I can’t decide whether it’s awesome or awful that there’s a website dedicated to figuring out the subtext of a text from a guy. I mean this could either be a time saver or a severe time suck, depending on your threshold for self-flagellation. Mine happens to be dangerously high, so down the rabbit hole I went.
Hetexted.com is like an infinity feed of “What the fuck?” where you can post a text message then ask the Internet whether “He’s into you,” “He’s not into you,” or if the “Verdict’s still out.” Also you can “ask a bro,” a jury of 12 dudes like Ben, who writes in his bio, “I’m kind of a douchebag, who knows many other douchebags. If you are having a douchebag situation, hit me up.”
I’m leaning toward loving this foolishness even if it turns out to be a big hoax-like performance art piece conducted by sad French clowns in their spare time and not two normal-looking women who saw a need and filled it.
Because despite getting innocuous texts like these nowadays from my main man, I remember all too well the time when those four lines would have sent me into a mimosa-fueled spiral of self-doubt. What does he mean, “No can do”? Does he not want to hang out with me? Who in their right mind doesn’t want to hang out with ME? Does he have other plans? With who? But wait, wait! Look at the “lol.” Did he mean “lots of love” or “laughing out loud”? Either way that’s flirty and fun, right? He wishes he could hang but he’s probably just reallllly busy with work, right? Right!After more than two years, I can say with all seriousness that, yes, my boyfriend is really busy with work. That a text is just a text in this case. I wanted to go out and play and he was being responsible. End of story. But if a girlfriend told me that two years ago — “Oh, he’s probably just busy!” — I wouldn’t have bought it. I would have unpacked all that middle school insecurity hurriedly buried in the back of my 30-something mind and went into full on flower petal mode — he loves me, he loves me not.
So, when a friend told me about HeTexted last week my first reaction was “wah wah” but now it’s somewhere closer to “right on.” Not that women (or men) need many more channels for their neurosis, but perhaps in this new world of up and down voting having a total stranger slam the brakes on your romantic roller coaster is just what some women need to get off the ride.
Because I doubt there will ever be a time when we don’t try to interpret the future whether it be with texts, Tarot cards, or chicken bones. Or is that just me?