The Republican Primaries are still going strong. Last night, the remaining four candidates gathered for their 19th—that’s right, 19th—debate in Jacksonville, FL. It was  the last debate before the Florida primary on Jan. 31. Then it’s on to Super Tuesday and Groundhog Day will strike again.

Til then, here are my (try-not-to-jump-off-the) Cliff Notes from last night’s debate.

First of all, the crowd was whiter than an albino billygoat. I found myself playing a rather challenging game of “count the black folk.” I found three. And I was proud of myself. They did, however, include Latinos through videoconferencing a viewing party in Miami.

The evening kicked off with the big gun: immigration. Cue Mitt Romney defending his support for the enforcement of immigration laws with such force that people would begin to “selfdeport.” As in, make life so miserable for people who risked their lives to come to America that they will return to their home countries. Other candidates agreed. Shocker.

Newt Gingrich was taken to task for his statement that Spanish was the language of the ghetto. Newt, in no specific order, denied it, deflected it, and then claimed it was taken out of context. Oh, but it wasn’t. He sure wasn’t talking about Pig Latin. And why the apology in Spanish then?

Rick Santorum advocated “intervention” in Latin America and helping the Cuban people enjoy freedom. I liked him better when he was talking about “blah people.

Hearing these people talk about immigration made me miss RickPerry. Typing that sentence made me want to pack a knapsack and head into the wilderness.

The feel-good moment of the night came when the candidates were asked which Latino leaders they would include in their cabinets. Then, they all but dropped to their knees to grovel at the feet of Latino politicians and couldn’t praise them enough. It was beautiful.

The feel-bad moment of the night was when a Palestinian-American Republican looked the candidates in eyes and said “We do exist.” And the candidates, aside from Ron Paul, responded that Palestinians, basically, should not exist and that Israel is our friend. Not them. [Note to self: bring a teddybear to the next debate.]

Wrapping up.

Want to know what keeps New Gingrich up at night? The thought of Chinese people on the moon. Why? Cause Americans should get there first. So, he is committed to creating a colony on the moon. The man literally promised the moon.

Oh, and Ron Paul wants to cut $1 trillion from the federal budget within the first year of his presidency. Good thing that’ll never happen.

What did you think Clutchettes? Any other highlights?

 

 

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  • Kanyade

    Yeah Ron, good luck with that, son.

    Newt Gingrich’s colony on the moon…please have a blow-up chair, seat, Newt. SIT DOWN! Of all the things that are plaguing this nation, he wants to focus on space and the moon, the precious rock orbiting our planet, a rock with no natural resources, no resources at all, save for moondust…he wants to colonize it. That is the utmost importance to him?

    I think he was placating for the sake of those Cape Canaveral folk who were put out of work when the program shut down. And then I think he really believes in…a revival of the Cold War. And maybe he’s been reading lots of sci-fi novels lately, too. But above all the placating, his words, most of what was discussed was misdirection, just like in that Dave Chappelle skit where he mocks former President Bush who’d rather talk about “gays” and “the united states of space” than the REAL ISSUES (he caused) like the war in Iraq.

    Instead of colonizing space, why not colonize the wide open spaces of Utah, Wyoming, the Badlands of the Dakotas….since with immigration as it is, the United States is “busting at the seams” with illegals. *insert sarcasm* Seriously. Put a lunar-base in the middle of the Badlands. The only difference between there and the moon is gravity an atmosphere, of which the moon has very little. LOL

    The end. [of my rant]

  • Eva

    Ron Paul claims to be against big government and liberty, but he isn’t. He is pro big government and his government is called Google-WalMart-ExxonMobil. He is talking about liberty but he has no clue about that. You little stupid sheeps you believe him, can’t help you, you have to learn. Let him in power and see what happens to your life yourself, until it does not hurt you, you will never learn that people that could have a chance to win elections in the US, will never be against big government