I know a woman, women actually, these women spend pretty much all their free time on the hunt. Are they hunting shopping deals? Nope. Jobs? Try again. These women are constantly on the hunt for evidence that their man is cheating on them. They hack Facebook and Twitter accounts, check cell phones, break into voicemails, check receipts and piece together intricate timelines based on answers received from the lengthy questioning of their men. Have these women found what they were looking for, some have yes, but most of them have only ended up finding themselves in a heated argument or alone. It’s not just the ladies that play Super Secret Secret Squirrel in relationships either. A few of my boys have been known to do drive bys to check up on suspicious ladies nights or have tracked down numbers called too frequently. If you ask any of these people why they do it they’ll tell you it’s because “men cheat” or because they want to make sure they aren’t getting “played.” They’ll tell you they’re justified in their actions and that they wouldn’t mind if their partner checked their phone, etc because they have nothing to hide.

Personally….I think they’re all nuts. I come from the train of thought that says what’s done in the dark always comes to light. I don’t have to snoop or look for evidence because your foolishness will catch up with you sooner or later. I just live my life and keep my eyes and ears open, but snoop, never, and just like I thought, everything came to life. Any man that has ever cheated and/or lied to me got found out because of his own slackness. Friends slipped up, accidental emails, chick got pregnant, etc. I’ve never had to become a female Sherlock Holmes to find out the truth. Besides, if you feel so strongly in your gut that something is going on then something usually is. Your instincts are usually all the evidence you need that something might not be right. The problem is most of us ignore our guts in favor of finding physical proof to substantiate what we’ve known all along.

I think most people snoop because of insecurity. They have been hurt before, lied to and cheated on so their trust has been damaged, maybe not by the present person, but you know what they say, the son will pay for the sins of the father…the same goes for new partners paying for the sins of the ex. Most of us never start a new relationship with a truly clean slate, we carry residual baggage from the previous relationships with us, often whether we realize it or not and that causes us to look for trouble where there might not be any. I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to snoop on your partner. The mature thing to do would be to have a discussion with them about how you’re feeling (notice I said discuss, not confront. People naturally get defensive when confronted which only raises more suspicion) and if you still feel like something is going on, then take a step back and reevaluate the situation. You don’t want to go around snooping only to find nothing in the end. The snooping will only cause the lack of trust between you two to deepen and without trust any relationship will be destined to fail.

Have you ever snooped? Is it ever okay to snoop on your partner?

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  • Jen

    No.

  • Mo

    My mother once told me, when I was a teenager and not yet dating, “When you go looking for trouble, you will find it. You had better know what you will do then.” It made no sense then, but I never forgot it either. Years later, into my late 20s, I finally understood what she was saying. Basically, if you feel the need to snoop, then you already know what you’re looking for (your instinct doesn’t lie) and you had better be prepared to deal with what you find – will you stay or go?

  • PursuitofHappyness

    I am a recent victim of when insecurity goes wrong. My cell phone was bugged without my knowlege. Not only is it crazy but it is illegal. Please be aware that there are cell phone apps for this. Clutch, you all should do an article on this soon!