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Recently during happy hour with a group of my girlfriends, the subject of dating came up. How shocking right? If there’s one thing women know how to do, it’s talk about their dating lives. As we were sitting and talking, one friend brought up the fact that no matter what, when she goes out, black men never approach her. Mind you this friend is drop-dead gorgeous. Never has a bitchy face moment in her life and would be a prize for any man. Although she prefers to date black men, she’s recently been seeking men outside of her race. For the life of her, she just doesn’t understand why black men don’t approach her.

And yes, she does take it upon herself to approach men, but call her old-fashioned I guess.

In any event, we’ve probably all heard the reasons why black men don’t approach black women. Everything from attitudes to the fact that they’re not into black women are just a few of the reasons given. But it always amazes that the reasons are just so dumb sounding. It’s unfortunate that black women who are still ‘down for their brothers’ aren’t given a chance by those men.

Now, I’m not saying every sista should run out and get them a non-black man to parade around with (because shit, the grass is not always greener on the lack-of-melanin side..I can tell you that from experience) but I guess there comes a time when you have to broaden your horizons.

Clutchettes, what are some of the reasons you’ve heard as to why “SOME” black men don’t approach black women?

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  • “What Do You Think Are Reasons Why Some Black Men Don’t Approach Black Women?”

    Could it be there is a substantial population of male, as well as female victims of America’s expanding and shameful *National Epidemic of Childhood Abuse and Neglect*, *Poverty*, that for more than two generations has deprived untold numbers of American kids from experiencing and enjoying a fairly happy American kid childhood with *Safe Streets* to travel and play on, is primarily responsible for filling our prisons with depressed, angry, frustrated teens and adults.

    *Child Abuse and Neglect* that is primarily responsible for populating our prisons with depressed, angry, frustrated, undisciplined, unpredictable, sometimes suicidal teens and adults full of resentment for irresponsibly being introduced to a life of hardships and struggles.

    *Early Childhood Abuse and Neglect* that often leads depressed, sometimes suicidal *(NY Times May 18, 2015 – Rise in Suicide by Black Children Surprises Researchers)* children to develop into depressed, angry, frustrated, unpredictable, sometimes suicidal teens and adults lacking empathy and compassion for others, though needing to vent their pent up negative emotions, often causing emotional and physical harm to peaceful people…instead of venting their anger, resentment and pain on the immature single moms and/or dads who introduced them to a life of pain and struggle by irresponsibly building a family before acquiring the practical skills, *PATIENCE* and means to successfully raise and nurture a developing young child who matures into a fairly happy responsible teen and adult.

    Black (Children’s) Lives Matter; Take Pride In Parenting; End Our National Epidemic of Child Abuse and Neglect; End Community Violence, Police Fear & Educator’s Frustrations

  • hellsing3000

    So, I’m a black man. I love black women. I have a good job. Never been in jail. I don’t consider white women trophies but I think all women are beautiful. Why is it ok for black women to date white men but not ok for us to date outside of our race? I’ve dated alot out of my race and I’ve dated black women and most recently was engaged to one.

    Often it is easy to blame outside forces for problems they have. Like why are so many black women single. SMH it is because you want to be. Black women are beautiful but have been taking the process too seriously. Then you try to say we are so brainwashed by the media. Not true. Every black man I talk to has similar issues with the attitude that black women have. The games and tests they put you through. This is not to say that some other races don’t do the same at times but it is prevalent in black culture, embraced, and often celebrated by black people. (African American). It has become accepted to emasculate black men nowadays and all men for that matter. Too many women want guys with feminine energy.

    First lets stop the mantra of ” I’m a strong black woman, I don’t need a man.” If you don’t then go ahead and stay single unhappy and broke and being a single mother. Also what other race that has not been influenced by Afro American culture that says that. Spoiler alert: The answer is 0.

    Lets focus on positive instead of negative attributes of men. We are not all here to rape you. Be our friend instead of looking at us as a golden ticket or a piece of meat. If you don’t get along then stop messing with him. We are all working on ourselves. Just because they don’t have a car right now or a house doesn’t mean we are not striving for those things. Some women are so shallow. Join us on the journey as a friend it will be so rewarding and might help him to become a better father, brother, friend, son who knows and might pay it forward. BTW successful black men are not scarce anymore you are just looking in the wrong places.

