What is Christmas drama? It’s that stuff that happens right around the holidays that puts you in a stanky funk. I’m not the only who goes through these emotional swings. It usually takes the simplest thing to trigger it and the shut down begins. I have been overwhelmed this year with a number things the average young hard working woman may go through; love, family, work, home, so its no surprise my bottled up frustrations to keep everything in order will eventually manifest itself in some way and needed to be released. This year I cried for a day and I cried again last night and may cry again, but what is different is that I will not allow myself to be consumed by sadness and grief over things and people I can not change. I believe what hinders most of us is trying to change or control what is out of our power and not focusing on what is in our power. That anger or animosity to one situation will fester and destroy the good things you do have. Why, well, because negativity has its way of making its rounds. It’s like cancer; it spreads until there is nothing left.

People handle it differently. For years I have conditioned myself to feel a void in some area of my life and build on it and my coping mechanism of choice is seclusion. Let me hide my sadness and humility. Some people self medicate themselves via alcohol or some other extreme activity; eating smoking shopping. For example loneliness sometimes equates to excessive eating, an attempt to fill a void of some kind. Someone with relationship trouble may pull out old flames for rekindled intimacy. Women are great for externalizing their emotions through shopping or eating. Men are more internal with their dealings. They may be more reserved and want to be with the fellas.

All in all we all have holiday drama because none of us are perfect and the holidays is that time of the year where we recap our dids, didn’ts, wants, shoulda, coulda and wouldas. With this end of the year reviews we recognize the imperfect creatures we are and in that realization we determine what kind of holiday season we are going to have. Not happy with the results why not pout and whine as babies do because they can’t quite yet communicate what it is they want, withdraw, speak negatively, shunned those who care or drown ourselves in liquor to avoid thinking about it.

As you read this ask yourself have you been through or going through some Christmas drama? My wonderful cousin told me, “master your emotions.” Take control of your happiness. Get rid of that Christmas drama inside of you. This is the time for giving and giving doesn’t always mean monetary gifts. As I wish to tell someone, your presence is the present.

This year, I refuse to be unhappy and defeated. My year-end review is damn positive — I have a great job that I love. My students are the best and inspire me to be a better educator. I have great friends who love me, all of my flaws, my chocolate chip cookies and Mimosa Sundays. I have companionship with someone truly special to me who makes me smile even in the most embarrassing times. My family continues to grow; two new babies by my cousins, I’ve met relatives I didn’t know I had and what tops it all is I’ll be meeting my older brother whom I’ve been blessed to find this year. My life gets more and more amazing everyday. This Christmas I have the greatest gifts ever, my health and my family and that’s what the holidays are all about. I have chosen happiness. Happiness is a choice.

How to avoid these holiday trappings of self-pity, sadness and loneliness check out some scenarios and ideas to curb the emotional roller coaster:

Singles not Feeling the Mingles: Most people around this time are going through a break up or feeling a bit lonely cause they don’t have a holiday companion. The best way to work through it is to surround yourself with good friends. More than likely you are not the only one feeling this way, its just people show emotions differently. Christmas eve, have a Christmas slumber party with your girls, food, drinks, good music, old photographs, take it back to the days of high school and wallow in the fun of just being cute and silly. For the fellas hit up a sports bar or have game night with your boys.

Family is Out of Town: Go to a friend’s home who is like family and celebrate with them and theirs. Offer to cook a dish or do grocery store runs. Let their family be your family and you’ll see how similar their family is to yours. It may not cure the being homesickness but it will make you smile.

Finances in the Red: Who cares!! We’re in a recession right now so everyone is feeling the pinch. This is where creativity and a whole lot of love takes over. Let loose the inner child in you and make him/her/them a gift. Make or buy a card and write a little something to your loved ones. For Mom and Dad or Sister/Brother, significant other, taking time to make card or picking out a card specifically for that person and writing a few words of love is one of the most thoughtful gifts in the world. Guys picture her smile when she reads the words from the heart or a movie line ya’ll laugh at.

Remember smiling and laughter is the panacea to all negativity. Have a wonderful Christmas everybody!

Here’s the deal I have had hits and misses but nothing to brag about. What I did realize talking with her was that we (some women) settle for the ideas of being in a relationship rather than having the full commitment from our mates that we want. For example, my “relationships” since I started having sex has been based on sex. When at some slight moment it could have been commitment it wasn’t before long that it would deteriorate into a convenient fuck fest to when he was available to late nights only. I have all too many times worn that same red dress and each time I felt the same emotional high and low.

There is something in me that find these limitations ok and appeasing when in reality they are shallow and demeaning. I can remember a few times when I dated and it was cool in the beginning but each time it turned into sex only. What’s more interesting is I’m ok with it until I want that intimacy on those nights when dinner and a movie would be perfect then I spiral down into anger and dissatisfaction towards him and I sulk in disappointment in myself.

I see a pattern of self-destruction and I wonder where did this come from. Why is it that my girlfriends have all experienced meaningful relationship and yet I have not? Are these lessons learned in childhood or teen years? I see how I settle for just enough to get me by to the next sexual want and/or intimate craving only to again put on the same red dress. I grew up around a lot of guys, but looking back I can’t recall a word of wisdom that would have put me on the right track. In fact, my brothers and male friends would listen and laugh at my sex stories right along with me. How was I to know I would be damaging myself in the long run?

Are fathers or father figures the people who are supposed to teach these valuable lessons? My sister shared a story of man who spoke to her years ago and enlightened her of her essence. “He said ‘that all women have an essence to them, it’s connected to their soul and to their heart and every time they allow a man to enter their bodies they give some of their essence away. After so many men the woman won’t have anything left to give to the one who was made specifically for her.’” She continued, “Men should have to work for a woman’s love. Men should earn the opportunity to be with us and we can’t be afraid to let him walk if he doesn’t meet our requirements.” How do you make him earn it if you don’t know what you’re worth? How do you find your worth? Is that where the father is supposed to be there to create standards for the men a young lady would need in future romances? Or is it based on trial and error.

