God bless my grandmother’s heart. She has the best intentions in the world, but sometimes I look at her and shake my head. This weekend was one of those times. During a visit she actually thought it would be a good idea to offer her 70+year-old friend as an option for me, since she was interested in dating him. I looked at my sister and looked back at my grandmother and couldn’t help but to laugh. I couldn’t believe she was saying this, especially since she was the woman who always told me, “Old men will give you worms,” and I’m still not sure what she meant by that. A simple thanks, but no thanks, was all I could tell her.

“Hey, I have a friend, he’s nice, but he doesn’t have any arms.”

“There’s this guy I know, he’s really cool, but he has this drinking problem..would you like to meet him?”

“You know my cousin is single. If you can look past the fact that he’s 5’6 and 300 lbs, he’s great.”

Unfortunately I wish I could say those examples above are exaggerations, but they’re not. I’m not sure why, but when you’re single, for some reason, people always assume that you’re willing to accept anyone who happens to come along. Well that’s a whole lot of not happening.

One of the glorious things about being single is having choices and options. I know for a fact that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and a lot of men aren’t mine either. I’m not going to go around sipping on some Lipton, when I know I really want a cup of Earl Grey. I’ve learned over the years, that although I have preferences, sometimes I do need to show flexibility, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to bend over backwards, just for anyone.

I’m single, not desperate.

If I was desperate, sure, I’d probably go out with the 5’6 300 lb dude, and stare at him endlessly while he’s chewing his food, and end up thinking to myself, “What the fuck am I doing here?” I’m also not the most superficial person any more either. I’ve come to realize that I’ll never get a chance at Ryan Gosling (damn, you Eva Mendes), and have ‘slightly’ lowered my standards. Not a lot, but slightly. It’s a process. Baby steps and a 12 step program. By standards, I mean, that where I wouldn’t see myself dating someone who is slightly overweight, I have. The guy that isn’t quite 6’0 (I’m 6’1 in heels) may still have a chance. Other things I’ve learned to look past usually have to do with their financial stability, education and career. But that doesn’t mean I plan on giving the fry cook at McDonald’s a chance either.

Being single doesn’t mean that a person has to totally get rid of their preferences, but allowing for a little flexibility doesn’t hurt. Flexibility also doesn’t mean you have to just throw everything out of the window and become a desperate dater either. I’m going to keep my preferences, but not become totally close minded because there are always deal breakers, that I don’t plan on budging on. For the record, Ryan Gosling, if you’re reading this. I’m available, email me.

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  • Moviegirl

    Unfortunately, lots of men don’t have hobbies and hanging out in at the local bar seems to be something that many people do. I have found dating in NYC to be excruciating because I never did do the bar scene, not even in college. But that’s where tons of people meet or just hang out. Hobbies are a strange thing to talk about. My hobbies include, window shopping, watching movies and hanging out with friends. I don’t think I would tell people that because they aren’t seen as legitimate hobbies. Yes I read books, can that be considered a hobby? It’s just something I do, like bathe. Everyone bathes. Does karaoke count or jogging on the weekends? IDK.