    Stop listening to Steve Harvey and broaden your horizons. Stop demanding that a man must be in a relationship with you. AKA forcing the issue. Trying to control what you can’t. All these things have been working for other races for centuries, if it aint broke don’t fix it. I’m not saying to accept mediocrity or abuse in any man but I’m saying to realize that we are not a fairy tale. We have issues just like you do. We are still working on ourselves too. Just like you might not be ready for a relationship so can we.

    Become his cheerleader, be his biggest supporter. I don’t mean monetarily. You’d be surprised. How much we can achieve given the right motivation. You can still be a leader and be a supporter.

    Stop having ladies night with your hateful bitter friends. Birds of a feather flock together. Just because his approach game is not on point, does not mean that he wants to put up with your c blocking all pro linebacker friend. So find other friends that shut up when a guy approaches you or mind their own business and give you some space. Real girlfriends don’t stop you from connecting with people.

    Yes you are a queen, but queens are eloquent and diplomatic. Queens are kind, open, non judgmental, and to be loved they need to love people and be friendly and not confrontational. Stop believing you are better than everyone else, its called being stuck up and unhappy. I personally had to stop hanging out with guys that did not want to grow or had negative attitudes about life.

    Get in shape, I don’t care what you say. If you look like Monique circa 1999. Your success rate with quality guys will be abysmal. Not saying that you won’t land an attractive man but your health will be holding you back from truly enjoying life. So stop calling yourself thick when your belly sticks out further than your booty and breasts do.I mean you want a man that is in shape intellectually and physically right. Confidence is sexy but it is not the end all be all. Stop relying on weave, wigs and extensions when your real hair is neglected. Take care of your real self before someone can take care of you. A woman that is comfortable with her real self is so sexy. Try it out.

    Work on yourself and become successful. Go to school and stop waiting for a savior. You will always be met with disgust. Stop looking at interracial couples and calling it gross. Celebrate progress and look within yourself and mind your business. I mean it’s what MLK was fighting for. Stop looking at everything in life as racial conflicts.

    Lastly, its a numbers game for everyone. If love were not worth fighting for then why would it be. Male and female go out and date, stop rejecting life learn from your mistakes and let it go. Have relationships or casual flings or whatever you want. But learn from it and grow and eventually you will be well rounded and find someone similar, naturally. Love should not be a race or a machine built for efficiency, its messy and patient. Love yourself.

  • Amia

    The reason I think BM do not date BW, well I have a few theories, I believe its due to self hatred, some date based upon race, and the unresolved issues they have with their mothers. Some BM men are raised by mothers who berate them and expose them to their own personal issues regarding the absent irresponsible fathers. Some black men are in environments where white women are the only ones available to date for example college.
    Some BM of affluence do not affiliate with blacks once they are of a higher socio economic background, they attend events where black women are not invited or they are not a part of that social group, or company. Most of the BM that I have socialized with will choose a woman based on race meaning that she has to have the phenotype of a european woman. She has to be of a lighter skin, and have smooth hair texture and so on.
    Black women have been stigmatized in our society for decades with many negative labels attached to them that some well to do black men believe that they are dating down.
    I personally have noticed that black men do not stand up for black women, instead some of them advocate negative comments about black women in the media,on websites and in social circles. I believe that this is all projected hate and disdain they have probably developed with the first black woman they had in their llives.
    BM are the only men that launch negative campaigns against BW if you go on Utube you will see this.

    The BW has not been fully accepted into most of the beauty regimes in our society that white women have been privy too for centuries, such as hair enhancments, wigs, false eyelashes or plastic surgery. BM view black women as being fake when they wear hair extensions, wigs etc. I also beleive that this is another form of oppression. I have taken notice that BM will date a non black woman who has taken the natural pigment out of her hair to be blonde, and she usually has a head full of glued or sewed in extensions, enhanced lips, a ton of make up to dramatically change her face, but will quickly judge BW when they do they utilize the same beauty enhancements
    So when you hear that black man making a statement as to why he doesnt date BW, and they are the typical stereo typed comments remember what I stated in the first paragraph its a combination of those things and his personal choices that he has made with the few black women he has dated. If he has determined that BW as a whole race is bad he has unresolved issues that he needs to work on within himself. The reasons or beliefs that I stated in this post are based upon my personal experiences. I believe that love should be color blind, but when a person advocates hate or dislike against a particular race when they date outside of their race they have issues, and probably shouldnt be dating anyone.