At thirty-one I believe it is time to revamp myself. I think it’s important to begin by writing down what I want in a mate and what I will not tolerate. Next is for me to put me on a pedestal without looking back. Not having a father around is not an excuse anymore. I have great friends and strong women whom I borrow many of their qualities to perfect the person I want to be. Another important factor is shutting off the candy store. It is one of the most valuable parts of me and in order to fully love me I must stop giving myself away. Finally and most importantly, love myself unconditionally. Embrace my flaws and all of the quirks and kinks I have. These things make me unique and yes acceptance is the toughest job but at the end of day I feel beautiful. If I feel beautiful the world will see how beautiful I am.

Love self-first and everything else will follow.

Clutch: Tell me about the day you left South Carolina.
Angell: That (how special it was) didn’t hit me until recently. My whole family was there, my aunts, first cousins, third cousins, great aunts, uncles… everyone came to the airport to see me off. This was when they let everyone into the airport and South Carolina’s airport is very small, it’s one of the smallest, so I could see them clearly waving to my mom and me. I had tears streaming down my face. It was definitely one of the most difficult things to do but at the same time I had a bigger vision. This was just part of what I had to do to uplift my whole family.

Clutch: Other than being your number one supporter, talk about your relationship with your mother.
Angell: My mother and I are tight, sometimes too tight. I look through her phone and I’m like ‘these are all my friends, how did you get my friends number?’ I’m an only child and she doesn’t play when it comes to her baby.

Clutch: While in Los Angeles for only a short time you were hired to play Dave’s World, which you did for three years. How was that experience?
Angell: I had done a couple of video tests. I had been going back for about a month and I was so nervous because there were all these young actresses that I had seen already on different shows but I went in and did my thing and it was one of those situations where we found out pretty much on the spot. It was one of those things that only happen in the movies.

Clutch: What about your first big film role Baby Boy, was it just as easy?
Angell: I auditioned for Baby Boy earlier that year in July but didn’t get the call until November. Everyone auditioned for that movie. It was a long process because they had taken a break and then called me in November. I was very fortunate to have John Singleton direct my first film. It was amazing to work with him.

Clutch: Which do you prefer; television or film?
Angell: It’s difficult to choose between the two. I like the live audience, the instant gratification from the people clapping and laughing at the jokes and such but at the same time film is really good because it gives you time to focus on acting. It also gives me time to bond with the character, bond with the cast. I truly love both of them and they’re different arenas but it depends on what you want in your life. Television is more of a routine. More day to day. When you have a television role it’s nice to know that you have that stability. Either way, at the end of the day I can’t choose one.

Clutch: Is there a role you would like to play sometime in your career?
Angell: I like characters who are well written, well rounded, have emotional range. It would be nice to kick a little booty…where I have to be in top physical shape, kind of she-roe type of character.

Clutch: You have seven films coming out this year. Let’s talk about Killing of Wendy that was shot in South Africa. That must have been an amazing experience.
Angell: It was really an experience to shoot in South Africa. I was shell-shocked. I had no idea I would be shooting in Africa. I am so excited about this movie. I haven’t seen it yet, but I can’t wait. All female cast, which is very rare in Black Hollywood. Vanessa Bell Calloway is wonderful. Everyone is so talented and beautiful. All of the characters were well put together and the cast worked just as well with each other.

Clutch: What is it about?
Angell: A group of actresses come together in an attempt to plot against Vanessa Bell Calloway’s character. It’s a thriller mystery.

Clutch: They say that it takes ten years to break out in the Hollywood, it’s been 13 years for you in the business. Is this your time right now or just the beginning of what’s to come?
Angell: Maybe a little bit of both. Right now I’m focused on playing different characters, reading scripts for different films; some are theatrical and some are film. I’m working on being a part of projects with roles that are different than from what I have already played. I love working with veteran actors and new talent because you learn from every person that you work with. Being able to work with Vanessa Bell Calloway and Clifton Davis, it’s really good to be around those who have done it before and taking from them what you can. Each role I do I’m growing and that’s what it’s about, self-revolution. I’m stronger than ever and ready for it when it comes.

Clutch: How do you have time to breathe?
Angell: I really don’t think about it too much. I feel like work now, play later. I definitely do find some time though. I’m a person who loves to be home and I have that solid foundation so I only spend my time with people I’m very close to so it’s not hard to stay grounded. You just have to learn to take a moment to relax for yourself amongst the hustle and bustle. I don’t know how I do it but I make sure that I do. I found my method to the madness.

Clutch: What is your method, your relax regimen?
Angell: I love watching TV. I hang with my mom and god sister. Go to coffee bean and get some tabloids–I know that’s a nasty habit but I do do it. It depends on the day. The spa is always good, but sometimes the gym is just as great. Of course hanging out with my guy is always nice.

Clutch: So there is a Mr. Angell?
Angell: Yes there is. I’m a relationship girl. I like to be in a relationship. If it’s right. I don’t try to make it right if its not right, but if something comes along and you mesh well, you’re comfortable with someone, you laugh together, grow together, and you make each other better as individuals by being together then it’s a perfect situation and I don’t fight it. There’s some who may say ‘I can’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now’ or ‘I’m married to my business.’ That’s all cool but at the end of the day…

Clutch: You need some loving.
Angell: Yeah. It’s great to be single. I’ve been single it was fun but I like being with someone.

