Sex Talks

Welcome to “Let Me Ask You a Question,” Clutch’s new weekly series dedicated to exploring the multifaceted experiences of Black girl life in a fun, irreverent way.

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So let me ask you a question: how many of you talk to your moms/maternal figures about sex? In my household, the topic wasn’t hardly taboo…but it wasn’t something I wanted to spend a lot of time discussing either. In the wake of Magic Johnson’s HIV announcement, which happened when I was about 7, my mom made no bones about extolling the virtues of safe sex. However, she never spent a lot of time telling me when/where/how I should or shouldn’t become sexually active. She only stressed that I be ready for the physical and emotional consequences whenever I did choose to lose my cherry (which I did at 17, for the unspectacular and “I couldv’e had a V8” record). Throughout high school and college, she shared articles with me about STD rates, new methods of birth control and people living with HIV/AIDS, in hopes that I would understand how serious sex can be. I took her message to heart and have been ever diligent about protecting myself and my partners.

But what we didn’t discuss was the ins and outs (LOL) of sex. We didn’t talk about pleasure or preferences in any way, shape or form. I stumbled upon enough erotica and condoms in her room to know that even after my parents’ breakup, she still has some semblance of a sexual life…which makes me happy, but it isn’t something I’d like to think about. Nor would I want to discuss my sex habits with her. Some of my girlfriends, however, have entirely different relationships with their moms as it relates to sexing, going so far as to share exploits with the woman who gave birth to them. I am totally and wholly unable to do that, despite the fact that Mom has actually tried to broach the subject now that I’m grown grown. She makes sex jokes now and I.Can’t. Even. She’s my mommy! I just can’t talk sex with my mommy, nope.

What about you, Clutchettes?

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  • lol Me and my mother will never have a relationship that comfortable where we can actually talk about sex. It’ll never happen and I’m fine with that.