There are so many articles and opinions out there about staying positive while dating. Numerous books advise women to keep their heads up, be proactive and not give up, because surely, that perfect guy is waiting right around the corner. In addition to the glossy magazine covers offering tips, how to’s and what not to do’s, are our loving friends and family and their suggestions about the next go around: “Girl, he was wack anyway,” “Maybe you should lower your expectations” or “You gave it up too soon.”
Rarely have I heard men address such situations with as much effort and thought. In fact, most of those dating tips for men—the “Show This to Your Guy” sections— are found in women’s magazines. No wonder designated male reads are filled with flashy, shiny things like cars, watches and scantily clad women; who really wants to dwell on the subject after the fact? I can assure you Brian isn’t reading “Ten Ways to Impress a Woman on a Date” and Phillip will not be found texting Junior about why Sheila isn’t calling anymore.
Instead of a jaunty “Go get ‘em!” smack on the ass to all the dating women out there who are presently rewinding in their heads what worked, didn’t work, or will work, I would like to bar-slide a cold “Who gives a (insert your favorite word here).”
Bottoms up, and take it to the head. Color me jaded, but not caring a lot feels a little too good.
When He Doesn’t Call:
Let’s face it, guys don’t make voice-to-voice contact with women anymore, so instead of waiting for a text, put on your heels and head to the bar. Research has shown that a woman exudes a certain evolutionary mien while in dimly lit places with aromas of malted barley.
You will be stunned to find how quickly someone is willing to strike up a conversation with you. So what if he’s packing a belly and peppered hair—Bob might be funny! Throw the never talk to strangers rule out of the window and practice being charming and doted on. You might be surprised how awesome you sound to a stranger who’s had four beers. More importantly, you will impress yourself by stepping out of your shell and loosening up a bit.
Note: Bob, who was in town on business, became a great connect for me in college. After he bought out my tab, he gave me his business card and later a lead on an internship. Apparently, he was so impressed with how colorfully I negated his younger gender species, that he endorsed my talents with a letter of recommendation. Bob left the bar and returned to Topeka. I left feeling oddly empowered. Then I spit and adjusted myself before hopping on the subway back to campus.
When He Doesn’t Choose You:
Whether it’s another woman or his career that he’d rather focus on, he’s not feeling you, and that’s okay. Your effort is no longer warranted. This should be a relief because now you have two options.
Beat him at his own game—not for him, but for you. Call up Tony or the mean time, in between guy just to avert your attention elsewhere. This might be the guy who only texts you after eleven on weekends when you’re already nestled nicely in your bed or out on the town with your girls. Maybe you’ll want to finally respond and meet-up for a drink or something that you would like to do. The next time that persistent bug-a-boo asks to see you, take that impromptu invitation, and run with it. Have him meet you somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go. The key here is to not go out of your way, be safe and have fun.
He’s decided that he needs to focus on his career, and thus, it’s not a good time for him to have a relationship; or rather, he’s just not that into you. Why not emulate him? Throw yourself into your job, education or hobbies. If he can use this excuse, so can you. Use this time to give all you got climbing the corporate ladder. Your dedication to your work will reap reward tenfold. You might just get that promotion you never imagined you could.
Likewise, choosing your studies over studying that man will definitely pay off, and it makes planning your night that much easier. You’re no longer waiting by the phone or complaining that he doesn’t call enough because you’re too enthralled with “Logic 101: Plausible and Implausible Reasoning: What Happened? What Will Happen Next?”