“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung 

Welp, the New Year has come and gone, and many people are starting on their long list of resolutions and goals hoping to finally change their lives. While most people’s intentions are noble, a few months from now, things might not seem so clear.

So how can you stay on track and ensure that 2013 is the year you finally breakthrough?

It’s simple: set a clear vision and always keep it in your mind.

Last summer I had the opportunity to chat with Iyanla Vanzant, and I couldn’t resist asking her how I could achieve the things my heart hopes for most. Her advice? Keep your vision alive.

She schooled me:

“A goal is an intellectual concept—can you see it? ‘Cuz if you can’t see it within you then you’re never going to accomplish it,” she said.

“What’s your vision? The vision will pull you forward. The goal will keep you busy.”

One way to “see” your vision is through mind mapping and creating a vision board. Although it seems very new agey, vision boards have been instrumental in my life over the past few years, and have helped me go from a job I hated, to the career that I love.  I believe in them so much that I’m hosting an event later this month to teach others how to turn their dreams into reality (and yes, if you’re in L.A. you can come).

Getting clear about what we really want from our lives can be tough. We may get distracted by what we think we should want, living up to the expectations of others, or not really knowing the path we want to take.

But getting clear about what you want to be known for and the type of life you’d like to live (regardless of your job) and physically writing it down (or making a vision board/collage), is a great way to stay on track and finally achieve your goals.

Happy Monday, Clutchettes!

Have you or are you creating a vision board for the New Year? 

The post Wise Words: Keep Your Vision Clear appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ― Corrie Ten Boom

If you don’t know who Chris Guillebeau is, you need to get familiar. In addition to being on the verge of visiting EVERY country in the world, he routinely writes and teaches others about living an unconventional life.

Recently, I read a post on his blog that really resonated with me. In the article, aptly titled “Things Not to Worry About,” Chris discusses some of the things that people obsess over that make absolutely no sense.

He writes:

Earlier this year I went on several dozen radio shows to talk about entrepreneurship and creating your own security through a small business.

Inevitably, the host of the show would take callers and someone would ask about taxes or business licenses. Sometimes the call-in was more of a lecture than a question: “You should really think about the license and tax planning process before you start any kind of business.”

Really? This is kind of like asking:

How do I pay the taxes on the millions of dollars that I’ll make?
My advice is to first figure out how to make the millions of dollars, then you can worry about paying the taxes.

I can totally relate. When I stop to think about what’s kept me from reaching many of my goals, I can pin a lot of it on my irrational worries.

Before I even start a project I sometimes roll off dozens of reason why it would be hard to accomplish or worry about the imaginary work that would be involved with managing my empire once it was up and running. But instead of working on building the empire, I worry about the lazy interns I may hire that will spend all their time on Facebook instead of running to Brooklyn to pick up my cheesecake (peace to Diddy).

Point is: I find every excuse as to why I can’t possibly get started working on my goals because my goals will be so wildly successful if I work on them I wouldn’t even know how to cope.

Can you relate? Do you point out all of the (artificial) things you’ll need to do when you reach the mountaintop that you forget to even climb?

If you’re like me you do.

But ask yourself this: do you want to merely worry about what will happen when you become a massive success or would you like to experience it first hand?

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to reach the mountaintop and then deal with the repercussions of my success instead of merely dreaming about it all.

Are you worrying about the wrong things?

Think about it.

Happy Monday, Clutchettes! 

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“What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning – and some of them many times over – what do you find? That you can swim? Well – life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!” – Alfred Adler

Not too long ago I had a “maybe it’s me” moment. While I was on Facebook, I saw that an old flame had recently tied the knot. And although I’m in no hurry to jump the broom (or still have any sort of feelings for him), I did feel a pang of “Why isn’t that me?” shoot through my stomach.

After flipping through his too-cute wedding pictures, I started to feel a bit down and wondered when I’d find The One with whom I’d spend my life. In that moment I mentally scanned the pages of my relationship scrapbook and began to think about all of the decisions I’ve made in the past. Some, I wasn’t so proud of. I stayed longer in bad situations than I should have, and others, I never even gave the guy a proper chance.

