Let the record show that from this moment on men will no longer be able to claim that “females” gossip too much or are too sensitive. Because while I don’t know much about Ciara and Russell Wilson’s relationship—like how long they’ve been together, or how they met—what’s clear is their paring has caused a lot of men to put all of their pettiness on display.
First Future, Ciara’s ex-fiancé, spent way too much time talking about their breakup while promoting his new album, and now other men are jumping into the fray. After pictures surfaced of Wilson giving baby Future a hug during a Seattle Seahawks training camp practice, some men couldn’t wait to weigh in on the couple’s relationship.
Hot 97 DJ Ebro (yes, the same Ebro who asked if Black women had an attitude problem), said Wilson’s close relationship to Ciara’s son is “not OK.”
Sadly, Ebro’s shortsighted point of view isn’t unique. Self-proclaimed King of the South, T.I., said he’d “go da F-CK OFF” if another man was around his kid, and Breakfast Club host Charlamagne dubbed Wilson “Donkey of the Day” for “being used” and warned him that being seen embracing another man’s child “is how you get shot.” Add to that the scores of men angrily chiming in on Facebook pages, Twitter feeds, and all over hip hop blogs, and you’d think Ciara and Russell Wilson were responsible for shooting Tupac, not spending a little quality time together.
But here’s the thing: these men need to grow the hell up.
While Future can wallow in his feelings about another man being so close to his son all he wants, if he isn’t stepping up to take care of his kid, he really has no right to comment publicly about what Ciara should do. Moreover, even if he is co-parenting his little one, that still doesn’t give Future the right to demand that Ciara keep her boyfriend away from her son, particularly when they’re building toward marriage.
Wilson has been pretty open about his intentions for Ciara. Last month, he admitted the couple is abstaining from sex until they tie the knot, something they’ve clearly already discussed.
“[Ciara] was on tour, and I was looking at her in the mirror, and God spoke to me. He said, ‘I need you to lead her.’ I told her, ‘What would you do if we took all that “extra stuff” off the table, and just did it Jesus’ way?'” Wilson said in a conversation with Pastor Miles McPherson of The Rock Church in San Diego.
Probably learning from her past relationship, Ciara agreed to take things slow.
“It was an organic thing for him and I think he was just being honest about where we are,” she explained in an interview with Access Hollywood. “It’s cool when you get to build a foundation with someone on how much you care for each other and really know each other’s personalities, so it’s really fun.”
Whether or not Wilson and Ciara’s relationship leads to the altar remains to be seen, but the flock of dudes who are in their feelings about their coupling only further highlights the fact that women are often seen as property, not people.
Because Future and Ciara have a child together, some feel he should have a say in how she lives her life, despite the fact they ended their relationship more than a year ago. Though the non-custodial parent has a every right to make sure their child is okay, that’s the extent of their influence over the situation. Demanding Ciara exclude her child from interacting with the man she’s building a life with simply because it makes his biological dad feel inadequate or jealous is neither fair, nor within Future’s right as a man.
Another way in which Ciara is a victim of sexist double standards is that while she’s catching hell for letting Wilson interact with her son, few people seem concerned that Future has four kids by four different women and probably, at some point, had one or more of those children around someone who wasn’t their mother.
If you listen to the critics, Ciara should hand her kid off to a nanny and spend time with her man alone. But if she did that, and was constantly photographed with Wilson and not her son, Ciara would be accused of being a bad mother and abandoning her child.
No matter what she does, Ciara can’t win. So, I’m glad she’s chasing her happiness on her own terms with a man who seems to adore her. The fact that Basement Boy Twitter will be even more pissed if she and Wilson actually jump the broom is an added bonus. But for now, I wish these dudes would get some business of their own.