Clutch: So you have no troubles juggling love and work?
Angell: No. I haven’t had any because when you have two people who are wiling to work together to make it right then its okay. Some people run into issues making a relationship more than what it is to the other. You know, when the one person is trying to make the relationship work for the both of them. We’ve all gone through that but when you have two people both willing to make the best of the situation and the timing is right it’ll happen. No body’s perfect and once you stop having crazy expectation of the next person you’ll be all right.

Clutch: What’s hot for you right now? What can’t you do without?
Angell: With music, I’m such a West Coast girl. I’m an old school hip-hop kind of chick. Old DPG (Dogg Pound Gangsta), DJ Quik. When it comes to clothes and fashion, I’m a sucker for comfort. I love to be comfortable but when I’m doing the red carpet, the comfort has to take a back seat. I’m twenty-five years old and I’m just coming into my own and coming off of the bubblegum pop look when everything had to be hot pink, lime green…I don’t know what I was going through but I was going through it for a while. Now I’m more into subtle glamour, sexy sophisticated without being too revealing.

Clutch: What about the short booty shorts? That was hot for a while.
Angell: Oh my God No. I’m not into it, I’m not feeling it at all. First of all I can’t do it. People would be like ‘girl you know you tripping.’ My booty is too big for all of that.

Clutch: Where are your favorite places to eat?
Angell: Roscoe’s and Crustatean. Oh Crustaten has these garlic noodles that are the bomb. They are so delicious it doesn’t make any sense. There’s another place on Sunset Strip called Cruzos. It’s the hit. It’s very new and is going to be the spot. I love to eat… I LOVE TO EAT! I’m from the south so I love stuffing my face. That’s why I have to stay in the gym. And of course I have to have my Coffee Bean.

Clutch: Tell us about Love for Sale the recent flick that was completed and coming out soon. In it you co-star with Maya, Jason Weaver and Jackie Long.
Angell: Yes it’s on DVD. I play Maya’s best friend. My character is feisty and that’s what’s cool about her. Maybe what you see isn’t what you get…she might have a little sneaky side to her. I really liked doing this movie. I laughed a lot. It’s really cute and funny. Jason Weaver and Jackie Long, are both people who are really talented and who I would like to see more of. It’s a romantic comedy and everybody needs a little romance and laughter in their lives.

Clutch: Where do you see your self in the next 10-20 years?
Angell: With a big smile on my face. Happy, comfortable and stable. I have lot of things on my vision board.

Clutch: And lastly what is in your clutch?
Angell: Louis Vuitton wallet, lip-gloss because my lip-gloss be popping, a picture of my grandmother and papa together when they were younger. Oh…Garage clicker and one earring. I have some change for the meter and of course my Sidekick.

Love for Sale is available on DVD. Killing of Wendy is set for release in 2009. You can see more of Angell Conwell on her Myspace page at www.myspace.com/ange11conwe11.

At 7 p.m. every Monday night, Claudia, Tina Divina, Porscha Coleman, Danisha Danielle and Flora Santiago get together for a fun filled hour of laughs and sometimes seriousness. Even their special male guests, like Fonzworth Bentley, Too Short and Chris Spencer, blush and tear at the women’s savvy tongues and toilet bowl humor. Critics will not deter the ladies from doing their thing and with majority male callers these women definitely hold their own on the microphone. For the men who’ve always wondered how women talk about them, this show will satisfy the curiosity.

Clutch: Claudia, is it a coincidence that you happen to be #1 on Deal or No Deal?
Claudia: I think the producers new what they were doing. No seriously, I was number nine before and one of the producers decided to move me to number one. It made sense because I’d been there since the pilot and I love saying it any chance I get.

Clutch: With all the work you’ve been doing, how do you feel about the extreme attention you’ve been receiving?
Claudia: I thought you had to get to a level of a movie star for people to really care about what kind of shoes you have on or if your eyebrows aren’t done… I feel like I’m just working and trying to make it and I don’t see myself like that, so when I see that stuff, I’m like ‘really?’

Clutch: Does the negative attention affect you?
Claudia: When it’s personal stuff, where there’s some truth to it mixed with some outrageous stuff, you start to wonder who your friends are… and that’s what’s depressing to me. I’m an open book and I don’t ever want to change that about myself. I want to continue to go on the radio and say ‘my feet are f**ked up, or I have this flaw or I’m bad at this.’ I don’t want to change that because I think that can be a beautiful thing. Maybe that’s my East Coast thing; we’re very open, straight forward and rough around the edges but at the end of the day, no one will ever say I didn’t expect that from Claudia.

Clutch: Porsha, does the relationship with the ladies contribute to the success you have now and the successes to come?
Porsha: I didn’t hang out with a lot of women in general until now, so definitely yes. I was one of the chicks with all the homeboys. I didn’t get with any of them but I was that homegirl. There’s a lot of knowledge that comes along with having older friends. There’s no competition between us because we’re all different, look different, act different all with something different to offer. I’m not like the young one in the group who’s always left out. It’s never that.

Clutch: Danisha, as a real estate broker and investor, how do you keep a leveled head when conducting business in a field dominated by men?
Danisha: I think I act like a man. You can’t be a woman in business. I think you have to be what the stereotype of a man is. You kind of need to act like a man… and I do.

Clutch: Does being raised by a single father help you with working with men? Having the ability to see all aspects of men, the man, the father, friend, the ladies man, all through him?
Danisha: My dad was a very great and devoted dad. As I got older I was able to connect the dots that my friends were spending the night and so were their moms and I would say, ‘that’s weird.’ Even still, my dad was very real about what men think and what men really want in terms of a woman. I fought him every step of the way…but now that I am older I understand his advice was good advice.

Clutch: Flora, you have a specialty cake and desserts shop called SweetAvenueLA. How did that come about?
Flora: Watched a TV program one day and thought ‘I can do that.’

