I was pretty flabbergasted when the “Intimacy Intervention” story appeared in my Facebook news feed from Essence.com. When I clicked the link, I found a letter detailing an interracial relationship wherein a black American woman’s “white old money” husband called her interracial slurs during sex: “n*gger b*tch,” “negro bush” and the like. My initial reaction was disbelief. How can a man think those terms are okay to use during intimacy? And what kind of woman would put up with that (or need advice on how to address the situation)?
But the reality is there are a lot of shocking phrases used during sex that you’d have to experience to believe. Here are a few that I simply can’t stand for:
1. Racial Slurs
It’s bad enough that we live in a culture where racial slurs are used regrettably in everyday life and in music and entertainment. The last place I want to hear one of these heinous terms is in the bedroom.
2. Someone Else’s Name
This crime of the tongue is pretty standard but I’ll be damned if I’m confused with your ex or dream lover in the middle of coitus. They came up with endearing names like “baby” for a reason.
3. Below-The-Belt Insults
Sex is also not the time to participate in a little verbal sadism by insulting me while we’re in the throes of pleasure. Think Lil Kim and Biggie’s interlude when she calls him a “Oreo cookie eating, pickle juice eating, chicken brisket eating…black greasy motherf*cker” Yeah, none of that.
4. Baby Terms
Nothing’s more creepy than resorting to coo-ing and using phrases like “widdle” when two adults are doing very grown-up things. It’s an instant mood-kill.
5. Gendered Obscenities
Just like I don’t want my race insulted during sex, I could go without hearing the word “b*tch” or “whore” or any degrading epithet one might use to degrade women. You don’t get to insult my gender while enjoying my body.