As thought back I had to admit that not all of the guys were bad. Sometimes, it really was me. At times I was mean, and others I didn’t allow myself to be open and vulnerable. And a few times I made questionable decisions or allowed myself to be treated in a way that I shouldn’t have. While the guys weren’t always innocent bystanders, I couldn’t overlook my part in the demise of our relationships either.

Interestingly enough, taking stock and realizing where I messed up didn’t get me down; it made me feel empowered. Instead of going into Negative Nancy territory and swearing off men, I recognize the mistakes I made and feel better equipped to sidestep them in the future.

When we’re honest with ourselves about our role in the not-so-nice moments of our lives, we reclaim a little bit of lost power.

Instead of blaming others, or dumping ALL the blame on ourselves and believing the worst about our self, being honest about how we contributed to our mess-ups will not only help us heal, but it’ll hopefully provide some much-needed wisdom about what not to do in the future.

Time to take a little stock of our lives, Clutchettes.

Happy Monday!

*This post was adapted from my weekly inspirational newsletter.

The post Wise Words: Maybe It’s You appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“Transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity. That is why you must bring everything that you have to give in every moment. And it doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s not about perfect; it’s about effort. When you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens, that’s how change occurs.” – Jillian Michaels.

So, I have this problem.

Sometimes, when things get too difficult or strenuous, I just give up. I hate to admit that I’m a quitter, but that’s kinda what I’ve done throughout my life. I convince myself that whatever it is I wanted must not be for me, or I really don’t want to achieve it, and I quit. Just like that.

You see, things have sort of come easy for me.

I got into college without much effort and sort of as an afterthought. I got into grad school in New York and lucked up on a place to stay in Manhattan by chance. And when I moved back to L.A. from NYC– desperately in need of a job–I sent out just one resume (to my homie), went on one (marathon) interview, and got the job.

This has been the story of my life.

While others bust their ass to get what they want, I’ve always had this ability to luck up on some really, really good things in my life and just go with the flow—turning those opportunities into something more substantial has been harder to achieve, probably because that takes WORK.

Even though I’ve been “lucky” in my life, riding the universe’s wave of generosity has only gotten me so far. I’m still not where I want to be and I believe it’s because I don’t really work as hard as I could.

My problem? I half-ass things expecting fabulous results. Sometimes great things happen (i.e. getting a slew of freelance gigs), and others…not so much, but yet I continue to turn in half-hearted attempts at my goals.

Realizing this about myself, I decided I needed a reboot. This month I committed to consistently working on my business and living a healthier life.

Although I’ve made this commitment before, this time is different. I want to see what happens if I actually see something through for once. How much healthier will I be? How will my business grow? How will it feel to finally finish something I set out to do?

While I’ve decided to focus on my health and my business, you can apply a reboot to any part of your life.

Think about it: how many times have you failed to follow-through in your own life? Perhaps you’ve been thinking about going back to school, eating healthier, or finishing your book, but you just haven’t. No matter how many times you commit to finally getting it done, you just don’t.

It’s easy to get discouraged, but the beauty of life is that you can always start over. No matter how many times you’ve failed to meet your goals, you can always start again.

Before you put it off another week, month or year, now is a good time to give it another shot.

Happy Monday, Clutchettes! 

The post Wise Words: Don’t Quit, Change Is Coming…If You Want It appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Last night I posted a status on Facebook that said, “Note to self: Open your hands so you can receive your blessings.”

Despite things going pretty well in my life, I get into these moments where I worry about everything. I stress about saving money, I wonder if I’m making the right choices for my son, and I worry that I’m spending too much time focused on working and not enough on cultivating my personal life. I worry about it all.

In the midst of overthinking everything, I sometimes forget to just relax and receiving my blessing, the things God and the Universe have in store for my life.

But I get it; it’s hard to let go. We want to control everything: we get attached to our money and the people in our lives, and we want things to happen on our prescribed timeline. Unfortunately, life usually has other ideas.  It takes its time, the people we thought would be there for us bail out, and sometimes it seems like money is allergic to our pocketbooks.

In those moments it’s easy to get down on ourselves, easy to worry about everything, and easy to feel like our blessings will never come.

But it will.