Clutch: So you’re in the kitchen actually baking?
Flora: Actually I am. I am baking the cake, buying all the materials, doing the sculpting. There isn’t anything I can’t look at that I don’t think I cannot do. If there is something that I want and I know I can’t buy it or if I know I need it now, I’ll do it myself. I’m the type of person who wants to learn everything.

Clutch: One of your favorite quotes is ‘Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.’ Can you expand on it a bit?
Flora: Life is unpredictable, you plan, you want to be something, you want to try and be something, and God throws you a curve and you’re like ‘yo, maybe this is you’ and every time God throws me a curve I’ll try it, I’ll do it.

Clutch: Tina, as a mother, blog diva, divorcee, stylist, producer, writer and poetess, how do you channel all this inspiration?
Tina: I think I am the complete left brainer. It’s ironic that by day I’m an accountant. I love creativity.

Clutch: An accountant! I would not have guessed. Doing that do you find yourself being a somewhat balanced person considering your work with both numbers and words?
Tina: Yes, definitely juggling two careers and a five year old. By nature I’m anal about things. That organization definitely helps me in my career. I have two screens on my desk, a report on one screen and a poem on another. People at my job have no idea what I do. They don’t even know I have tattoos.

Clutch: Tell us about The Single life with Claudia Jordan and Friends.
Tina: I love this show. I used to hate Mondays, but now I love Mondays. It doesn’t matter whose coming but that I feel good and I feel like we all learn from each other. I feel like I learn more about myself and what I want from a man and what I want from a relationship since I’ve been on the show. I feel like I’m worthy of waiting for that guy.
Flora: There’s five women here and people automatically think male bashing and nagging so we try to lose that.

Danisha: Women are complicated creatures who have all aspects of life covered.

Porscha: We are talking about real facts, we’re all single, we’re all dating, we’re all trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Why we don’t have men. A lot of women and even men can say ‘I like that show’ cause we’re not bougie, we’re not sitting there saying we’re so awesome, we’re saying what is going on. Men like women like that. Men don’t like women who are bitchy or over dramatic. That’s why men call in all the time, because we’re real women just saying what’s on our mind. We’re real woman giving a real perspective of women.

Danisha: And I love how they (men) are calling in for advice now.

Clutch: Why a show about single women dating and sex experiences and not a business show, entertainment industry or something geared towards women in power?
Porscha: It’s relatable.

Danisha: I happen to know a lot about making money. Donald Trump may know more. Maybe. I’m joking. Kinda. But honestly, is that all we are? As single independent black women, 70 percent of us are not getting married. For us, let’s really look at ourselves and our personal lives and what we are as women and not just business people.

Clutch: I’ve noticed that there aren’t many women who call in. Do you think they may find the show too open?
Claudia: We do have a lot of female fans but they hit us more on MySpace. The men are bolder and want to talk to us. I’ve had more women email me saying they cannot get in or they’ve been on hold for forty minutes. So I think it’s a misconception that women don’t get us. We had a meet and greet and it was more women there than men.

Tina: They (men) want to be heard. The women are low key with their support.

Clutch: What do you have to say to the people who find your show too risqué?
Claudia: F**k’ em, to the critics…

Tina: Put a period after that.

Clutch: With the topics you ladies discuss and the no holds story telling you all do it’s a possibility that you’ll be labeled negatively. How do you feel about those labels?
Tina: People throw labels on you regardless. Whether you’re a whore or a fireman, you’re a whore-fireman. Labels are definitely thrown when you are speaking out of what people expect you to say. What they expect you to be as a woman. They expect you to be a certain way and that’s not cool, it’s not fair.

Claudia: People need to stop being so quick to discount people and look a little bit deeper. Don’t base it on that ‘one-weekend’ in Vegas.

Clutch: What brings you all together?
Claudia: Laughter.

Danisha: We’re all open. That’s what I love. I think Claudia did an amazing job finding women who are open with their s**t. We are all open about our flaws and strengths, what we want and don’t want and we’re learning about ourselves and we’re open about that too.

Porscha: We all get to the point with each other. We’re very honest with each other in telling each other how we feel.

Clutch: What advice can you give to other groups of women who share the same qualities as you all?
Flora: Embrace everyone’s different quality. Take them onto your own by incorporating them in your life in some way. Your friends are these people for a reason. Learn how to be a better person, learn how to be a different person.

Tina: I find that in a lot of young girl groups the pretty girl latches on to the ugly girls because she wants to be prettier. We are all very independent and very confident and we’re also older. That’s why I say Porscha is very fortunate to have this group, because when I was younger I went out with girls who were very insecure and they’d be the first girls ready to leave because they’re not getting any attention and it was a lot of drama. People need to check themselves and their own insecurities and their own level of self-confidence. That’s a lot of the problems with women. We feel like somebody else is saying how I am as a woman.

Claudia: Stop being so jealous. On the outside looking in you might say wow, and then you may find something to hate on me for. You don’t know about the times my electricity and my gas were shut off and nobody would help me. You don’t know about not really having a father at home or you don’t know about the many times I’m at home crying about something, but I can’t show it because I’m supposed to be the strong chick. So when you’re jealous about someone and envy somebody you really don’t know the price they had to pay to have all of what they have. I know I got this but I have a whole bunch of that, so think about that when you’re hating on somebody and maybe you won’t be so quick to put that next woman down.

Porscha: You can’t change anybody. Don’t try to change your friends. We’re all bringing something different to the table not changing each other. We are who we are and it works.

Claudia: Those that are hating, they don’t have confidence. They need to look in the mirror or maybe go to Oprah’s school in Africa. Stop tripping. It’s really an epidemic in our community with black women. You don’t see a lot of black women hanging in mass groups. Maybe three and then when the two are together they are talking about the other one. Cut that bulls**t out.

