“Yeah, chicks have a talent for that.”
“Making their man a ten.”
This was the conversation between me and my best guy friend as I told him about running into my ex. To be honest, at first I was offended. It wasn’t like I was pulling a Hillary on Bosnia and “misremembering” the relationship. As much as I often tried to ignore it, I could remember every event leading up to our split. From start to finish, I had replayed the whole thing in my head.
But my friend’s comments stung me because I think I knew there was a little bit (ok, maybe a pound or so) of truth in his words.
As a woman, we are guilty of doing it- making our man a 10. We’re not talking upgrade you, we’re talking glossing over the flaws of the men we love.
In a post last week for Psychology Today, Professor Aaron Ben-Zeév outlined his theory on our ability to idealize the people we fall in love with. He writes:
One reason for idealizing the beloved is that we tend to evaluate positively that which we desire. Our inclination toward something often leads to its positive evaluation. Idealization of the beloved may also be considered as a kind of defense mechanism, enabling us to justify our partly arbitrary choice.
It’s interesting to see how as women we can transform the men we love from who they are in actuality to these fantasy versions of what we want. As a woman who’s done it and heard my close girlfriends do the same, I have to admit, it’s hard to look back and found the point where it began. Regardless of when the habit started, odds are that the things that made us begin glossing over should have been the point where we started asking ourselves if we deserved something more.
What do you think Clutchettes, do we fall into the habit of making the men in our lives 10s?