I’ve been thinking and watching The War of the Roses a lot lately. It’s one of my favorite movies from when I was a kid and something about the clearly dysfunctional relationship between Barbara and Oliver (Kathleen Turner & Michael Douglas) always humored and captivated me. There is a line in the movie by Danny DeVito that always makes me stop and think…as a child I had no answer to it, and as an adult, I still don’t which is somewhat scary. Although many of us never ask ourselves out loud the question I’m about to pose, we do act the question out in our relationships. We’ve all been there, on one side or the other and no matter which side you’ve been on the emotional toll it can take is pretty rough. So ladies and gents in the words of Danny DeVito I ask you…..

“How do you hold on to someone that won’t stay and how to you get rid of someone who won’t go?”

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  • nappyandhappy

    LOL when i was like ten i watched that movie constantly!!! The answer is there is no answer, you just have to decide that loving yourself is more important, once you stop seeking that validation its like you have found nirvana

  • African Mami

    1.) If he won’t stay. You make him stay by giving him bomb sex and cooking great food
    2.) If he won’t go. Develop bad hygiene. He’ll run and never look back like Lot’s wife did and turn into salt.

  • The Comment

    This is a movie you watch as a kid because it captures your interest. And then you watch it again as an adult cause you realize nothing in life is really new. I dont’ know the answer. Restraining orders, move across town, get a lawyer. Pick one.

  • Trini

    For some strange reason it that question makes me think of the prayer/mantra they teach people who go to Alcoholics Anonymous: “God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    Because at the end of the day you really cant control what others do but you can control how you choose to react.