Fall Back

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The struggle in liking someone is that it’s very, very hard to swallow the reality of how much you actually like them.  Your emotions are untamed and you want to flawlessly execute everything you can for the person without over stepping your boundaries and becoming the overnight wifey.  I mean, you are just dating.

We all know being cautious in any type of relationship could be the ultimate demise. Listening to your foolish heart can work against you in the end and cheat you of the opportunity to discover Mr. Right.

Relationships can grow at a fast pace, sometimes out of control.  Relationships are made up of two people’s emotions, two people’s wants, and two people’s needs. Trying to manage and get on the same page isn’t always simple.  However, if you continuously find yourself on different a page, that’s a clear indicator that it is time to close that chapter book and add it to the rest of your slightly used book collection.

“Since meeting you, I have honestly told myself a few times that I had to fall back in an effort to not overwhelm you or myself.” Trying to talk yourself into falling back is not a solid move strategically.  Removing yourself from a situation you enjoy doesn’t make sense—no matter how you spin it. What are the consequences of falling back?

Living two different lives. Some people are very good at multitasking.  By now, we’ve all mastered how to talk, text, tweet, Facebook, and brush our teeth, all at the same time.  We all strive to live a balanced life, whether or not it involves school, a full-time job, family and friends.  Our generation is known for wanting to have a perfect balanced life.  We don’t mind working and playing equally as hard. We’ll clock our 40 hours a week to know we’ll have the money to socialize on the weekend and enjoy. Dating a lot of people at one time can be overwhelming for some, and then for others it’s a nice moist piece of devious cake.  The more distance you create or give someone, the more the door is open for someone else to step up in 3D—and I’m not talking about the movie.  For some reason, we’ve developed a faux complex of “what one person won’t do, the other will.”  Do we even conjugate ourselves in that complex?  Just be careful and know who you’re dealing with.

Bore me, bore me, bore me (hmmm yawn). The guy who once was at your beckoning call might have gazed a little glimpse of glitter out of the corner of his eye.  For myself, if I get a sense of uncertainty with someone I begin to open my eyes a little bit more.  As a 2-minute microwave generation, we tend to get bored easily.  If there’s no sequence-glitter flashing lights or no rambunctiously moving shimmer, we lose interest—quick!

Baby, am I doing too much? . . . If you’re feeling you’re doing too much, chances are you’re not doing enough.  If you’re in a relationship, especially in a non-committed one, and you have to remind yourself or keep a list of all the things you’ve done—seems like you’re not really concerned with the person but only concerned about what you’ve accomplished.  Trying to set precedence doesn’t mean you’ve won the prize already.

Truth be told, you threw me for a loop. A huge deterrent for most relationships, even ones we’re fostering, is that we’ve developed a false sense of commitment to the person.  Even though it’s hard to admit, and hard even for me to type, you have to be able to tell yourself, “we’re not in a relationship.” This person owes you nothing—another complicated branch of dating. If you just want to be coy and say, “oh we’re just friends,” and date, then do that—date.  If you want to put the lockdown on, then do it.  If truth be told, would you really get upset if you didn’t receive your daily “good morning” text, or he postponed y’all weekly Taco Tuesdays?  Getting even and pulling back will only make things worse.  As living, breathing, loving, capable humans, we are always entitled to feel we are owed something—must be in our blood.  We have rights!  I’m a person who likes consistency, doesn’t mean we’re in a committed relationship—just reliable.  I never start anything I can’t finish and expect people to treat me the same. Now when it comes to commitment, I’m obliged to quickly change the subject.  It’s our human nature to adapt to patterns, and we intuitively have a sixth sense when something, or someone, is off.  But there is a difference in the meaning between consistency and commitment—might seem as thin as the line between love and hate.

If you like someone, there’s no reason in running from the fact.  Trying to create a good balance to show that you’re interested is hard.  Don’t bamboozle yourself into thinking that falling back is going to draw him into you more.  A man wants to know you’re interested and engaged.  Too much disconnection will only give him the opportunity to connect with someone else—no pun intended.

So you want to fall back?  Be cautious, you just might miss out.

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  • Good article and right on time!

    I’m currently in this situation lol. I’m currently dating a long time friend whom I’ve always had a crush on and who has always had a crush on me. We have great chemistry and a lot of fun together but I do find myself “falling back” at times because I don’t want things to get too serious, too fast. We are dating exclusively but we have yet to have “the talk”. I feel that if I give into my feelings too soon, it might ruin our vibe.

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