“I talk to myself. Constantly,” Sarah Jessica Parker admitted in a an interview with People. She claims her audible self-convos are not a sign of insanity, but a coping mechanism for keeping her life together. Hallelujah! I am so glad she came clean about this because I also talk to myself. If my world is flowing, the mute button on my internal dialogue remains on. But when things don’t go exactly as planned (which, let’s face it, is a lot of the time) that’s when the conversation goes live “On Air.” It’s like a defense mechanism that keeps me from short-circuiting. Ironically, I think it keeps me from becoming one of those crazy ladies on the street muttering to herself. Well, at least I hope so.
After the jump, my favorite kinds of conversations to have with myself.
- The to-do list. This conversation is focused exclusively on time-management. When I say “time-management”, I mean squeezing as many activities as possible into a short period of time. It’s more or less an out-loud recitation of what I need to get done in the next ten minutes or ten hours whereupon I rearrange my task list into the most efficient sequence. Example: “So if I wake up at 8 a.m. will that give me enough time for coffee, breakfast, and shower before getting on the train for my brunch? Yeah that should work. You also have to pay the cable bill. Right. And shave your legs because you’re wearing a dress. Yes indeed. Better set the alarm for 7:30.”
- The pep talk. There are times in life when we are anxious/nervous/terrified of something — a job interview, first date, difficult conversation. In these high stakes situations, I try to be my own cheerleader by giving myself out-loud pep talks to strengthen my resolve. Example: “You can do this, you badass bitch! No, I can’t! What if he’s toothless? On the count of three, open the door and greet your blind date with a smile. You’ve been through worse. That’s true. One, two three … !”
- Self-soothing session. It’s alright to cry, but it’s also important to know what to say to make yourselfstop. Sometimes that requires a stern yet compassionate self-talking to. Example: [while looking into a mirror] “Pull yourself together! You are at work and it’s not the right time. You’re going to be fine. Now, go clean yourself up and we can wallow later.”
- The snide remark. Usually these are made for the benefit of my friends or co-workers. But if no one is listening, should I be deprived of my own humor? NO! Example: “Everyone who wears those skel-a-toe shoes should be exiled to a deserted island to live together.”
- The memory jogger. As Gordon Ramsay says to delusional chefs, “I think you’ve lost the plot.” Throughout an average day, I lose the plot several times. I find myself standing in a room not remembering why I’m there or staring at my computer screen wondering what I was just about to do. That’s when I have to ask myself what I was up to. Out loud. Example: “What was I trying to do? Why am I here? Oh yes! I was writing about different conversations I have with myself!”
- The angry rant. Sometimes telling people off is easier if they’re not actually there. The guy who dumped me, an annoying friend, the idiot who locked the top lock that sticks on my front door. I believe in getting the anger out. Who cares if I seem like a loon to innocent onlookers. It’s better than bottling. Example: “You #*^$&*(^#(*^ #(&%&^@&%%$ )*#*^@&%@&^%@!” [said into thin air]
Do you enjoy talking to yourself? What kinds of conversations do you have? Please share in the comments.