Tina: Woman should embrace that things are not perfect.

Claudia: Stop trying to be perfect. You’re never going to get there.

Clutch: What’s to come for the ladies of The Single Life?
Claudia: I want to go back to your question why not a financial show. That is going to come. This is the beginning. I want to have an entertainment company. A bunch of projects to come that’s girl power…and black girl power. I feel the flavor of love b**ches have had the crown long enough, the buffoon crown, and we have to get rid of that s**t and show you can still have fun, clown, swear, and can say inappropriate stuff and still have gone to college, be a home owner, and still be taken seriously. No more of these one-dimensional characters on television. Why does it have to be because you’re Oprah, you can’t dance with Nelly in the club. That’s a random example, but people are multifaceted and more than one-dimensional. I refuse to be put in the box.

Clutch: What advice can you all give to upcoming businesswomen, particularly those who put their beauty before their brains?
Claudia: Don’t rely on your beauty. Throw that out of the window. When you throw it out, people find you more beautiful. Develop your sense of humor, develop your business sense, your dancing, your singing; your beauty will be like icing. I came up with a lot of models who weren’t s**t on the inside that should have been more famous, but they’re not doing anything now, because for a lot of them that’s all they put their emphasis on. I don’t know what it is but our self-esteem is f**ked up as a people. We have to be more positive to our girls and give them more positive reinforcements.

Porscha: Find something that you’re good at. What ever you do that is your niche, run with that and really develop your skills. You don’t want to have thirty skills and you’re only good at half. Take something really good and develop it really well and that will be strong talent.

Danisha: Do you and stop comparing yourself to other people.

Claudia: Throw fear out of the window.

Clutch: How long do you ladies plan on being single?
Claudia: I thought I was going to be doing someone tonight but he ain’t hit me back.

Porscha: We’re all looking for something.Tina got stood up over the weekend. She don’t want that.We don’t need to date guys who are bs-ing. We all joke about it but we’re being serious and we want the real deal.

Clutch: Claudia, I read your blog on MySpace on why you are single and I must say that the wish list is not too much to ask for. It is what most women want and how men should be? Why blog about it?
Claudia: I’ve had the most feedback on that blog. I’ve been stuck in a low self-esteem limbo for like three or four years. I’ve settled for dudes a lot and it took me getting out of my last to realize that I was really making excuses. That’s what made me write that blog. I’d give, give, give and there’s nothing left and I don’t expect s**t back. I was compared to someone on Survivor. Before you went on Survivor you’re used to getting three meals a day and then you’re only getting a crumb. That was when I came to LA. ‘He called me back after we had sex, yay.’ That’s out of the window.

Danisha: How could you not love that? That’s honest.

Tina: That’s how dudes are able to have two or three girlfriends. Chicks are settling for the simplest thing nowadays. The women take the littlest thing to make them happy so he can give a little bit here and there.

Porcha: I can’t take a crumb.

Flora: Meanwhile, we’re coming to the table as fully developed women with complete packages.

Clutch: How would you describe each other using one word?
Flora on Danisha: Force to be reckoned with.

Danisha on Porscha: Polished.

Tina on Danisha: Bougie.

Flora on Claudia: Selfless. This girl will give you the shirt off her back.

Porscha on Flora: Creative.

Danisha on Tina: Warm. It’ll mess you up to see Tina on a sad day.

Claudia on Flora: I have a few, you’re loyal but very bitter, stable but crazy, you’re like the middle child. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

Danisha on Claudia: Real.

Clutch: What’s in your Clutch?
Tina: Advil, ATM card, license, lip gloss, brush.

Flora: ID, Ipod, phone, Chap Stick.

Danisha: Business cards, American Express-Platinum, Gucci Envy, moisturizer and a pen.

Porscha: Lip-gloss, Sidekick and some left over tokens from Vegas.

Claudia: Another purse, American Express, diamond necklace, camera always, no-dose always, more diamonds, wrist band, but I didn’t need it, lots of make up and bobby pins.

You can catch The Single Life with Claudia Jordan and Friends every Monday night 7 p.m. PST and Tuesday mornings at 7 a.m. PST on the Foxxhole Sirius Radio Channel 106. You can also catch Claudia on Deal on No Deal on NBC. Check your local listings for show times.

For more information on Claudia Jordan and Friends please visit www.myspace.com/thesinglelifewithcj, www.sirius.com/thefoxxhole, www.tinadivina.com, www.youtube.com/porschamusic, www.myspace.com/missporscha, www.sweetavenuela.com.

[Photo Credits: Photography by Shereece. photographybyshereece@yahoo.com These images are copyrighted © 2008 PhotographyByShereece. All rights reserved.]

When my infatuation began to fade, I began to listen to him talk and was perturbed when he said that he knows a lot of people with degrees and had not seen anything great come from them. I questioned him on his future goals—he replied I plan to buy a house and married with at least two kids in the next two years. This would have sent my spirits flying five years ago, but instead it raised an eyebrow. He said nothing of how he was going to pay for the house, the wedding, the children. I asked him about career goals and he in turn asked me to share my 5-10 year plan in order to get a few ideas about how to answer the question. Red flag. Among other incidents that occurred, it was clear this thirty-two year old man’s priorities were not in order. He was not taking care of his life business and it was showing through his insecurities, lack of motivation and extreme sensitivity. His weaknesses were beginning to show or maybe they were already there and I just thought they were cute.

I asked a few of my male friends about this guy’s potential and if I should be cautious of getting close to him. Each of them asked the same questions:

1. What happened in his last relationship? Why did they really split?
2. What is his social life? Who are his friends and what do they do?
3. What is his relationship with his mother?

