Ok, Clutch fam. I have to tell you a story. It’s silly, it really is, but I can’t keep this nonsense to myself. I don’t think people realize the level of damage and disturbance that some of these folks we come across are dealing with.
The other night, I was mentioned in a Tweet by a man, who comments on this site, linking my feature from Wednesday; he stated that I was “undateable and (prove) that White women make Black women very insecure,” based on my two references to Black men who prefer White women in the aforementioned piece. I’m used to dealing with silly, short-sighted criticism and unabashed hatred, so I don’t take hits like that seriously. Some of y’all know my style by now, I can be a little snarky and sarcastic. So instead of taking the high road, I went on and replied. And I CC’d my boyfriend…yes, my undateable butt has one…and we banged on old boy for a few minutes. Why? For our own entertainment. Not because we took what he said seriously, but for entertainment.
Dude managed to be totally out of the box, as expected; he briefly came at my beau on some “let’s put the women to bed and talk man to man” style language and when he saw that my man was not going for his nonsense, he told him that he needed to “check (his) bitch”. Yes, chile. People like this exist and they are right here among us.
Anyhoo, the next day comes and we see that this gentleman has again tweeted us; this time, he has informed us that there is a video that we should watch. And it’s some crazed, crazed, crazed dude (who is, apparently, a notorious hater of Black women, who went on a fifty-two minute rant about me). This person is very, very upset with sisters and he seems to think that I am an example of one of the worst ones out there. He even went so far as to do a Google image search on me and included picture links.
For almost an hour, this man sat and ranted. He ranted about the first paragraph of the essay (he never mentioned the rest, which makes me wonder if he read it). He ranted about hating feminists (“It’s like having a bitch who smokes!” Er…); at one point, his tone is almost frightening, it’s so loaded with loathing. “I’m so frustrated, I’m so angry with Black women…” No kidding, sir.
I don’t expect most men or even most non-feminist identified women to understand feminism without doing some serious soul searching and exploration, so I am not surprised that someone like this would take the set of ideals and make it seem anti-male. Yet and still, I cannot help but to be saddened by how upset this pro-woman thought can make a man. I never said I believed in promoting matirarchy and I never said that Black men need to submit to Black women. I didn’t even express any hatred for Black men who date White women; I simply indicated that it was problematic that there are men who prioritize or prefer White women over sisters. Despite all of that, he made me out to be his enemy, to be this evil Black feminazi man-hater who is working with “the Man” to keep brothers down.
If you read this far, you likely feel that this man and his nonsense were afforded far too many words and that I should not entertain someone who behaves in such a manner. You would be correct. Yet, its difficult not to feel a way in this situation. It’s sad how much ire women receive for having these kinds of views when most of us embrace feminism as a tool for changing the world, not for holding men down. I’ve been blogging for almost six years, so I’m not really freaked out by this sort of thing. But it feels terrible to know that your ideas for self-preservation and community uplift represent an attack of some sort to another person. And it sucks to have your words taken out of context to serve a hateful, miserable agenda that doesn’t seem to serve anyone.
Feminism threatens many men and not always in such a perverse and blatantly mean spirited way as what was expressed here. By definition, it challenges a system that provides men with certain inherent benefits; even men like this one, who feel that their race denies them those advantages, want to maintain the system in hopes that one day they might be as powerful as whatever forces kept them from experiencing what they feel entitled to. I wish this man could have expressed that without calling me a “bitch” ten times or without being so committed to the idea that most Black women are wrong and that he, sight unseen, might just be the perfect catch.