Apparently, I insulted the boner.

I was also ready for the inevitable criticism. I knew this story would reach a lot of women who may not have found a space to truly discuss such a taboo topic. I know I’ve had a difficult time finding relatable breast reduction stories. I am grateful to the writers, artists and creators before me who have explored and unveiled less-talked about realities for folks who don’t relate to “typical” experiences.

So this risky exposure was definitely worth it. Thankfully, my story received much more love than negativity. What was alarming though was the number of men who have contacted me personally (one even finding out my phone number — scary) to express how my decision to get a breast reduction affected them. Apparently, I insulted the boner.

Skip past all the main details of my story, in which I mention the years of severe back pains, neck pains, shoulder pains and also the psychological issues that come along with having big breasts in a world that assumes big boobs = sex (even when you’re only 9 years old), the one takeaway these particular men got was that I had low-self esteem, was too fat, and paid “thousands of dollars” to get plastic surgery.

(FYI, I didn’t pay “thousands of dollars” for my surgery. This was a medical, not cosmetic, operation and was fully covered by my insurance. In the past, despite it being difficult to get a good workout with large heavy weights attached to your chest, I’ve gone down from a size 12 to a size 8 and still carried size HH breasts.)

The emails and comments from these angry guys were all pretty much the same: “But you look better with big boobs! I’m a boob guy!” “But men find that sexy!” “You will regret the surgery because… reasons!”

And of course, a woman’s nude shoot can’t get by without a bunch of “you fat bitch” comments. I tried my best to ignore the negativity and only shot back at one or two commenters. (Shout out to the supporters who had my back!)

However, it has been a month and a few of these angry guys are still harassing me. They aren’t sending me threats, thank God. What I am currently dealing with are men who are on a mission to fulfill their faux-feminist duties and save me from making my own decisions on my body. Like this guy for instance…

Totally responded to this guy.
Totally responded to this guy.

In his horrible attempt to help me see the light, he misses the irony in his statement. If me getting breast reduction is me becoming “another creation of a society that objectifies women as objects for sexual gratification,” isn’t me keeping my painful heavy boobs for your pleasure just the same objectification?

So many women of all ages and walks of life have reached out to me, sharing their personal breast reduction stories, asking for my advice, sharing their own advice, and even just discussing body issues in general. It has been such a beautiful experience connecting with so many people, especially about a topic most people shy away from due to shame and embarrassment.

Breast reduction surgery, though a common procedure, usually gets a bad rep because it is plastic surgery and society just can’t seem to understand why a woman would want to get rid of her “sexy” big jugs.

“Women are paying to get what you naturally have!” No they are not.

Here’s the thing, natural large breasts are completely different from large breast implants. One sits and the other hangs. One is purchased and the other is from genetics. One is a choice and the other is not.

You telling a naturally big bust woman not to get her breast reduced is you policing her body and dismissing her personal choice in honor of your sick and superficial desires. A few women who’ve undergone mastectomies have reached out to me and shared the same frustration. It’s incredibly unbelievable how even with the most dire medical procedure, women are still made to feel as if their worth lies on their chest.

This is the smallest size I’ve ever been in my adult life and I still couldn’t naturally reduce my breast size.]
This is the smallest size I’ve ever been in my adult life and I still couldn’t naturally reduce my breast size.]

I’ll admit, before deciding on my breast reduction surgery, I worried about my appearance. For years, I’ve been known as “the girl with the boobs.” Who would I be without them?

Spoiler alert: I’m the same person but with smaller boobs.

It is common for anyone who gets a breast reduction to worry about how they’ll look or, honestly, how the surgery will affect their dating life. Size change and scars can bring a little insecurity at first but believe me, it’s so very temporary.

I’m just 7 weeks post-op and I can say that breast reduction is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel so much better than I did before. The relief of tension has also kickstarted my healthier and fit lifestyle.

If you are thinking about getting the surgery, speak with a great doctor, learn about all the risks, and make the decision solely based on what you think! Please don’t let the naysayers get in the way of your comfort.

Same bikini top from the previous picture. I can finally fit into it now!
Same bikini top from the previous picture. I can finally fit into it now!

And to finally address all the guys who I’ve insulted by reducing my back-aching, neck-straining, shoulder-pulling large breasts: I’m sorry.

Of course I’m not. Read below:

To the man who mysteriously got my phone number and called me at 7 in the damn morning, to the men who cyber harassed me and other women who chose breast reduction surgery, and to the man who went on a 20-minute rant on his podcast about how my breast reduction was an insult to black men everywhere: Fuck you.

Fuck your sexism, your misogyny, your misogynoir and, most importantly, fuck your penis.

I did not get my breast reduction to get “more white guys” to like me, to fulfill beauty norms, or because of “low-self esteem.” I got a breast reduction because I wanted to.

After several years of health issues and natural attempts to help remedy my situation, I made a bold decision that affected only one person — me. But you scolded me for taking care of my health instead of being “what every man wants.”

Obviously, all women are just automatically heterosexual.

And of course, all women would want to screw you. Because you’re such a catch right? You are not doing me any favor by telling me how awesome my body is. You can’t uplift someone while shaming them. You don’t validate a woman’s self-esteem and you hold no weight in her personal decisions.

Women don’t exist for your pleasure. Titties are for babies and bras; please note that our experiences with them are wholly at the grace of the ladies who own them.

For anyone interested, you can check out some of my breast reduction updates on my blog.

This post originally appeared on xoJane. Republished with permission. Click here for more Kadia Blagrove on xoJane!
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  • binks

    Pay those guys opinions dust. I reasoned that until the bulk of men know what it feels like to have and carry breasts, especially large breasts, then their opinion is null and void. Having a huge bust is a pain (figuratively and literally) especially if it is disproportionate to your overall size. I complain with my size and question if or when I want to have a reduction, so I can image how some women feel who have extended sizes. Those guys are stalkers and perverts full of entitlement! Women’s breasts doesn’t exist solely for your pleasure and gaze. And I agree with those who said some sites need a better filtering system to protect their authors via limiting certain pictures, concealing the author’s information properly, or even suggesting them to post anonymously. However, it is sad that women can’t have a safe space for themselves to converse amount ourselves about topics pertaining to women such as breasts.

  • When you share anything that you’ve done to change your looks, you WILL get a male opinion. From going natural, to wearing make up to losing/gaining weight etc. True story I was on one of those buses that take you to the Indian casino and I took out my make up bag to apply eyeliner and some rando dude interrupts me and says you don’t need that sistah! super loud and I was like thank you sir! because of you I can now throw away all of my make up! I was doing it for you the whole time! Then I laughed.

    * eyeliner foe life*


    If you want to get breast reduction, go ahead and do it. Don’t mind people who’re against your decision. You don’t need to justify yourself.

    Some have some much time on their hands so they troll. I sure hope it’s not that serious to the point where they’d want to harm you.