If you truly believe that your life is blessed and that you are surrounded by goodness, then the blessings will flow. You will attract everything you need in your life because you are already certain that you are worthy of it (Let Aunt Oprah tell it).

While it’s easy to get discouraged with the slow pace of change and life’s many twists and turns, as long as you hold onto the belief that you’re worthy, you’ll be just fine in the end.

Let your blessings flow, Clutchettes.

Happy Monday! 

The post Wise Words: It’s Time to Receive Your Blessing appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“It is the small doubts of timid souls that accomplish their ruin. It is the narrow vision, the fear and trembling hesitation, that constitute defeat.” – Alice Foote MacDougall

If you missed yesterday’s ‘Lifeclass,’ you missed a treat. During the show, Oprah and Pastor Joel Olsteen talked about changing your live by switching how you speak to yourself. Why? Negative talk can drag you down faster than any enemy.

I’ve struggle with self-doubt my entire life. When I was in school pulling in A’s, I’d chalk it up to being lucky rather than smart, and when I started writing more in college and people would tell me they liked my work, I thought they were just being nice. At every turn I discounted my abilities and told myself I was not special or different or talented. I just got lucky.

These types of thoughts can be destructive. Every time we tell ourselves we are not good enough, are too fat, too skinny, too slow, too loud, too unworthy we cement these things in our life. Instead of opening up spaces for breakthroughs, we are closing the doors of opportunity.

So let’s switch it up. Starting from today let’s speak positivity and self-acceptance into our lives. Even if you don’t feel worthy at the moment, tell yourself you are valuable anyway. Tell yourself: “I am strong, I am beautiful, I am capable, I am resilient, I am powerful”—or any other thing you really want to be underneath your doubts.

Once we build a habit of speaking positivity in our lives we will notice that the obstacles won’t seem as daunting and the opportunities will begin rolling in.

Say something nice to yourself, Clutchettes.

Happy Monday! 

The post Wise Words: Change Your Mind, Change Your Life appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

I dreamt of snakes last night.

In both a disturbing, and very vivid dream, I sat on my bathroom sink talking casually to my mother. Without warning, I was surrounded by snakes, all huge, menacing, and threatening to strike. Scared and unsure of what to do, I looked to her. She immediately produced two knives and tossed them to me (because clearly, she was a samurai warrior of sorts), and simply yelled, “Keep going!” One by one, I beheaded each snake until the last one coiled up and died.

Enter 26.

By the time I reached my 26th birthday, I didn’t even do my usual inventory of my life as a 25-year-old. I just kind of kept it moving. You see, by 26, I was absolutely sure that I would be doing one of three things: working on the staff of someone’s magazine, producing thought-provoking programs on someone’s network, or finishing up my first book — a good 500 pages of fantasy.

Though I’ve been blessed to do much of what I’ve set out to accomplish, it hasn’t been an easy road, and what I envisioned as being a straight line, has often been a winding path filled with insecurities and questions.

I imagine I dreamt of snakes because my personal obstacles haunt me every day, the snakes seem to represent fear and uncertainty for my future, something I always worry about. My mother, who has always been my biggest cheerleader, always told me that the path we set out to lead will never be clear, but without question we are where we’re supposed to be when we’re supposed to be there.

But the truth is, I still don’t know where “there” is, and as I cross the threshold into my late twenties, I’m as unsure as ever.

I’ve now had experience with a lot of life’s lessons, fortunate to be able to attempt different jobs to see where I best fit, all while trying to make the most of a journalism degree without going broke, oh, and managing to stay off the pole while doing so, (because yes, there are certainly moments when turning tricks seemed much more appealing than a 9-5! But that’s another post).

But it’s time to let go of this silly timeline that we create for ourselves that says if we don’t accomplish X by Y, then it’s all over. As you continue on your journey, your goals will change, your head will clear, and you will delve into something new and probably more rewarding than anything you could’ve imagined. The snakes will die. More importantly you’ll learn that you are never too old to begin creating history.

I questioned this until I looked at some the figures who best serve as examples — Jay-Z dropped his first album, Reasonable Doubt, at age 26. Toni Morrison wrote her first book in her early thirties. It’s not too late.

I had a timeline all my life. It has gone nothing as I expected.

