Since the beginning of our friendship, my bestfriend and I vowed to stay out of each other’s dating life. It’s not that we won’t talk about the men that we’re dating, but we certainly don’t feel obligated to meet each other’s boyfriends (they rarely last) or even attempt to play matchmaker. Between our family drama and careers, there is enough to discuss and laugh about everyday. Who needs the extra drama of being wrapped up in each other’s relationships, too? If we need each other’s opinion, we just ask on a case-by-case basis. We’re pretty stubborn anyway, so while we may hear each other’s advice, it’s unlikely that we’ll listen. Perhaps, this system will change when we both settle down, but for now, that’s our thing. And we’ve been friends for years.

Surprisingly, we were on the phone one day, laughing about the usual stupid stuff and giving each other advice on our entrepreneurial pursuits, when suddenly, she starts to gush about this new male friend of hers, saying that she wants me to meet him… for a date.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I laughed.

“No Ari, I’m serious. I think you’d like him, but…he’s a bit different than your type. You tend to date the kindergarten teacher, but he’s more of an entrepreneur…an artist.”
My relationships with artists rarely extend beyond sex. There’s always too much chemistry, creativity, and mayhem. But I let her continue…

“…He’s very laid back. Humble guy. Intelligent. A lot of depth. He’d even let you wear the pants in the relationship.”

“Wear the pants? What’s that supposed to mean? And I don’t always date the kindergarten teacher. I date corporate guys, too.”

“Ari…”

“What? I’m serious. This guy sounds like he’d be a great friend, maybe even a business connection. But dating, I don’t know about all of that.”

We’ve had some form of this conversation at least three times in the last two weeks. She won’t relent and I have yet to give in. Simply put, he doesn’t sound like my type, at least for anything to last beyond a few months. And right now, I’m not in the mood for another sex partner. The truth is that yes, I do date the kindergarten teacher. I am an alpha female and wear the “pants” in my relationships (whatever that’s supposed to mean). I don’t do well with alpha men, so while I go on dates with corporate dudes, the situation rarely extends beyond the restaurant. And I have hot, passionate love affairs with artists, but I’ve always been against them for just that. It gets too intense and eventually, we burn out.

While I stereotype and date selectively, I’m aware that it limits my options. I’m working on it, but honestly, I don’t feel pressed to make the change right now. There’s too much going on in my career to cultivate a serious relationship and there are ample kindergarten teachers for casual dates. But recently, a friend got engaged to a man that she said claims was far from her type. She tends to prefer well-educated, corporate black men. Her fiancé is white and an artist.

Perhaps, she’s onto something along with the countless other women that date outside of their type, whether it is racially, professionally, or any other attribute. Or what about the women that don’t have a type? Maybe that’s the best way to date. What do you think?

Do your past partners have similar physical, professional, and/or racial characteristics? Or do you date freely, solely targeting mutual values? Speak on it.

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  • damidwif

    how about the reverse? i will not see i guy who is: a police officer, a lawyer or judge, military, jailbird. i think that’s it.

  • Don’t put ppl in a box. A category a label etc. Bc when it’s vice-versa, the judgement is not appreciated. I don’t subscribe to that term “type.” It just doesn’t add up in the grand scheme of things. The most important attributes will remain the same whether a teacher, artist, train conductor, doctor or janitor. A respectful man who loves you for you and makes you laugh and… [fill in the blank] Chris Rock said it best “I like a woman that likes me.” Not so general for most people but you the point. Someone can be described one way but actually be another way in person/real life. Be open. Not foolish, but open and not judgmental.

  • Incognita

    In my singlehood, I had a type too. When I started getting serious with my boyfriend (who eventually became my husband), I lamented to my friends and older sister that he didn’t meet my qualifications. At the time, I found brothers over 6’0″ tall, brown-skinned, physically-fit incredibly attractive, and men with a minimum of having a Master’s degree extremely attractive. My sister responded, “That’s fine and all but you haven’t mentioned anything about his character and how he treats you. Besides, how are the guys who meet your so-called qualifications treating you?” That was a wake-up call for me and I soon realized the gem I had right under my nose.