I found out his last girlfriend gave him an ultimatum to get his life together, even if that meant moving back to his mother’s home, or she’d leave. She had been carrying the both of them for over a year because he made little to no attempt to find a job worth having.

I noticed that he had little to no friends. Maybe six to be exact and one in particular he belittled every chance he had. When I finally met the guy, it was evident that he was merely a self-esteem friend and nothing more than the guy my guy could feel good around. My lover didn’t seem to have a solid circle of friends to uplift him, support him or simply release the day to day stress. Instead he fed them lies of his stability, living big and perfect relationships; all which doesn’t leave any reason for questions.

As for his mother . . . he never talked about her so it’s tough to know exactly how their relationship is. He lived at home until 27 as the good son who takes care of the house and loves his mama and may not have been asked to do more than what was needed. Transfer that to a relationship and you have a yes man who does what’s needed to keep the woman happy and oblivious to the nothings he does in the rest of the world. A mama’s boy without the skills to survive out in the real world who finds a mate who’s just like moms to continue his lifestyle.

Then it dawned on me; where there is he, there are a million just like him. Black men who do not have goals, nor ideas as to what the hell they will be doing at forty or fifty years old. I fear being with a man who does not take care of himself and are too prideful to acknowledge it. It is these same men who will tell a women their long term goal is to marry and have kids and buy a house without mention of a career or financial backing believing it will suffice women. It’s insulting to women. I am not speaking of all Black men, I am speaking of the men who are one paycheck away from being on the street and don’t see anything wrong with it. The men who are in their thirties and beyond, able-bodied and healthy, who does not push themselves. These are men who are not sure of themselves, their wants and needs and don’t see anything wrong with living day to day. These are the men who are afraid of tomorrow and believes deeply that he’ll still be doing the same thing he’s doing today if he doesn’t do find what it is he wants to do. Sadly he doesn’t know what that is. These are the men who have a thousand and one skills that make him experienced in any entry-level position but lack the education or capability to take on a management role. These are the men who choose to just be instead of just doing it. Maybe it’s a lack of nurturing at a young age, parental issues, self-esteem issues or just plain careless, but these men are in denial of living. Putting fliers on freeways in the middle of the night and calling yourself an independent promotions consultant is an example of denial.

Fellas must have more than penis, sperm and a ring when they come knocking on doors nowadays, because women have not only the vajayjay, circus tricks and exceptional felatio, we have degrees (plural), homes, bank accounts—savings, checking, money-markets, 401K’s, cars, businesses, we have responsibilities to take care of and a lifestyle to maintain so its only natural that we require the same of potential mates. I love my beautiful Kings and embrace them in all of their glory, but my lover’s list specifically states he must have at least what I have or is in the process of getting that and more. It is unfortunate that he has all of the physical qualities and attributes I requested but does not see value in himself to be a man I want to invest my time in. I could blame society, but it’s his individual effort. He has to want more for himself. I refuse to settle for someone who treats me good and doesn’t believe he’s worth the same love.

Self-love is a key factor in relationships. I’ve learned from this experience that I love myself so much more than I did five years ago, hell last year. It’s important to have inner strength because it makes sure that you do not limit yourself, you don’t settle even when the playing field seems to be overwhelming. We’re over and yes I miss his touch, his conversation, I miss his companionship, but I know that I am stronger for not trying to force it to work. Maybe he’ll get it one day, maybe he won’t but either way I’m a stronger person, a stronger woman and I am ok with my inner works still being in progress. Piece by piece I grow closer to my view of perfection.

Don’t block your blessings and don’t forget to Barack the Vote!

What is “Corporate Culture”? According to www.auxillium.com, “the moral, social, and behavioral norms of an organization based on the beliefs, attitudes, and priorities of its members.” It is the culture an organization embodies within its structure based on the organization’s leadership. In layman’s terms, it’s how the owners of the company want their business to be ran. Auxilluim uses Hewlett Packard and Southwest airlines as examples of successful companies, which maintain prominent culture, and has found success because of it. The ‘Culture’ encapsulates company policies, including dress codes, sick and vacation time, the hierarchy of the business, protocol.

Do these cultures affect minorities? There is a huge possibility; with respect of corporate advancement, look at the owners of a few top American companies and ask yourself do these business owners represent me, my environment and my beliefs. Bill Gates (Microsoft), William Clay Ford Jr. (Ford), Rick Wagoner (General Motors), Gerard Arpey (AMR Corp; parent company of American Airlines), Vikram Pandit (Citibank), Sumner Redstone (Viacom) and Robert Iger (Walt Disney Company), just to name a few are owners and operators of top companies in the United States who has either created or maintained their company’s rules and regulations, i.e. culture of their companies.

Two key factors of a company’s culture are representation and relationship. To excel in Fortune 500 companies or Fortune 1000 companies, it is important to be educated and presentable. Knowledge is power! Academic knowledge coupled with street knowledge is a recipe for success. However if you don’t present yourself as a Fortune member, this includes appearance, demeanor and speech, it’s less likely you’ll be remembered or requested.

Representation is defined as appearance and presentation. There are no second chances on a first impression – so do and do it big.

The impression you make could determine if you should be in the corner office or remain in the corner cubicle. Give a strong handshake and luminous smile. Confidence is not only attractive but intriguing, however too much can be a turn off. When you exude a genuine assurance in the workplace people want to know more about you and that can open doors for you move up the corporate ladder.

Relationships determine what moves you can make in a company. Building relationships is extremely strategic and most important beneficial. Upper management is usually comprised of old friends, business acquaintances or even family members. Executives refer and recruit people with similar visions on the business of making money, prior relationships in other fields, or loyal co-workers and family members. It is important to find common activities and interest with company leaders especially if work is done in a common area. For example, GOLF!!! If you don’t know how to play, start taking lessons. Donald Trump said it best, “most business deals are done on the greens.”

