From Black Voices — The theory of supply and demand is arguably the most fundamental tenet of the free market. Understand how it works and you understand three-quarters of America’s woes, like the proliferation of reality television, the unnecessary gluttonous absurdity of Taco Bell and KFC one-stops, and the exponential growth of ringtone purchases by grown-ass adults who should know better.

It even plays out in the marketplace of ideas and opinion. This is where women, in particular, get tripped up on the supply and demand of relationship advice. When men loudly inquire “what the hell are you listening to her for,” it’s not just a crude knee-jerk response. It comes from our innate understanding that women, although inadvertently in most cases, tend to give each other bad advice. We know this. Yet women demand it from their girlfriends, who are all too happy to supply it. It’s an irrepressible instinct that women share. For reasons that are more perplexing than Beyonce’s overproduced choreography, women seem to think their girlfriends are uniquely qualified to provide sound advice on affairs of the heart. They’re not.

Let me offer a few reasons to why you might want to check in with a sensible male friend that you trust or a professional instead.

1. Misery Loves Company
The bitter girlfriend scenario is classic. She’s jaded from her own failed or failing relationship. Rather than converse, she wants to commiserate. She suffers from emotional Tourette’s syndrome – uncontrollably blurting out red-flag statements like “girl, please, f*ck him and his momma.” She has no genuine interest in your happiness at this point. Chances are she probably could have made some different decisions with her own love life, but she didn’t. Now she’s lonely and livid, high off her own supply (of bad advice) and she’s doing her best to bait you into her relationship crack den. Walk away.

2. Standards and Practices
I’m a big fan of this expression: Standards and Practices (S&P) originates in the broadcast industry as a term that applies to the moral and ethical implications of programs that networks air. In relationships, it takes on a similar meaning. Each couple creates their own parameters and boundaries in terms of behavior and lifestyle choices they embrace or will tolerate. The problem is your girlfriend may be operating from an entirely different S&P handbook. For example, you may have no issue with your husband and his buddies hitting Vegas for the weekend. She does. In fact, her husband can’t even go to happy hour after work without drama and 20 questions to follow. You two are operating from two different handbooks. Your relationship sensibilities are incompatible. She’s about to steer you wrong and give you advice that doesn’t fit the dynamics of your marriage. Change the subject quickly.

(Visit Black Voices to read 3 and 4….)

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  • Jasmine

    So let me get this correct, the qualities of a good woman is one who cannot trust the advice of other women, good in various horizontal/vertical positions, must look good at all times (no days off, per steve harvery), cook, clean, quiet during sports/x-box, no ‘golddigging’ tendencies, and the the list goes on. Its funny how the author didn’t state what you get in return for being all of the above. The fact is, there is nothing to be gained. No husband, no bf,no friends (of the same/opposite gender) no life. I know that things are not what they used to be, but give up the ‘I’m just trying to help black women’ bs when all you present is a list of demands for what women should be while not even stating what the role and responsiblities of men are.

  • Beef Bacon

    Wow, is this why all my women friends call me to talk about things? Because I give bad advice. I think NOT!

    However, I have had to put one of my gf’s in check after she threw hate all over my engagement. I did not talk with her for several months, she later called, and we eventually carried on as if nothing happened. Yet, she knows better moving forward.

    When a friend calls me, I listen, and reply based on her questions. I don’t EVER say negative things about her man, because only she can do that. I ask her how she feels about what is happening and what she can do to make it better or what did she do to contribute to the problem. I look at it from both perspectives as an outsider.

    I would be doing my friends a major injustice if I added more negativity to the situation. That would not make me a very good friend either. Most of the time, when I want to vent with a friend, I really just want her to listen anyway, because, eventually I come to my own conclusion through my vent sessions and prayer.

    If a woman is not wise enough to know when she is surrounded by frienemies and fraters, than that is the least of her concerns!

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  • I very much understand this whole issue. All of my friends are operating from different handbooks & none of them are useful to me. One only dates if he’s taking her shopping in the morning no matter what he looks, likes taking other people men for herself Always wants what some other girl has & another, likes being in relationships she know are un healthy know & thinks unconditional love will heal them & change them even tho she’s he still hasn’t married her in 5 years. Life is so interesting personally I was watching Oprah who interviewed some nuns & am now thinking of joining a convent lol.