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Gawker sent the internet into a spiral when writer Ernest Baker wrote about his interracial dating experiences in the essay “The Reality of Dating White Women When You’re Black.” Ernest initially attributed his dating choices to geography:

“I never consciously set out to date white women. My attraction to them was likely a natural response to my environment. The year after the O.J. verdict, my dad was now getting enough money to move his wife and three children to a nice house in a Chicago suburb. […] Before I was even 10, I started having crushes on girls, trying to get my first kiss, and all of that. All I saw around me were white girls.”

But later on in the article, he wonders if he’s been “brainwashed” by Eurocentric beauty ideals before asserting that blonde hair and blue eyes are intrinsically attractive:

“It’s not like I think that type of beauty is superior, but motherf*ckers try to make you feel guilty for being attracted to those types of features at all. Let’s be real, blonde hair and blue eyes are f*cking attractive and thinking that doesn’t mean you’re a piece of shit who gives those features inherent value over the features of other races. Rihanna is hot and so is Blake Lively. Lupita N’yongo is hot and so is Allison Williams. Sue me for not allowing my race to limit what I find attractive.”

His article sparked so much debate that Gawker decided to create a series of posts about people who date interracially and why. Erika Ramirez followed with a piece entitled “I’m Mexican But Date Black Men,” where she maintains that her relationships evolve organically (“the heart wants what the heart wants”) and that the interracial aspect is merely a coincidence:

“I used to say I didn’t have a type, but if we go off consistency, I do. While I’ve dated other races, I’m mostly attracted to black men. My eyes and heart tend to steer me in that direction. I can’t pinpoint physical features or characteristics of black men because that’s not only wrong, it’s just not the entire case. What I’m attracted to can be found in men of all races: strong arms (sense of protection), a great smile, nice build (healthy), ambitious, passionate, a sense of humor—a touch of sarcasm helps—and a kind heart.”

Baker and Ramirez have two very different rationales behind their dating choices but the reality is the same: the majority of the people they date are white women or black men, respectively. Do you find that you mostly date people of a certain race? If so, is it a coincidence or a conscious decision? Is it based on something you can’t control like geography or does your dating pattern have a deeper social implication?

Let’s discuss.

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  • NBWX3

    Clutch is going to close the comments, as usual.

    • ashley white

      With people like you commenting I would not blame them.

    • NBWX3

      It was a great ride, sweetheart.

  • CeCe

    I’m so over the whole interracial relationship discussion..(*Clicks to the next page).

  • ashley white

    I must say that I do not have a racial prefference. I use to have a only black guys one but, that changed once other races took interests in me. Also when they started to express this hatred toward black women and putting non-black women on a pedestal. I am for being with someone who wants to be with me. Which it just so happens a lot of non- black guys like me more while black guys do not like my for a list of reasons. I am to nice, to good, talk white, act white, stuck up, and much more. I have gotten talked about since going natural as well. I find only races attractive would I like to be with a black man sure but, I am not going to push it as my only option nor that I have to. I am over this subject the same stuff is said every time this comment section has become a mess right now.

  • i_cant

    I’m black and the guys I’ve dated have mostly been White, though I wouldn’t say this was a conscious decision and it has little to do with physical attractiveness in my case (I have found guys of various races attractive, maybe I’m just thirsty that way). I grew up in a predominately White suburb and therefore gained what some may call “White” interests. I listen to indie rock and watch shows like Portlandia and Louie, to just name a few. For me, dating has been about finding someone that I can connect with, and usually this connection is found through our shared interests. As a result, I’ve found that I’ve dated mostly White guys because our interests matched up, whereas when I’ve talked to Black guys in the past, we just didn’t have all that in common besides being Black which, in my opinion just isn’t enough. Bottom line, people have their reasons and they are varied and complex in many cases. As long as you’re not self-hating or exclusively seeking out members of a different race (which I find kind of strange) then do you.