Communication is key and TEAM-work goes along way. Pay close attention to the people you are working with and how the company is ran. Why are they still in the positions they are in? How are emails written? Is there management hierarchy? In some companies upper management is not concerned with entry level and the only time middle management is contacted is usually when reports are due.

Appearance is everything and when you enter those doors, you will have a hawk eyes from clock in to clock out. Attire is number one on the list of representation. Just ask an NBA player. In 2005, NBA owners comprised a dress code for players to follow when representing the team or league. Does hair matter? Google Manny Ramirez. You would be surprised how many people are not familiar with the levels of business attire.

There are four types of business attire used in Corporate America: executive professional, business professional, business casual, and casual. Fashion for Real Women says for executive professional and business professional settings, i.e. finance, law, government, requires the traditional business suit, dark colors, and collard shirts. “Simple styles and dark colors work best to establish a competent, authoritative look.” Pants are sleek and clean. Skirt length is no higher than an inch above the knee. Think about sitting in a chair without a desk, too much thigh is too much for the office. Slits should be in the back of the skirt and only an inch to two inches high. No see through underwear. Nude undergarments are a must. Panty lines tell you if your pants or skirts are too tight. Try a slip or stockings for a smoother look.

Accessories are bare minimal and petite. Earrings are simple; substitute big hoops and chandeliers for studs and short dangling. Clunky bracelets are out, tattoos are hidden and necklaces are simple. Shoes are tricky. Most women love heels and stilettos however closed toe, two to two and half inch heels are most preferred. Shoes should be comfortable and clean. Remember you’re not at happy hour so keep the Jimmy Choo’s and the clutch in the truck til after five.

Business casual attire is slacks and dress shirts. It is still business but more relaxed. Suits are not required but slacks and khaki’s are preferred. Shirts can tailor more to personality meaning added frills and colors yet stay away from stand out patterns, extremely bright colors and little to no lace or ruffles. Again the company’s employees are the examples to follow with how relaxed business casual is. Lastly, casual is freedom yet respectful. Wear what you want however remember you are in a business environment so remain professional; fitted attire-not tight and no see-through shirts. Again look to your fellow employees to be sure of how casual you can be.

Here are a few more tips to remember:

Lastly, be yourself and be honest in all situations. Honor and respect shines through in any level of business and most importantly education is power. Success is determined by the individual and the individual’s dedication to succeed. Corporate Culture can not stop nor redirect the path to success, although it can seem to deter it, with positive thoughts it becomes an appeasing challenge.

Invest in yourself, invest in your wardrobe and invest in your knowledge.

Barack the Vote.

Although this situation is completely fictional, these similar actions are all too common in today’s American society. Residing in a country built on a belief that we are “one nation under God” and that indivisibility makes all men equal seems only to be a contradicting idea that subconsciously sways our livelihood in one direction and our hearts in another. The United States is truly states united, however, this unity is only a view from a two way mirror supporting togetherness when necessary but also cushioning a segregated environment where interracial relationships are subliminally opposed.

The United States has acquired the name of the world’s ‘Melting Pot’ for the extension of our arms to the hungry, tired, weak, old, saying with confidence, “You are welcome”, but is this country living up to that philosophy we’ve so greatly adopted? United, yes accepting nationalities from far and abroad, but blacks and whites alike subconsciously live culturally and emotionally segregated.

Although we have the choice to live in a non-segregated society, when love is explored, Black and White find it more applicable to share this experience with other nationalities and stand contorted to love each other. Are we Americans truly comfortable with a pro-choice lifestyle including intimate relationships or have black Americans and white Americans set a new type of subconscious segregation?

Racial socialization has far exceeded the boundaries we once stood behind. We now can eat, sleep, walk, dance, talk amongst each other without the fear of ridicule. We see interracial couples ranging from white and Asian, black and Hispanic, Asian and Hispanic and many more however the black and white combination is still taboo. The union of a Black man and White woman receives many comments and questions before being granted the acceptance of the people and only if thier reasoning behind the union is seen as valid.

We plague our minds with myths of why blacks and whites love each other. We’d rather condemn a love movement rather than praise two people, who happens to be opposite in color, for the willingness to begin a new way of living. Projecting hatred verbally with comments such as, ‘Black men want white women because they are submissive.’ ‘Black women want white men for their money.’ ‘White men and women only like sex with black people.’ As silly as it may sound the words are spoken more often in situations as in the scenario described earlier. I’ve fallen victim to it, but does my opinion matter? Hell no. Even though my frustration with the homicide plague of young black men before they turn twenty-six and 37% of Black men in prison has altered my dream of marrying a “Brotha”; bottom line it’s that couple’s choice to unite and none of my business.

The belief of unity has been turned into a false lingering idea of a corrupted avenue of social justification to not accept the choice to love. Is this a fear of dilution and a sense of extinction of heritage that is causing this festering disease of racism? Are we honestly close minded to benefits of cultural expansion limiting our understandings of one’s way of thinking and living and later to condemn them? No matter how trumultuos our history is, we must accept the fact that we are apart of each other’s history; both black and white. We are as one people and we are connected through life. We have the choice to be one race, the human race and until we as individuals define the true meaning of equality, we will remain together standing separate.

Let’s begin by reminding ourselves of societies’ double standard perception of male and female sex relations. Men with many women are adored while women with many men are seen as whores. With these rules of society, women have lost the morals game before entering the gate. I would have loved to only have had one sex partner, but the chosen one didn’t have my orgasm in his best interest. Instead, I chose to wallow in sexual exploration and enjoy the men and their movement.