So it’s time to ditch it, and just be satisfied knowing that what’s been done up until this point has all been worth it.

What do you think? Are you living on a timeline?

The post Wise Words: Let Go of Your Timeline appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.” – Voltaire

It seems like an odd question, considering the fact that we live in society built on freedoms: freedom of speech and freedom to live how we choose. But more often than not, many of us are not free.

If we were—not only would we not care what other people think or say about us—but we’d also be pursuing the lives we really want to live.

Whether your passion is for travel, working with others, being steeped in academia, or being your own boss, too often we get trapped in our lives based on necessity or obligation, and not because they are actually what we want.

I won’t pretend freedom is easy; it’s extremely hard. When you buck the norm and step outside of what most people expect you to do there will be push-back. Folks won’t understand what you’re doing, why you want to go against the grain, or why you’d want to live an extraordinary life (especially when theirs is fairly ho-hum).

Although the road to freedom may be tough, the reward is so worth it.

While I’d like for my family and friends to support my choice to live an awesome life, I realize that if they don’t “get it,” they may not be able to get on board right away.

But will I let it stop me? Certainly not, and you shouldn’t either.

Go forth and live awesomely, Clutchettes.

Happy Monday! 

The post Wise Words: Are You Really Free? appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“According to Vedanta, there are only two symptoms of enlightenment, just two indications that a transformation is taking place within you toward a higher consciousness. The first symptom is that you stop worrying. Things don’t bother you anymore. You become light-hearted and full of joy. The second symptom is that you encounter more and more meaningful coincidences in your life, more and more synchronicities. And this accelerates to the point where you actually experience the miraculous.” ― Deepak Chopra

If you’re like me, you think entirely too much.

Before I act or speak or write something, I think and think and think about it to death. And if it’s an important decision, my brainpower is totally committed to examining every single facet of the issue.

While this can serve me well in some instances, it can also completely hold me back in others.

This year, I’ve been writing a great deal about achieving your dreams. While I’ve been able to inspire and encourage others to go for their goals, when it comes to attaining my own aims, I can sometimes worry myself out even getting started.

Recently, I finally decided that next year my son and I will spend at least a month living in another country (or countries), a decision I’ve postponed because I’ve thought entirely too much about it. Instead of using my time to plan the trip, craft a budget, and create an itinerary, I’ve spent the majority of my time worrying about minor details. Instead of just getting there and figuring things out, I questioned everything from whether or not my son would eat certain foods to having Internet access on the go.

But here’s what I realized: Worrying about what might happen prevents me from experiencing what will happen.

And if you get caught up wringing your hands and second-guessing your decisions you will never be able to enjoy the sheer magnificence of what life has to offer.

Happy Monday, Clutchettes! 

The post Wise Word: Why Worry? appeared first on Clutch Magazine.

“Self-esteem creates natural highs. Knowing that you’re lovable helps you to love more. Knowing that you’re important helps you to make a difference to others. Knowing that you are capable empowers you to create more. Knowing that you’re valuable and that you have a special place in the universe is a serene spiritual joy in itself.” – Louise Hart

An interesting thing happened this weekend: I was reminded of the fact that I have a hard time accepting compliments.

While hanging out with a “friend” who said I was sexy, I couldn’t just let his compliment ride. I dismissed it and told myself he couldn’t possibly be serious. Why? Although I think I’m attractive, I’d never describe myself as sexy (until I lose 30 pounds).

After he left I realized what I was doing: selling myself short.

Too often we struggle to accept the kind words and compliments of others because we think we’re not worthy. Sure, we describe it as being humble, but underneath it all, often times we don’t think we deserve the praise.

From our relationships to our jobs, many of us frequently shirk off the kind words of others because we don’t think we’re living up to their words.

But here’s what I know. Once we believe in our worth, we will not only be better people, but we’ll also attract those (romantically, professionally, etc.) who are drawn to our light and confidence.

So the next time someone says something nice about you, accept it. Don’t make a joke, don’t rush to discount their kind words, and don’t reject the idea that you’re great.

Tell yourself you are worthy, even if you don’t believe it. Because once you practice accepting the good from others, you’ll begin to accept yourself.

Happy Monday, Clutchettes! 

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