell me none of them include average looking black women? come on! a lot of these comments sound extra hurt. i hope they don’t end up realizing spinning your wheels in dating aint just a black thing. a man that ain’t ready to marry just ain’t ready to marry even if he’s white. i have friends that swore off black men cuz they kept dating losers but then turn around and started dating anything that ain’t black but all of a sudden they dating better quality white men. why do women compare the lowest bm to the higher quality wm and act like they found some magic formula? it sickens me.

  • Carrie

    Interracial dating is obviously not a new trend, and no one needs “permission” from any “racial spokesperson,” aka Spike Lee on who to be friends with, date, or marry. I like to see mixed groups of friends and dating partners. Why? removal of misappropriated stereotypes that commonality exists in meaningful ways.I am a SWF- I’ve dated Indian men, and one Asian, and the rest “white.” I’ve not dated a black man because the opportunity has not presented itself. Most of the black men to try to get my number are either older, or they are younger and I have felt uncomfortable with the experiences. I do not think of men I’ve dated and list them some kind of “racial tally”. I can rightfully guess the clients for this service have expandable bank accounts, and financial means to be an acceptable dating client. I don’t have this financial background, so I probably wouldn’t be a client. My “networth” is on the inside.

  • ………

    so black woman cant win this game eh? and black men are more capable of being able to MERRY out? funny i see so many black women with men of other races. in england there maybe more black men marrying out but go to italy or the islands and there are way more black women with white men. depends on the area i would gather.

  • ………

    @tedmikedmike

    black women not winning the game eh? im pretty sure we are and will(although there are those that dont want us to. so black men can/do MERRY out more? believe me other races of women arent checking for you all like that either, dont be fooled.

    in england black men may be married to white women more but in the islands black women are married to white men more. depends on the area I would think.

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