Sex relationships were welcomed during the 60′s and 70′s and were fueled by the belief of loving others to build a world of peace. The Sexual Revolution was brought to us via television, music and movies demonstrating how great it is to make love and not war. Those images of promiscuity represented freedom of expression; to love self is to love others. The fantasies depicted on screen and heard in lyrics were in fact a reality; the love was sexual intercourse and the peace was multiple orgasms. To date shows such as Sex and the City continue to bring these images to light by displaying lives of single women who work and are dating in a major city exploring many men with various qualities until they find the one they match. Although their characters have been viewed as promiscuous they reassure women’s feelings of sexual freedom and even with morals intact, women can explore their sexuality with whomever they see fit. Sadly society leads women to feel guilty about challenging their sexual nature and then blames them for lacking the “techniques” needed to keep a man satisfied in the bedroom.

Men with long list of bed partners are viewed as more experienced or intriguing while a man who says he’s only slept with two or three women are automatically dismissed as soft, inexperienced or a chump who wouldn’t know one hole from the other. But who says that he with many can blow your back out. For example, how many extremely attractive men do you know and may have slept with and you were either disappointed or expected more after it was over. We are attracted by what we see first; face, body, smile, swagger and automatically label people as prospects because we assume they’ve been around the block a few times and can take you on a ride to the sky. Sadly the only things you take away from these encounters are the memories of beautiful sex faces and a sore body from her scratches or from his pounding on you. On the flip side, he, or she, who has little gives more. Patience, sensuality, gentleness are the things the latter brings to the table. Which would you prefer? Sincere or Buns?

When you have a lover you can’t help but to think of who came before you. It’s inevitable. Regardless to what men say, they do not want to know how many partners their lady has been with, but they will enjoy the perks that come with the unknown. This is a symptom of the Madonna-Whore syndrome: freak in the sheets; lady in the streets. Men will avoid asking where she got it from because they already believe she’s been around the block one too many times and her answer may confirm his theory. What’s interesting is most “freaks” are usually more creative because they too want to be better than the girl before her. That’s human nature, being better than the next; survival of the fittest. Instead enjoy the moment and focus on the climax because that’s really what it boils down to.

We all want to turn someone on to things no one else can give them but us. Take a little bit from the past and give it to the present; hence present. My gift may be great head and his may be the ability to hold his cum until I’ve climaxed. I think it’s alright to have multiple partners as long as you enjoy the experience and it’s consensual. Just remember the past no longer share the bed with you.

Experience the new, stay protected and perfect the technique.

Did Dr. King look down from that mountain top into a valley of hidden segregation and a return to slavery via psychological tactics? Could he have seen the infestation of drugs in poor communities and the fight for fair employment and wages continuing? He couldn’t have seen fathers missing in the home, crack babies in hospitals across the country, the increase of gang violence and murder among African Americans, especially young men. I can’t believe he viewed the new age chain gang, the Prison Industrial Complex (PIC). Rodney King, Jena 6, Affirmative Action, 3 Strikes Law, the downfall of Historical Black Colleges. I don’t believe he saw the American evils awaiting us nor could he have imagined such atrocities after he and countless others fought so hard for the many luxuries abused today. How can anyone have imagined the regression of Black Power, the demise of African American communities in the United States, the astronomical number of black athletes in comparison to the meager amount of African Americans in politics? Could he have heard his sisters, daughters, mother, wife being called bitches and hoes and young children aspiring to be a rapper who’s done time, sold drugs, is paid by taking from another, and can’t read passed the third grade. How could anyone who marched next to Dr. King imagine a future still occupied by nooses hanging from trees, burning crosses on front lawns and police brutality as inhumane as Selma, Alabama in 1965?

While pondering Dr. King’s thoughts, I think I may as well ask heaven what it sees. A man who held a B.A. in sociology from Morehouse College, a Bachelor of Divinity from Crozer Theological Seminary and a Doctorate of Philosophy (Ph.D.) from Boston University, a Nobel Peace Prize winner, a minister, a husband and a father, a leader who practiced the Gandhian technique of nonviolence and led a 385 day boycott against Montgomery, Alabama’s bus system; a writer who penned a letter to the Alabama clergy while in jail explaining why protesting is an intricate factor in achieving civil rights, a speaker who after leading a march to Washington D.C. and stood in front of the Lincoln Memorial and shared a dream with over 250,000 people. I can not fathom the images Dr. King saw for his fellow African Americans, but I can embrace the belief of there being a promise land to look forward to.

This month Dr. King will be honored by journalist and media outlets that will rekindle past images, articles of the man, the activities and his accomplishments. Next there’ll rehash all the injustices we’ve seen year after year and dismiss each of them as fast as a Souljah Boy single. Lastly, we the people will look around our community, observe our families, and question ourselves and at some point feel a subtle empathy for the young who don’t know or fail to understand what Dr King represents to the lives of Blacks everywhere. And at the end of the day we’ll go on in our lives finding ways to make it to the next and unconsciously slip back into our regular routine of bills, bills, cars, and clothes as the Dr. King legacy fades into the calendar for another 365 days.

Before we do, take a moment to see the many accomplishments we have been blessed to take part in. After all we may have an African American president. Look at your own life and see the many successes you may have made for yourself, the sacrifices you didn’t think you could make and the trials and tribulations you thought would take you down. Observe the generation curses you have broken, the life you have created for yourself and your family and enjoy the victories you have attained. Let those experiences be the road to the promise land. I find it important to remember where we come from to better project where we want to go. The accomplishments we achieve in our daily lives transcends into our community whether we see it or not.

The victory of change is ours. The opportunities we create to better ourselves and the people in the neighborhoods we reside in is an embodiment of the promise land Dr. King may have envisioned. This is how we celebrate not only his legacy, but all of those who fought for equals rights for all people.

With each victory we change the world. I am victory and I can help change the world. Who are you?