Over the weekend, Amber Rose schooled Tyrese and Rev. Run on the old adage, “No means no.”
On their new late night talk show It’s Not You, It’s Men, the so-called relationship experts attempted to shame women who dress provocatively and blame them for the negative attention and interactions they encounter.
Tyrese, who regularly doles out questionable advice on social media to his fans, likened women who dress sexy to men dressed for a basketball game, telling Rose, “If you see a basketball player and he’s known as a basketball player, when you see him you’ll say, ‘Yo, let’s play ball.'”
Umm…somehow I don’t think that’s how it works when folks meet LeBron James or Kobe Bryant or any other guy in a pair of basketball shorts. But in Tyrese’s mind, if you see a woman dressed in a sexy outfit, men should automatically think she’s okay with being groped, because she’s sending out a certain kind of “energy,” as he put it.
Rev. Run agreed with Tyrese, telling Rose that many people believe women should “dress how they want to be addressed.”
Of course, Muva wasn’t having it and she broke it all the way down for the dudes in the cheap seats.
“If I’m laying down with a man—butt-naked—and his condom is on, and I say, ‘You know what? No. I don’t want to do this. I changed my mind,’ that means no. That means f–king no. That’s it,” Rose said. “It doesn’t matter how far I take it or what I have on. No means no.”
Rose continued: “If I want to wear a short skirt or a tank top, and I’m at the club with my friends and I feel sexy, I’m not DTF. I’m not even looking at you. I didn’t come here to have sex,” she explained. “I came out here with my girls and I just feel pretty.”
While Rose’s words seem like common sense, far too many men (and sadly, women too), don’t seem to have a firm grasp on the idea of consent and the fact that people have the right to change their minds about sex during ANY part of the process.
During a discussion about the It’s Not You, It’s Men episode, a Facebook friend shared a screenshot of one man basically admitting to raping three women who dared to change their minds about having sex with him.
In the troubling conversation, the man proudly explained he “had three women do some stupid shit like that…and I took it from all of them.” The super sad part? Apparently one of the women spoke out about her assault, but the man said she “got mad no one believed her.”
Teaching men to respect a woman’s boundaries, body, and prerogative is imperative to ending assault, but from the conversations happening across social media we have a lot of work to do before men learn that how a woman dresses does not dictate the level of respect she receives.