Actor Mike Colter is on fire right now thanks to his starring role in the Netflix seriesMike Colter But for some fans (okay black women), that spark went out just a wee bit when they found out the actor is married to, you guessed it, a white woman.

Wendy Williams’ audience pretty much personified the delayed disappointment we sometimes feel when we get super excited about seeing an attractive man we’re a fan of and then we hear he’s married and we’re kinda like, “damn.” But then we’re like, “well, maybe she’s a sista” and then we find out she’s not and it’s like, double damn.

The actor appeared on Wendy’s show September 27 and received a bit of a slow clap when an image of his wife of 16 years, Iva Colter, flashed on the screen. Honestly, it wasn’t anything we would’ve noticed, but The Breakfast Club did, so when Colter appeared on their morning show a few days later they had to ask how he feels about being shaded for having a white wife.

And here’s what he said:

“I love my sistas. People always go, ‘man that’s his type.’ If somebody caught a sista walking around with a 6-foot -seven brotha, is that her type? Next week you see her walking with a short brotha or spanish guy –do we have to have a type?

“I’m a human being. I look at people for character and what’s inside. Physically — that’s one thing — but you gotta be on the same page. I met my wife when I was struggling in grad school. She stuck with me for 16 years… people don’t understand when it comes to being with somebody long term, it’s way more than skin color that’s gonna make it work.”

We have to say that’s probably the best response any black male actor has given when asked about his wife’s race. While I can understand some of the aggression shown by other stars like Omari Hardwick and Nate Parker after fans tried to shame their wives, what we most appreciate about Colter is he seems to get why his wife’s color raises a brow or two — at least for half a second before people move on to things that actually affect their personal lives. Plus he didn’t pull one of those cop out, “my mom is black” moves to explain away his wife’s color, as if people have a choice in their parentage like they do their romantic partners. He definitely gets points in our book for not being on the defensive, plus he’s right: It takes a lot more than skin color to make a relationship last forever. Now if you’re just chasing self-esteem and acceptance, well, we already know what that behavior looks like.

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