How do you know when you are crossing the line of catering to your man to spoiling him? It can be a difficult line to see at times, but once it is crossed we wish we could go back to the other side.

Catering to your man is something that should be done on occasion or just when you feel like doing something special for him. Spoiling is when he receives that “king” treatment every day to the point that he waits for you to put out his meals for him because he has never had to do that himself. The sad thing is that a man that is spoiled doesn’t necessarily mean that he is lazy, but rather this is the lifestyle that YOU have gotten him used to. You know what I mean, making sure there is always cooked food waiting on the stove, preparing his plate, bringing it to him along with anything else he needs to enjoy his food, making sure the place is spic and span, giving him a massage as you ask him about his day, always doing the dishes and taking up his plate after he is done and still walk around looking sexy. SMH and the one time you don’t do these things he looks at you like you lost your mind or, better yet, he will just sit there and wait for you to do all the things he is accustomed to.

When our men are spoiled it is no one’s fault but our own. I do believe in treating my man as a king as long as he treats me like a queen in return. The catering treatment has to go both ways and when it doesn’t it should be addressed.

There is a reason women have to hold back from putting everything on display when in a relationship. You start off slow with a meal here and there, a massage sometimes, walking around in sexy lingerie at other times so that he recognizes this as a “treat” rather than something you are required to do. You have to make sure he understands that he still has to pull his weight around the home (if you two are married or living together) or that every time he comes to hang out by you that it is not his spa day.

Don’t get me wrong, I love catering to my man (and I do it often), but the absolute best is when he returns the gesture. There is nothing like coming home to a clean house, food cooked and your man rubbing or kissing your feet just to show how much he appreciates you and all that you do.

Let you man or significant other know that you do what you do out of your love for him and that is it NOT an obligation. I notice that with some married couples the women complain that treating her man like a “king” has become a chore and something she doesn’t enjoy anymore because it is EXPECTED more than APPRECIATED.

Basically, always make sure to draw that line between catering and spoiling whether you are in a fresh relationship or in something more serious. Treat him like a king as long as he treats you like a queen.

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  • Queen Ki

    @Kissa

    Nothing could be further from the Truth. You can’t go by the comments people make on this website because this is only a handful of people out of HOW MANY MILLIONS of Black people in the world?

    I’m just sayin’…

    • kissa

      I wish it was so…But unfortunately this isn’t the only site that carries death to black love dialogues…Similar dialogue can be found offline too as well..Which leaves me to feel black love is dead…

  • I am being very careful not to cross the line because my man is already spoiled. I don’t know where he gets it from, I think his ex’s all spoiled him but I’ve already explained it’s not like that with me. I don’t do spoiling. Because I’m not begging him to do x, y and z for me. I’m hungry I fix food, I need to go somewhere I make a way, I need to buy something I find the money. I’m not spoiled. It’s getting to the point where If he starts this baby act again I’m going to print out a picture of Destiny’s Child and tell him to go ask them since they like to Cater/Spoil their men.

  • MsZMC

    I dont have a problem with catering, especially if I am being catered to too! But the problem I have is these young brothers who want us to cater to them and we are just dating and the catering is how we can “earn” their heart/trust/attention etc…

    I’ve had several men I know say that when dating a woman they expect her to prove that she is a GOOD woman by cooking for him, cleaning up HIS apartment when she comes over, giving him a massage and etc. And all this is to be done before he will trust her enough to treat her the same way. So serious this has come out of their mouths.

    Now I believe in taking steps. If we are dating, show me what you got: I’m still into courting. I’d cook a meal or two if we get a little more closer and if exclusive I will pick up the other womanly roles here and there as well. If you are my man I will cater/almost spoil just as well as I expect my man to do the same.

    I’ve seen a woman spoil a man before making it official and he keeps her in that unofficial spot because he doen’st have to move forward… he’s getting everything for free anyway! Meals, sex, and support whenever he needs it and he doens’t even have to call you his girlfriend..