I was reading a post over on the blog WhoUCallinABitch, when the writer M. Wins recounted an incident that made her wonder why some people go to great lengths to hide their relationship status from others.

After attending an event for a local artist who was quite handsome, Wins noticed the man was married…but his wife, was nowhere to be found.

She writes:

As Mr. Perfect walked away with, his manly frame still in my peripheral, something caught my eye: His wedding band.  *sigh* It would figure that my fantasy had already been claimed by someone else.  While the girls and I enjoyed the hors d’oeuvres and free wine being passed, I observed this man moving from group to group, eventually taking a moment to himself, never once being joined by his better half.  I mean, this was kind of a big deal presentation and Mrs. Dream Snatcher never materialized.

As the evening drew to a close (and as I was STILL watching him with my good eye), I did happen to notice that there was a particular woman that managed to elicit his undivided attention.  She was giving him all the “I’m available and interested” signals and was not wearing a ring herself.  The crew and I made our exit before the guest of honor and his newfound friend finished their conversation, but the extremely nosey broad in me wanted to see how the whole situation would pan out.  It was not out of the realm of possibility that the two of them went elsewhere to get to know one another a little more or to have a night cap.  It is 2012. 

Like Wins, I’ve seen prominent or “successful” men play down their significant others time and time again. We see it on reality shows (uhh, Emily B. anyone?), we see it with actors who want to preserve their “sex symbol” status, and apparently, this phenomna has trickled down to regular folks as well. But why?

Is it a case of folks trying to have their committed cake and eat every other women too?

Hearing things like this makes me wonder how the unclaimed partner feels. Is he or she cool with their significant other (or worse, spouse), downplaying their relationship in public (do they even know)? Does her man try to rationalize her lack of public acknologement?

I can’t imagine being in one of these relationships. If I’m committed, the world most definitely knows it, and I expect the same from my partner. It’s a matter or basic respect.

What do you think? Why are some people ok with being publicly “unclaimed” in their relationships? 

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  • Mocha

    I have a friends like this..and for the life of me I don’t understand it. I’ve come to believe that with my friends in particular, it’s a lack of self respect and from not healing old wounds from failed relationships in the past. So to them it’s easier to believe that the saying “men will be men”. To me, I hear, “it’s okay for him to cheat because that’s what a man does and as long as it doesn’t get back to me it’s cool”. That’s stupid. But if that works for them (clearly it doesn’t) then cool. In my relationship, I better not even THINK i’m being cheated on..trust is everything to me..and if i can’t trust you..I can’t be with you..sorry it’s just that simple. Heart break isn’t a joke and I dang sure won’t be putting myself through it when all the signs are right in my face. You live and you learn. Some people just live..and never learn.

  • sal

    most people who throw their hands around and letting their business known to everyone are the same ones struggling to keep their realationships together. There is nothing wrong with keeping a part of your life private

  • MK

    he wasn’t hiding anything, he was wearing a wedding band.

  • People do this because they need to know if they are still in the interest of someone else. I would call it a result of some sort of lack in self-comfort and maybe confident too. In case it’s not happening too often I would call it a healthy behavior.