While watching Dave Chappelle’s ‘Racial Draft’ sketch the other day, I couldn’t help but think two things: A. he is a genius, and B. there is another ‘draft’ that would be just as interesting…the Greek draft. Cherry picking celebrities based on how well they fit BGLO stereotypes is something I (and other people) would pay to see. And before one of ye Mighty Greeks steps down from Mt. Olympus to smite me with a lightning bolt, please know this is all in jest.

The Guys:

Alphas

Stereotype: Intelligent, upstanding gentleman; even-tempered. Members include civil rights leader Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., philosopher Dr. Cornel West, author Hill Harper.

During school – will simultaneously organize community service and a classy cabaret. After college – will become the president of the United States or a widely published author, or both.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Barack Obama, J. Cole, Jay Z, Wale

Ques

Stereotype: Rowdy; party starters; center of attention. Members include basketball star Shaquille O’Neal, comedian Bill Cosby, adult entertainer Lexington Steele, and 106 & Park host Terrence J.

During school- will lick a woman’s face as a greeting and/or wear gold-painted construction boots everywhere. After college – will become a captain of an industry, a pastor, or the president of an HBCU.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Rick Ross, Waka Flocka Flame, Phonte Coleman (of Little Brother/Foreign Exchange)

Kappas

Stereotype: Dapper, a ladies’ man, picky. Members include comedian Cedric The Entertainer, former DC mayor Adrian Fenty, Eddie Long , and R&B singer Montell Jordan.

During  School– will likely cover a woman in whipped cream and lick it all off, then proceed to do naughty things to her with his cane.  After college – (see previous).

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Trey Songz, Lloyd, Bobby Valentino, Lance Gross, Drake

Sigma

Stereotype: All around good guys; funny; regular dudes; good steppers. Members include scientist Dr. George Washington Carver, Ghana’s first president Kwame Nkrumah, backup quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers Charlie Batch, and radio personality J. Anthony Brown.

During School – will walk you to class and tell funny jokes along the way. After college – will have a steady job and want to marry you.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Kevin Hart, Nick Cannon, Mario

Iotas

Stereotype: (I personally haven’t met enough Iotas to make a judgment call, so I’ll just take an educated guess). Distinguished members include T.C. Carson (‘Kyle’ from Living Single).

During School – Unknown. After college – (See previous)

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Cole Brown (from Martin), Dwayne Wayne (from A Different World), Glen ‘Big Baby’ Davis of the Boston Celtics

The  Ladies:


AKAs

Stereotype: High-maintenance, bourgeois. Members include actress Phylicia Rashad, author Maya Angelou, actress Vanessa Bell Calloway (from Coming to America), civil rights icon Coretta Scott King.

During School – will make you feel self-conscious about your new growth, your home-made outfit and your run-over shoes with a single side-eye.  After college – will go on to become a beauty editor at a prominent fashion magazine.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Lauren London, Teairra Marí, Amerie, model Chanel Iman, Mya


Deltas

Stereotype: The girl next door, business-oriented, level-headed. Members include activist and educator Dr. Betty Shabazz, actress Keisha Knight-Pulliam, singer Lena Horne, and author Nikki Giovanni.

During School – will organize students to canvass for the re-election of a local official, and judge you harshly if you do not participate. After college – will be the presiding judge when your money laundering scheme goes sour.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long, Regina King, Michelle Obama*

*Before you set your mouth to say “Michelle Obama is already an honorary AKA,” just know there is something about her that is undeniably DST. It could be her I-don’t-play-games demeanor, her decidedly low-key style, or the fact that she has Barack on a leash shorter than Gary Coleman. In my mind she’s a Delta.

Zetas

Stereotype: No-nonsense, loyal, and opinionated. Members include comedienne Sheryl Underwood, author Zora Neale Hurston, actors Esther Rolle and Ja’net Dubois (Florida and Willona from Good Times), and chanteuse Syleena Johnson.

During School – will play your face by loud talking you while you take the ‘walk of shame’ from the boy’s dorm. After college – will become comedienne, and get paid to loud talk you for sitting in the front row.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Jennifer Hudson, Raven Symone, Wendy Raquel Robinson/Tasha Mack (from The Game)


SGRhos

Stereotype: Bookish, shy, educationally focused. Distinguished members include Oscar winner Hattie McDaniel, singer Kelly Price and actress Victoria Rowell (from Young & the Restless).

During School – will be your Math 101 tutor, will be deeply committed to community service. After college – will be the millionaire next door, and you won’t even know it.

Greek Draft 2011 Picks: Denise and Vanessa Huxtable, Condolezza Rice, Chrisette Michelle

Ok good people, what do you think? Am I on target, or am I off by a long shot? Who do you think should be in the Greek 2011 Draft?

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  • Joe

    Kudos to the Blacks who took a noble position on this thread to combat the glamorized culture of self-hate/self-sabotage in the black community. Thank you for not trying to minimize the issue down to someone being offended by a harmless blog post. I appreciate you for realizing that the type of dismissive attitudes demonstrated by fellow commentors is PRECISELY why the black community is in peril. Thank you for not attempting to appeal to weak justifications for why we should take humor in the type of self-degradation demonstrated by the author of this piece. Kudos to you for eximplifying the type of accountability necessary to repeal the standard of acceptable ignorance in the black community.

    • roby clark

      Where would jill scott, the non greek braxtons, tamela mann, david mann, tyler perry, swv, total, missy elliot, iggy, lil kim, ja rule, remy, trina, claudette ortiz, lil mo and chante moore be?

  • Ms. Watson

    I found this article very entertaining. As a greek…sometimes you do look at people and wonder what organization they were in. It just happens. None of this should’ve been taken to heart. I love my sorority but like stated…it’s a STEREOTYPE! Stop being so sensitive. Furthermore, I must say I did chuckle at “Before you set your mouth to say “Michelle Obama is already an honorary AKA,” just know there is something about her that is undeniably DST. It could be her I-don’t-play-games demeanor, her decidedly low-key style, or the fact that she has Barack on a leash shorter than Gary Coleman. In my mind she’s a Delta.”

    • Joe

      “None of this should’ve been taken to heart.”

      “Stop being so sensitive.”

      We’ve moved out of the 18th Century, catch up. Leave these types of weak justifications for the kids on the playground, who haven’t matured yet…Unless that’s just who you genuinely are.

  • HBCU Grad

    Funny list (made me reflect back on my college days)! It was basically right on point, give or take a few here & there (from what I recall from Greeks on the “yard”). Except the part on Barack Obama who’s most DEFINITELY the KAPPA type of gentleman…….hands down!!! The NUPES (as they were called by fellow Greeks) were almost always ; handsome, well dressed/spoken, studious and certainly known by the “ladies”. Whenever I see Mr. Obama, he totally exudes the confidence & swagger of a KappaMAN. I’ve previously asked a few Kappas I know if he’s a member. They all laughed and said they are often asked that very question. I now run across many “D9” members in the professional realm (Executive Level). Two of the most successful ($$$$) “Corporate Icons” in American history are both Kappa men ; BILLIONAIRES Bob Johnson (BET Holdings) & Reggie Lewis (TLC Holdings). Great list though!!!!!!!!

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  • did you just add WALE and J.Cole to the Alpha list? Repugnant. I think you need to revise that